by C. C. Koen
Dreams aren’t called that for no reason—they’re farfetched and vanish in an instant—with eyes wide open.
“I gotta booboo,” Cece announced at least a hundred times since waking up. After two hours of aggravating silence, the doctors had notified them the procedure had gone well. Maggie went to the recovery room, and Cece’s first groggy declaration had been all about her wound. And much later, after the effects of the anesthesia wore off, she broadcast that her “acitis” had been good luck. The doctors told her that the appendix resembled a wishbone, and they had to take it out so she could make a wish, and someday soon it would come true. And of course she believed them. When Maggie heard that, she considered asking them to take hers out too. She might not believe in fairy tales anymore, but she could use some good luck right about now. Because Rick refused to leave her or Cece’s side since he’d arrived.
While Maggie had been in the recovery room, he’d gone to the gift shop and purchased a care package for Cece, including several Dr. Seuss books, a stuffed “get well soon” panda bear, and three packs of Bubblicious, her favorite gum. After Cece had been transferred to a room in the pediatric section, the doctors indicated she’d stay overnight for monitoring and perhaps another two or three days depending on her progress.
When Cece saw Rick, and he gave her the stash of goodies, as his reward, she treated him to her undivided attention. “Max, I thirsty. Max, read to me. Max, sit with me. Max, hold my hand.” On and on she made one demand after another, and he sucked it up, doing anything and everything she requested. Maggie, Kat, and Matt got reduced to mere wallpaper as Rick became the person of honor.
An hour later after Cece fell asleep, Matt went home, and Kat went to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat, leaving her alone with Rick.
“You don’t have to stay, you know. I’m sure you have lots of other things to do.” She tried to test the waters again, see if she could push him far away this time.
Releasing a sleeping Cece’s hand, Rick rounded the bed, and came to where she leaned against the wall closest to the door. He gazed into her eyes for the longest time, and then brushed his thumb across her cheek, resting it along her neck. Her pulse beat like crazy with him so close. The bright overhead lighting, combined with the sunset coming through the picture window, made his eyes appear fluorescent green, and the honey-brown rays spreading from his pupils with tiny golden speckles on the tips added to the brilliance. She wanted him so much, yet at the same time needed him to go. Her warring emotions, the yin and yang along with the ups and downs due to Cece’s condition, had her stomach flip-flopping, her head spinning, and her heart and mind duking it out. The imminent doom ticking in her head the longer he spent in her presence didn’t help her distressed state.
“You’ve been trying to get rid of me since I arrived. Did I do something wrong, upset you?”
His cell rang, giving her a chance to take a breath, but when he silenced it, the panic continued.
“Maybe you should answer it. You’ve been here a long time.”
His grip stiffened on her neck the slightest bit, her pulse thumping hard against it. “What’s going on, Maggie? I know I haven’t seen you in two weeks. I’m sorry. I should have called, come by. I have a lot to say, talk to you about.”
His cell rang, and again he reached into his pants pocket, silencing the tone.
The sting from picking at the tender skin around her fingernails hadn’t reduced her anxiety. If she could get them past his arms, which were positioned at her shoulders, holding her in place against the wall, she’d have the sore cuticles and flesh in between her teeth, chomping on them. Since she couldn’t, her saving grace came when his phone vibrated.
This time he pulled it out, glanced at the screen, and frowned. He looked at her, and as it continued to buzz, he said, “I’ll be in the hall, not far away. This isn’t over.” He pushed a button on the cell, and as he walked out the door he said, “Mom, you okay?”
She heard his mumbles but couldn’t make out more. Cece rolled onto her side, murmuring, and sucked a thumb into her mouth. She dashed over and rubbed Cece’s back up and down like her daughter loved. Even as an infant when Cece would wake up in the middle of the night, she’d lull her back to sleep that way. As a newbie mother, she’d been hypervigilant, a worrier, checking on her baby several times a night. It never ceased to amaze her when Cece started off at twelve o’clock in the crib and would rotate to the three, six, and ten position. The odd movements concerned her at first, but the ultrasound images in a frame, showing Cece at various circular rotational states, right-side up, horizontal, and upside down, alleviated her fears.
“Maggie.” Rick’s clipped call-out had her flinching and spinning around. Kat ducked around him, carrying a Styrofoam container she asked her to bring. She’d had nothing to eat yet and wasn’t sure she could swallow something now either. “I have to go.”
She nodded, sucking in several shaky breaths, realizing this would be goodbye. Forever.
“My grandfather . . .” He paused, and her body froze at the reminder. On an exhale he revealed, “He had a heart attack. They just brought him into the emergency room. I have to get down there.”
As much as she despised that man, she’d never wish a tragedy on anyone. She rushed over to him, offering the same support he gave her earlier, wrapping her arms around his waist. In his ear she whispered, “I’ll keep you both in my prayers.” She wanted to add “if you need anything just ask” but she couldn’t. Regardless of the fact Mr. Horatio Stone might be out of commission, she wouldn’t bank on the fact he wouldn’t make good on his threats when he got better. She couldn’t afford that risk. At this point, caution her middle name, she delivered a quick peck to his cheek. Not close to the kiss she wanted to give and insufficient for a final farewell, but all she could manage with the stinging reality overwhelming her. After another hug, squeezing his shoulders as hard as possible, she released him and began her backward retreat. One step at a time, she shuffled closer to her family: Cece’s bed and her sister, situated over Maggie’s shoulder. Inspector Kat O’Brian examined her face and scrutinized each of her actions as if she were some odd piece of evidence under a microscope.
Kat moved in, giving what Maggie couldn’t. “If you need anything, call, okay?” Removing the phone still in his hand, Kat punched a few buttons and handed it to him. He nodded and glanced at Maggie. His mouth opened, and he took a breath as if he wanted to say something, but stopped. His eyebrows pinched together, and he shoved a hand through his hair while walking around Kat to Cece’s bed. “Sweet dreams, sweet pea,” he murmured, his mouth pressed against her temple, a heartbreaking, tender kiss.
Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two flecks counted on the tiles so far, Maggie had no idea if he paid her any mind. His silence when he trudged out the door told her everything she needed to know.
Nothing.
And her response had been the same.
MORE DOCTORS, NURSES, AND WAITING while Rick spent an entire evening in the emergency room accompanied by his mom. The next morning and afternoon the hours ticked by in the OR area and then CCU, where his grandfather had been moved. In between visiting hours, he dragged his exhausted body to the fourth floor to check on Cece before he got kicked out of there too.
“Max, gimme a kiss.” At least Cece’s greeting felt wanted and positive. Maggie turned her back toward him and looked through the windows at the downpour.
He gave Cece a peck on her cheek. “How you doin,’ sweet pea?”
“I gotta booboo.” She tilted her head and added a pout, tugging at his heart.
He picked up Green Eggs and Ham. “You want me to read to you? It might help you feel better.”
“Ya got gum?”
He chuckled for the first time in what seemed like forever, glancing at the empty wrappers on the rolling cart by her bedside. “You ate them all already?”
Kat entered the room, confirming what he suspected. “Ate is the word of the day. How’s your grandfat
her?” She set a hand on his shoulder, concern evident in her softening tone and eyes.
A crack of thunder and a lightning flash drew his attention to the window and Maggie, her hands clutched to her stomach. As he watched both he answered her sister. “He’s in the cardiac care unit. They did surgery, a triple bypass this morning.”
“If there’s anything we can do . . .” Kat pulled him into a hug, whispering, “Let us know.” She released him and sat in a chair next to where Maggie stood.
He glanced at Cece, her brows pinched together. She laid her tiny hand on top of his on the railing. “Ya papa has a booboo too?”
Her innocent and sincere distress sent a stabbing pain to his heart, filling his eyes with tears. “Yes,” he managed to choke out, his anxiety growing to greater heights. Flashbacks from thirteen years ago surfaced after he’d been fighting and pushing the painful memories to the back of his mind ever since his mom’s urgent call. Just like he found out about his dad.
“Mama, I gotta go.”
Maggie came to her daughter’s bedside and still hadn’t acknowledged his presence. “Go where, sweetie?”
“See Papa.”
Maggie’s eyebrows scrunched too. “You talked to him this morning.”
“No, Max’s papa,” Cece insisted, throwing the covers off.
“Whoa, stop right there, young lady.” Maggie placed a hand on Cece’s shoulder, settling her against the cushion as Cece sat up. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“The nurses said she needs to walk around. She could go see him, Mags,” Kat chimed in.
Maggie spun around, slicing a finger across her throat. “No, she can’t.”
“I gotta, Mama.”
Maggie faced her determined daughter. “You can’t. He’s not allowed to have visitors.”
Cece squeezed his hand, sorrowful eyes pleading at him. “Max, can I see Papa?”
Maggie’s gasp rolled out swifter than the bursts of thunder outside. Before she could shut down Cece again, he got his two cents in. Bent over the railing, he swept his thumb over her rosy cheek and spoke gently, unlike Maggie’s frantic and pissed replies. “He’s real sick, sweet pea. I can only see him a few times and not for long. He’s not in a room like yours where visitors stay.”
“But I gotta. I wanna give him my wish.” Cece tugged on his hand, sitting up slowly, but ready to go right now.
How could he deny her? She wasn’t just the sweetest little girl he’d ever met, but her desire to help his grandfather in whatever way she thought she could made him love her that much more. If that were even possible. It dawned on him right then; he’d been a goner from the moment he met her. His gaze drifted from Cece to Maggie, and he waited for recognition, hoping her hostility would disappear after hearing her daughter’s profound appeal. If it affected him as much as it did, it had to have a greater impact on her as Cece’s mother. At least he thought so.
Yet again, Maggie’s reaction shocked him. She stormed out of the room, leaving all of them in stunned silence. The rain battering the window resembled the turmoil inside him. He had no idea what just happened, or what could have contributed to the cold shoulder.
Kat bolted out of her seat. “I’ll knock some sense into her.” Before she could leave, he grabbed her arm. “Wait. Let me talk to her. Do you mind?”
She shook her head and went over to the cart, picked up a book, and began to read aloud. He told Cece he’d be back soon and went into the hallway in hot pursuit. Long overdue, he needed to find Maggie and get whatever bothered her out of her system. He couldn’t stand the tension.
Instead of hunting all over the place, he asked the nurses sitting behind a counter outside Cece’s room if they’d seen an auburn-haired, green-eyed woman about this high, placing his hand below his chin. One of them pointed to a lounge at the end of the hall.
He entered the room and all the oxygen in his lungs seized. Hunched over, Maggie’s forearms lying on top of a vent, air blew wisps of hair around her bowed head. He thought he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. The sight of her slouched, depressed state sent a wave of panic and protection through him. All he could imagine would have that impact on her might be Jake. And even though he’d seen that reaction before, this somehow seemed a hundred, no, a thousand times worse. Instead of taking her into his arms, he sat in a chair in the corner, within throwing but not hitting distance. With her volatility, he didn’t want to push his luck, since things hadn’t been going in his favor.
Several nerve-racking seconds later, she tilted her head the slightest bit toward him. Clumps of hair blocked her right eye; the other one, though, focused on him. “You should be with your family. They need you.”
He leaned over, held his weary head in his hands, and massaged his aching temples. Directed to the floor, he said, “What did I do, Maggie? Tell me. 'Cause I have no fucking clue.” When he glanced up, his hands clenched between his legs, he asked her and her behind, which he wasn’t enjoying for once, “The last time I saw you we were in each other’s arms, dancing. Now you can’t seem to get far enough away from me. No, I take that back. You want me to disappear. Under the circumstances, I wish we weren’t having this discussion right now, but this can’t wait. So I’ll ask again. Does your attitude have something to do with me, or did something happen with Jake?”
She whipped around and threw her hands onto her hips. “Don’t act like you know anything about me. You don’t. So what? The two of us dancing gives you liberty to make assumptions about me. What did you think it meant? What? What?” Her face turned beet red, and her arms flapped up and down, and as she finished they spread out wide, slapping her hips when she spouted the last question.
Never in his entire life could he recall any person going off on him like she just did. Sure there were plenty of tense and heated moments during negotiations, but never complete and utter disdain. Even though his grandfather could be cruel and often misguided, Rick knew he cared. Maggie not only didn’t give a shit, she couldn’t stand him. Wow, he never could have misread or been more wrong about a woman ever. He wanted to beat the ever-livin’ shit out of someone, and he knew who that would be. Unfortunately, his way-off-the-mark best friend wasn’t anywhere in sight.
The enormity of what this meant hit him. If devastated described what he experienced when his dad died, this moment, the discovery that he loved Maggie and she didn’t—shattered him. A thirty-one-year-old grown man for the first time knew what it felt like to have his heart broken—wrecked, demolished, smashed to smithereens. Slumped over, he stared at the frayed threads in the carpet and couldn’t figure out what to say. When he picked up his head, he didn’t need to. Maggie was gone.
“Mr. Stone.” Rick glanced toward the entrance of his grandfather’s room. The nurse smiled at Rick. “There’s someone here to see you.” She pointed down the hall toward the CCU entry. “They’re waiting out there. Said it was important.”
He got up, curious who it could be. His mom left a few minutes ago, so it wouldn’t be her. When he opened the door and saw Kat and Cece, he almost fell over. After Maggie walked out on him, he hadn’t returned. He needed space, time to think. Now, seeing Cece in a wheelchair, overcoming her situation wearing a big smile, made him feel like a total ass. He should’ve been man enough to at least kiss her bye. He knelt down, taking her hands in his. “I’m sorry I didn’t say good night.”
“I gotta see ya papa.”
He looked up at Kat. “Does Maggie know you’re here?”
“The munchkin needed to go for a stroll. My sister doesn’t need to know where we go or what we do.” Kat grinned, slapping Cece high five. When he tapped the armrest on the wheelchair, Kat beat him to his remark. “She walked out of the room, but we confiscated a chair. I wasn’t gonna have her on her feet all the way up here. Besides, I thought it might get her some sympathy points.”
His legs were getting stiff from his crouched position, and he stood while asking, “And why would she need that?”
Ka
t pointed over his shoulder. He glanced there too, reading the sign that indicated no one under twelve years old could enter.
“I wanna see ya papa.”
He rubbed his thumb along Cece’s hand, soothing and trying to let her down gently. “He’s sleeping, sweet pea. Besides, the sign says you have to be twelve.”
“Nuh-uh, the nurse said I could.”
Kat slapped him on the shoulder. “Told ya the chair would work. Plus, who could resist the munchkin.” She leaned over and kissed the top of her niece’s head. “Besides, I told the nurse she’d stay just a minute or two.”
“Pwease.” Under normal conditions Cece could be irresistible. Now though, not only wouldn’t she be denied, but her kind gesture made him grieve the loss of Maggie and even more—the family they could’ve had together.
He walked around her chair and grabbed the hand holds. “Ready?”
Cece nodded, and Kat backed up, leaning against the wall. “I’ll wait here.” She slapped the handicapped button and the doors opened.
As he entered, the same nurse came up to them. “Just a few minutes, okay?” She patted Cece’s hand and said, “Your grandpa will be fine, sweetheart. Don’t worry.” Cece sniffled and tucked her chin into her chest. “Your daughter’s beautiful, Mr. Stone.”
Before he could correct her, Cece looked up at him and with a shaky stutter asked, “C-can I s-see Papa now, Dada?”
For the second or maybe third time, he lost count now, his heart crashed and burned. The wind got knocked out of him, not from agony, but the euphoric high that overcame him when she called him dada. Whether she was play acting or not, it didn’t matter. He wanted her to be his daughter. His eyes filled with tears for a whole different reason. Bent over, he placed a kiss above her ear. “I love you, sweet pea.” Cece set her hand on his cheek, hugging and bonding him to her.