This night was not going how I’d planned.
I tried to ignore her as I sang. Just another woman in the crowd, just another groupie. She sure as hell was more determined than the rest, and she had something alluring about her. A mystery that would be worth solving. I’d seek her out after we finished playing but now, while we played, I had no attention to give her.
She got to the front row and leant against the stage, her posture alone a big “fuck off” to me. I wouldn’t look at her, even though she drew me to her. I wouldn’t let her know she was getting to me. There wasn’t a man in the place that wasn’t gawking at her. She was hot and she knew it. But the music had to be the only thing on my mind.
Now that she was closer, it hit me. It took a moment. She’d changed so much, with her hair bleached white blond and her eyes rimmed with black liner, with her body filled out so every man knew she wasn’t a little kid anymore. Still, I’d recognise her anywhere.
Jake McGowan’s kid sister.
That look in her eyes scared me. All that anger and resentment was aimed at me and I had no way of justifying myself. She knew what she knew and she was definitely after something. If I told her the truth, she’d never believe me. The truth wouldn’t redeem me. What she sought was something I couldn’t give her.
The rest of the band joined me. The only thing I could do was blaze into the next song as though she wasn’t even there.
I’d wanted to put my past behind me and start anew. In the back of my mind, I’d always had the worry that things would come back to bite me on the arse but I’d shrugged that thought away. But today was the day. And I never thought vengeance would be wrapped up in such a hot package.
Dee had had a crush on me for as long as I could remember. Hell, you’d have had to be blind not to notice that kid traipsing behind me like a lost puppy. She’d been cute back then. Cute and precocious, and way too young. I had no interest in messing with high school girls, even when I was in high school myself. If I even shot a few words in her direction, she stammered and blushed and ran away.
Even if she’d been older, she was my best friend’s sister. That would’ve been like poking a stick in a hornet’s nest. I had way too much self-preservation to mess with that. Jake protected her like she was a baby bird. Actually, I think Jake liked that she crushed on me. It meant she stayed away from other guys who might not be so hands-off. If he’d still been around, I’d have pitied any guy who dated her. Jake judged all other men on himself and he’d been no saint, sure as hell.
But now, if it wasn’t for those eyes, blazing with hate but still those same eyes, and that curl of the mouth exactly like Jake’s, I’d have never known her.
Even Jake would’ve had his work cut out protecting her now. Firm, perky breasts that were perfectly showcased by the dress she wore. A tiny waist. And the swagger of a woman who got what she wanted.
But, when I looked her, I saw beyond her. I saw that carnage and the mangled steel. I heard the last whimper that Jake made, his body broken, while I lay there without a thing I could possibly do. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t remember that night. I couldn’t think about that and continue playing. I couldn’t only pretend she didn’t exist.
I went into the next song with sweat beading on my brow. I wiped it off with the back of my hand. Even my hands were sweaty, so much so that I was worried I’d slip on the strings, but I made it through the next song and the one after that.
Fabian shot me glances. He knew I was off my game even if the crowd didn’t pick up on it. I was never off my game. I never got distracted and I never let anything reach me when I was on stage. Of course, he had questions.
She hadn’t moved. I wasn’t sure if she planned on staring me to death while I played or what, but she remained rooted to the spot. Normally, some groupie would’ve hip bumped her out of the way in a fight for the front position but no one went near her. She radiated a darkness that held people off. She was still just a kid, really. She’d only be twenty or so. She should be radiating sunshine and girliness but that shadow had made her grow up too fast. And I was the bastard responsible for that.
She grinned at me and it turned my blood cold. She wasn’t here for fun, that’s for sure.
She was here for revenge.
Dee
The club wasn’t anything special. Trouble — I wondered if Alex had named it that. It seemed like something he’d do. It was a bit of dive bar really. I walked through the downstairs bar, the carpet threadbare and sticky. A few people sat around the bar, not even glancing up at me. I went upstairs, although I heard no music playing.
When I walked into the band room, it felt like walking in on a private party. Some geezer was up on stage proposing to his girlfriend.
There wasn’t a huge crowd, much smaller than I’d expected. That added to the private party feeling. The place stunk of stale beer and cheap cologne and rock. The same as any other band room. The bar ran along the right side of the room; the stage at the front, of course. A blond chick sat at the door, looking bored and picking her nails.
A girl walked up on stage. She looked like she wanted to hide away. She giggled and accepted the proposal. People cheered.
I got a whiskey from the bar and knocked it back, waiting for them to finish. I needed to make an impression and it’d be a dick move to call attention to myself in the middle of all that mushy talk. They looked happy, really happy. I bided my time, trying not to fidget or look nervous. I wouldn’t bite my nails. I wouldn’t get out my phone.
Then I spotted Alex, off to the side of the stage, partially hidden. My stomach dropped and my hands shook. I inhaled, a few sharp breaths to steady myself but they didn’t seem to hit my lungs. My chest squeezed so tight, there was no air getting to it. My first impulse was to run. Run far, far away from Alex. It was like being in the same room as the devil, but I could handle this. I had to handle it. There was no retreat. I’d made a promise to Jake, and I couldn’t go back on that now.
Alex walked back on stage.
Then he started playing again. You could tell he’d been a bit ruffled by the interruption. He sucked in his cheeks. He always did that when he was agitated. I knew. I’d devoted so much of myself to studying that man. There wasn’t a mannerism I couldn’t interpret.
He had a new band now. I’d known that, of course. Still, it made my heart contract to see him on stage with those strangers. It should’ve been Jake beside him playing guitar and Pete on bass. But it never would be again.
There were two guys on stage. Alex must be the only guitarist. The other two didn’t seem like they particularly liked him. His sound had changed. Darker, moodier. And far more controlled, like he had to prove something to the world.
I wanted to feel nothing for that man, prancing around the stage like a sleek panther, all muscle and sinew. The only emotion my heart needed was the black hatred I’d cultivated.
Maybe, one day, he’d be brought to justice and he’d pay for his crimes. I wasn’t even sure if that was possible now. The police said there’d been no evidence, not enough to charge him. If it’d been anyone else driving that car, they’d have been breath tested as soon as the accident had been discovered. Not Alex. And now, years later, it was impossible to prove he’d been drinking. If justice couldn’t be served through the legal system, there were other ways. I’d make sure of it.
He finished the song and said something to his band members, then swapped his guitar for an acoustic. The room became quieter as Alex got settled.
Perfect timing.
I stood up, my stacked heels making me tower over most people in the room, and pushed my way to front of the stage. People parted to let me through. One man tried to grab my arse but I turned to him, quelling him with a stare. I’d learnt the hard way how to take care of myself.
Alex didn’t miss a beat in his playing. His gaze seemed to merely scan the room without settling on me but I knew he’d seen me. Not just seen me, but recognised me, and he knew why I was there. That
was a good thing. I hoped it might trigger some remorse in him but any regret now would be too little, too late.
I leant against the foldback speaker, hoping to put him off his game, just a little. To get a reaction out of him.
In the years since I’d last seen him, Alex hadn’t changed much. I didn’t know what I’d been hoping for. Maybe that he’d aged badly. That he’d put on weight or he’d started balding. That would’ve made it so much easier for me but nothing could’ve been further from the truth. He was a man at the peak of his good looks. I’d forgotten how much his eyes smouldered.
If anything, he looked better than ever. He had a wildness to him, something primal and strong. Every single female in the room would be going a bit moist in the panties watching him play, that was for sure. Their faces softened and their bodies heated. I hated his good looks. I hated the way that my body heated when I looked at him.
He sang the slow ballad with a sorrow that would rack a softer woman’s heart. His voice contained lies. He wasn’t a man who knew regret, that’s for sure. Maybe a little bit of a tantrum over not getting his own way but nothing deeper. I could’ve screamed out and told the room that. This man is a fraud. He manipulates people to achieve his own ends.
I dug my nails into my palms to stop myself. An outburst like that would achieve nothing. It’d just make me look like a loon.
After the song finished, the band started up again. Alex gestured to the sound desk. The music became louder. More than a few people in the room watched me and, it seemed, Alex wanted that attention for himself. Let him have it.
The bass pounded through the room, making the floor vibrate and sending shivers through me. Everything about him became charged with a power that made him hard to resist. I checked myself. I wasn’t here for a romantic interlude. Ice cold, that’s what I was. I couldn’t afford to let one lustful thought into my head.
What I’d felt for him had been a childish crush. Nothing more. Childhood was well behind me now. All of that had been stomped out by this man. I’d never forgive and I’d never forget what he’d done to my family.
Not once did Alex look at me, not in that song or the next. But he was more than aware of me, that I knew. His gaze would sweep the room and stop just short of where I was standing. Purposefully.
He might not want to acknowledge me but I’d make damn sure he did.
Dee
I waited for him at the side of stage. I’d nutted out the place and positioned myself so he’d not be able to avoid me. I waited and waited. He took longer to pack up his gear than you’d have thought humanly possible. That made me laugh. I’d put the wind up him. If he wasn’t worried, he’d have swept off stage, leaving someone else to pack up everything but his precious guitars. That’s the kind of guy he was. Instead, he was winding up cords and unplugging pedals.
But it bugged me too. I’d fired myself up for this confrontation. The rush of red-hot anger and need to be icy-cold fought within me. I’d rather punch him, knock him down, kick him with my boots but that was no long-term plan. He’d bruise a little then recover. I’d had other schemes: breaking his hand so he could no longer play guitar, shooting him in the stomach. But they were just anger-fuelled fantasies.
I wanted this to be a slow, lingering revenge. The kind that cut the ground out from under him.
He’d gone to the bar for a drink and some guy chatted to him, a kid with long, stringy hair. It’s not like Alex’d leave his guitars on stage for long, though. He’d want them packed away somewhere safe.
I wanted to do something to teach him that money couldn’t protect him. That some actions had consequences. I wanted to wipe that entitlement from his life.
I waited.
He couldn’t avoid me forever.
Some jerk glanced in my direction. The slightest sign of encouragement and he’d have wandered over, asking if I wanted a drink and trying to make conversation. I gave him a killer stare, enough to chill him to the marrow. The last thing I needed was someone chatting me up so that I missed my opportunity.
I leaned against the wall just by the door, and surveyed the room. It wasn’t the ritziest place I’d been in, that’s for sure, but the sound system was obviously top notch. It was a musician’s club, you could tell. Everything had been designed for the purest sound. That didn’t happen by accident. Either Alex made it like that or he’d seen it and wanted it for himself.
Now the busty blond who’d been working on the door hung off him. He had no liking for her but he didn’t discourage her either. He wouldn’t. He’d play any woman who showed interest. They were good for business. He gave them just enough to keep them sticking around without pushing any further. She laughed too loudly and thrust her breasts at him. He took a half-step back, not enough that she’d notice but enough to put some space between them. Smooth.
When he finished his drink, I wondered if he’d order another one or finish packing up. He sat his glass on the bar and grimaced, then walked in my direction.
My heart thudded, louder and stronger than that bass had been earlier. This was it. This was the moment I’d been waiting for. I’d stay icy cold. I controlled my breathing but my heart didn’t respond to that. Like in a nightmare, I felt rooted to the ground, not able to move. This was it. This was the moment.
He kept his head down as he got closer to me. No eye contact, no acknowledgement. That made me hate him more, like a cowardly worm trying to wiggle past me.
I thought I’d have to block his way to get him to look at me but he stopped in front of me and looked me in the eye.
“Dee-cakes,” he said.
My heart shrank to the size of a tiny pebble. That’d been Jake’s nickname for me. The name he’d called me since I’d been a baby. Hearing Alex use that name rattled me.
“Don’t call me that. Don’t ever call me that”
I folded my arms. He moved closer. That jerk thought he could use the force of his sexuality to divert me. I’d not be swayed by that, though. My heart beat faster and chills shot through me but I’d never be attracted to that brute again.
He locked our gazes, not answering. He couldn’t hold my stare.
“Why did you do it, Alex? Why did you kill my brother?” I spat the words out.
He sucked his breath in. “It was an accident. You know that. A rainy night on a dangerous stretch of road.”
He moved away but I grabbed his arm.
The old Dee, the one unable to get out of bed, jumping at the sound of every car pulling up, waiting and waiting… and wanting Alex to make it right would’ve left it at that. Part of me still hungered for that. The ice inside me melted away and I was left with a core of need. Even though I despised myself for it, I searched his face for clues.
“I can’t tell you any more than that,” he said.
In that moment, his eyes almost destroyed me. I wanted to see a plea for forgiveness or a trace of regret but those eyes, normally so soulful, had turned to steel. There was no hint of feeling there. I couldn’t lose sight of the real Alex, the monster behind this facade. I thrust my hand into my bag, running my finger along the crisp edge of Jake’s photo.
“Look at you, with your club and your rock band. Do you think people would feel the same about you if they knew what a coward you are? That you killed my brother through your own selfishness, then ran away like a thief in the night?”
He shook me off. “Leave it in the past, Dee.”
“It’ll never be left in the past while I’m alive. You think you can just go on with your life? You have no heart, Alex. No balls either. If you think this is over, think again.”
Alex
I mucked around, tuning my guitar, while waiting for the other guys to turn up for rehearsal. The gig the other night had been a mess and I needed to make sure that we worked to get beyond that. No matter what emotions boiled under the surface, no matter what interruptions, we were professionals. Nothing should touch us.
Of course, I’d never expected Dee to show up in the m
iddle of the gig.
I thought I’d handled things well. As well as I could, under the circumstances. I mean, what could I say to the girl? Sorry? That wasn’t going to cut it. There weren’t words that would make this better. The best way was to let her hold on to her hatred of me, give her some way of making sense of it by making me the bad guy.
After the accident, I waited to be arrested. I’d been taken to the emergency room, not at the public hospital where they’d taken Jake but the fancy private hospital. I had the best of care but the whole time I just kept thinking that Jake was dead and it was my fault, as surely as if I’d driven a knife through his heart.
My parents came in to visit. They didn’t sit down but stood at the end of the bed. I only had some scratches and would be released the next morning. They just wanted to observe me, make sure I didn’t have concussion or any of that.
“This will ruin your future,” my father said.
“Hell, like I don’t know that. Jail time never bodes well.”
My mother poured me a glass of water from the jug beside my bed. I didn’t want it.
“Don’t be silly, honey. That’s all been sorted out. It was an accident. An accident.” She stressed the “accident” part as if she wouldn’t hear any arguments. “But you will have to leave town. There will be talk and it won’t be good for business. It might take a while for things to settle. In a few years, you can return and we can get your career back on track but, for now, just keep a low profile.”
I’d told my parents a million times I had no intention of working in the family firm. They owned half of the town, had built most of it, and the idea of that kind of business bored me to tears. No matter how many times I told them, you’d have thought I’d never even spoken. They never argued, they never said I was wrong, they just talked over the top of me, as though my voice hadn’t reached them.
Was it wrong that, in the middle of this disaster, I had one spot of happiness? A reprieve from that pressure? At least for a few years, I’d be free.
Rock Revenge_Alex's Story Page 2