by Paul Kelly
Talking of effeminacy, I am sure my cousin Herman was in some way leaning that way. He was very obese, but he preened himself too much which I thought was strange. I was surprised when I learned that he had joined the Nazi party as I thought they were all ‘superbutch’ and with no feelings for anyone other than for the Fuhrer himself. Herman had been an only child and had been utterly spoiled as a baby and I think that had something to do with how he grew up. Herman considered that everything he said or did was the perfect way to live. He didn’t say much and when he did his voice was quiet and timid, but I always felt that Herman could be very cruel if the occasion demanded. He was very suited to his chosen way of life, but he didn’t command respect from me. I felt he did what he was doing because he felt that the Jewish people would all soon be banished from Germany and he wasn’t going to be included in ‘that lot’ He never went to the synagogue and he never went out with women . . .
I don’t know what his parents thought of him. They were on my mother’s side as Herman’s mother was my mother’s sister, but Isaac thought he was what he described as a ‘queer’ and said that no man should live as Herman lived and that all ‘queers’ should be put down at birth. A thought which would have made him very unpopular in today’s Germany as I am sure that many of the Germans I had ever met, could well have been . . . a little different. Perhaps I should say that my country was populated by saints and sinners . . . and then I wouldn’t feel as if I had guilty thoughts.
I wanted so much to go to Berlin to visit Franz in hospital, but I realized the difficulty this would bring about as I had no way of leaving Freya for the time it would take for me to be away from home. I thought about Isaac being on his own with the little girl and although he adored her, I knew he would be useless at feeding and toileting and it was at that moment I thought to get in touch with Frau Kupenberg in the hopes that she might be able to oblige, but when I telephoned her she was hesitant for a while and I couldn‘t understand why. I knew she liked looking after Freya when she was last with us and I asked her why there was such a delay in her reply.
“I have had a little trouble since I last saw you, Mrs. Gutfeld . . . May I call you Hilda?”
I assured her she could indeed call me Hilda and that I would rather she did that as Mrs. Gutfeld seemed so foreign when we knew each other so well and she continued to speak in a strained voice. I thought she might have a cold, but she assured me she was alright but there was another worry on her mind,
“I have been in trouble with the police, Hilda. You see, I went to a young lady who wanted an abortion . . . and I did all I could for her, but she bled a lot more than was usual in these cases and she reported me to the police for abusing her.”
I was upset when Frau Kupenberg told me this and she asked me to call her by her Christian name which was Bertha, before she continued to say that she had been allowed home after the police had taken her statement and she was awaiting further news of what might happen to her. I told her how sorry I was and that I could understand why she could not come to look after Freya, but she insisted that she could come as the call we made was nothing to do with midwifery and that the police had not instructed her to remain indoors until they got in touch with her again, so everything was put to rights, except for the situation with Isaac when I told him of my plans.
“Why the hell did you ask that old witch to come to look after Freya. You know she is an interfering old busy-body,” he shouted and I tried to calm him into realizing the importance and necessity of Bertha’s visit, but he scowled all the more and huddled himself into the old settee. “She tried to tell me how to look after Freya when she was here, but she doesn’t know what she is talking about,” Isaac went on and I couldn’t understand what he was talking about until he explained the occasion of Bertha’s last visit and she apparently scolded Isaac for cuddling the little girl
“Perhaps you were cuddling Freya in some wrong or difficult way” I suggested and after a few moments Isaac started to laugh. He laughed so heartily that I had to join him and then he told me that he had been kissing Freya’s little feet with her head ON HIS KNEES. . . “I call her Freya twinkle toes . . . that’s her name, FREYA, TWINKLE TOES . . .” he said and continued to laugh.
Was it any wonder that Bertha had corrected my lovely and adoring husband . . .I ask you.
Bertha did come as arranged and I was able to go to Berlin with a clear mind that my little girl would be looked after and cuddled THE RIGHT WAY UP . . .
I started off early in the morning and expected to be in Berlin by lunch time, but at one of the railway station that we passed, we were held up for a long time and I saw a group of soldiers pushing a young couple up the platform and into a waiting room. They were there for some considerable time before they came out again and I could see that the woman was crying and the man who was with her had bruises around his head. Everyone in the train looked on in horror before some of them stood up and shouted ‘Heil Hitler’ out of the carriage window, but I sat down and started to read a newspaper that I found on the seat when I came into the train that morning. I found it impossible to read for the noise of the other passengers, but fortunately it was only a short time before we arrived at the main station in Berlin and with the knowledge I had been given by Isaac, I soon found the barracks and the hospital where to my great surprise I was welcomed by a group of young men in uniform, where one of them escorted me to the hospital. It was a dark, sombre looking place with several beds but I could see no patients until suddenly an arm came out from behind a bedsheet and I could hear Franz calling my name.
The union was magic for both of us and I hugged my son with a tenderness and devotion that perhaps only a mother and her child would understand, but I cried with joy even if I found Franz to be very weak and pale. He assured me he was well, but I expected that from him as Franz was known never to complain, even if as a child he got cold or flu . . . Franz was always well. . .
After about ten minutes, a young man came rushing up towards the bed and thrust his hand out in friendship towards me and I guessed this was the Adolf friend that Isaac had told me about. He was indeed a very nice young man and even although he was in the uniform of the Hitler Youth, I could never imagine that this young person could ever acclaim an older and more dignified Adolf as his saviour. . . Very soon when we had been talking for a while I realized that every young man who was recruited into the Hitler Youth Organisation was anything but an admirer of our great Fuhrer and they were soldiers by HIS choice and not their own.
When I asked Adolf why there were so many empty beds in the ward, he declined to answer immediately before he turned to look at Franz and then he told me that nearly everyone in the barracks could verify to be A1 in health and therefore there was hardly any need for a hospital at all, but he did add that one young man had been in the ward only a week ago and that he had been transferred to another hospital . . . I said nothing in response to that, but I remembered what Isaac had told me that just a little while ago a young soldier had died in the hospital and no-one could explain the cause of his death.
Franz seemed very content, but I noticed that he was very much more quiet than he ever used to be. He was always a retired and gentle boy at home and he could laugh and joke with the rest of us, but as he lay in his hospital bed, I had the most grievous thoughts going through my mind; thoughts that I did not like to have; thoughts of a pending disaster and I shook my head trying to dismiss what was in my mind.
I spent nearly two hours with Franz and Adolf and was very glad that my son had such a good companion to visit him so regularly . . . otherwise that ward would have been like a tomb.
As I was leaving the hospital ward, I invited Adolf to come to Duisburg and stay with us for a few days, but he simply smiled and shook his head. “We would not be allowed that pleasure”, he said, “This is a military school where everyone thinks of nothing but war with Britain and eternal security and
peace in the Fatherland,” but as he spoke I could see sadness in his eyes and I thought he was more like a prisoner than a soldier in this barracks where everyone thought of nothing or nobody but Adolf Hitler.
I left the hospital with a heavy heart and wished I could have taken Franz home with me, but I knew that was impossible. It was a longer and wearier journey home and I cried all the way. Isaac and the boys were at the station to greet me, but after the enquiries about Franz, Isaac asked me if anything was said about the young boy who had been discharged from the hospital about a week before his visit there, but I had no substantial answer to give him and we trudged home to meet Bertha and our lovely little Freya.
Bertha was delighted to see me and congratulated herself on being released from any charges at the police station. Apparently the young woman who had the abortion was told by a close friend . . .(possibly the father) that if she made a fuss and complained, there were no witnesses and she could claim quite a large sum of money in compensation. Bertha was overjoyed as her career as a midwife could have come to a very slippery end and she would never be able to practise her trade again. Bertha was very near retirement age and she needed all the money she could get when she was able to work as she had no idea what she would be able to do when her working days would be over. I told her that we would always need a baby-sitter as I winked at Isaac and Bertha interpreted my action as if to say I was going to have lots more babies . . . and she would never be out of a job, but my thoughts were tender and affectionate towards my children and my lovely if very excitable husband, but I prayed to God and asked Him not to let me have any more children as I was sure I had had enough by that time and with war pending, nobody thought we were living in the perfect world where children were a blessing.
Chapter Five
I had been away from Berlin for two months with little notifications from Adolf Smythe that Franz was well or otherwise until I got a little letter to tell me that Franz was . . still very weak, but eating as well as could be expected etc, and I was consoled, if still anxious until I could find that my son was really and truly well and could come home for a rest, but I could not forget that Franz was now sixteen years of age and would soon be conscripted into the German army where he could be sent anywhere in the world; the world that Adolf Hitler hoped to rule.
I knew there was nothing I could do but wait . . .and I was singing happily in the kitchen, one bright and sunny morning with Freya by my side and she kept smiling up at me as if she could understand every word of my song when I heard a knock at our front door. With surprise, I opened the door as we never ever had visitors and anyone who came to see us could come straight into the house without knocking. . . . The shape of a man in Nazi uniform with the plain swastika emblem on his arm stood with his back to me and I could see he was an officer as he had the officer’s greatcoat and the hat. I coughed nervously and he turned around. To my utter surprise and delight IT WAS ADOLF, the friend of Franz in that sombre and dull hospital ward and I was delighted as I thought he had accepted my invitation to come and visit us in Duisburg for a little holiday, but I was surprised to see the uniform he was wearing as I did not think he was a Nazi officer. I thought that all of the Hitler Youth would have to upgrade in some way to become a commissioned officer in the Reich, but as Adolf faced me his face was anything but happy and I feared the worst.
“My dear, darling mother of Franz,” he said and I looked at him without sight as my mind had died somewhere and I wanted to faint . . . “Franz died yesterday and I have come away from the barracks without permission because I felt you should know the whole truth of the matter.” Strangely enough, young Freya started to cry as Adolf spoke and I took her in my arms as Adolf sat down in Isaac’s chair. “We do not know why or how Franz died, but I have my own suspicions which I hope will not distress you as I think you have every right to know.” he said, but I fell silent as no words would come to my lips. “I think I told you when you came to visit Franz and because the ward was empty that another young soldier had been discharged and sent to another hospital, yes?” I nodded and patted Freya as Adolf con tinued . . . “Well, I have made investigations and I know that the young soldier who was discharged from that ward had not been discharged at all . . .He had died and I believe he was purposely killed simply because he was too ill to continue serving in the Hitler Youth and was of no consequence to the Gestapo who were in charge there.”
***
It was some time later and I knew as I came round that I had fainted. Adolf was holding Freya in his arms, but I knew he had nothing more to tell me. His account of the young soldier who had died so mysteriously told me what I wanted to know about Franz and my whole world took on a black appearance. I felt sick as I remembered the time of Franz birth. . . his was the only birth that gave me trouble and the pain was so intense that the hospital nurse thought that I would require a caesarean, but I was so desperate to give birth as this was to be the first child and perhaps the last I might ever have . . .that I refused to have anything done until the baby was born naturally. Franz was the only child that was born to me who gave me such agonising pain and grief. . . and yet, I would go through all that intense agony again to have him back with me.
Later that day when the boys came home from school and Isaac came from his office about 5.30pm, he was surprised to see Adolf sitting in his chair, but within seconds I could see his face changed and he screamed at the top of his voice, “NO . . NO . . never,” he called out and he sobbed uncontrollably as I had never seen him sob before. He threw his arms around Adolf and kissed his cheek before he sat down and dried his tears, but the boys stood back in confusion, guessing that there was trouble somewhere and they stared at each other as if in that way, they would get an answer to the trouble that their parents had found so grevious.
Adolf told us that he was engaged to be married to a young doctor in another hospital in Berlin; not the hospital where we had seen Franz, but that in no way was his engagement any deterrent to him seeing Franz every day.
“I am five years younger than she,” he went on, but we are in love. She has met Franz and she knew he had tuberculosis, but nowadays, that can be cured. She is not German, she is English and her name is Summers, Genevieve Summers, but I call her Jenny and her parents are over here for the moment, however, I have given them your address as they are coming here today, some time a little later by car. I came today by train with this uniform which I am sure you have guessed is not mine. I am not an officer, but I had to have some good reason for leaving the hospital and Jenny will be arriving her in her parent’s car with some civilian clothes for me to change into. I trust I may use your bedroom to do this, Hilda?”
“I threw my arms around Adolf and assured him he could do what he required to do in our house and he smiled his appreciation before he went on to talk some more.
“I have arranged for my intended father-in-law to come back here to Duisburg in the very near future as he is quite a wealthy man and has his own aeroplane. We will notify you by some code or other that we will have to get settled and all of you can come back to England and settle there in peace. I am sorry about this trouble we have at the moment in Germany and Jenny and I thought this would be the best thing to do and we hope it is acceptable to you. You could return to Germany after all this trouble of war is over, if you so wish.”
To my utter amazement, it was not I who showed appreciation of this wonderful gesture, it was Isaac. I supposed it was because NOW we were free to travel wherever we wished as Franz was no longer with us. Isaac threw his arms around Adolf and kissed his cheek again several times but in that moment, I could feel someone standing beside me and a voice yelled out, “HEIL HITLER” as I could hear the click of heels. I turned round in fear and saw Herman, my cousin standing beside me. His face was stern and I was so afraid that he had heard every word that Adolf had spoken, but he said nothing for a few moments as he studied Adolf in his officer’s uniform and t
hen he shouted Heil Hitler again and saluted Adolf. I hoped he had heard nothing as I knew, stupid and insolent as he could be, he could have caused serious trouble in his ignorance.
I pretended that he was welcome and introduced him to Lieutenant Adolf Smythe and he saluted again and bowed as if he had nothing but respect for his superior in uniform and I just hoped that Jenny and her parents were a fair distance from our house at that moment until I could get rid of Herman, but I think he felt he knew his place as a common soldier being looked at with respect from a commissioned officer of the famous Third Reich as he stared again at the swastika on Adolf’s arm and backed away as if he was in the presence of royalty and Adolf gave him a very strong look of approval which I am sure made Herman feel that he was truly Nazi at last . . . He left the room and we all gave a sigh of relief but Adolf took my hand and warned me against what Herman had heard, even if he had appeared to be submissive and respectful in the presence of an officer. Five minutes later Bertha the midwife arrived and she appeared to be out of breath as though she had been running.
“Can you please fill in this form for me, Hilda darling, ” she gasped, “It is from the police and they want a reference from three people I have worked for. They have decided there is no truth in the accusations that were made against me, but I cannot work unless I get these references,”
I looked at Isaac and I could see a smile cross his face as he thought again of how he had cuddled Freya, twinkle toes . . . but we signed the documents and Bertha was on her way happily and relieved that she would be able to perform her midwifery duties in peace again, but just before she left the house she warned us of some problems in the village. Apparently a gang of Nazi soldiers were abusing several businesses that belonged to the Jews and when Bertha was approached, she denied she was a Jew as she was afraid of the consequences. Some Jews had been pushed into a wagon, where Bertha thought they would be going to a concentration camp. She preferred to be regarded as anything but a Jew rather than go to a place like that as few if any ever came back.