by Lola StVil
“I promised I would never trust anyone like that again. He destroyed me. He was the first and only guy I’ve ever slept with and he…he destroyed me. How can I ever trust a man again? How? I want to, I do. But I don’t know how. Tell me, how?”
***
While she’s telling me her story, I think of all the ways I could kill and torture this Danny guy. I like the scenario where he’s on the floor begging for mercy as I crack his ribs in two, to start. I don’t need fancy torture devices; I just need ten minutes with him. That’s all I need, ten minutes. As she’s talking I see her in my mind’s eye begging this asshole to love her back, this piece of shit guy who doesn’t deserve to live. Finding him won’t be hard at all…
Focus on her. She needs you now.
I hold her against me and try to remember that I’m a cop. And yeah, I’ve got a few bodies on me, but it was all in the line of duty. But I don’t care. Not today. I just want ten minutes…
“Wyatt, I know you can find him, but please, don’t. Okay? Please. Please,” she says as she pulls out of my embrace.
FUCK!
“Baby, what he did to you—”
“I know but please, just let it go,” she says as she wraps her arms around me. I hold her as tightly as I can without hurting her. She’s the only person that could get me to calm my rage because the only thing I want more than to kill that bastard is for my girl to be okay.
Please, God, let her be okay.
“Okay, I won’t.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“It was my fault. I had so many chances to see who he was and I didn’t want to. I let him have control over me, how could I have been so weak for so long? I really thought I could trust him. But I was so wrong. I was wrong and everyone in my life got front-row seats to the most private moments of my life. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I brave enough to stand up to him? Why did I stay? Why did I let him take everything away from me?” She begs as wave after wave of heart-wrenching sobs overtake her. She’s shaking as tears stream down her face.
I sit her down on the sofa and kneel down low enough to look up at her. I take her face in my hands. “What can I do, baby? Tell me. What can I do?” I beg.
“I’ve never said this stuff out loud or told anyone. Is it okay if I just cry for a little while? Let me cry. Can you do that?” she whispers. I swallow the lump in my throat and although it goes against everything in me, I sit beside her, cradle her in my arms, and let her cry. I let her do it because it’s what she needs. I listen to her go to the very darkest places in her memory and weep openly. Sometimes her cries are loud wails of regret. Other times they are soft moans of the betrayed. And for the first time in my life I truly understand just how courageous women really are…
It’s Monday morning and we’re having coffee at his house, well that’s what we’re supposed to be doing but honestly neither of us has taken a sip. I think he’s checking on me, silently trying to figure out if I’m okay. The truth is, it all depends on the conversation we’re about to have. He starts drinking his coffee and I follow along, not sure what else to do. I don’t want to speak first; I don’t know what to say.
“You make good coffee,” he says.
“It takes a lot of talent to press the ON button but I try,” I reply with a smile.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to make you a real breakfast?” he offers.
“No, I’m cheating on Jana by having coffee with you. I don’t want to make it worse.”
“I won’t tell her about your little indiscretion,” he assures me.
“Listen, about last night…”
“Last night…” His lighthearted tone fades.
“Does what you found out make you look at me differently?” I dare say out loud.
“Why would it?”
“Wyatt, I made a sex video and it got sent to everyone. I was weak, I was stupid—”
“Babe, you have to stop taking the blame for this guy’s actions. It’s insane.”
“No, it’s not. I did those sick things on video and—”
“You were two consenting adults. He took an intimate moment and shared it with the world because he’s a sick and twisted fuck. You did nothing wrong. I won’t let you keep punishing yourself. Babe, you saw who he really was and you removed yourself from his life. I’m sure that shit wasn’t easy. But you did it and I’m really fucking proud of you.
“Now can you please stop being so hard on my girl?”
“Am I—your girl? Do you still want that?”
“You mean do I still want to be with a hot chick who spends her days helping foster kids? The same chick who got out of her warm bed so she could hear about my lousy night? Yeah, babe, I still want to be with that girl,” he says as he pulls me into him and lightly bites my neck. I playfully try to push him off of me but he won’t let go. He holds on tight. I need that. I need him.
“Now, here’s a question for you: I had no idea what was holding you back from me. Had I known it was so…awful, I don’t know if I would have pushed you to tell me. But I did and I need to know, do you resent me for it?”
“No! No. I’m glad I told you. It was just nerve-racking because I thought you’d want to run away,” I admit.
“I’m here. No running on my end. How about you, are you itching to run?”
“No, not at all.”
“Good, ’cause I wouldn’t let you go anyway,” he says as he places his hand under my chin, tilts my head up, and kisses me. I sink deeper into his kiss and feel the electricity of his touch surge up and down my body. I get up on the tip of my toes so I can meet his lips. The more I taste, the more I want. He growls with bitter disappointment as I pull away.
“You have to go to work and so do I,” I remind him. He looks at his watch and his eyes widen. He really does need to be at work—about ten minutes ago. He gives me a quick yet impactful kiss that makes me rethink ever leaving the house. I’d like to stay in his bed all day. In there a version of reality where that can happen?
Yeah, I didn’t think so. Damn you, reality.
***
It’s been a while since Bree and I talked. I hate the way we left it, so when she texted me that she’d like to go to lunch, I agreed. Jana said to text her 9-1-1 if she needed me to “pull the stick from Bree’s ass.” I vowed to contact her should I need her. But as I walk into the café on Thirty-fourth Street, I can’t help but be optimistic. Maybe we can hash things out and get back to being friends again. I miss hunting bargains together, gossiping about Mom’s latest hobbies, and talking about the latest celeb scandal. I spot her at the table over by the corner. I make my way to her and the first thing I note are her puffy eyes.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” I ask.
“It’s nothing. I’m getting my period and I’m emotional. I saw a really sweet puppy on a poster on my way here,” she says, laughing at herself.
“Are you sure that’s it?”
“Yeah, of course. Now, sit. Order something. You look thin.”
“Stop it, ‘Mom.’”
“Okay, okay. Sorry. But I’ve eaten here before and the food is amazing,” she says as she hands me a menu. I pick out a light pasta dish and she orders pie. She’s always watching her weight, so that sets off alarms right away.
“Okay, what’s going on with you? Since when do you have pie for lunch?” I ask.
“I read somewhere that changing your routine, even a little, can make a big difference. I thought, why not try pie instead of the salad I always get. I mean it’s not like it makes a difference to my husband, right? He’s never home enough to appreciate my figure. He doesn’t have time to look at my ass—and just so you know, I’ve been working out and these babies are top of the line,” she rants.
“Okay…” I reply, certain I missed something.
“And you know what else? I could have gone the route of surgery but I didn’t. I worked my ass off to work my ass off. And does he say anything about it? No! He
just works, works, works. I mean I get that he has a career but I could have had one too. I was a fantastic designer. I was first in my class. I could have been designing furniture for some of the largest hotels chains in the world. In fact, you remember that meeting I had a few years back with the Hilton hotel?”
“Yes, they loved your work.”
“Yes they did! I was on my way but I gave all that up to be a homemaker. And I love being a stay at home mom but once in a while, I just need the man I married to look at me. I mean really fucking look at me! Better yet, look at my ass!” She shouts so loud, the entire café turns to her.
“What? Mind your business!” she snaps as the waitress brings her the cherry pie. She digs in as if she hasn’t eaten in years.
“Bree, sweetheart, I need you to put the fork down and use your words. What’s going on with you and Will?”
“Tomorrow is the anniversary of our first date. We had been making plans for weeks and then he calls and tells me that he has to fly out in the morning to some stupid conference at the last minute. I mean what the hell? Can’t he ever say no? Why does everyone come before me?” she says as she starts to sob over her piecrust. I get up and move my chair so that I am sitting right beside her.
“First of all, you know Will loves you and your ass. And by the way, you do have a great ass. You can ask the busboy, who’s been checking you out for about ten minutes now.” She turns and spots the tall lanky busboy with long hair and a suggestive smile. He nods his head; she smiles awkwardly and waves.
“Really? You think I’m having a good ass day?” she says to me.
“According to that guy behind you, you’re having a great ass day.”
“Well, is it very nice,” she says as she looks at her refection in the café window.
“And another thing, we do not cry on top of food. No man is worth ruining pie,” I remind her.
“That’s true,” she says. I hand her a tissue from my purse. Once she’s gotten herself under control and back to her old self, I try to help her find a way to fix things with Will.
“Now, I need you to pull your judgmental, well-intentioned, self together. I need you at your best when I tell you what new hobby our mother has decided to take up,” I say. She begins to gather herself and a spark appears in her eyes.
“Mom told you her new hobby? She’s been so tightlipped about it!”
“Yeah and I vowed to let her tell you herself but you’re having a bad day and I think this will pick you up,” I promise.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“Mom is taking nude art classes at the senior center! The male models are just this side of twenty-one. Some of the women were getting so turned on they needed extra oxygen refills. And one frisky old lady ‘forgot’ her glasses and reached out for what she thought was the door handle but it turned out to be the model’s…”
“No!” Bree shouts with laughter.
“True story,” I reply.
“Thanks, Winnie. I needed that,” she says, shaking her head with glee.
“Anytime. Hey, maybe you can go meet him at the conference, you know, surprise him?” I ask.
“Really? Isn’t that kind of out there?”
“More out there than pie for lunch?” I ask.
“You think he’d like that?”
“Why not? You two rarely get away.”
“Yeah, I guess. And Mom has been asking to spend more time with Lily...”
“It’s perfect! It will be a little escape. Do it!” I push.
“Okay, what the hell? I can change a few things around on my schedule.”
“Yes, you can and you should.”
She reaches over and hugs me. “Thank you,” she says, beaming.
“You’re welcome, crazy lady,” I reply as I dig into my pasta.
“So…what’s going on with you and…”
“Okay, Bree. Stop,” I warn.
She puts her hands up as if to say she surrenders. “What? Can’t a big sister ask?” she replies.
“Not if she plans on being the judgy sister,” I reply.
“Okay, I will not judge. Or at least I will try not to.”
“I want to talk to you about Wyatt but not if we are going to argue, because he’s really special to me and I…I need you not to poke holes in my balloon.”
“Wait, is that a sex thing? Are you two having sex?”
“What? No, that’s…never mind.”
“Okay, okay. I will behave. Just talk to me. How is it going with you two?” she asks gently.
“We’re actually doing pretty well. We haven’t spent a night apart practically since we met. He’s made me dinner and he’s actually good at it. We make each other laugh, and we talk to each other, I mean really talk. It’s so so so good.”
“It’s scaring the shit out of you?”
“YES!” I reply as we share a laugh. God, I’ve missed talking to her.
“Are you two sleeping together?” she asks.
“No…”
“But you want to?” she says.
“Bree, he’s the first guy that made me want to try and trust again. If I can ever be intimate, I want it to be with him.”
“He must be some guy…” she whispers to herself.
“He is, and his family is pretty well off. Doesn’t mean anything to me but I thought you’d like to know,” I tease.
“How well off?”
“Bree!”
She laughs and places her hand on top of mine. “Baby sis, I want you to be happy. I really do. And if this guy is everything you think he is then I’m all in. I just want you to go in with your eyes open.”
“I don’t think that’s how love works. I think you’re supposed to take a leap of faith. You know, do anything for love or the promise of love.”
“Is that what you’re doing? Anything for him?”
“I just meant that sometimes you have to take a risk.”
“I was there when Danny hurt you.”
Here we go again!
“Bree—”
“Wait, Winnie. Let me finish, please. It was so hard to watch you crumble and know that I couldn’t help. And I know that it looks like I’m being a bitch, and well, maybe I am. But I worry.”
“I know. And I know that this whole thing with me and Wyatt is…out of nowhere. And to the outside world, it’s nuts! But to us…it feels right. I even told him about Danny.”
“And?”
“And I’m glad I did.”
“You’re talking as if…Winter, are you in love with Wyatt?”
When I hear the knock on Wyatt’s door, for some reason it startles me. It’s not like I’m at his house without permission, but still, it makes me jump. I have no idea what that’s about but I remind myself that I’m not an intruder. I go over to the door and find a flawless dark-skinned woman with a fantastic pixie haircut and stylish boots. She has full lips, rich dark brown eyes, and perfect teeth. If this is one of his exes, I should just give him up now.
“Can I help you?” I ask as I open the door.
“Hi, I’m Shelby. You must be ‘the pause,’” she says as she scans me up and down and enters the apartment.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” I ask again.
Crap, it would be just my luck to let some crazy lady into Wyatt’s home. Then I’d have to call the cops, or worse, Wyatt will come home and wonder why I let this nut inside.
“I’m Shelby, Wyatt’s sister-in-law,” she explains as she scopes out the scene.
“Oh, hi! I’m Winter.”
“Yes, I know. Like I said, you’re ‘the pause,’” she replies.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means.”
“Well when we catch up, that is to say when I force him to return my calls, I always ask about his dating life. He normally just says ‘Shell, mind your own damn business.’ But the last few times I’ve asked him, he’s taken these big dramatic pauses.”
“Oh, then…yes. I guess I’m the pause,” I reply, feeling like shi
t the more she talks.
“Oh no, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that he’s keeping you a secret, all the Hunter boys play close to the vest. I mean, really, Wyatt’s brother, my husband, didn’t tell the family about us until a year had gone by. They are really private.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“I stopped by hoping to see him, on a whim,” she lies.
I don’t know how I know she’s lying but I do. I think she just came to check out what was going on with Wyatt. It’s the only thing I can think of. She studies me with her head tilted to the side.
“You are really too cute!” she says.
“Um…thanks? Look, Wyatt isn’t here so if—”
“What is this?” she says as she studies the shopping list posted on the fridge. “You cook?” she asks.
“No, I don’t but Wyatt does and he asked me to get—”
“Wyatt is cooking for you?”
“Why does that always get such a reaction? Hasn’t he cooked before?” I ask.
“Not since—oh, wow. You really are special,” she says, looking me over yet again.
“I feel like I missed something.”
“You did, but it’s not my place to say.”
“Something tells me you rarely stay in your place,” I counter.
She laughs and wags her finger. “I like you,” she says. “You should come to family dinner sometime,” she offers.
“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”
“Don’t worry, honey, I’m sure enough for us both. Don’t just stand over there. Come, let’s girl talk.”
“That’s hard to do since I don’t know you.”
“Yes, I suppose. Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll be fast friends. I was friends with a few of his past girlfriends.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he has good taste in women, eventually. They vary in background and education, but all in all, he has good taste.”
“Hope I don’t ruin that streak.”
“We were remodeling our town house a while back and Wyatt let us stay in the apartment below. I tell you the noises that came from this apartment… Honey, you are in for a treat. Wait, what the hell am I saying? I bet you already been on that ride, well congrats!” she says, laughing.