“Your back is burning up. I should go get the Necca gel.”
Malcolm rolled off of Will’s shoulder to allow him to rise from the bed. While he normally despised the gel, he’d need it for tomorrow. He didn’t want the pain distracting him from the day, and there’d still be a pleasant ache regardless.
Will returned from the bathroom with the gel, gloves, and a warm washcloth that felt pleasant against Malcolm’s stomach as he wiped away the come. As soon as he was done, Will tossed it on the ground and Malcolm rolled over without prompting. The cool touch of the gel on his skin threatened to disrupt his relaxation but only fleetingly. Will’s hands rubbing it in ensured that his boneless state remained intact.
When Will returned from disposing of his gloves and tidying up, he climbed into bed and let Malcolm cuddle into him as he draped his arm over his shoulder and held Malcolm to him. An overwhelming sense of love enveloped Malcolm as it always did when his lover held him close.
“I’m sorry I’m this way.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. And never apologize for being who you are. I love you. You saved me, and there’s no one I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. If anything, I need to apologize for not doing this earlier. I imposed what I wanted onto our relationship instead of what was best for us.”
“You did the right thing. When I first asked you to, it wouldn’t have been right. We both made a promise that we would never use a beating for punishment. That’s a role I don’t have a right to foist on you. It’s much better that it worked out this way. For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. You brought me that.”
Something fundamental had shifted tonight, as if their relationship had been out of alignment and now slid back into place. Malcolm had no doubt that he’d get one of the best night’s sleep he’d ever had, and tomorrow, he’d finally be able to say goodbye.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Malcolm wrapped a towel around his waist and headed to the closet, stretching as he walked. Even after the Necca gel and a hot shower, a pleasant ache persisted deep in the muscles of his ass and back, a gentle reminder of the love of a man who understood him better than he even understood himself.
Only one outfit would do for today. Ever since they’d decided to hold the little memorial service, he’d known what he’d wear. He strode right to the only bit of color on his side of the closet and pulled a red shirt from its hanger. Kaleana had bought it for him ages ago, back when it was still just the two of them, in an effort to get him to wear color. It didn’t work, but he’d wear it for her today with the sleeves rolled up the way she liked. Freshly pressed black slacks, a black belt, and black shoes polished to a shine completed the outfit. Kaleana had given up after the red shirt.
When Malcolm emerged from the closet, Will’s jaw dropped. “You look amazing.”
“You think?” Malcolm appraised himself in the mirror on the back of the closet door. After decades of wearing only black, the sudden burst of red, dark as it might have been, felt gaudy.
“Wow. Have the others ever seen you in anything that wasn’t black?”
“No.” He hoped they didn’t make a big deal out of the change in wardrobe. The only reason for it was to pay respect to Kaleana. Tomorrow, the shirt would be retired for good.
“It’ll be quite the surprise. Are you ready to go?”
Will wore light-brown linen pants and a button-down, short-sleeve white shirt with brown sandals. Malcolm had no idea where he had gotten the shirt. Kaleana must have had it made for him when he arrived. No one else living in the house would have anything that would fit Will’s scrawny frame. Something about his body just refused to put on weight no matter how much Malcolm and Marcy tried.
“Yes, are you?”
“Yep.” Will took a step toward Malcolm and then changed direction to the nightstand. “You forgot your tab.”
“Leave it.” He didn’t want any distractions today. Everything could wait until he finished paying his respects.
The surprised lift of Will’s eyebrows and his widened eyes dwarfed the reaction to Malcolm’s clothing. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Now come on, I want to get to the patio first and walk out together as a family.”
More raised eyebrows and shocked appraisals greeted him as everyone made their way to the back patio. Malcolm decided not to address them. This wasn’t about him. “Everyone ready?”
Each person caught his gaze and nodded. Malcolm reached down and took Will’s hand on his left and Tony’s on his right. They all followed suit and walked to the flower bed as one, united in purpose and spirit.
Tony had outdone himself. A three-tiered brick structure about a meter high held a multitude of colorful flowers. He’d even worked in a water feature with a tiny spring starting at the top and then flowing down until it reached a little pond at the bottom. The edges of the structure curved around, providing an easy space for sitting. By the standards of the world, a very humble memorial. But for a Zed, it might as well have been a marble sepulcher.
“It’s perfect.” Malcolm turned to face everyone. “Thank you all for working so hard to build it. I couldn’t have imagined anything nicer.”
“It was a labor of love,” Tony said. “If I’ve made the measurements right, we should all be able to find a place to sit. I thought that might be nice.”
They all moved to sit, and Malcolm nudged Will to join them. Malcolm remained standing to address them all. “We’re here to remember Kaleana. She touched all of our lives and more. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put into words what she meant to me, so instead of dishonoring her with my clumsy tongue, I thought I’d share some memories of her.” Malcolm met Will’s eyes and received the encouragement he’d sought. He hadn’t discussed this with him beforehand.
“I don’t know how much you all know about my time with Kaleana before Syrus came along. I’ve never shared it except with Will, but I imagine Kaleana mentioned things here and there.” He looked to Syrus and Rufus who sat together and saw them nod.
“She was a gift to me from my father when I was only twelve. It disgusts me to say that she was a gift, a human being given to me, but the word ‘gift’ is probably the most appropriate to describe what she was to me. She was like the big sister I never had. I confided in her. When I developed feelings for a male Zed my mother owned, it was Kaleana whom I told, and it was Kaleana who assured me it was all right.” He doubted Kaleana had told anyone about Billy. She wouldn’t have felt that it was her place.
“And when my father killed that Zed for capitulating to my requests for sex, Kaleana’s was the shoulder I cried on. When I told her I couldn’t live in the same house with that man any longer, she didn’t hesitate to follow me, a homeless Alpha. Looking back, I’m almost sure she thought I was an idiot who needed protecting, and I was. Panacea wouldn’t have existed without her. I wouldn’t have joined the Spark of Life Movement without her. I wouldn’t have gotten all of you without her. She gave me everything: love, acceptance, and, most importantly, a real family like I had never known before.” To stand here, in the garden of the largest compound in New Cali, and see the faces of the people he loved more than anything staring back at him, stole his breath. Strangely, for the first time since Kaleana died, hope pierced through the storm clouds inside his heart.
“All I can say is, thank you for staying with me, and I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” His mind’s eye saw Kaleana as he would always remember her: gazing on him with concern, a kind and ever compassionate smile on her face.
Once he resumed his seat, Will stood and said a few words and then Tony and so on until only Rufus remained.
They all watched as Rufus stood in front of them, his bulk that had dwarfed Kaleana seeming to have diminished some.
“When I first came here, I was so grateful to be alive. Knowing that I was supposed to have died in Sharan, I didn’t hope for anything more. I had planned to keep my head down and live my life, grateful to be housed and fed. T
hen Kaleana reached out to me. She listened patiently as I spoke to her. I never knew someone else could know me the way she did, look at me the way she did. I never expected any of this, any of you. It had never occurred to me that she’d be gone some day. She made this place home for me. Because of her, I became comfortable getting to know all of you. And now she’s gone, and I’m left here. I’ll miss her forever, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life working to destroy the collar that killed her.”
Rufus visibly struggled to remain calm. Malcolm had never heard him say so much at once. He didn’t think any of them had except Kaleana. Silence settled over the group as Rufus took his seat next to Syrus and accepted Syrus’s arm around his shoulder.
All eyes turned to Malcolm. He had no clue what to do. Will nudged his knee with his own, and Malcolm stood once again. “Thank you all. If no one has anything else, I think I’ll go back inside, otherwise I may end up the color of this shirt.” Indeed, his forearms already showed a pinkish hue.
Will took his hand and they walked back inside, much slower than they had on the way out. Malcolm didn’t look to see if the others followed. He assumed Rufus and a few of them would want to stay.
Once inside, he made his way to the sunroom without even thinking. Everything stood exactly as Kaleana had left it. Through the windowed alcove he saw her memorial and knew they had done the right thing. It seemed even more perfect seeing it now as she would have had she lived.
With nowhere to be and not quite wanting to let go of the warm nostalgia he held, Malcolm sat on one of the floral sofas with Will and watched as Rufus and Tony were the last to leave.
“It was beautiful,” Will said as he laid his head on Malcolm’s shoulder. “She would have liked it.”
“Thank you.” Malcolm kissed the top of Will’s head.
Outside, birds chirped and Malcolm could hear the gentle roar of the ocean in the distance. Life continued onward, and it was beautiful. Footsteps entered behind him, but he didn’t turn around. No one could disturb his quiet reverie. He wanted to hold on to this peace for as long as possible. Two by two, the rest of the family entered, all sitting quietly and enjoying the peaceful ambiance.
“This room looks like her.” Nick broke the silence first.
“Yeah, I suppose it does,” Malcolm replied. The sun poured in from the windows, filling the space with light and warmth. The carpentry in the room was all dark brown, the color of Kaleana’s hair, but it could never be called masculine with all of the bright floral prints and patterns she had used in decorating. To the side of the window sat her last painting, an unfinished watercolor of a bouquet. In a house so thoroughly masculine, this room served as a feminine haven. It would always be Kaleana’s room.
“I remember when we first moved here I could tell how beautiful it was from her voice. I’ve never forgotten that. Every time I come in here, I can hear her saying, ‘Syrus, it’s so pretty. I wish you could see it.’”
Malcolm remembered moving in here when it was just the three of them. After all this time, it was difficult to recall what it was like before this house. “When she first saw the view from this room she lit up, and I knew it would be hers.”
“I spent many a day crying on her shoulder in here when I first arrived,” Tony said.
“S-s-she used to let me w-w-watch her paint. She n-n-never made me talk. I liked that.”
“She brought me here and explained I was safe.” Rufus’s soft, deep voice filled the room. “She repeated it slowly as many times as I needed to understand. It was the first time since I had lost my hearing that I believed it.”
They sank back into comfortable silence, each wrapped in their own memories of this room and the woman who had inhabited it.
Kaleana hadn’t given her life so Malcolm could cut up Vincent. She hadn’t run away with him and devoted her life to his service for him to engage in petty revenge plots. She’d followed him because she believed he would lead them to a better world. That’s what he had to do. It didn’t matter if he succeeded or not. The only measure he had to apply to himself was whether or not he had tried everything within his power.
He hadn’t. The way he had left Will after her death had been a horrible lapse in judgment. He glanced to Will’s serene face, wondering how he had managed so much on his own. Malcolm needed to be gentle with himself, to show himself the same compassion Kaleana always had and that Will always would.
It didn’t matter that Kaleana’s death had dealt a seemingly irreparable blow to his confidence. All that mattered was that Will believed in him, Kaleana had believed, and Malcolm had promised himself to the cause. Whether or not he believed he was capable of it, the system had to be abolished, so he would work tirelessly to that end on the faith that with action he’d regain his confidence. A house full of Zeds had agreed to stay with him, endangering themselves if Malcolm was ever found out, because they all hoped for a better future, even if it wasn’t necessarily for themselves.
His need for revenge hadn’t abated, but he’d already avenged her death. Now he would avenge her life and the lives of all the Zeds he loved and even those he would never know. He would lead the Spark of Life Movement and his family to a better life.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“I just finished messaging Lyceum,” Malcolm said without looking up from his screen. “There’s a mission going on tonight to get some data from the Europania DGI. Because of the time difference, it’s starting in about an hour. I’m going to monitor it until it’s done. I’m silencing all my notifications and alerts, so you’ll need to monitor my accounts. If I get anything important, let me know. I don’t want anything distracting me.”
The difference in Malcolm over the last few days thrilled Will. The action alone wasn’t the only change. An energy surrounded Malcolm as if he had renewed his commitment to the movement. The memorial had been a good idea for multiple reasons. “I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed then. Let me know when it’s over or if you need my help with anything.”
Malcolm nodded and focused on the work at hand.
Will barely had time to settle into work when he got a message from Nick.
Nick: Are you or Malcolm available? I’ve found something.
The boys had taken to messaging him instead of disturbing Malcolm like they used to do with Kaleana.
Will: I can come. Where are you?
Nick: The lounge.
When Will entered the lounge, he saw Nick sitting with Stu and Syrus. Stu he had expected, but Syrus surprised him. “What have you got?” he asked Nick as he sat next to him so he could see anything on his tab that he wanted to show him.
“A lot of rumors. Have you ever heard anything about Betas somehow getting Zeds out?”
“What do you mean getting Zeds out? If there was a way to safely remove the collar, we’d know about it.”
“That’s why I’ve always ignored these rumors in the past, but this time when they showed up, someone started to post that they’re true, only it’s babies being rescued before their collars are put on.”
The last drop from the mole came into focus. The unaccounted-for deaths. Did the mole know about some sort of baby-smuggling operation? Was that what the drop hinted toward?
“W-w-we were w-w-wondering if Syrus had heard something l-l-like that b-b-before.”
“I daresay there have been rumors about such things since the system started,” Syrus said.
“Yes, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone back up rumor with a theory that sounds even kind of possible.” The excitement in Nick’s voice was contagious.
“What’s the theory?” Will asked.
“Here, the user that posted is either new or using a new handle, Clarion23.” Nick handed Will his tab with the post in question pulled up. “Basically, he’s saying that there are Betas who are risking their lives taking babies that were classified as Zeds and sneaking them out before their collars are attached.”
“Then what supposedly happens to these b
abies?” Syrus asked. “They’d be found out eventually.”
“Clarion23 says they are taken to a safe place in the Wastelands.”
“Sounds like a nice story to give people hope,” Syrus said. “If it works, fine, but I wouldn’t get your heart set on it.”
“You’ve never heard anything about it then?” Will asked.
“I didn’t say that. I’ve overheard Betas now and then try to comfort each other over a Zed child. Sometimes they’ll say to hold out hope that the child’s been saved. Nothing more than a Robin Hood-type legend, a mysterious hero to swoop in and save the day.”
Will remembered reading stories in the library about networks of people helping slaves to freedom during the time of the ancients. Could such a thing exist today?
“If this is true, then why aren’t Betas being taken to the Wastelands?” Will knew the settlements existed, which was more than Nick knew. If Zed babies were being rescued, the movement’s liaison would surely know about it. Whether he would tell them or not was a different matter.
“The tracker chip. Betas can be tracked. It’s too much of a risk if there really are safe places in the Wastelands. Clarion23 says they’re only willing to take the babies who haven’t been tagged yet.”
“And why would this Clarion23 share so much if they are really in the know? It seems reckless.” Syrus had a point.
“This is a community strictly for the fanatics and their supporters. It’s secure. This discussion started because people were complaining that there’s not enough being done, that they all come and complain and that’s about it except for the people who are part of the violence. That’s when the rumors were brought up. When people said that’s all they were, rumors, Clarion23 came in and assured them they’re not rumors. He’s insistent that there are things being done, people risking their lives in peaceful ways to help. It seems like he has a lot more details than he’s willing to share, but he’s trying to get the point across that there’s work that can be done.” From Nick’s tone, he had already concluded for himself that Clarion23 spoke the truth.
[In Distress 02.0] In Pain Page 18