by T. J. West
I briskly go around the dining area searching for him until I see him at one of the tables with his head in his hands. I pick up my pace and when I reach his table I shove him as hard as I can, making him fall to the ground. “You arrogant piece of shit!” I scream in his face. The guests around us see the commotion; I don’t care if they start to record me with their smart phones, I am too damn mad to make them stop. “You screwed my best friend on the night of JINKS’ party and then get her knocked up! I am going to fucking kill you!”
“Faith, I’m sorry!” He pleads with me.
“You are such a hypocrite!”
He pushes himself back onto his feet. “It never meant anything, I swear!”
“I don’t give a rats ass if it was or wasn’t! You still did it! And now my best friend just ran out of here crying because of you! What did you say to her!” When he doesn’t answer me I get even more pissed off. “Phillip!”
“I don’t want her to have the baby!”
I am taken aback. “You what?! You said that to her?”
“Yes!” He yells in my face. “I did! I am not ready to be a father!”
“But you were ready to fuck her, isn’t that right?!”
Phillip swipes a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t like that! We were drunk! I wasn’t thinking!”
I inch my way closer to him, slowly, warning him. “You better fix this shit or I’ll have you thrown out from the top floor of my hotel.”
“I am not going to be a father, Faith, and June is not going to have my baby! I asked her to get an abortion.”
This man standing in front of me is not the man I thought he was. “You fucking coward! You’re a real bastard and should be ashamed of yourself! I want you to get the fuck out of my hotel and to never come back! You’re never welcome in here again! Do you hear me?!”
We glare at one another for a moment before he finally exits my hotel. I am suddenly so very tired, all I want to do is go back to my suite and lie down. I collapse onto one of the chairs and watch JINKS perform. I really hope Lucas didn’t notice anything. Maybe the lights were blinding him enough where he didn’t see me push Phillip down, screaming like a wild woman.
This night was supposed to be a magical celebration, only it turned out to be a total failure and complete nightmare.
Harmony gently taps me on the shoulder. “Miss, uh, Faith, is everything alright?”
“No,” I scoff without humor. “No, it’s not, unfortunately.”
She sits down beside me. “I’m sorry. Is there anything you want me to do? Bring you a drink perhaps?“
“No, but thanks. You go have fun, relax.
“If you’re sure?” She replies, uncertain.
“I am, thanks. I like having you around, Harmony. Thanks for being a friend.”
“Thank you, that means a lot. I consider you a friend too.”
It just occurred to me that my mother hasn’t shown her face in quite awhile. Wonder where she’s at? “Do you, by any chance, know where my mother is?”
Harmony shrugs. “Last I saw of her she was back there in the bar talking to a very handsome gentleman.
I scrunch up my face, mildly confused. “She was what?” I look toward the back to see if she was back there.
“Yeah, but they must have left.”
I groan, not wanting to know what my mother and the mystery man were up to—grosses me out just thinking about it.
I don’t think I was ever so happy to have the night be over with. If I was caught off guard with one more thing, I think I might jump off my balcony—I couldn’t handle anymore surprises; from learning about Danny being my brother, my father dying, and now June pregnant with Phillip’s baby? My life has turned inside out in a blink of an eye.
By the time Lucas and I hit the sheets it was well after midnight. He was exhausted; I could see the dark circles under his eyes, begging for sleep. However tired he was he wanted me before he fell asleep. How can I say no to this beautiful, hot man, my rockstar? Nope. If he needed me, I sure as hell was going to let him have his way. Being in bed with Lucas, having sex with him cleared all the bad thoughts from my head. In just one more day he’ll be on the road—how was I going to make it for four months without him?
The next morning I was crazy busy; I had to be up at the crack of dawn in order to greet my managers and to make sure things were set for our first day of being open. Lucas was still asleep by the time I left my suite. He and the band have the morning off, but have one more publicity shoot before they leave tomorrow. I could have watched him all day sleeping so soundly. He is one sexy man and boy am I glad he’s in my bed; he was on his stomach with the sheet up to his waist and his hands under his pillow, snoring softly. No matter how badly I wanted to wake him, I resisted and I just gave him a kiss on his cheek and began my day.
It was wonderful to see my hotel booming with employees and guests already arriving. I was walking around, observing and making sure things were perfect, when I got a text from June. She was down at Seaport Village and wanted me to meet her. I dropped all my responsibilities and headed out. I left a text for Lucas letting him know where I was going; I feel awful not going back up to see him, but I know he will understand. June is my girl—I need to be there for her.
I thought about her all night, what she confessed to me; I want to be angry with her for betraying our friendship by sleeping with my boyfriend. What her and Phillip did should be unforgivable and should disgust me to the point where I don’t want to see her face ever again, but the truth is. . . . .I don’t care. I stopped caring the moment Lucas came back into my life. I never loved Phillip and didn’t care about him enough to worry if he would sleep with someone else. In a way I’m glad it happened; I didn’t want him chasing me around like a lost puppy. I always wanted him to tell me to fuck off, just so he could find someone who could love him back—I wanted him to cheat on me just as I had with him on the night of JINKS’ party. Funny—he did cheat on me, but with June? I still can’t believe those two hooked up! June never gave me any signs of her liking Phillip that way, I didn’t think he was her type. And Phillip! He doesn’t like women all tatted up, women who change their hair color every week and women who pierce their nose. However, getting drunk can definitely make you do some crazy things, so I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s just so weird to me it even happened!
I went by Starbucks and bought a couple iced-coffee’s for myself and June. It’s such a beautiful summer morning; the sun is reflecting off the water making it gleam like gold and a few sailboats were already sailing across the bay. I find June sitting on a bench overlooking the bay in deep thought. I can see, even from the distance, she’s hurting and had been crying—my poor June bug!
I sit next to her, holding out the coffee for her. “I brought you your favorite iced-coffee.”
She wipes her eyes, taking the drink. “Thanks.”
“June -”
“I’m so sorry!” She cries out.
“Oh, June, I know you are,” I say to her, in a calm, understanding voice. I wipe away a few tears from the corners of her eyes. She’s so torn over this, it breaks my heart.
Shaking her head she chokes out, “I didn’t mean to sleep with him, I swear! It was a mistake.”
“Honey, I don’t care that you slept with him—I mean yeah, okay, it wasn’t cool, I have to admit. However,” I add, “the avoiding me, acting weird, lying to me part? I’m hurt with that more than anything.”
“I was so afraid to tell you.”
“I know, but you already knew I wasn’t into him anymore once Lucas came back.”
She looks down at her coffee. “It still doesn’t make it right.”
“No, I guess it doesn’t . . . but look, I was no better, remember? I fucked Lucas out on your terrace,” I remind her. “So we’re both guilty. . . . .we need to get over it.”
“But I’m the one who got knocked up!” June points to her chest. “ I’m the one who forgot to take the pill the night before—how stu
pid can I be!”
I put my coffee down, raise my sunglasses above my head and reach for her face. I cup her cheeks with the palm of my hands and tell her, “You’re not stupid! Phillip is just as responsible. Didn’t he use protection?” June shakes her head no. “Shit,” I hiss, but then add, “Well, what’s done is done. We just need to figure out the next step.”
“He wants me to abort it.”
I really hate Phillip right now, making this situation even harder for June. It’s not good for her or the baby. “It’s not up to him, the asshole, but is it what you want?’
“No, I can’t,” she says firmly. “I don’t believe in abortion.”
“Well, there’s your answer.”
“But I’m not ready to be a mom, Faith!”
I let out an exhale. “Look, you have plenty of time to decide what you’re going to do. In the mean time, you need to start taking care of yourself and the baby. . . . I love you, June bug. I’m here for you, no matter what.”
June nods, agreeing with me. We sit in silence, drinking our coffee and watch the sailboats go by.
“I have feelings for him,” she quietly confesses. “But he doesn’t feel anything for me; he’s still strung up on you.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I really am.”
She waves her hand, dismissing my apology. “It’s not your fault. He’s just not into me, with all my tattoo’s and piercings.” I want to cry for my best friend—she doesn’t deserve to feel judged by anyone, much less by the man who impregnated her. “I mean, sure, with the drinking and getting drunk, he was into me, but reality sunk in the day after and he regretted it. He said I’m not his type and never will be,” she states with a shrug. “It fucking hurts.” Her eyes glaze over with fresh tears, making mine fill up as well. “And now with this baby, it hurts even more.”
I scoot closer to June. She leans her head on my shoulder while I take her hand into mine, entwining them together, reassuring her I am always going to have her back. We continue sitting in silence, allowing the situation time to sink in, until I was called back into the hotel. We stroll back to our cars, hug one another and promise to talk later on.
I’m not ready for him to leave—I’m not. I don’t want to cry—I don’t want him to see me cry. I don’t want him thinking I’m a wimp and can’t handle four months without him. Yet, I can’t help it. I’m going to fucking cry and hate myself afterwards.
We had to wake up really early to meet his tour bus at June’s studio. I was in no mood to get there early; I wanted to keep Lucas in my bed, my arms and inside my body, but we both knew it was time to head out. We showered, dressed and had one cup of coffee before we left the suite. We were quiet most of the time getting ready because we knew this was it. Our lives were going to change; once the four months is up JINKS is going to come back as true rockstars. They will be known all around the country by millions of people who will be dying to see them at their own concert someday; they’ll want to buy their album, watch their music videos, write them fan mail, stalk them on Facebook, Twitter and read every single piece of shit about their lives whether it’s true or not. I’m not so sure I’m ready for all the lies that will take place in all the tabloids—it’s going to become a nightmare. Furthermore I am going to have to trust Lucas will be coming back home to me and only me.
June was outside talking with the guys once Lucas and I showed up. She looked a lot better than the day before; a little more color was in her face and she didn’t look as tired. It’s good to see her smile when she notices me. After we give each other a hug the bus arrives—my God, this was really happening. Wayne and Slim are practically drooling when they see how big and beautiful their bus is. Immediately my heart starts to pound. I grab onto Lucas’ hand, drawing him close to my body. He can feel me shaking and turns me toward his chest, wrapping his big, muscular arms around me.
He kisses the top of my head and takes in a breath. “Hell, I am going to miss you.” His voice is hoarse and full of raw emotion.
I talk into his chest; it’s sounds as if I am mumbling, but I know he can hear me anyways. “Not as much as I’m going to miss you.” He lifts my chin and has me look into his eyes. I’m unsure what to say next. I knew this time was coming and it’s scaring the shit out of me. We haven’t really discussed what happens on tours—women, sex—more women, more sex—ugh, it’s maddening!
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Babe, tell me,” he urges me. “We need to be honest with one another, okay?”
“Ugh, I hate being this way!” My head falls into his chest again. “I don’t want to get jealous and nervous, but I can’t help it. I’m just afraid . . . with all the women . . . . . . .” I can’t finish the rest of my thoughts.
“Look at me,” he urges me again, softly. I slowly lift my head. My eyes are glazed over I can barely make out his face. “You’re it for me, Faith. No one else is going to get inside my heart or inside my bed, but you. Your skin, eyes, hair, body and soul are implanted deep, within my blood. You’re the ocean on my back—it won’t ever wash away. . . . ever.” If he just didn’t say the most unbelievable thing to me; my heavens his words took my breath away. “I love you, Faith,” he whispers to me, rubbing his thumb under my lip. Immediate goosebumps follow right after.
His eyes are so full of deep love they look like dark crystals. “I love you too,” I choke out. He brings his lips onto mine; his warm tongue gathers with mine, soft and slow, encircling inside my mouth, biting, tasting, savoring every last moment we have. As I tighten my hold around his neck, I hear Danny telling Lucas to get his ass inside the bus. This only makes me grip him harder, never wanting to let him go. However, he releases our mouths and swipes away a tear that falls from my eye and kisses my forehead. Before he walks away I whisper to him, “Knock ’em dead, rockstar.” He takes off his ball cap and sticks it on my head, giving me one more kiss and a sexy, panty dropping grin to follow. I smile back and put up my hand to say goodbye.
Wayne, Slim and Jason give me a hug and run off to live their dream, while Danny doesn’t even glance in my direction. I was hoping he would at least acknowledge me, yet I know he still has unresolved feelings toward me and needs time to work them out. Before he is fully onto the bus he looks in another direction—as if he was saying goodbye to someone. I turn my head to look if I see anyone, but I don’t. He continues his way up until I can no longer see him.
I can no longer see Lucas either—I am really hating those tinted windows right now. The bus is loud when it’s engine revs up, I jump a little. I am almost ready to burst into a baby-fit cry when I feel June wrap her arm around my shoulders. You’d think my man was going away to war when it’s only a music tour. I am so pathetic it’s not even funny. I lean my head onto June’s shoulder and take her waist with my arm, silently crying. Before I know it the bus starts to move and leaves the studio parking lot. It drives off and all is left is me, June and an empty lot.
We both stand there like two statues; I don’t want to move. I want to pretend this is a dream and Lucas is still in my bed waiting for me to come back home. He’s not though. He’s off to entertain the country, to become the next big rockstar. I couldn’t be more proud of him right now. My heart aches for him, yet I know this is a good thing.
June breaks the silence. “You okay?”
I sniff, nodding my head, “Yeah. . . . I have to be. What about you?”
She chuckles, “I’m gonna have a baby with a man who is a fucking pussy that’s what.”
June always has a way to make me laugh. “Hopefully he’ll come around. Come on, let me treat you to breakfast.” We link arms and begin walking back to my hotel. I might be a bit biased, but my hotel restaurant has kickass food.
“You know you’re the bestest friend anyone could ever have, right? I mean seriously—the hole I dug for myself. . . . . . thank you.”
“You’ll always have me, June bug.”
We continue walking when I notice Harmony bri
skly leaving the parking lot. Okay, that’s weird. What was she doing here?. . . . .no that isn’t possible. . . . .but it could be possible . . . maybe she did have a thing for Wayne after all? Maybe he got to her and she wanted to say goodbye, but didn’t have the nerve to do it? Well, whatever it is, it’s none of my business—for now it isn’t.
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW June pulled this tour bus off; It must have cost a bundle to get us the best set of high roller wheels. The inside was crazy—it was enormous; black leather couches, a kitchen bigger than my closet, video games, two TV’s with internet and cable. What I couldn’t get over was the one single bedroom in the back of the bus. The guys had a field day on who was going to get that room. I didn’t care where I slept, just as long as I had a bed I would be fine. However, those little cubby bunks were so small you couldn’t even sit up in them. I don’t know how many times I have already banged my head on the roof of that damn bunk.
In the end, nobody got the bedroom; Slim and Wayne were like two whiny kids fighting over it, so to make it fair, we all had to be uncomfortable in the bunks.
Our first stop on the tour was Los Angeles. Even though it’s only a couple hours away from Faith it feels like we’re a million miles apart. I wish she was on this tour with me, by my side. Yet, I know, without a doubt, this is supposed to be my life now. I was meant to play music, to entertain people around the country—I couldn’t live without it.
On the way up to LA the guys and I played a ton of video games, rehearsed our songs and got acquainted with our new home. I took a top bunk above Jason; I got my tiny quarters situated and texted Faith telling her we were almost to Staples Center. Our first concert will be happening the next night.
Once we arrived we met Kings Fate—lets just say I was completely star struck. I’m not the type of person who gets that way, but man these guys are my heros, my all time favorite band. I still couldn’t relish that we were opening up for them—it’s a dream come true.
I am a bit speechless when we enter backstage; right in front of me is the lead singer from Kings Fate, Jet Master. This man is brilliant on the guitar, a true musician I have always looked up to. Shaking hands with my idol—there are no words to describe it. “Hey, Lucky, It’s a pleasure, bro. Good to have you all on board with us.”