FetteredLove

by Michelle Polaris

  Evan groaned around him, sank teeth into the skin of Kirk’s shaft.

  Kirk exploded.

  Jesus fucking Christ. He came hard with long streams of ejaculate filling Ev’s mouth. Ev swallowed, milking him forever. Kirk gripped his hair hard, pulling at the roots just to stay standing, until he emptied, his cock limp and his lover gently tonguing it with affection. Evan removed his mouth and nuzzled the limp organ with his cheek.

  Kirk brushed Evan’s nape, thumb trailing over it with tenderness suffusing everything he was. Back and forth. “Enough, sweetheart. I want to see you come. Stroke yourself for me.”

  Ev’s eyes remained unfocused, spacey. “Can we wait until you’re hard again? I want to come with you inside me.”

  “Another time, love. I’m impatient tonight. Lie back stretched on the sawhorse, let me watch.”

  “But—”

  “Now, Ev, or I’ll blister that fine ass of yours instead.”

  “Yes, Master,” he added sarcastically.

  Kirk fought down his urge to smile. He let Evan get away with too much as it was.

  Kirk tucked himself back into his pants while Evan moved to lie on his back along the length of the sawhorse with his legs splayed and feet flat on the floor to either side. He unapologetically gripped his cock and started the hard strokes he preferred. Kirk forgot everything but how goddamn beautiful his sub looked and how much he needed this man.

  He stood next to the sawhorse, touching distance, gazing at Ev’s engorged cock and the pulls and twists that brought it closer to shooting. Kirk rested his hand gently over his lover’s windpipe, pressing on his throat over the leather collar with a cupped hand and soft force. Not enough to restrict his airway, but enough to act as the reminder of Kirk’s control, to deliver a teasing, arousing threat.

  “Faster,” he ordered.

  Evan’s breathing became rapid, his face twisting with the effort to keep from coming until allowed. Kirk used his other hand to tweak the clamps at his groin, and Evan moaned low and long.

  “Jesus, you please me, sweetheart. You’re a fucking masterpiece, so hard and ready like this. Do it for me. Come for your Master, Evan.”

  As soon as the words hit the air, Evan’s hips flexed upward and he cried aloud. Shooting seed through his fingers to spread over his stomach and chest.

  Perfect.

  Kirk held on to Evan by both his shoulders to keep him balanced on the horse through the orgasm. And when Evan finished, Kirk stroked the wet hair at his forehead. Kirk bent and pressed his brow to Ev’s, found his own heart pounding a marathon in his chest.

  After wiping him off, he helped Evan stand and supported him over to the bed in their dungeon room, the dark sheets welcoming. Once on the bed, Kirk gently removed the clamps, the cock ring and vibrator, moving slow to let Evan gasp through the pain of blood returning to his skin. Kirk took out the oil to massage Evan and make sure the strain on his body didn’t lead to permanent damage.

  “Flip to your belly.” His hands closed around firm muscle, worked the deep knots in his neck and shoulders. And Ev, no matter his insistence on serving Kirk, let him provide this care. It choked Kirk sometimes.

  He hadn’t wanted to care for someone as much since Sarah.

  Fuck her intrusive memory and the horse it rode in on.

  Ev groaned with the deep massage, shifted on the mattress and settled deeper. “Good.”

  Kirk poured additional oil on his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it before covering more of Evan’s skin with the slippery stuff. “Turn to your back now.” He continued the massage, trailing fingertips over Evan’s flanks, running them inside to touch those hard abs. “You make me happy, sweetheart, you know that?”

  “Sure I do.” His lover almost slurred the words, his lids drooping in post-sex drowsiness once he’d shifted position. His cock still twitched occasionally as Kirk touched a sensitive area, but he was falling off fast.

  Uh-uh, no way would he let Ev escape his plans that easily. “Wake up.” He grabbed his lover’s cock in one hard grasp and tugged.

  “Ow.” Evan’s eyes were wide open now. That got his attention.

  “You love it, don’t pretend otherwise.”

  Evan grinned wide. “Whatever Master says.”

  “Asshole.”

  But Kirk was grinning too.

  Time to do this. No wimping out.

  He climbed fully onto the bed, going on all fours above the reclining Evan. “I have something important I want to say to you, Evan. You going to pay attention?”

  Evan laced his hands behind the back of his head, gave Kirk his best cocky but attentive expression. “I’m listening. But if you’re going to bitch about pushing back our vacation, you know I still need to finish those pieces for Stavos. His baby is due next week and his wife is squeezing his balls in a vise to get the furniture in the nursery in time. I think he’s going to have a nervous breakdown soon if I don’t come through.” A sappy grin spread over Ev’s face. “Actually, I don’t think Katie is really upset, she’s just enjoying watching him squirm.”

  “Damn Dommes. They can’t just deliver straightforward torture, they have to add those mind games.”

  Evan rolled his eyes. “Like you never do that, Mr. Power Manipulation.”

  Kirk put his hand to his heart. “Hey, I’m an upstanding, straightforward Master. A whip is just a whip in my hands.”

  Ev’s laugh made the deep warmth in his belly burn faster.

  “Okay, Evan. I really do have something to discuss.”

  The other man’s laughter died out, but his smile stayed in place. “Shoot, big guy.”

  Kirk looked down at both their dicks. “I think we already did.”

  That evoked the chuckle he hoped and relaxed the fist in his gut.

  Just do it, idiot.

  Kirk, hands fucking shaking now, went up on his knees and reached for the side table drawer, opened it up and removed the box hidden under the toys. His palms sweaty, he forced his eyes to stay on Evan’s face. The tremor was humiliating to his sense of power but worth it. He fumbled open the box latch and took out the small links of chain, long enough in diameter to fit comfortably around the base of his lover’s cock and locking together at the end. Two smaller, finer-link chains were to hug and separate Evan’s balls. All were created to be able to be worn on a daily basis. The small lock at the end had involved the finest craftsmanship because it needed to work and not be at risk of breaking. He’d talked to a dozen jewelry designers in the lifestyle before being confident in his choice. He tilted the links toward Evan to place the cock jewelry on better display.

  He swallowed hard. “It’s time, Ev,” he said, holding up the offering. “It’s been over ten years. I love you. I’m pretty sure you love me.” He dragged in a breath. Fucking wimp. “I want you to marry me. And I want you in my permanent collar, locked down and belonging just to me. Forever.”

  Evan’s mouth fell open, although he said nothing back.

  “Well? I know I’m not on my knees below you. Kinda thought it wasn’t true to our situation. I considered asking when you were on your knees, stuffed with my cock, but then I wouldn’t be able to hear you answer. So on my knees, looming above, is the best you’ll get.”

  “Damn.” Ev shook his head, looking stunned.

  “I’m pretty sure ‘damn’ is not a yes or a no.”

  “You’re sure, Kirk? Sure you want this?”

  He had no trouble answering. “Yes.”

  “Let me up.”

  “What?”

  “You want a clear answer, from the whole me, I need to be standing equal with you. It’s not just Evan your submissive answering. It’s your partner, your lover, your friend. Let me up.”

  Kirk moved, the hornets in his gut churning louder than ever.

  Evan got off the bed, walked to the small fridge they kept in the dungeon and grabbed a bottle of water, opening and chugging the beverage before wiping his mouth and replacing the cap.

 
“The tease is killing me, Ev. You gonna tell me or is this some sort of twisted payback? I didn’t fuck you like you wanted and you’re going to keep me strung up over coals waiting.”

  Ev flashed him the look that comment deserved and strutted over to the bathroom, went inside and closed the door. Kirk heard the spray of the shower begin. He ran his hands through his hair and stalked to the fridge to get his own water. Fine, he’d wait. If the answer meant the rest of their lives, he could do that. Maybe.

  He sat on the edge of the bed, scared out of his mind. “He’s just fucking with you, man,” he mumbled to himself. “He’ll say yes.” He repeated the mantra again and again to keep himself sane.

  So when Evan stormed out of the bathroom naked and dripping, straight over to the bed and kneeled before Kirk, he jolted hard. “I thought you said you needed to be standing equal to me?”

  “Screw that. We’re equal no matter what. But if I do this, I also become yours in a way I haven’t been before. I don’t care who’s standing in what position, but since I’m the sub and I want you to pay attention, I’ll do it this way.”

  Evan sat back on his heels, eyes averted to the floor, hands crossed behind his neck with elbows out. A sub’s waiting position.

  Kirk observed him carefully, used all his knowledge as a sexual Dominant, all his years as Evan’s lover and Master to choose a path. “Speak.”

  Evan raised his eyes. “With respect to my Master, there is nothing more I’d rather do than marry him and wear his permanent collar.”

  Kirk’s eyes closed in reflex. He pumped his fist with a silent yes before resting it calmly on his thigh. “Thank you, love.”

  “But—”

  “But? No buts. Just yes.”

  “I have one request before my answer.”

  “Don’t play games, Evan. What do you need?”

  “A child.”

  Kirk choked. “Excuse me?”

  “A baby. I want you to consider having a kid.”

  Jesus. If he hadn’t been sitting, Kirk might have fallen over.

  “You have noticed the whole cock thing, right? We are biologically incapable and we’re not living in any Schwarzenegger movie where men get pregnant.” A kid. Evan wanted a kid. Okay, Kirk would deal. It freaked him out, but in fleeting moments, he’d wanted the same. He loved Ev enough to agree to this. “Fine, if you want to adopt, we can start the process. It’s damn hard for gay men, even in liberal Massachusetts. I don’t want blinders on your eyes.”

  “No.”

  “No in what sense?”

  “No I don’t want to adopt. I want one of us to be the father.”

  “First— Fuck, I can’t have this conversation like this.” He grabbed Evan’s wrist and dragged down his arms. “Stand up.” Kirk rose at the same time he gave the command. He ignored Evan’s startled response and pulled the man to him. “And hold still because I need this before we continue this conversation.” Kirk rested his palm at the back of Ev’s neck, pulled his lips close and kissed him. With teeth, tongue and all the desperation and anxiety he’d been feeling leading up to the proposal. He ate the other man, needing to taste and rememorize the unique tang of Evan Sebastian Clarke before he lost his mind.

  He forced himself to pull back and sucked in a breath of air. “Okay now, what the fuck do you mean?”

  “I’m serious.”

  “I didn’t think you weren’t, Ev. Are you saying you want us to get an egg donor and surrogate? It might take draining our savings, but we could do it.”

  “Yes. No.” He began to pace around the perimeter of the dungeon, deftly avoiding the last of the flickering candles as they burnt down to nothing. Evan blew out a frustrated breath. “You know the history with my mom.”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  “She paid Dad off. Hitting the road and assuaging her guilt through cash.”

  “Ev, you’re not like her. I’m not like her. Any kid we have we stick to him or her. We don’t walk out.” Christ knew, he’d learned too much about how that felt.

  Evan rolled his eyes. “You think I don’t know that? I’d have been out the door years ago if I thought you were that type of guy.” He stopped the pacing, turned and crossed his arms. “What I want is a permanent mom for our kid.”

  Kirk needed a moment. He concentrated on slowly uncurling his toes within his shoes. “I must not have heard you right.” Of all the ways Kirk had pictured the proposal, he never imagined this conversation.

  “You heard me. It sucked growing up without a mother.”

  The last thing Kirk wanted was a woman involved in their lives. Been there, had the t-shirt souvenir. “You survived pretty well. I survived it as well, for Christ’s sake.”

  “You had a mom.”

  “Sure, I had a frigid, controlling, uninvolved bitch who cared more about the family business succeeding than her son.”

  “Bitter much?”

  “You know I’m over it. Don’t change the subject. Why does our kid need a mom? Two intelligent gay men are more than sufficient to raise a kid. Especially such upstanding, touchy-feely, hip, modern men. Fuck it, we went to Harvard. We own our own businesses and live in Cambridge, the land of therapists in case our kid needs extra support. We have at least some clue how to go beyond our own limitations if we need help.”

  “Shut up. What if we have a daughter? She’ll need a feminine influence. And to tell you the truth, I don’t like the idea of buying off a woman. I want our child to know he’s loved by all his parents.”

  God, Ev still carried scars. Kirk forgot that from time to time.

  “It wouldn’t be the same thing as your mom, sweetheart. I thought I was the pessimist,” Kirk said.

  He preferred telling Ev no fucking way, but he stopped himself and looked closely at his love, at the need pouring off his skin. He’d make one damn fine father.

  “So, if we got a woman, how would that work?”

  Ev bit his lip. Kirk’s cock lurched and he scolded the voracious organ for getting turned-on when they needed to get through this disaster of a talk first. Kirk would marry this man, get that collar around his cock and take care of him for the rest of their lives. Ev needed his head on straight. Maybe he should tie him to the bedposts and fuck the living daylights out of him.

  “If we’re going to co-parent with a woman, we’d need someone also in the lifestyle, also kinky.”

  This got better and better. “Why? Our personal life is none of any woman’s business.”

  “She’d be the mother of our child. I don’t want big, looming secrets. And if she did find out and had feelings about it like the rest of the close-minded vanilla world, we might face trouble.”

  “And where are we going to find a woman like this? Where do we find someone who would agree to have a child outside of her own romantic relationships even if she doesn’t want traditional marriage? Domme or sub, straight, lesbian or bi, I don’t think any of the females we know fit that description. Or would go for it. And why would a stranger want to raise a kid with two men she doesn’t know? She could just get her own anonymous sperm donor.”

  “We get help finding the right female.”

  “I think you’ve been smelling too much carpenter’s glue in the workshop.”

  “Wait. I have something to show you.” Ev strode out of the room with a suspicious light in his eyes. He was back within a minute, a business card gripped in his hand. He held out the card. “Here.”

  Kirk took it, hoping it didn’t burst into flames in his fingers. He’d look at the damn thing for Ev’s sake. He read it. 1-800-DOM-help. He turned it over and read the handwritten message on the back. Help for unusual problems in the BDSM community. He handed the card back to Evan. “Your Dom is not having any problems, other than a deranged submissive. You think they have solutions for this?”

  “Come on, Kirk. Maybe they know the best places to advertise for the right woman or find us the right match themselves. At least we can run it by another kinky female for an opinion. L
et’s call.”

  “Where did you find this card anyway? Are they legit?”

  “It was sitting on a table at our club last week. I have no clue if they’re legit, but we won’t know unless we call.”

  “You just found the card lying around?” He let the sarcasm drip out. “No question then that they’re on the up and up.”

  “I want this, Kirk. I want a child. To raise one with you. And he or she deserves a mother even if we end up being kick-ass fathers. If we’re going to commit for the rest of our lives, which I want, we can’t look at the short term. I love you. I want to build something with you. And I know too many marriages broken up by differences in expectations about kids. So we get this straightened out beforehand and not fuck up our chances.”

  “You want to build something. You sure you can’t just build more furniture?”

  “Not funny. Now call the damn number.”

  “You do remember who the Dom is in the relationship, yes?”

  Evan rolled his eyes. “Funny. You can lock me in the cock cage later as punishment. Just call.”

  Kirk hated this. He didn’t know why dread was crawling over his skin, it just was.

  He nodded. If it would get Evan off this kick, he’d do it. Evan went to get his cell. Kirk took it and dialed the number.

  Evan watched as Kirk hit the buttons on the phone and listened for an answer. As the ringing continued, his lover tapped his fingers against his thigh. A tell. A nervous Kirk was an unusual thing. Evan had thrown him tonight. A marriage and collaring proposal were big enough as is. He wanted those so badly the taste of them coated his tongue. But now he had Kirk facing the question of kids and a totally new element to their lives. Hell, a new person. He deserved a little show of nerves and a massage later, if Kirk would let him. But his Master got better every day at letting Evan care for him. That change had been long and slow in coming but had arrived at long last.

  God, he loved the man. He’d marry him no matter what happened. Most guys would be running fast for the hills after their proposal was met with Evan’s response. It was why Evan knew Kirk was for him. Kirk trusted him, lowered defenses for him. Put up with his baggage. And aside from his own totally selfish reasons to make it permanent with the guy, namely how deeply he’d fallen for him and how much he also trusted, respected and admired, not to mention lusted after the bastard, he wanted his Master at peace. He was pushing the baby as much for Kirk as for himself. He’d hoped the years would heal the heartbreak, for both of them, if he were honest. And mostly Evan had healed. Okay, he was only a little bit self-deluded about that subject. But Kirk? Evan wasn’t convinced. Their commitment might make the difference. Kirk deserved peace.