by Kailin Gow
After all, Logan had gained a place of great distinction in the Summer Court. It was his bravery in defending me from both the Pixie Delano and the knights of the Winter Court that had allowed peace to occur, and he had been presiding with me at the Spring Pass when the lands were at last returned to the Summer realm. His natural charisma and charm, too, had served him well, and before long it seemed that all the fairies in the land were overjoyed to have Logan as their future Prince Regent. He would be my Wolf Prince.
I spent my days attending to queenly duties – signing treaties, holding audiences, receiving my ministers – but the best parts of all were when Logan appeared between each break in my schedule, taking me in his arms, nuzzling my ears and throat, warming me with his kiss with every spare moment of his day. We could not take our eyes off each other whenever we were in the same room.
And yet, when I slept, I dreamed the most terrible dreams. I dreamed of the Crown Prince Kian, rage and fire in his eyes, reacting to some terrible and unspeakable news. I saw in my mind's eye the Prince throwing his crown against the room, striding up to a pageboy and picking him up by the collar, demanding to know the truth, the real truth.
“You're lying!” he was shouting. “You're lying! It can't be true!”
“It is, Your Highness,” stuttered the page-boy. “The Princess Breena is engaged to be married to the Wolf Logan! I saw it with my own eyes!”
A hazy sense of recollection seemed to come back to me in my dreams. I was the cause of this, wasn't I? There was something I had done...had Kian been in love with me once? Or perhaps we had been involved – how strange that I could barely remember what it was...
I saw the Winter Queen placing a calm hand on Kian's shoulder, speaking in an implacable tone about the nature of duty, about the importance of suppressing emotions. I saw the Princess Shasta, in a corner, clapping her hand over her mouth as she shouted obscenities, her anger almost matching that of her brother. How could Breena betray her brother like this?
In my dreams, time passed. I saw Kian night after night – growing darker and colder, locking himself in his tower room, speaking to nobody but Shasta. He would not eat; he would not sleep. I saw the shadow-boy of my dreams grow thinner and paler, staring out across the moors at the Summer Palace. I saw him leave the Winter Grounds at all hours of the morning and return with scores of Pixie prisoners, or dragon scales – taking on the most dangerous missions he could find, speaking to no-one, shutting out the pain. I saw him fight Pixies unarmed, as if willing them to kill him, daring them to end his life, his pain, his suffering. In my dreams I suffered with him.
And yet, each morning, I woke up to find my memory of the Prince Kian hazier than ever. I could vaguely recollect that we had been involved, somehow, but I could not call to mind a single instance where we had ever talked, ever kissed.
“I wouldn't worry about it,” said Logan, patting my hand. “You're probably just stressed.” Logan did not know where or when had I met the Winter Prince. He could only recall me dreaming of the enemy prince and having once been his intended when I was but a toddler.
And so, night by night, I forgot my dreams.
Chapter 19
It was time for us to start anew, to celebrate a new era of peace and prosperity. It was time for the Peace Summit. We had spent hours preparing for the arrival of the Prince Kian and the Princess Shasta, who had been sent to sign the treaty, alongside their mother – the first time the Winter Queen had set foot on Summer Territory in decades. There had been trees and flowers planted in the front palace – lily-blossoms alongside orange-trees, silver tapestries alongside golden ones – the two suns of Feyland rendered in gorgeous gems and candles hanging from the ceiling of the Great Hall. This was to be the most important day in the lifetimes of many of my people, I knew; I had to give it all my energy.
Yet my mind was not untroubled. My dreams had grown worse and worse, and although by day I had convinced myself that everything was fine – that I loved Logan, that our passion had been predetermined – something seemed wrong. The thought of the Crown Prince Kian coming to sign the treaty made me feel physically, viscerally ill; the mention of his name in a Court meeting was enough to make me tremble inwardly.
But why? He was my enemy – we had been intended as children; for at last I had concluded that this was the reason behind my dreams – and nothing more. He had kidnapped me away from the Land Beyond the Crystal River and somehow – I couldn't quite remember how – I had escaped, ready to take on my role of leadership in Feyland. I had been destined to defeat him; I was perfectly happy to sign the peace treaty – but there was nothing more than that, nothing at all.
“You're more beautiful than ever,” Logan told me, kissing me as we dressed for the occasion. “Your power has made you radiant – you're alive with the beauty of Summer.”
I looked in the mirror and blushed. Where I had once seen a skinny, gangly sixteen-year-old girl, I now saw a mature and ready woman – beautiful, if I was beautiful at all, in my confidence, my poise, my grace. I was a ruler, now, and this ruling magic was reflected in the shape of my face, the curve of my shoulders.
“Every day,” said Logan, kissing my eyelids, “I count down to our wedding night.” He held me closer, tighter.
Memories of our childhood together flooded through me – the way Logan had always taken care of me, the way he had always ensured that I was safe. The way he had cooked for me back in Gregory, Oregon, piling the supplies high on the counter and bidding me choose what I wanted. The way he had kept me safe from bullies like Clariss at school, taking care of me, preserving me, loving me. I was so lucky to have him in my life.
Logan placed my crown upon my hair, stroking my hair as he did so. “You were always a Queen for me,” he said, gathering me into his arms, and kissing my forehead.
We entered the Grand Hall together. Rodney came running up to us! “They're here!” he said. “The Winter Court has arrived!”
The sound of trumpets called us to the windows. There, we saw the Winter Court making its way through the streets – a small but significant number of knights and ladies, Dukes and duchesses – all unarmed, of course, tall, graceful, and beautiful with the ice cold beauty of winter frost – proceeding through to the very gates of the palace. Not three weeks earlier, this sight would have produced panic among the citizens of Feyland. But now they were greeted with flags bearing the emblem of peace – if not with the same joy with which I was greeted when I arrived. Among them I saw the Winter Queen, cold but beautiful, with her dark hair and swan-like neck. Beside her in the carriage was sitting the Princess Shasta, with her proud gaze and dark smile.
And then my heart stood still. I saw him – the Prince Kian – sitting beside them. He was not how I remembered him from my dreams. This looked like no Prince to me. Darkly handsome, he was unshaven; his hair was long and wild – he looked like a wolf; his eyes stared out into the distance, so full of darkness that they seemed to encompass all the pain, all the anger, all the suffering in the world. I felt my breath constrict within my breast; I sighed and bit my lip, as the familiar sense of pain rose up within me – the sense that something was wrong. But what?
We received the Winter Court in the Great Hall. Logan stood at my side – a warm presence, as close and protecting as a fireside in the snow. One by one, I shook hands with the denizens of the Winter Court: the Winter Queen, Shasta, and then...Kian.
When we touched our hands together, it was as if all the light in the world had gone out, its energy sucked into our touch. He stared at me with eyes aflame with anger, his pupils dilated with darkness, a rage that seemed to suck my soul out of itself and destroy it whole.
“Your Highness,” he said, through gritted teeth.
Again I felt the same, sharp, familiar pain, but I ignored it.
“I am glad we can discuss peace at last, my Prince.”
Kian gave a hollow laugh. “Your Prince indeed,” he said, his voice scathing. “And how many other princes
do you consider yours?”
Logan took a step forward, placing his hand around my waist.
“I see...” said Kian. “It is not my place – we are, after all, on your home turf.” He bowed deeply and stalked off, leaving the Winter Queen and Shasta to glare at me even as we stood, trying desperately to make small talk.
I couldn't help it; my eyes followed Kian across the room – a fact I tried my best to hide from Logan. I knew I loved Logan, yet this mysterious prince – with his dark eyes, his mysterious gaze, this anger and passion that seemed to spring from nowhere – had caught my attention. Why had I dreamed about him so often, and yet why couldn't I remember why? I felt my heart begin to struggle, as if it had been caught in a trap, caged, and yet saw its own escape somewhere. A cry rose up deep within my soul – a cry that seemed to say Stop! even as I did my best to ignore its call.
What was happening? Was I going crazy? I shook my head and decided to attend to the other guests.
After a time I grew weary, and the guests began to disperse to their separate chambers. I began to return to my room, eager to change into the ball gown Logan had picked out for the Peace Banquet tonight, at which the treaty would be signed. I slipped into a corridor – alone at last, and relieved to be taking at least a short break from my queenly duties.
Before I could reach my bedchamber, a hand clapped over my mouth.
“What the...”
He grabbed my wrist and spun me to face him, his eyes sparkling and alive. “What is the meaning of this?” his voice was soft, but filled with enough power, enough rage, to bring down the wall of the castle. It was the Prince.
“What is the meaning of this?” I responded in outrage! How dare the Winter Prince touch me in such a way. “Unhand me, Your Highness, at once!”
“Your Highness?” Kian's laugh was full of bitterness. “Is that all?” he scoffed. “Have you forgotten your promise to me already, Breena? So soon?”
“I have kept my promise,” I said, wrenching my wrists away from his grasp. “I have brought you and your family here to sign the peace treaty, as requested. What more do you want? We are on our way to peace.”
Kian turned paler than before, throwing up his hands between rage and astonishment. “Yes, that was why we came here. Do you remember what you promised? One day, Breena – when there was peace in the kingdom – we would be together? Or was that a lie to get me to help you sign over the Spring lands to Summer?”
“What are you talking about?” The Prince was mad – I could have laughed! “Be with you? We haven't been intended for each other for sixteen years, Your Highness!”
“Sixteen years? What the hell are you talking about, Breena!”
“I'm engaged, Your Highness! As you well know – and I'd advise you not to be making such ridiculous statements within earshot of my fiance.”
Kian stopped and stared. “Have you gone mad?”
“Mad, what are you talking about – mad? I'm not the one talking nonsense. All I've done is remain here, in the Summer Court, happy with my love...”
“You can't be happy, Breena,” Kian's voice grew soft, urgent, caressing. “Not with him – not with him. Tell me you're not happy with him...” He sighed. “Tell me you don't love me. To my face. Tell me you don't love me.”
“Fine,” I said. “If it will get you to leave me alone. I don't...” But as I caught sight of his panicked, stricken expression, my voice failed me; my body refused me. My tongue froze and stood limp within my mouth.
“Breena!”
And then he was upon me, kissing me, his mouth hot upon mine and devouring me whole, and the force of his passion shuddered through me, and with it there came memories – fragments that somehow made up a whole...a fairy waltz, a hunting lodge, a kiss so electric my very soul shook to the core, a kiss that we had kissed, that grim evening in the snow orchard in the Winter Palace, where we said goodbye, our tears mingling together...
I pulled away, overcome. My eyes were glistening with tears, but I could not even remember having started to cry.
“I don't...I don't understand...” I said, putting out a hand to steady myself.
Kian caught me, his arms so familiar as they wrapped around mine.
“Breena, what's happened to you?”
“I don't know...” I was shaking. “I don't remember you...or maybe I do...”
But my body remembered. My mind went blank as I found myself reaching for Kian again, kissing him back, pressing my lips against him, my tears wet and warm upon his icy marble cheeks, found myself leading him into my bedchamber – still kissing him the whole while.
“Kian?” At last it all started to make sense – or some of it. “What's going on...”
“Have you been drugged?” Kian sat next to me. “Or a spell – has someone put a spell...”
I stared out into the distance. “I don't know! All I know is I didn't remember – didn't remember anything – but now all these memories...” I started hyperventilating, shivering so hard my teeth were chattering against each other. “I'm just so confused.”
Kian took my hand. “Do you remember me?”
“You're the Crown Prince!” I responded. “No – but...in the hunting lodge – we kissed...we were engaged...”
“Yes! I showed you my fairy paintings on the wall!”
“But...that was a dream, wasn't it?”
“No, Breena,” he kissed my hands, overcome with relief. “It was real. It was real – I knew you couldn't have forgotten me, not truly! Someone's put a spell on you – it's the only answer!”
“I missed you...” I heard myself saying, and I knew that it was true.
“I missed you so much. When I heard the news, I thought I'd lost your love forever. I wanted to die. I went mad with misery, with rage. I was confused, so confused – I thought you'd betrayed me, been playing me the whole time to get peace...I volunteered for the most dangerous missions, hoping that a giant or a dragon would end my suffering!”
“I'm so sorry!” I started to cry harder now, great tears plummeting down my cheeks. “I didn't know. I don't know what happened. It was as though I forgot all about you, about our love. I saw you only as the enemy, the Winter Queen's son, the Prince. That was it! I had these dreams about you – and I thought it was only because you were my enemy, that I felt this pain whenever I heard your name.”
“I would never hurt you!”
I would never hurt you!” I responded, wiping the tears from my eyes. It's just...whatever happened to me – it was like I didn't know you at all!”
“Oh, Breena!”
But before he could finish, I was on top of him, kissing him, burying my love in his face, his neck, his shoulders, trying to understand what had happened to me, make sense of it, or else push it out of my mind. There was only Kian, my love Kian, and everything else was forgotten...Kian closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of my perfume. “I want this too much,” he said. “I want you so much, Breena!” he rolled on top of me giving in to the desire I saw in his eyes. “I want us to rule together, to bring our kingdoms together. There can be no peace without you by my side. I can't deny it to the Winter Court any longer!” He began with kissing my forehead, moving down to my eyelids, my lips, my chin, the contours of my breasts. I felt him fumble with my dress, and then a cloud of satin fell to the floor.
A familiar feeling. I had done this before – three weeks earlier – with Logan. Logan! His face came into my mind, and against myself I felt the same passionate longing for him I had been feeling since then. I had felt it – and it had turned out to be a lie, or a spell...and yet I had felt it all the same! How could I trust my feelings, my sensations, my desires, when they had been so easily manipulated?
“Stop...” I whispered. I suddenly felt afraid – betrayed– not by Kian but by my own body. How could my senses lie to me in that way, take me prisoner? I felt sick, overwhelmed.
“What's wrong?” Kian furrowed his brow.
“Not when I'm so confused...I don't e
ven know what happened.” I started pulling my dress back on. “I don't know what's real or what's fake anymore....”
“It was a spell!” Kian cried! “It must have been! What else would affect your memory like that? I've heard tell of spells – ancient secrets forbidden by the Fey. They destroy your mind, make you believe you're in love with someone else.”
“Whatever it was,” I said, “It's not broken. Or...it is...but it's not. I still remember everything that happened when I was under it; I still remember how I felt, how...and oh God, Logan must be still under the spell, too!”
I stood up. “He doesn't realize...”
“Who could have done this to you, Breena?” Kian pulled me back down. “Who wants you to forget me?”
“Wort!” we said together. Only he could want so badly for the Winter Court and the Summer Court to be at war again. From the first time I had met Wort, he had poisoned me with kelpie soup, giving me dreams of Kian as my enemy, destined to stab me with his silver sword, to kill me...
“Where is he now?” Kian asked.
“In prison – to be banished. We're sending him away tonight.”
“The faster he's out of your court, the better,” said Kian. “Who knows what else his supporters have been up to while you've been under this spell? If it affected your judgment, what else could it have done?” He sighed and grew serious. “Breena,” he murmured. “Losing you – I think that it made me realize just how much I loved you. When I thought I'd lost you, life was over for me. It meant nothing. I thought perhaps duty was right, but now I know better. Denying my own heart is too terrible a thing to agree to do. There can be no peace without the two of us together, united, supporting each other. I never want to give you up again. Even if I have to give up my kingdom to do it – let Shasta be Queen and become your faithful Summer civilian.” He looked vulnerable, even with all his sword and armor – a heart I could break or restore with a single word. He pulled from his pocket a crystal snowflake, shining blue and silver, alive with ethereal energy.