by Joya Ryan
She wanted more, but he pulled back just enough to whisper. “Your hard limit was anonymity. I’m not anonymous.”
“No, you’re not,” she said, and looked into his eyes.
Nolan knew her and what she wanted better than she did. She was sliding down a slope that wasn’t just slippery, it was fucking terrifying, and it led to a cliff. One where she’d fly over and crash into a deep chasm.
“Nolan,” she said. “I’m…”
Scared.
Say it. Tell him the truth.
But her mouth remained still against his. She couldn’t tell him how badly she wanted to pull him close, because once the words were out of her mouth, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from grabbing him. And she may not let go. She couldn’t tell him how terrified she was that she’d get lost again to another man.
She trusted him and knew he wasn’t like her ex. But that only made the problem worse. She’d given herself to her ex so completely that she’d left nothing for herself.
She couldn’t let that happen again. Not for a man who didn’t deserve her. Not even for a man who did.
But did that mean she couldn’t have him at all?
He cupped her face, silently coaxing her to finish her sentence. “You’re what, love?”
Her eyes met his. “I’m broken.”
He shook his head, as though ready to fight her on that, but he didn’t know. Couldn’t understand.
She pulled him back into another kiss. His mouth eagerly opened for hers, and again she found that aching familiarity. He kissed her with the intimacy of a lover who’d tasted her before.
Was she crazy? Was it possible Nolan…and Myth…that the line dividing them had never existed?
She was getting too caught up, too close. And now with this insane thought that this kiss could be the same. That these two men could be one and the same.
She released him from their kiss and backed away.
“I had a good time tonight,” she said, keeping the strain out of her voice and digging her nails into her palms to keep from reaching for him. “I want to end on a good note.”
The look in his eyes wasn’t surprised or even disappointed. He looked…apologetic.
He didn’t say anything, just stood up and walked toward her door.
He stopped and held up the card she’d gotten him. “This means a lot to me. Thank you.” He turned to leave.
“Nolan…”
He looked back at her. “Yeah?”
What was she doing? She was close to reaching out and pulling him back. She knew the rules they’d agreed to, and she knew why she needed them.
And now she was on the verge of destroying those hard limits. But the taste of Nolan and the taste of Myth, so similar, so familiar, wouldn’t be denied. She had to know.
“Would you talk to Myth for me? See if he can come in tomorrow night?”
A flash of something sad crossed his face. “Sure,” he said.
“You don’t think he’s mad at me?”
He placed his palm against her cheek. “He could never be mad at you. I imagine he’ll be thrilled to see you again.”
She wanted to lean into his hand. She wanted to grab it and pull him to her and feel his lips on hers again. But she did what she needed, what they both needed. Because if she was wrong about him and Myth, this boundary was the only thing that would save them.
She took his hand from her face, gently squeezed it, and then let go. “Good night, Nolan.”
“Good night.” He closed the door with a soft click and left.
Her entire chest sank. A shocking thought pierced her mind. It was several minutes before she realized she’d whispered the words out loud:
“Come back…”
Chapter Thirteen
Nolan ran his hands through his hair and paced in his office. Ava had him spinning. He’d just left her apartment, and he didn’t want to go home. But walking paths from wall to wall wasn’t helping him clear his mind. She’d invited him to her place, given him that baseball card, and then…God, then she’d kissed him. But then she’d backed away.
And he finally understood why.
For her, Serve was about fantasy. It was why she’d come here. But Nolan wasn’t a fantasy. He was reality. And she didn’t seem to want that. She’d even stayed true to her word and asked to reschedule her scene for tomorrow-fucking-night.
“Shit,” he muttered. This whole situation was a fuck-all storm waiting to crash, and he was going to lose her.
Not that he was trying to hang on longer than he could. He still had Myth. This had never been about finding a way to be in a real relationship with her, just about taking care of her, about making her whole again.
Even now, with his craving for her so intense it might destroy him, he knew her limits. And if the only way he could help her was as his alter ego, then fuck it all, he’d bury himself in the fantasy. She’d get what she needed, and he’d get to satisfy his craving for her.
Because that’s what this was all about after all. Simply satisfying his craving. When she walked away, he’d walk away, too.
“Sure I fucking will,” he muttered.
“Did you say something?” Leo said, standing in the office doorway.
Yeah. But nothing he’d repeat to a man who’d see right through his bullshit.
“Is there something you need?” he asked Leo. The guy was in street clothes, not on duty tonight, which meant whatever he was doing at the club was personal.
“I thought you’d taken off after your shift earlier, but a couple of girls downstairs were asking about you, and one said she’d seen you. Just checking to make sure all is cool.”
He scoffed. “All is not cool.” He walked past Leo and headed down to the bar on the first floor of Serve. He needed a drink. Maybe ten.
Leo followed him, and before Nolan even ordered the first round, his buddy was already on the stool next to him.
“So it’s a woman, huh?” Leo asked, taking a drink of his beer.
Nolan shook his head. “Something like that.” Christ, he heard the snark in his voice. He didn’t know when it had happened, but the realization hit hard and fast.
I’m not happy at Serve anymore.
Worse than that, what he wanted was Ava. To himself. The one thing he couldn’t have.
“Sorry,” Nolan said, and took a shot of vodka.
“It’s cool. You want to talk about it?”
He laughed. “What I really want, I can’t have,” Nolan admitted, and that punched a hole in his chest.
“All right. Well, look, I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I can tell you one thing.” Leo faced Nolan, and his eyes were serious. “If you really want something, sometimes you have to play dirty to get it.”
Nolan nodded. His friend’s advice made sense. Too bad Nolan was in a battle against Ava—for Ava. He wanted to win a woman who didn’t want to be won.
“To playing dirty,” Nolan said, and clinked his shot glass against Leo’s beer.
…
Ava smacked the keys on her laptop harder than she should have. But attempting to finish the Xspot Inc. presentation was the only way to keep her mind occupied and drown out the fact that she was sitting in her apartment, alone.
The fact that she wasn’t with Nolan.
So she hit the keys harder, causing the “F” to get stuck and streak across her screen. Yeah, “FFFFFFF” was right…
She wanted to believe that she could be only friends with Nolan. But his words had proven a relationship with him would never be so limited.
She’d thought about going to Serve to see him. To talk about possibly canceling the scene with Myth. She couldn’t explain why. She just knew she wanted to see Nolan. Which went against the whole “think of other things” plan she was trying to enforce.
Whether she canceled or not, the fact was that she’d quickly realized after Nolan left that last time how continuing to see him would lead her to repeat the same mistakes she was running from
. She’d lose herself in him.
Then why was she thinking of canceling on Myth? Shouldn’t she want to distance herself from Nolan?
She shook her head at the terrifying thought that had entered her mind as she’d kissed Nolan. God, had she really become so obsessed with him that she was fantasizing about him and Myth being the same man?
She slapped her brow harder than the “F” key, and it did little to dislodge her confusion. Nolan was her friend. She cared about him, so much. But the line had been drawn since day one. It was clear now, more than ever, which side she belonged on and which side she needed to keep him on.
Best to keep her appointment with her mystery lover. Because the next scene with Myth would bring those boundaries back into place. It was her last chance to finally prove that she could have her fantasy and keep it separate from the real world.
She’d give herself over. Totally and completely. And then she would return to her life. Alone, but whole.
…
Thank God Nolan didn’t have a hangover. He didn’t know how he’d dodged that bullet, but he almost would have preferred it to the emptiness aching in his chest. He’d dreamt of Ava with him at Serve, but in his dream, he’d removed the blindfold from her eyes and revealed himself. Christ, he hoped he wouldn’t do anything so stupid tonight.
It was time to get over that though, because he was about to transform into Myth. Nolan would go down to get Ava and bring her up to the scene, and then he’d become his alter-ego. The one that was allowed to touch her. The one she wanted.
A knock on his open office door. Whoever it was could get the hell—
It was Ava.
“Hey,” she whispered.
He stood from behind his desk. “Hi.”
She stepped in, looking as beautiful as ever in a simple white dress. She was like an angel coming to save him from himself.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he said.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“I know, but…we agreed to these boundaries.” She looked at him for a moment, long enough that he felt like she was searching for something. “It’s my fault. I should have known better.”
Didn’t that say it all? Kissing him—Nolan—had been a mistake. Her ex had really done a number on her, and the only way she would allow herself to be open and intimate with someone was in the comfort and safety of a fantasy.
And now she stood before him. There could be only one reason she’d come back today.
Everything was ready for her, but he’d been sitting there hoping she wouldn’t show.
“You’re here to see Myth?”
Something flashed in her eyes, gone too fast to be sure what it signified. “If he still wants to see me.”
He slowly nodded. “Is there anything you want to talk about before I take you in there?” he asked, motioning to the room across the hall.
Her gaze stayed calm. “No. I’m clear on everything.”
He nodded and escorted her to the scene room without another word. He wouldn’t ask her why she’d come. He’d already given her the opportunity to say anything she wanted, and she’d chosen to keep her feelings to herself. So he wouldn’t push. This was business as usual.
He didn’t have to tell her to remove her clothes. She simply unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor. Silence. Nothing between them but unspoken words.
He pulled the blindfold from his pocket and fastened it around her pretty face, then left her sitting on the bed.
Tonight, Myth wasn’t going to be gentle. He wasn’t going to let her have control, even in the smallest way. Tonight, she’d get what she wanted.
He’d held himself back out of fear that their make-believe scene would intrude on the real world. But this wasn’t real. It was a fantasy. All her fantasy.
And she’d been clear what kind of fantasy she wanted to have.
She wanted to be taken over? He’d do just that.
Chapter Fourteen
Ava sat naked, blindfolded, and chilled. Not from cold, but from anticipation. Nolan hadn’t said a thing once they entered the room. She couldn’t really blame him. She didn’t know what to say herself. She just knew she needed to forget. Forget the real world. Forget that she had fallen for Nolan and was thinking of him in ways she shouldn’t. Forget how easy it was with him. She didn’t want to think. She just wanted to give in and be consumed. And Myth had the power to do that, especially since, thanks to Nolan’s advice several days ago, she knew how to please him. Knew how to give in and really, truly let him lead.
“Just inside this room,” she reminded herself. Where the blindfold removed her from the real world and put her into a fantasy. A place where she could simply feel. Let go.
And she would. Once and for all, she’d let him take over and she’d come out the other side better for it. This was the one place where she could give herself completely to a man and not worry that he would leave nothing left.
After tonight, she could go back to her life, her world, with confidence that she would always be able to hold on to her control. Her emotions. Her identity.
She would be alone, but that was the price if she wanted to feel safe again.
That’s what you wanted.
A scene was one thing, but the real world? She’d seen the kind of mistakes she’d make with a real person.
So why, even now, was she unable to squash her thoughts of Nolan? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about her time with him indoor skydiving, when he’d shown her that she could let go in the real world and still be safe? More, that she could trust him.
She shook her head. It was exactly that line of thinking that had led to her fantasizing that Nolan was actually Myth. One was her friend. One was her lover. It was that very boundary that kept her safe—
The door opened and boomed shut. Normally, Myth gently latched the door closed, but tonight it sounded as if he’d kicked it.
Was he upset she’d canceled the other night? He’d likely talked with Nolan, but how much did Myth know? Did he know she was going to submit the way he wanted? The way he needed?
A few strides brought him next to her. She sat there on the bed, unable to see him, but she could feel his heat, his presence. His intense energy radiated from his body.
“Are you—”
He clasped the underside of her chin and pulled up slowly, enough to gradually make her legs extend as if preparing to stand, but he stopped short of pulling her onto her feet. He stepped closer, and she felt his abs against her open mouth.
He was hard and strong, the ridges and grooves so delicious she wanted to suck, bite, kiss. But he held the entire underside of her chin in his big palm and again lifted slowly. Trailed her parted lips along his chiseled torso. The moment she reached his chest, he began lowering her, guiding her lips back down until she was seated again.
A dominant vibe drifted from him like fog off a lake. It surrounded her. She couldn’t help it. She flicked her tongue out and tasted his hip bone.
He growled and kicked her feet apart, spreading her wide. Just like she’d been on the couch when Nolan had told her how he’d want to see her, see how much she wanted him.
She was happy to show him just that.
He stepped even closer, hand still cupping her chin, and he guided her lips from his abs and up his impressive body. Her thigh muscles burned trying to keep this slow pace. But he never let her stand fully.
She could taste him, though. Lick him. And she did. She went to grab at his low-slung jeans, but he flicked her touch away with his free hand.
He seemed to want just her mouth on him.
This was the moment she’d hoped for. He was taking her over.
He lowered her so her bare bottom rested on the bed, and the smell of denim hit her. His jeans and his cock were right in front of her. And she couldn’t see it. Couldn’t reach out.
She wanted to. Desperately. But she dug her fingers into the sheets and waited. Waited for him to guide her, instruct her,
take her.
He gave a low growl. In approval? She didn’t know. With his hand still on her chin, he pushed his thumb against her bottom lip and opened her mouth. She did eagerly, and her legs widened further.
His thumb traced her bottom lip, as if pleased with her. Then she heard him unzip his pants. A quick rustle of fabric, and then he was naked. Had to be. Because he was so close that she could feel his heat, smell him. All man and exotic spice.
He cupped her face in one hand and used his other to tap his hard cock against her open mouth. She couldn’t see, but she knew exactly what he was doing.
She instinctively licked her lips, ready for her first taste.
But he just slowly teased her.
Tap…tap…tap…
She moaned and wiggled, that empty feeling in her core growing.
She thought of the night with Nolan. Those fiery blue eyes on her as she pleasured herself while thinking of sucking Myth into her mouth.
He’d want to see my pleasure?
While he teased her, she did her best to stay still except the one hand that drifted between her legs and began to rub.
His exhale was so heavy that she felt it on the top of her head.
Using her middle finger, she gathered her own growing moisture and rubbed her clit.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
She rubbed faster, matched his teasing until he ran the head of his cock along her lips, back and forth. She wanted him deep within her mouth so bad. To feel him. All she could picture were Nolan’s eyes. His intense stare.
She stopped rubbing and slid her finger into her opening, and she heard Myth hiss. He shoved his cock deep into her mouth.
Her half moan, half gasp was muffled by this thick cock. The move had been unexpected, but she sucked greedily before he could take it away. Thank God he didn’t, just let her taste him. Her mouth stretched to accommodate his thick length.
It took all her will to stay still and only move her fingers in and out of herself. She would let Myth take her how he wanted while she simply showed him how much she loved it.
He tangled one hand in her hair at the base of her head, while the other cupped her throat. He pulled his cock from her mouth, then thrust deep again.