“It won’t be long, I promise. As soon as Nancy leaves, I’m out of here.”
That was settled, now I just needed to wait until Nancy left to go the store and I’d grab my money and throw some clothes into a bag.
She left about 30 minutes later. I quickly texted Tyler and told him to meet me on the next street over in 20 minutes. He agreed without asking me any questions.
“I’ll be there in ten.”
I stuffed a bunch of clothes, things that would fit loosely with room to grow, into a bag. I grabbed my cell phone, my money and for some reason, my birth control pills and looked around the room, hoping it would be the last time I’d ever see it. I wanted to take my snow globes, but knew that I couldn’t. I figured I’d come back sometime for them. I barricaded the door with my chair and I started to head out the window, but I quickly glanced back at my snow globes and I knew I had to take my angel snow globe. I carefully wrapped it in all my clothes and climbed out the window. I kept waiting to vomit, but I think my adrenaline rush from running away was keeping my bile and my breakfast at bay.
I walked over to the next street and paced slowly, waiting for Tyler.
He pulled up in his new car and got out. He grabbed my bag from me and opened the back door. I climbed in and leaned back in the seat.
Stephanie looked back over her shoulder and gave me a half smile and a quiet “Hello.”
“Hi, I’m really sorry to intrude on you guys. I swear I won’t stay long. I just need to figure out what to do.”
“About what? Oh, sorry. I promised I wouldn’t ask. But, Abby, you can stay as long as you want.”
I saw Stephanie glare at him, but she didn’t utter a sound.
“I figure I only have a couple of weeks before they figure out where I went.”
“Um, can I ask one question?” Tyler asked.
“I can’t go to Kellan,” I said, anticipating his question.
“Why?”
“I just can’t. Besides, that’s the first place they’d look for me.”
“I um, I know your foster parents. Do you think they’re going to look for you?”
“I know they will…or at least, Nancy will, but not for a while.”
“Abby…?”
“Tyler, please. I promise I won’t be any trouble and I’ll leave as soon as I can. Please don’t ask me any more questions, okay?”
He sighed and looked over at Stephanie and said, “Okay.”
I slept most of the way, only waking to vomit occasionally. Tyler was great about stopping for me at a moment’s notice.
Stephanie followed me into the bathroom at one of the rest stops and cornered me.
“I need to know something,” she said, standing in front of me.
“Okay.”
“Do you want Tyler?”
There were tears in her eyes and I finally understood why she hadn’t said more than two words the entire drive.
“Stephanie, I’m so sorry. No! I love Kellan with all my heart. I love Tyler, I do, but not like that. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’ve always thought of Tyler as more of a brother, than a boyfriend. He loves you, he told me that. I swear I’m not a threat to you. I just need a place to stay until I figure out what to do. That’s all.”
“Does Kellan know about the baby?” she asked, with a small, sad smile.
I almost denied it, but I figured if I was intruding on her life with Tyler, then I needed to at least be honest with her. I shook my head no. “No one does…except Nancy…and now you.”
“Okay. I swear your secret’s safe with me. I won’t even tell Tyler.”
“Thank you. I’m assuming he’s figured it out, and he’s giving me the space I asked for. I don’t really want to talk about it, and I think he knows that.”
“Okay. Enough said. And, you’re welcome to stay as long as you need,” she said and reached up and hugged me.
“Thank you.”
We checked into a hotel at about 10:00 that night.
“Abby, we can all share a room,” Tyler offered.
“No, that’s okay. I um, I’m going to call Kellan…tell him where I am,” I lied.
“If you’re sure?” Stephanie asked, looking relieved to have Tyler to herself.
“Yeah, I’m positive. Goodnight.”
I did call Kellan, but I pretended I was calling from home. I figured I had at least a week before Nancy contacted him, and I didn’t want him to needlessly worry or worse, come looking for me. I still hadn’t figured out what I was going to do or what I was going to tell him.
“Call me after you see the doctor tomorrow. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I love you.”
“I love you, too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”
“Okay.”
We made it to Tyler’s grandmother’s house and I said, “I um, I don’t want anyone to know I’m here. Maybe I should just go to a hotel.”
“Relax, my grandmother’s in Arizona until May. It’s just the three of us.”
“Oh, that’s great. Are you sure you don’t mind?” I asked Tyler.
He hugged me and said, “I told you, I’d always be there for you.”
I didn’t fail to notice Stephanie’s look when he hugged me, so I quickly pulled back and said, “Thanks.”
I spent the next five days locked away in a room upstairs. I was trying to figure out what to do, but I still had no clue. I spent countless hours worrying, vomiting and holding my snow globe. I continued talking to Kellan on a nightly basis, trying to keep him convinced nothing was wrong and that I was still at home. I also told him I saw a doctor and I had some flu bug, like I thought, but that it was much better now. So far, it was working, but I knew my time was about up. I knew Nancy had expected me to come home long before now. I knew she wouldn’t go to the police or my social worker, but she’d come looking for me soon, and I knew she’d start with Kellan. I wasn’t wrong…
“Where are you, Abby!?” Kellan yelled a few days later and then his tone softened, “Are you okay?”
Of course my immediate reaction was to break down and sob. I couldn’t say anything for a few minutes. I knew this conversation was inevitable, but I still wasn’t prepared.
“Just tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.” He was trying to steady his voice to calm me down, but I knew he was in a state of panic.
“I can’t…tell you. I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean, you can’t tell me? You have to tell me! NOW!”
“Kellan, I …I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I left. I just couldn’t.”
“Abby, you’re not making any sense. Now just tell me what happened.”
“I just had to leave, but I’m safe.”
He didn’t say anything for a few minutes and when I could no longer stand the silence, I said, “I’m not running away from you, you know that, right?”
“I don’t know what to think. You have me scared out of my mind. What are you running from?” he said, much calmer than I expected, which worried me more than if he was yelling.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I…just couldn’t.”
“Tell me what?” he snapped.
“I just need some time, okay?”
“Okay? No, I’m not okay with any of this. I’m afraid I’m going to need to know more than that, Abby. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“I can’t tell you. I know what you’ll do.”
“What do you think I’m going to do?”
“Please just give me some time. I really just need…some time.”
“Time for what? Abby, I want to know where you are. At least tell me that, so I know you’re safe.”
“I am safe, I promise.”
“If you won’t tell me, then I’m coming to look for you!”
“No, you can’t leave school! Please don’t do that,” I sobbed, knowing he would.
“I don’t understand what could be so terrible that you won’t at least talk to me about it. We talk
about everything! What could possibly be so bad that you’re afraid to tell me?”
When I didn’t say anything, he whispered, “Is there someone else?”
“How can you even ask me that? I love you! That hasn’t changed and it never will.”
“Then what has changed?”
“I know you don’t understand and I know I’m asking a lot, but please give me a little time.”
“Abby, please tell me where you are.” He was breathing hard and I knew he wanted to scream at me, but I think he knew he didn’t have any control over the situation, and that was killing him.
“I can’t…not, yet.”
“How much time do you need?”
“A couple of weeks…”
“No way. Don’t do this to me, please!”
“One week and then maybe I’ll know what to do.”
“About what? Abby, I’m going crazy here. I’ll give you until Friday and that’s it! After that, I’m coming to look for you!”
I sighed, “Okay, Friday.”
“I don’t like this, Abby. Not one bit!”
“I know and I’m sorry. But, you just have to trust me.”
“I do trust you, but I don’t understand why you don’t trust me enough to tell me where you are and what’s wrong.”
“I’m…afraid.”
“Of what? Do you think I won’t love you anymore?”
“No, I’m afraid of what you’ll do. I need some time to think.”
“You’ve had time. Nancy said you left over a week ago. She thought you were with me. It took me over an hour to convince her that you weren’t here. And the whole time I was talking to her, all I could think of was something terrible had happened to you. Do you have any idea what you put me through?”
“I know, I’m sorry. I started to tell you a few times, but I knew you’d come looking for me.”
“So, you had no intention of telling me where you were, or that you were even gone, until I specifically asked?”
“I told you, I can’t.”
He was hurt and angry, and I didn’t blame him.
“Fine, you have until eight am Friday morning, or I’m on a plane looking for you.”
“Don’t you have class on Friday?”
“Do you honestly think I’m going to be able to go to class and concentrate on anything…but you? It’s hard enough to keep my mind off of you when I know where you are and that you’re safe!”
“Kellan…I’m sorry.” I was crying again.
“Then tell me! Whatever it is, we can work it out. I’ll fly out and get you now, tonight! Just, please…”
“Friday. I’ll talk to you Friday. I promise. I love you.” I said and then hung up the phone before I caved and told him everything.
I spent the next hour dry-heaving into the toilet. I had hurt him so bad and I was so miserable that I was completely over-whelmed and I just couldn’t bear it anymore.
Tyler found me on the bathroom floor a while later, hysterical, but too tired to fight him when he carefully picked me up and put me to bed.
“You need to see a doctor.”
I looked up at him and said, “I know what’s wrong with me.”
“That test was positive, wasn’t it?”
I looked up at him and nodded.
“He doesn’t know?”
I shook my head no.
“Not feeling much like talking?” he asked, due to my lack of verbal replies.
The tears started again. “I really hurt him…on the phone.”
“He did sound upset.”
I sat up and said, “What?”
“He just called me. You told me he knew where you were. Why did you lie?”
“Oh, Tyler, did you tell him where I was? Please tell me you didn’t!”
“I thought he knew and when he called, he asked to speak to you because he couldn’t get through to your cell phone. You talk to him every night. How was I supposed to know you didn’t tell him, or that you didn’t want him to know? He’s smart, I’ll give him that.”
I turned away from him and faced the wall.
“Is he coming?” I asked, wishing he was, but knowing he shouldn’t.
“He said he’d give you until Friday, like you asked. But, only because he knew you were safe here.”
“Three days…that’s all I’ve got to figure out what to do and where to go.”
“Abby, I don’t understand. I know you don’t want any questions, but you obviously need to talk. Why are you so afraid to tell him about the baby? You both knew the chances when you slept together. He loves you. He’ll love his baby, too,” Tyler said, trying his best to console me.
I turned over, facing the wall, afraid to look at him.
“Abby?” he turned my face toward him and saw the pain in my eyes.
“I can’t do it,” I sobbed.
“What?” he asked.
“I can’t tell him.” I turned back toward the wall and wiped my eyes. I needed to stop crying. I had to come up with a plan and I only had three days to do it.
“Abby…?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to forget about it,” I reached my hand down to my belly, wising it would just go away.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. “Its okay, Abby. I’m here. We’ll work it out.”
“It’s not your problem.”
“I told you that I’ll always be there for you. I meant it. But, first things first: you’re going to a doctor. You’re bone thin and it can’t be good for you or the baby.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. But you will be. You’re going to the doctor tomorrow if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming. And then, you’re going to call Kellan and tell him the truth.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t tell him!”
“Wow, so all this time, you’ve been lying to me about how he’s always been there for you, and that he’d stand by you no matter what. That he loves you…”
“No, I know he’d be there for me. I know he loves me and he would stand by me. But, I won’t put him through that.”
“You’re killing him, you know that, right?” he said, playing the guilt card.
“I know,” I whispered.
“Then call him and tell him about the baby. Do you think he’ll love you any less, or not want the baby?”
“NO! He loves me. He would do anything for me…” I said, realizing it was true.
“That’s right, he would. He’ll love you, no matter what. Now, I’m taking you to see a doctor tomorrow. I know Kellan should be with you, but you can’t go on like this, and then when you come home, you’re going to call him and talk to him, so you have tonight to figure out how to tell him he’s going to be a dad.”
“No, I’ll talk to him on Friday.”
“You are the most stubborn girl I’ve ever met! Well, the fact is, you’re going to the doctor tomorrow and then you’re calling Kellan and telling him what happened. He needs to know and you need to tell him. I’m not much for ultimatums, Abby, but you need him right now! I’m not going to just stand by and watch my best friend die little by little when I know, without a doubt that he’ll be there for you…no matter what!”
I looked up at him and thought about what he said for a minute. “You’re right. I need him. I can’t do this alone.”
He sighed in relief, “Good, you’re finally making sense. I’ll take you to see a doctor in the morning, okay?”
“I can go by myself. I’ll be fine.”
“You haven’t kept much of anything down, I’m guessing for weeks or a month now. I’m taking you and I won’t hear another word about it.”
I lay in bed that night trying to come up with a plan, and it finally hit me. Tyler was right, Kellan would be there for me, and he’d help me even if he didn’t know the whole truth. The answer was staring me in the face, it was there all along. I shook my snow globe and watched th
e angel dance. It was time to go home…to Kellan.
A LONG JOURNEY
I woke up very early the next morning and quickly wrote a note to Tyler:
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for everything. You said you’d always be there for me and you were right! I have to go, now. I’ll be fine. I know what I need to do. I can’t run from this, I have to face it head on. That’s what I’m going to do! Tell Stephanie thank you and that I’m sorry for intruding in your lives for so long. I’ll call you next week, when I’m settled.
Love, Abby
I packed my bag, cleaned up my room and re-made the bed with clean sheets. I had already called a cab and the driver was picking me up down the street. I quietly closed the door behind me and hauled my meager belongings to the end of the block. One would expect it to be rainy in Washington, but it was also very cold. I shivered as I reached the end of the block, hoping the driver would be there shortly.
He didn’t disappoint me. I paid him to take me to the bus station and I bought a bus ticket to Connecticut. It was going to take me three days to get there by bus, but I figured I’d make it just in time to stop Kellan from coming after me. I knew that I had about 30 missed calls and messages, but I just needed time to think and come to terms with my plan. I shut my phone off, and instead, focused on the road ahead.
“Kellan, I um, I don’t know how to tell you this, but she’s gone!” Tyler said when he got up and saw Abby’s note.
“What do you mean, she’s gone?”
“I mean, I woke up this morning and found a note…but no Abby. She’s gone.”
“Where did she go? Dammit! I’m almost there. I’ve been flying all night. I just got to Sea-Tac, and now you’re telling me that she left?”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea she was going to run, again. I thought I had her talked into telling you everything…but I guess I was wrong.”
“What’s everything, Tyler?”
“I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.”
“That’s exactly what I heard from her. I want to know…NOW!”
“Look, it’s not my place to tell you. You can threaten me again, but I’m not going to betray Abby’s confidence…”
SEPARATED: CONCLUSION TO UN-RELATED Page 8