Curtis heaved to his feet, beyond consoling, and paced with miserable agitation around the room. Deftly he pulled the wooden rosary beads and the water stained photograph from his pocket.
“These were West’s. I had meant to bury them with him.” He held the beads out to her. “I accidently left them in my pocket. I’ve always kept them, to remind me. I found a letter in his pocket addressed to a city in Maryland so I mailed it along with a note explaining where he was buried. I didn’t know what else to do.”
Tears threatened but Cadence held them back, reaching for Curtis. He needed for her to be strong right now.
“Don’t touch me,” he snatched away from her. “Do you see now what I am? I’m poison and I’ll burn in hell. I don’t want to take you with me!”
“No,” she breathed her eyes frantically imploring him. “You are not a monster, Curtis, and you’re not a coldhearted murderer. It was war—”
“And then I came home and was proclaimed this big hero. A hero,” he shook his head in wry disbelief. “That was the worst of it. I am not a hero. Billy was a hero and he should be the one with medals, and West knew I was too much the coward not to pull the trigger in some way or another. God,” he balled fists against his forehead. “I hate being called a hero, I hate the attention, and I hate the stories.”
Gently she questioned, “What is the medal for?”
“Courage under fire.” The words rolled distastefully from his tongue.
“You make it sound like you didn’t deserve it.”
“I didn’t.”
“Why not?”
He scoffed. “Taking a bullet doesn’t make a man courageous.”
She knelt before him. “Chase Richards told everyone how you saved him. “He told everyone that you pulled him out of harm’s way even though you’d been shot yourself.”
He waved off her words. “I was shot leading a charge in Maryland and it was a damn flesh wound, it wasn’t exactly difficult to drag Chase away from the artillery fire. I received the medal because I went back fighting and was shot a second time. The second shot laid me out.” He shrugged. “There is nothing courageous about fighting with a scratch.”
Cadence had seen his scars and found it difficult to believe any of them were mere scratches.
“Everyone thought I’d die. When I didn’t I was ruled unfit for duty and discharged from the army.”
“And that’s when you started blockade running.”
“Yes. Captain Michael Borden taught me everything I know about sailing. Honest or otherwise.”
“Did he teach you how to become Captain Rebellion?” a teasing lilt touched her voice.
“Borden was Captain Rebellion. After I’d been sailing under him for a year he developed a plan that would enable Captain Rebellion to be in two places at once. Really give the Yankees hell. I would captain one vessel under the alias Captain Rebellion and he would lead another using the same alias.”
“Well, that information certainly sheds a bit of light on a few of the Captain Rebellion war stories I’ve hard, and how you became such a successful merchant sailor at so young an age.”
“Yes, well, don’t ever repeat it. Michael and I have worked exceedingly hard to keep that part of the story a secret.”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Which brings me back to Colonel Fielding.” Cold blue eyes locked on hers. “You remember the woman we met in London?”
“The one you named the ship for, how could I forget? No need to elaborate on your relationship with her.”
“Uh, right.” The hint of a sheepish smile touched his lips. “Well, she is Fielding’s wife, and he’s never quite forgiven me for the, uh, affair. I’m so sorry, Cadence, you never should have been with me and you never should have been involved in any of this.”
“Curtis, how can you say that? I am involved in this whether I’m with you or not. You are not the reason Colonel Fielding is after me,” she said firmly. “He murdered my father; he must have seen me that night.”
“If he’d seen you that night you’d already be dead,” his tone was gravely sure. “This is about me not you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“He means to take his revenge on me by hurting you.”
Her heart lurched with a sickening thud in her chest.
“I’m sorry, love, I know you can never forgive me, and when this is over I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”
“No, Curtis, I don’t want you to leave. Please don’t blame yourself. Let me help you. I love you.”
“And what has loving me done except get you into trouble? That madman has been after me, threatening to kill me for years.” He stood, turning a frustrated circle. “There is a man threatening to ravage and murder you all because of me. I’m not good for you.”
She’d loved him before, but she was not prepared for the sudden and intense deepening of the emotion. For the briefest of instants she had a single moment of absolute clarity and saw him for everything that he was. He was not a hero or her knight in shining armor, he was a man. A man broken and humble, but through the layers she could see his heart was pure gold and just in need of a little reminding. “You’re wrong, Curtis, I love you and we’re meant to be together.”
She walked steadily toward him, watching as he began to soften. “Is there no disillusioning you?” he asked.
“None,” she said firmly, reaching for both of his hands, holding them gently. “But none of that matters because we’re going to have a baby.”
* * *
“I know,” Curtis said, his voice breaking. Perhaps it was weakness or perhaps he was seeing clearly for the first time in years, but whatever the reason, he shattered beneath the radiant luminosity of her beautiful eyes, and it was true heaven on earth.
And he wanted a girl.
A girl with glittering violet eyes, and… and… no he wanted a boy. Better, he wanted both. Wait, what did he want? Twins? That couldn’t be a good thing to wish for, but really he didn’t care because even if the baby, his baby, their baby was part him it could not be anything but perfection with Cadence for a mother. “I love you.” He stepped forward to take her in his arms, and kiss her senseless, perhaps even—
The flat of her palms hit the flat of his chest drawing him to an immediate halt. “You knew?” Her eyes flashed, incredulous, and more than a little hurt. “How did you know?”
“Well, er…” Damn! He should have acted surprised. “I’ve suspected since Christmas Eve when you got sick.” He flashed a sheepish smile.
“You knew before I did? That is not fair! You knew and you didn’t say anything, and you were planning to leave me here, to—”
He grinned genuinely, mischievously, really he couldn’t help it. “Cadence, I think we’ve more than established the fact I am a fool.” His arms looped around her half lifting her against him. “I love you. I’ve loved you since that first night on the docks. Now, would you please kiss me?”
“No! I think I want to be mad for a minute. You—”
“Ahch,” he grunted, grabbing her face and kissing her anyway. Almost instantly she stilled and then melted into him. When he kissed her there were no lurking secrets. It was liberating. He scooped her up, moving to toss her playfully onto the bed, but froze mid swing. Gently, almost reverently, he set her on the mattress. “I’ll have to handle you with a bit more care now.” He knelt toward the bottom of the bed placing both hands on her stomach. “Papa,” he murmured, a swell of pure magic lighting his spirit. “I think I could get used to that.”
Lost in each other they did not leave the haven of the room for the rest of the afternoon wavering between bouts of passion and sleep.
“Could I ask you a question?” Cadence lay across his chest tracing the ridge of his scar.
“Perhaps.” Lightly his fingers ran up her back.
“Who is the woman in the old picture?”
“Why, are you jealous?”
Cadence could hear the smile in his tone. �
��Maybe a little,” she replied honestly.
“She’s my mother.”
“Oh.” Cadence paused. “She was very beautiful. I think you look like her.”
“I don’t remember her. She died when I was two.” Rising he turned with a grin. “I am starving.”
Grinning wickedly she rose to her knees and pushed him back onto bed. “Starving for what?”
“You always,” he grinned, flipping her onto the bed beneath him. “But right now I am dying for something to eat.”
“Oh, alright,” she conceded with a playful sigh.
He sobered a bit. “I’d like to convene my family and the sheriff within the next couple of days to discuss what I believe is a very workable plan to catch Colonel Fielding.” He took her hand as they stepped toward the door. “I think we can end this fairly soon.”
“And then you’ll be gone,” she sighed the sound as pained as it was wistful.
He faltered—stumbled really—and pulled her around to face him. “Cadence, I…” He didn’t know what to say, how to take the sadness from her eyes. “I love you, you know that, but,” he traced gentle fingers along the line of her cheek. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t want you to leave,” she breathed, sad eyes flicking up to meet his. “I don’t want to do this alone, I want us to be a real family. For our children to have a real family.” Their twined fingers throbbed as she took a step forward and wrapped her free arm around his shoulders. “I love you, Curtis, and I’m asking you to stay with me.”
The soft pleading of her tone broke his heart. “Cadence I—you,” he tripped and stumbled over the words. “You don’t understand I’m not—I don’t know what to do… I won’t be good at loving you.” As soon as the words were out he regretted them, wanted to take them back, for them to be untrue. He felt her spirit crack, shatter beneath his fingertips, and it was awful. And then it was worse because she tightened her clasp around his neck as though holding herself together and, even worse yet, she tilted her face to his ear and whispered—
“It’s alright, Curtis… I understand.”
For all that he’d taken lives and committed atrocities in war never had he felt more like a bastard than in this one moment. In this moment he held his wife, the mother of his child, the incarnation of an angel teaching him how to love again, and felt the worst of bastards because even as she begged him to stay at her side and love her as she deserved he could not… say… yes, he wanted to, oh how he wanted to…
“I will try,” he murmured haltingly. “I love you and I really don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t leave,” she stepped away, biting her lip as though trying not to cry.
He didn’t want her to cry, he wanted her to laugh and light the world with her smile. “I’ll stay,” he murmured in the barest of whispers. “If that is what you need, I won’t just go… I’ll take you with me.”
Slowly she smiled. It was heaven and he found himself smiling in return, kissing her and sliding a hand across her belly. And that’s when it hit him, he was more than whole again, he was happy… perfect. Stealing a glance downward he murmured, “I’ll never leave either of you.”
A few minutes later Curtis smiled across the table waiting for dinner with a spirit lighter than it had been in years. Five years to be exact.
“Captain Langston?”
“Yes, Hodges?” he turned a smiling visage to his brother’s butler holding a silver tray in front of him.
“A note arrived for you, sir.”
“Thank you,” he stood to pluck the page from the tray and slid his thumb beneath the fold. It took several agonizing seconds for his mind to wrap around the curls and bends of the scrawl to read the words but less than half a second to recognize the owner’s script. “Craig,” the controlled tone of his voice seemed oddly detached as his trembling fist crumbled the missive.
“Yes?” a voice responded from the direction of the study.
“Come here! Hodges,” he turned flashing, burning eyes to the butler, “Who sent this?”
Momentarily ruffled the ever efficient man took a step backward. “It was a, um, a young boy, sir. I didn’t know him.”
Craig stepped into the kitchen.
“Does this say what I think it does?” Curtis heaved the wadded paper toward his brother.
“Jesus, Curtis, what is this about?” Craig barely snatched the wadded missive from the air. “Dear God,” he staggered back a step re-wadding the note, “it says—”
But Curtis didn’t need to hear the words again he could see them burned physically into his conscious. Sergeant Langston, your wife is lovely in pink.
Lovely in pink. Lovely in pink… the words stretched on in endless oblivion. Pink… the very thing she was wearing and she hadn’t left the house. He must be close.
“Is this from…?”
His brother’s voice snapped his attention into clear focus. “Yes,” he replied gravely. “We have to do something, now.”
Twenty-eight
The day was unseasonably warm as Cadence perched on the wooden swing hung from the towering oak in front of the Highland manse. She turned her face upward, gazing through the tangle of ancient branches. The gnarly arms of the tree stretched bare and forlorn as fingers beckoning the sun to bring back the warmth of a happier season. The countryside could be described as drab at best. The snow had already melted, robbing the season of its glittering white brilliance and leaving naught but brown grass and mud with the hope of spring in winter’s wake. The brown landscape did little to buoy lagging spirits.
Using her feet to gain momentum, she rocked back and forth, listening to the soothing creak of rope rubbing across the sturdy branch. She’d had to escape the house, feeling all too well the cool gaze of her father-in-law. Robert Langston had not even nodded in greeting when she and Curtis had arrived late that morning. Cadence had stepped into the hall and caught a glimpse of him standing before a large poster window in his study to the left of the main hall. His only acknowledgement of their presence had been to sneer through the open door.
Curtis appeared in the yard, striding toward the swing, successfully halting the dour trail of her thoughts. He stepped behind the swing, catching her in his arms when momentum swung her back, and spun her playfully before holding her close, smiling. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He dropped kiss on her nose. “Enjoying the warm weather?”
“Yes,” she couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“Are you feeling alright?” Curtis wrapped a hand around the barely palpable bump in her abdomen, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
“Would you please stop asking me that?” Turning on the wooden seat of the swing she grinned into his twinkling eyes. “I am perfectly fine, although, I imagine I’ll feel much better come August.”
“Hmm, I can’t help but feel a little responsible for your present condition.”
“Well,” she teased, “it is your fault.”
“My fault?” He stepped back to give her a gentle push on the swing. “If I recall you were a willing and very spirited participant in the process, not that I’m complaining.” Heat rose in her cheeks and flicked her eyes backward as he caught the swing again. “Shall we head inside for lunch?” he asked.
“I suppose,” she sighed her stomach churning with the mere thought of food. “But I’ll warn you I’m not feeling very hungry.”
“Would that be because of the baby or sitting at a table with my entire family?”
“Both.”
“Everything will be fine, I promise.”
“I hope so,” she slid off the swing and slipped her fingers through the hand he offered. “With everything going on I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, gently swinging their entwined arms. “But you know things are going to get better with us.”
“I know,” she sighed heavily. “I just want all of this to be over, Curtis. I wish Colonel Fielding to the devil, and I wish your fa
ther would quit glowering at me as though I am the devil!
“My father does not think you’re the devil,” he reached over to tip her chin. “He’ll come around, you’ll see. In fact he loves children. I’m sure he’ll come around when he learns of our news. Before you know it this will all be over. Are you certain you’re feeling well?”
“Curtis,” she shoved his shoulder playfully as they turned back to the house. “You asked me five minutes ago, yes, I am still fine!”
He winked. “I’ll quit asking.”
“Promise?”
“I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” He grinned as she squinted in playful reproach. “But I do promise to love you forever.”
In the formal dining room Curtis held a chair for her and Cadence glanced nervously about the table, not quite able to avoid her father-in-law’s glare. She keenly felt an outsider. The soup was served and the wafting aroma sent her stomach to new heights of queasiness. Pursing her lips she swallowed convulsively against a wave of nausea and her hands began to tremble. “Oh, dear,” she whispered and gulped again. “If you’ll please excuse me.” Stumbling from the chair she felt as pale as she must look, and bolted to the nearest washroom.
* * *
“What was that about?” Davy asked, his spoon in mid-air.
“Uh…” Curtis cast an uneasy gaze around the room unsure of what to divulge without Cadence present or even if Cadence wanted an announcement made at this point.
“She isn’t.” Robert whirled on Curtis who flashed a sheepish smile. “Christ almighty,” his father grumbled, cursing in Gaelic before shoving to his feet and stomping from the room. “It all makes sense.”
Curtis glanced about the table and stood to follow Robert. “I suppose now is as good a time as any to announce I’m going to be a father.” A few murmured echoes of congratulations followed as he stalked from the room, but the tension overshadowed any true joy his family may have expressed.
Cadence (Langston Brothers Series) Page 23