Without hesitation, Andris and Arnost step forward. “We’re with you, Azlyn,” Arnost says. “We’ll go to the monster’s lair with you.”
Blinking back tears, I smile sadly. “I’m honored.” I dip my head.
“If I have to die alongside anyone, I want it to be you.” Will’s voice shocks me as it resounds through the filled courtyard. “I’m with you.” Twin pools of tropical water penetrate the distance between us, locking on mine. My shock is quickly tempered by an odd warmth, by happiness.
“Thank you, all of you.” I acknowledge each man with a throat constricting tightly against each breath I take. To the rest of the people, I say, “It is decided. I will go to Kildare with Andris, Arnost and Will to meet with King Leon.” I make no mention of my plans to leave the city ablaze, and I do not linger with farewells. I simply turn from the wrought-iron balcony. And I am met by June.
Her low lip quivers and tears stream unabashedly from her eyes. “Why?” is all she asks before uncontrollable sobs beset her.
This time, I do not try to soothe her. I do not lie or fight my own emotions. I allow my heart to break. In the moment that a great fracture divides it, I realize it does not belong to me. It belongs to June, and to Sully. And while I know that going to Kildare is what I must do, that a good chance exists that I will leave this earthly plane forever, I can’t help but be selfish and dwell on the fact that I will miss seeing their exquisite faces. I want to return to them.
Chapter 17
The growl of an engine echoes through the predawn hours within the walls of Cassowary. Ordinarily, I’d worry the sound would wake the entire city. But today, residents here are already awake. Gathered in the square and along every conceivable avenue, they’ve risen before the sun to see me off. Today, I am leaving for Kildare.
Looking out, past the people, past the wall and the headlights of the approaching car as it rounds a bend in the paved pathway and makes its way toward me, I take in the early morning. As if mirroring my mood, the sky is dark and ominous; the air heavy as it eddies and swirls with unrest. Gray, gathering clouds, a shade lighter than the blue-black heavens, assemble and advance like a fleet of warships. The unmistakable scent of snow permeates the atmosphere, warning of an impending storm. Hanging heavily, as if with bated breath, it, like me, trembles with turbulence, with disquiet.
Inhaling, I fill my lungs with frosty air. The act does little to calm the turmoil raging inside of me. I know I must go, that this is the way the situation must play out, but a part of me, reluctant to leave the two people I love most on this planet, resists.
Sully, driving the car I will take to Kildare, comes into view. As if propelled by a cosmic force that recognizes my need to see him at the very moment he arrives, he is a beacon, his headlights slicing through the icy ether and zeroing in on me. Growing louder as it nears, the engine of the car snarls like a hungry beast. With four doors—a feature I’ve never seen on a vehicle so small—and a sturdy looking front end, the vehicle radiates power, and speed.
Slowing to a stop, Sully climbs out of the driver’s seat and walks around the car to where I stand. “Here she is,” he says. His voice is flat, devoid of the usual cheerfulness and pride that would accompany it when he shows me a new gadget he’s fashioned or vehicle he’s restored. “The gas tank is full and there are gas drums in the trunk next to the warhead.” He leans against the passenger side door with his arms folded across his chest, his eyes pinned to me.
“Great. Thanks.” I offer a smile so forced it’s painful.
Several beats pass. Sully and I are still, the only sound between us is our breathing.
He breaks the silence, his voice laden with aching emotion. “Don’t go.” Two words that lance my heart so completely, I clutch the center of my chest. His simple plea, the faint tremor in his tone, conveys a wealth of unspoken words.
“I have to go.” The sentence comes out as a strangled whisper, barely making it past the tightness in my throat.
“Please, Avery.” His gaze lowers, unfocused but lingering in the vicinity of the ground. “I’ve never asked you for anything, not in all the time I’ve known you. I’ve always supported you, always stood by your decisions.” He looks up, his eyes locking on mine. “But I’m begging you please don’t do this. Don’t go to Kildare.”
For a moment, I cannot speak. I cannot breathe, and I cannot think. Cold that transcends the air temperature seeps into my skin, into my marrow. The crowds assembling in the courtyard fade; the rise and fall of their chatter quiets. All that remains is Sully and me. “I have to do this. I have to do it for June, for every human being on the planet—”
“June is fine. And the rest of the human beings on the planet can worry about themselves.” Intensity I’ve never seen directed at me before simmers below the surface of his skin.
“But I have to—”
“You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to save the world. I don’t want you to.” Emotion cracks his voice. He scrubs his face with both hands then tunnels his fingers through his hair. “You’ve done so much already.” He splays his arms at his sides. “Look around. Look at what you’ve accomplished.”
I shake my head, a frown creasing my face. “You know as well as I do that we can’t stop here, that if I don’t try they will return and ruin what we have here. It has to end. Existing behind a wall with constant threat on the other side of it is no way to live. I know you know that.”
Sully’s chin drops to his chest. He turns his head and refuses to look at me as he silently considers what I’ve said. “I do know,” he says after a long pause. “I’m just terrified of losing you.”
Landing like a punch to the gut, his words leave me winded.
Still averting my gaze, he wipes his face with his sleeve then takes his head in his hands. A guttural sound somewhere between a growl and a groan rumbles from him, and he stretches his arms out in front of him. “This hurts, Avery. Watching you go hurts.”
“I know.” Words do not do justice to the smarting sting in my chest. Taking a calculated risk, I close the distance separating us, half expecting him to throw his hands between us and ward me off. When he doesn’t, I wrap my arms around his tight waist and allow my body to sink into his. Curving my back I curl against him, savoring in his warmth and breathing in the spicy masculine scent I’ve come to equate with home.
Gripping my sweatshirt near my waistline, for a moment I fear he’ll push me away. He twists the fabric in his fists then releases it and embraces me. Holding tightly, his arms tremble.
The moment in which we exist, filled with longing, and with the ache of sadness layered around love—so much love—is tender, exhilarating, agonizing and raw all at the same time. My breathing hitches when Sully slackens his grip and leans back.
Staring into my eyes, he says, “Promise me you’ll come back.” Passion smolders, radiating from him in palpable waves.
The wind picks up, blowing my hair from my face. Licking my lips I whisper, “You know I can’t promise that.”
His fingers clutch my waist tighter. “Promise me, Avery.” Desperation swirls in the depths of his molten brown eyes. “Please.”
Fine flakes begin to rain from the heavens, scattering and twirling as they fall to the earth on a gust of air. “I promise.” I say the words and mean them, though I know I’ve made an oath I cannot possibly guarantee.
Lowering his mouth to mine, he kisses me deeply. We pour every bit of emotion, every unspoken word, every hope and dream, and every bit of intention we have into it. When it ends our breathing is harsh as we stand, staring at each other.
“Hey guys.” Will’s voice snaps us from our trancelike state.
We both turn and look at him.
“Hi Will.” Sully’s voice is somber. He hesitates a fraction of a moment then rolls his shoulders back, straightening his posture. “Let me show you what we’ve got in here.” He moves to the trunk as Andris and Arnost join Will.
“Morning guys,” Andris says
. “Can’t believe we’re leaving in a snow storm.” He tilts his chin skyward and snowflakes melt against his skin.
“It’ll make this trip more interesting, that’s for sure,” Arnost chimes in.
Sully slides a glance my way and a small frown mars his features.
“And here I thought things were as interesting as they could get.” Will shakes his head and looks among us.
The trunk pops open and reveals a huge compartment covered by a soft looking insert. Peeling it back, Sully shows us another foam inlay that separates and surrounds gas canisters as well as the nuclear weapon we’ll detonate. Beside the weapon, a small rectangular device sits. He picks it up. “This here is a remote detonator. It’s what you’ll use if you need to manually blow the bomb in an emergency. You flip this panel,” he continues as he lifts a hinged piece of plastic, “and under it is this gray button.” He points to a raised circle with his index finger. “Push the gray button and the bomb will detonate.”
“That’s all?” I ask and feel more than a little intimidated by the simplicity of activating a weapon of mass destruction.
“That’s all,” Sully answers as he sets the remote down for a moment. He moves to the warhead itself and points to a rectangular board on it. He depresses a red button beneath the panel and numbers on the weapon are illuminated and begin counting down.
“Whoa, Sully what’re you doing?” Arnost backs away, panic spiking his tone.
“Relax, Arnost.” Sully pushes a silver button and the numbers cease ticking. “I need to show Avery how the timer works.” Using the arrow key on the number panel, he manipulates the numbers, setting the timer to twenty minutes, then fifty minutes. “It’s simple really. Give it a try.” He gestures for me to join him by the weapon. Though the display pane is small and plastic and innocuous looking enough, my fingertips tingle with fear as I touch it. So much power resides in one small panel. I fumble with the arrows, changing the numbers several times. “Remember, the remote is there as a back-up plan. The timer should be set manually. The remote only has a range of a hundred or so yards. And I don’t want you that close.” He holds me captive with his gaze. I nod in agreement. “Setting the timer manually means you give yourself plenty of time to get the heck out of wherever you are and far away from the explosion that’ll follow.” Gripping my shoulders he looks into my eyes. “You won’t need to use the remote detonator, will you?”
“No, I won’t.” I say, but in my mind, I scream, I hope not.
“You need an hour to get clear of the blast, and that’s assuming you’re driving as fast as this car will go. Just keep going as fast and far from it as you can. It isn’t like the old-fashioned nukes that used to spew radiation for hundreds of miles, but it’s still dangerous to be close.” Sully holds my gaze to assure his words have sunken in.
Peeling his eyes from me, he glances absently at Will, Arnost and Andris. “Remember, only a hundred yards, give or take.”
The men nod soberly then Will asks a question. “So if Avery’s in a building she can still use the remote to blow the car if it’s parked outside?”
“As long as the car is parked within a hundred yards.” Sully sounds as if he’s issuing a threat more than a suggestion or statement.
“What if they check the trunk?” I ask to divert Sully’s almost antagonistic attention from Will. His eyes pull toward me.
“They won’t,” he snaps.
“But if they do, I’m going to have to blow it.” I match his sharp tone and his features soften.
“Yes, but they won’t,” he says calmly. “They will never see this coming.” He gestures to the bomb. “No one’s seen a functional nuclear weapon in two hundred years.”
What he’s said settles over our small group, as chilling as the light snow blowing all around us. My eyes lower to the ground and I notice a small potted plant.
Following my line of vision, Sully turns and reaches for the plant. “I’ll put this in the front seat on the floor. It’s the peace offering we talked about.”
I nod in understanding and watch as he loads it inside. Then with a despondent sigh, I hand the remote back to him. “I’ll be right back guys,” I say. “There’s one thing I have to do before I leave.”
Arnost and Andris bow their heads and Will nods with a frown. They know the final matter I must tend to is saying good-bye to my sister. Putting it off until the moment before my departure, I have dreaded this event since deciding to meet with King Leon. I turn from the car, from Will, Arnost, Andris and Sully, and make my way toward my house.
The sky has lightened. Day has dawned, though the sunlight is blocked by impenetrable banks of clouds that send flurries rushing to the earth. A thin coating already covers the ground, muffling the sound of my footsteps, of the entire world around me. All I hear is the soft hiss of snow, and my heartbeat.
Stuffing my hands in my pants pockets, I lower my head, speeding my pace. Behind me, hurried footfalls jog toward me. I know it’s Sully before I turn. My heart senses his.
He doesn’t say a word as he paces me, just gently tugs my wrist so that my hand is freed from my pocket. Our fingers intertwine. The sensation gives me solace, even though it is only temporary.
When I arrive at my home, I feel as if my legs are made of lead as I climb the staircase. Each tread brings me a step closer to hurting my sister, and myself.
I rap my knuckles against her door. She doesn’t respond so I call her name. “June?” I turn the knob and push the door slowly. Stepping into the room, I see her immediately. She sits at the foot of her bed, a forlorn look haunting her cherubic face.
Placing my hand atop the clenching sensation in my chest, I go to her.
“Avery,” June whispers as I brush my fingertips across her forehead. “I-I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” She splutters and sniffles, barely able to speak. “You said you’d never do it.”
Kneeling so that I am eye-level with her, I give her a cheery and wholeheartedly false grin. “June bug, I’m not leaving you for good. I’m just going to Kildare for a meeting. I’ll leave and come back to you as soon as it’s over.”
Her eyes flicker to Sully who hovers over my shoulder. “But you might not make it back. You could die.”
Heart plummeting to my feet as my breathing ratchets a notch, I fumble for words. “No, no, June. I’m coming back. I promise.” And there’s that oath I cannot possibly guarantee again.
“But-but aren’t you bringing a bomb that will kill everyone in Kildare?” she asks as violent sobs rack her body. “Riley told me Will was talking about it with Oliver. She heard the whole thing, about the bomb and everything.”
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I draw her close. I hold her for a long moment, not knowing what to say to her. Settling on the truth, I speak into the riot of curls at her crown. “I am delivering a bomb. Riley is right.”
June tried to pull away. Shoving both hands into my chest, she strains. “No, Avery! No! Don’t do it! It’s too dangerous!”
“Shh,” I rub my hand in soothing circles on her back. “Everything is going to be okay. I’ll be fine.” I place as much conviction into my words as I can muster. “Trust me.”
“It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s them. It’s the Urthmen!” Her voice is unsteady and shrill.
Releasing her so that I hold her at arm’s length, I stare into her silvery-blue irises. “I don’t trust them either, which is why I’m going.”
She scrunches her features, perplexed.
“They think I’m dumb enough to walk right into a trap. They underestimate me because I’m human.” A bitter chuckle escapes me. “Me bringing a bomb—especially the kind we found— is something they’ll never see coming.”
June looks to Sully again.
He nods and corroborates what I’ve said.
“It’ll be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.” I use the idiom he explained to me not long ago, a detail that makes a sad smile play upon his lips.
I plant a swif
t kiss on her cheek. I look her directly into her eyes. “I’ll be back, June bug. I promise.”
Lips thinning, she shakes her head as a lone tear slides down her cheek. Wiping it with the pad of my thumb, I sniffle as my eyes sting with emotion. “Love you, June, more than you’ll ever know, and more than I’m capable of saying.”
“Love you, too, Avery,” she manages between gasps.
Standing slowly, I take a deep breath and walk out of the room, leaving her with her face in her hands crying quietly.
Snow, no longer delicate bits that cascade from the sky, falls in fat flakes.
I climb into the car and slide behind the steering wheel. Will seats himself in the passenger side, while Andris and Arnost situate themselves in the back seats. Walking around to the passenger side, Sully motions for Will to lower the window. He does, and Sully’s gaze bounces from me to Will. “Bring her back, Will. I’m counting on you.” Sully struggles for control over his voice, thickened by emotion.
“I promise.” Will nods then extends his hand to Sully. “You have my word.”
Sully clasps Will’s hand and they shake. The exchange is sincere, and heartrending. He bids farewell to Andris and Arnost and thanks them for volunteering then casts a meaningful gaze my way before he pats the window ledge and turns and steps back. He motions for the men stationed nearby to open the gates. With a rumble, the wall parts. The world beyond Cassowary stretches before me.
I depress the gas pedal and the engine roars, the car lurching forward. We rush headlong into falling snow that has picked up in intensity and race toward Kildare.
In the moments after leaving Cassowary, the realization that parting with June and Sully was far easier than resisting the overwhelming need to turn the car around and rush back to them hits me with the force of a wrecking ball. My throat, constricted so tightly I can hardly breathe, feels as though it’s lined with sand. I blink feverishly, fluttering my lashes in a futile attempt to keep a deluge of tears at bay. But it’s pointless. A steady stream of salty teardrops skims my cheeks, and the ache in my chest persists. A hole has been punched through its center, the vacuous space where my heart once resided. As I test the engine of the car and speed off into the raging winter storm, understanding takes hold that you never truly leave a place or person. Part of them remains with you, indelibly etched in the fabric of your being. And, likewise, part of you gets left behind. Glancing in the rearview mirror, Cassowary grows smaller and smaller, and I recognize that I left the largest part of me there, with Sully and June. I’ve left my heart.
The Rise of Azlyn (Book 4): Planet Urth, no. 4 Page 20