My Heart be Damned

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My Heart be Damned Page 11

by Gray, Chanelle


  He hesitated. “Okay, because your mother died, they need to find you a new mentor. But it’s difficult because it has to be someone who’ll mesh with you. They’re finding it tough because you’re sucha...sucha...a stubborn brat.”

  This time I did shove him. “I don’t want a mentor. And I don’t want a babysitter, or whatever you are. Tell them that I said thanks, but no thanks.”

  The train pulled in at the platform, and I leapt up, excited about the warmth I hoped the inside would bring. We found an empty carriage, and I grabbed the seat closest to the heating vent. My clothes had started to dry, but between the cold and filth, they were turning crispy.

  Marshall sat in front of me, and I turned and stared out of the window. Him... babysitting me? It didn’t make sense.

  “You can’t say no to The Sisterhood,” he said gently. “There is no disagreeing. They will bring down such a wrath upon you that you’ll wish you just agreed. They have the Harbingers of Death at their disposal.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” I spun to face him, my hands balled into fists on my lap. “You think my mother left me ignorant to what The Sisterhood can really do? She told me about the Harbingers of Death. That they come down on their stupid demonic horses and end you. Told me all about The Sisterhood’s stupid secrets and rules. Of course, they lead with fear. It’s how they get what they want. I can’t even tell my dad or my brother about myself. Because they won’t allow it. No one outside of the damn Hunter Circle can know. It’s a bunch of bullshit.”

  Marshall leaned forward, taking one of my hands. “I know it’s not fair, Amerie. But you were born for a reason. Not many can say they were born for a great destiny. Others will live. Then they’ll die. They won’t do anything as meaningful as us.”

  I shook my head, yanking my hand back. “So what’s your deal? You’re not a Hunter by blood. Unless you’ve had a sex change. So where’d you get the strength and speed from?”

  “My mother’s a Hunter,” he answered. “Hunters aren’t supposed to pass their abilities to boys. But she did. Somehow.”

  My eyes widened. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  “Wow. What did the Sisterhood do? I’m surprised they never hauled your ass in for examining and stuff.”

  He leaned back against the dusty seat. “We fell off the radar too. Just like you did. When they found us again, I made a deal with them. Spare our lives and leave us alone, and I’ll allow them to call on my help once. No questions asked...”

  “Why did they use their one shot with you on me?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe they saw something in our future.” I ignored the cheesy wink he gave me.

  “Let’s not get it twisted – I’m not your mentor. I don’t have the time or patience for that crap. I’m just here to make sure you survive until they find you one. And, by the way, you’ll make it a whole lot easier on me if you train once in a while.”

  “I already told you – I don’t need a mentor or training because I quit. What don’t you get about that?” I snapped.

  “You can’t just quit, Amerie. There is no quitting.”

  “I’ll make a deal with them, like you did...”

  “I was an exceptional case,” he said quickly. “My mother is retired – she’s too old to hunt now. She’s supposed to be a mentor. But she’s...sick, so she can’t mentor anyone. And me? I’m a guy. We’re not allowed to be Hunters.” He paused, making sure he had my attention. “But you, Amerie, you’re in this for a while. They’ll keep tracking you down, and they’ll make you do it.”

  I shook my head again, not wanting to hear it, not even acknowledging that he’d mentioned his sick mother. “Stop, Marshall. I didn’t choose this. I don’t want to do this. Quitting is the only thing that makes me feel that I have some kind of control over my life.”

  “Not many Hunters want to Hunt, Amerie. Also, not many have bounties hanging over their heads.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “What?”

  “I’ll make you a deal,” he said. “Train with me, learn how to properly protect yourself, so you don’t die before they get you a real mentor, and I’ll make this bounty go away. I’ll help you kill Seal.”

  “I don’t care about Seal,” I lied, though my blood had run cold just at the mention of his name.

  “You will care.”

  “Oh, I will, will I?”

  He hesitated. “Yes.”

  I shook my head and turned away from him. “Whatever, Marshall. Say what you want but there is nothing that’ll make me want to start Hunting again.”

  “Amerie, please. Don’t make me say it like this...here.”

  I turned to face him, my hands balled into fists. “Just stop, okay? Like I said, there is nothing you can say that’ll make me want to -”

  “Seal killed your mother.”

  The train lurched to a stop at a deserted station. Everything fell silent. Only the dull pounding of my heart filled my ears. Seal killed my mother. The same Damned sending others to kill me?

  I swallowed a few times, making sure I wasn’t about to cry. “Why?”

  “I’m not actually sure,” Marshall muttered. “No one is. All we know is that he used your mother’s blood for something, but it wasn’t enough, and now he wants yours.”

  Turning away from him, I glared out of the grime-stained window. Goosebumps ran across my skin, and I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to warm up.

  “I should move away,” I decided, gulping down the tears threatening to surface. “If the Damned are after me, then I should get away from people who could get hurt.”

  Marshall crossed the carriage and sat next to me. “No, Amerie. That’s not the answer. They’ll follow you wherever you go. You need to defeat Seal. That’s the only way. And I’ll help you. I promise. I’ll train you and get you ready. Once Seal is dead, the bounty dies with him. The Damned won’t be seeking you out anymore.”

  “But I quit,” I whimpered helplessly. “I don’t wanna die doing this.”

  He grabbed my hand, drawing circular, soothing motions on my skin with his thumb. “You won’t die. Not if you know how to defend yourself.” He hesitated. “Don’t you want revenge for your mother? Seal killed her, Amerie, and now you can kill him.”

  I bit down on my lip. How many nights had I dreamed about finding the Damned who’d killed my mother? Hurting it as it had hurt her? I never wanted to admit it before, but she’d be disgusted with me for quitting if she were still alive.

  She wasn’t, though, and she’d left me all alone to deal with powers I couldn’t properly control. She left me without a mother.

  “I want to know why he picked her,” I whispered. “I need to know.”

  Marshall nodded. “I know someone who can help us find out.”

  “The Sisterhood?”

  “No. Let’s keep them out of this. They’ll want us to do it their way, and I have a different way in mind.”

  “Okay.” My throat felt dry, hoarse. “So, what, we train? Train until I’m ready?”

  “We train,” he agreed. “Leave it up to me. I’ll sort everything out. You just have to turn up and give me full enthusiasm. Okay?”

  The train lurched to another stop, startling me. Was I making a huge mistake by agreeing to this?

  We didn’t speak much for the remainder of the long journey. At one point, I drifted into a restless slumber, jumping straight out of it as soon as the train stopped at yet another station. I had so many questions going through my brain. Some Marshall could answer, and some he probably couldn’t, but I was too mentally exhausted to try him.

  Once we finally got back into the city, Marshall jumped the next station’s tube barriers with me, and we sat, side by side, all the way back to my house. He walked me to my door like a perfect gentleman. Until he opened his mouth.

  “Should I come up?” He winked. “I’ll let you cook me breakfast in exchange for a night of passionate love making.”

  “You’re an animal.”

>   “Just wait and see.”

  I turned and pressed the buzzer to my house. No keys, no phone, no money.

  “Before you go,” I said, still holding my finger on the buzzer. “I want my dagger back. I know you have it.”

  Marshall slid his hand behind his back and pulled my dagger out of his trouser belt. He flashed it in front of my eyes, teasing me, before laying it out on his palm. “It’s nice. Real silver. And Blessed.”

  “My mum bought it for me.”

  “Hello?” My dad’s groggy voice sounded through the intercom.

  I indicated for Marshall to keep quiet and grabbed the dagger before he could tease me with it again. “Sorry for waking you up so late, Dad, but I left my keys at Mercy’s. Buzz me up.”

  He didn’t answer, but the door clicked open. I stepped in, holding the door open with my back. I almost didn’t want to leave Marshall. Not now, when I knew that we had so much in common.

  “Well, goodnight,” I said. “And, erm, sorry about giving you such a hard time.”

  He shrugged. “I like it. Keeps me on my toes.”

  “Yeah, okay.” I turned to head in.

  “Amerie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “We should start training tomorrow. I’ll meet you once your shift at The Hut is done.”

  “What should I bring?”

  “Nothing. I told you that I’d sort it all out. Just wear comfortable clothes. I’m not gonna go easy on you. I don’t care how rusty you are.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “I’m not so rusty anymore. It’s all come flooding back.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Wait, Amerie,” he called again.

  “Yes, Marshall?”

  “Sweet dreams.”

  I watched him turn and walk away with a fluttering in my stomach. Not wanting him to look back and then see me, staring at him like a creep, I headed inside, letting the door slam behind me. It was strange how so much could change in one day.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Have Mercy On Me

  When my alarm woke me up the next morning, my sheets were damp, and I was covered in sweat. All night, I’d had nightmares about drowning and not being able to make it to the surface. Clutching my throat, I swallowed a few times and sat upright.

  Drowning was not an experience I wished to repeat.

  I jumped in the shower, washing my hair repeatedly to get out the crappy lake water, wishing I hadn’t been too tired to do it last night. Then I brushed my teeth and dressed in my school uniform. I didn’t have time to style my hair, so I rough dried it and tied it back in a ponytail.

  As I grabbed up some homework I’d made a half attempt at, I remembered Mercy and Chuck – they’d want to know all about what happened. A huge part of me wanted to tell them, just to come clean. I mean, why shouldn’t I?

  My mother’s face flashed in my mind, and I remembered one of our training sessions. I’d been ten.

  “Will I be able to tell Mercy about Hunting?” I asked.

  Mum shook her head and knelt down in front of me. “No. You can’t tell anybody. Remember? That’s why Daddy and Daniel don’t know.”

  “But...but I want to share it! It’s so cool.” I lifted a knee to my chest and hugged it.

  “It’s not all cool, and it can be dangerous, Amerie.” Guilt flashed behind her green eyes. “People could get hurt. It’s better if your friends stay away from all of this. Keep them as far from your Hunting duties as you can. You can’t protect them as much as you can Daddy and Daniel.”

  “I’d protect them. I’d protect everyone.”

  “I thought I could, too. Then I failed a very good friend. I learned not to keep my friends so close anymore. Bad things can happen, Amerie.”

  Screw it. If my dad and Daniel could survive being related to two Hunters, then Mercy and Chuck could survive too. I flung some training clothes into my school bag, slung it over my shoulder, and skipped out of my bedroom to the kitchen downstairs. It was weird seeing my dad up and dressed at a normal time - and especially weird seeing him in a suit.

  Daniel sat at the kitchen table, wolfing down a bowl of cereal and looking as charmingly sullen as usual. He’d recently had a haircut; his brown hair shaved short. We had the same skin tone, but Daniel was tall and skinny like my dad. I was neither tall nor skinny. I dropped my bag to the floor by the chair next to him.

  “What you listening to?” I asked, gesturing to the one earphone in his ear.

  “Notorious B.I.G.”

  “Which song?” I sat beside him and grabbed the other earphone. The intro of ‘Juicy’ played, and I grinned widely. “You know this is, like, one of my favorite ever songs.”

  He looked up from his cereal and raised an eyebrow. “You like Biggie? Thought you were into Beyoncé and The Spice Girls?”

  I playfully rolled my eyes. “For one, The Spice Girls? Seriously? I’m not ten anymore. And secondly, I like all kinds of music, Daniel.”

  He grunted. “Sure you do.”

  “Okay, check it out...” I waited for the first verse to start and then began to rap along. “It was all a dream. I used to read word up magazine. Salt’n’Peppa and Heavy D up in the limousine. Hanging pictures on my wall. Every Saturday Rap attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl. I let my tape rock ‘til my tape popped. Smoking weed and bamboo. Sipping on private stock. Way back when I had the red and black lumberjack – with the hat to match... See? I know every lyric.”

  Daniel’s mouth was open slightly, his gaze filled with awe. “How did I not know you liked rap?”

  I laughed and dropped the earphone to get up in search of breakfast.

  “How could I not like rap when it’s all you blast from your speakers every morning. Pretty much have no choice in the matter.” I turned back to grin at him, and for the first time in a long time, he was smiling back at me.

  “While you’re here, kids,” Dad spoke up, taking a sip of his coffee. “I have something I want to tell you.”

  Whenever Dad started a sentence like this, it always ended with something totally anticlimactic. Like, that he was buying a new pair of trousers, or that he’d run out of beer. I kept my back to him, rummaging around in the cupboard for my favorite cereal.

  “We’re moving in with Cindy.”

  The cereal box dropped from my hand and exploded across the floor. He was joking. He had to be. How had he and Cindy become so serious when he wasn’t even over my mum?

  “She lives not far from here,” he carried on, as though my heart wasn’t breaking into pieces. “Her house is big enough for us all to live with her. We’ll start moving in our stuff at the end of the week if all goes to plan.”

  “But you only just found a job,” I muttered, as though that was the most important thing to focus on at the moment.

  “Well, Cindy will be funding us for now. Until I get paid. But, with my new job, I’ll definitely be able to pay our share. It’s not a problem. We won’t be thrown out like what happened before...” He meant when Mum died, and he gambled all our money and possessions away, and then drank away the rest.

  Daniel stood to his feet so abruptly that the chair he was sitting on fell back noisily against the linoleum floor. “You expect me to move in with some woman I’ve never met? You’re crazy.”

  “Daniel,” Dad warned. “You’ll get on well with her. She’s lovely. And this place is horrible. You know we need a new house.”

  I backed up against the counter and slid down to a squatting position on the floor. I didn’t want to hear this. Not now. Not ever.

  “I don’t care if she’s Mother fucking Theresa! I’m not moving in with her.” He left his half-eaten bowl of cereal on the table and stormed out of the kitchen. I stared down at the mess on the floor, trying to sort through the information in my head.

  “Amerie,” Dad said. His voice was almost pleading. “I’m sorry I sprung it on you guys like this. I wanted to give you time, but we don’t have any. But it�
�s important that we move in as soon as possible...”

  I held my hand up, stopping him, but he continued.

  “She makes me smile, Amerie. I don’t remember the last time I’d smiled in the space between her and mother. I didn’t expect or plan this, and she’ll never take the place of your mother. Never. I don’t want to be alone, Amerie. I can’t.”

  “You don’t have to be alone, but don’t drag us into it. We’ve never even met her, and now we’re supposed to be one big, happy family?”

  “I don’t expect you to love, not her like I do, but I expect you to try. Come for dinner tonight. I’m inviting her over.”

  He loved her? There were no words for how twisted this situation was.

  “I’m working.”

  “She’ll be staying the night, so you’ll still see her.”

  I almost threw up a bit in my mouth. “This is bullshit! Dad, you can’t do this.”

  “Look, I know this isn’t perfect, but it is what it is.”

  I sprang up, startling him. “How dare you drop this on me and demand I be okay with it? I’m not okay, Dad, I’m not okay by a long shot. I need time and space. How do you expect me to move in with her by the end of the week?”

  “Because you have no choice,” Dad snapped. “I haven’t been paying the rent here. We’re being evicted. Unless you want to live on the street, we have to move in with Cindy. She has money – she’ll keep us afloat while I’m getting my career sorted.”

  I stormed across the kitchen and grabbed my bag. I wasn’t hungry anymore. Without even looking at him, I turned and walked out of the room. I’d get breakfast on the way, though all I honestly wanted to do was be sick. Without thinking, I picked up the house phone and dialed Mercy’s number. She answered on the fourth ring.

  “Hello?” Her voice was hushed and strained.

  “Mercy, it’s me,” I said, staring at the wall, my eyes brimming with tears. “Can we meet before school? I need to talk to you.”

  She paused for a moment. “Amerie? Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you.”

  Then I remembered that I owed my friends some kind of explanation. The anger in Mercy’s voice suddenly sounded justified.

 

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