by Joya Ryan
“They didn’t even wait twenty-four hours to let me know we got their business.” She smiled and pointed at the phone.
Ava jumped up and clapped her hands. “We got it?”
Gina nodded. “Yep. We are now the official marketing firm for Xspot Inc. You brought in a multi-million dollar contract.”
“The team helped.”
“Yes, but you spearheaded this. Start to finish, and you worked hard. That part about merging fantasy and reality? Whew!” Gina fanned herself. “I don’t know where you got your inspiration, but you sold all of us. You should celebrate!”
Ava let the good news of the day sink in. “Thank you so much,” she said, and then she all but skipped down the hall to her cubical. She reached for her cell to call Nolan—
Then stopped.
She wanted to share this with him. Tell him about her day. Hear his voice. All the things anyone would want with someone who mattered to them.
She closed her eyes. She couldn’t open up to him. She’d done that already, and it had gotten her burned. The problem was that wanting him felt so natural that she was fighting a devastating new instinct that left her broken, scared, and more alone than before she’d met Nolan. Because she knew what she was missing now.
She missed him. His voice. His eyes. His easy going spirit and challenging words. He’d coaxed everything good from her, and she’d accidentally fallen in love with him.
But how could she ever go back to him? Yes, he was the one man she trusted—but he was also the one man who’d betrayed her from the start.
…
“I was hoping you’d stop by,” Jake said. He rose from his desk and crossed his office to shake Nolan’s hand. “Actually, I’ve been hoping you’d stop by for weeks now.”
Nolan nodded. “That’s why I’m here. Is that job still available?”
Jake smiled wide. “Yeah. You finally going to take it?”
Nolan put his hands in his pockets and nodded. His time at Serve was done. There were just two things left to do.
He wanted Ava. He hoped to God she could want him back. He’d fucked up bad and he needed to make it right. But before he went to her tonight, he had to do this one last thing: disconnect. From his old habit of living only one scene at a time. From the guilt over the woman that had been hurt on his watch. From the idea that he’d never have Ava all to himself. All of it. He had to cut ties to all the old shit that held him back.
There was one woman for him, and it was Ava.
It scared the hell out of him, but what was more terrifying was not having her. He couldn’t work at Serve anymore. Had no desire to. Not because of the club itself, but because his position required him to be there for the club’s members in a way that he no longer could. He only had eyes for Ava. Whether he could be with her or not, she was all he could think of, the only one he could see himself giving his heart and his body to.
He’d already talked with Jonah and given notice. He was understanding. And even if this job with Jake didn’t work, then he’d find something else. The end was the same though. Serve had helped him realize his true self. His true desires.
But while he could no longer work at Serve, he did want to protect people. To help.
“Security is what I know, and I’m officially applying for the job,” Nolan said.
“You’ve officially got it,” Jake said. “I wasn’t kidding when I told you I’ve been waiting. You have amazing recommendations and the experience we need. Jonah called me himself today to tell me that I’d be an idiot not to hire you.”
Nolan grinned. There wasn’t much Jonah didn’t know about, so he wasn’t surprised his boss—soon to be former boss—was already on to this. And he appreciated the hell out of him.
Jake shook his hand again and said, “When can you start?”
“Soon,” he said.
There was just one thing he needed to take care of first.
Now came the hard part.
Ava.
Chapter Sixteen
With blurry eyes and achy muscles, Ava let herself into her small apartment. She’d stayed at work late, until she was the only one left in the building. She’d finally decided to come home. Half sobbing and half sleeping on her computer keys wouldn’t make for much comfort.
She should feel good. She’d landed a huge client. But all she felt was awful, like her entire spirit was gone. Worse, the soul she’d worked so hard to get back was now with Nolan. She seemed to be tossing it out like a bad hand of poker. Just her entire emotional capacity, no big deal.
“Sweetheart?” The soft whisper came from just outside the door. She jumped when she saw Nolan walking through the front door she’d left open.
“You can leave,” she said, trying for strength and failing. She thought she’d have more time before having to face him again. No such luck.
“Not until I tell what you I came here to say.”
Damn it, why had he come? She’d just gotten this aching desperation for him under control. She wouldn’t get swept up again. She wouldn’t lose herself to another man. She’d come too far to make the same mistakes.
She crossed her arms. “Really? Do you want to start with how you lied to me?”
“I didn’t mean to lie. It started out that way because you wanted anonymity, and I didn’t trust anyone else with you. I wanted to protect you.”
“By deceiving me? At any point you could have come clean, but you didn’t. You manipulated me!” She wanted to cry, but instead, she felt empty. “You made me feel something for you, and the whole time you were…”
He stepped toward her, but she backed away. He froze.
“Please, love, don’t walk away.”
Her eyes snapped to his, because there was a roughness in his voice that sounded like he was drowning. He looked…devastated.
No. No, she wouldn’t be sucked in.
“I realize I asked the wrong thing when we made love.” He took a small box out of his pocket. Terror flooded her. He must have read what was on her face, because he held up his hand. “Just wait. Let me get this out. Please.”
She took a deep breath.
“Ava, you’re right. I controlled your world and your fantasy from the beginning. That was never my intention. I only meant to participate in your desires, but you hooked me. I wanted to see you smile just as much as to touch your skin. I wanted all of you. And I knew you weren’t interested in giving any part of yourself away.” He hung his head and looked at the box in his hand. “All I’m asking you now is to remember that I’m not the man that wanted to consume you and leave nothing left. I want you, need you so much, but I won’t ask or take anything from you that you don’t want to give.”
He held out the small box.
After a moment, she took it and inside found a leather cuff. Black and slightly distressed, it was masculine and simple. She looked at it, then him.
“What’s this?”
He swallowed. “It’s a cuff.”
“A cuff? Like you wear on your wrist?”
“Yes,” he said. “It’s meant to show ownership.”
A fresh dose of rage and unbelievable pain shot through her.
“You say you understand?” she said around clenched teeth. “That you get me and wouldn’t ask anything of me? Except you want to put a cuff on me to show ownership.” She shook her head. “You’re just like everyone else. You want me to lose myself to you.” He really didn’t know her, and the last piece of her heart shattered.
“No, no, love.” He reached out and cupped her face, forcing her gaze to meet his before she could push him away. “I’d never ask you to lose yourself again.”
“So what is it then? You want to lose yourself instead? I can’t do that, either.”
“This isn’t about losing anything. It’s about gaining something.”
Her eyes shot wide. “W-what?”
He held out his wrist, as though showing her where the cuff was meant to go. “I want to belong to you. If you’ll have me?
I want to give myself to you. And I want you to give yourself to me. Because together, we’re more than we could ever be apart.”
She didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t asking for domination, but the symbolism was there, and so was the commitment.
Did he know what he was asking? Know what it meant to totally surrender yourself to someone, to trust them on that level? Know how it felt to have that person betray you and eradicate all your self-worth?
Because she did. Her ex had done a number on her she’d barely recovered from. Hell, she was still recovering. And Nolan would just put himself out there and trust her like that?
“I could ruin you,” she whispered. “Stomp all over your hopes and dreams. Use you and discard you.”
He nodded. “That’s a chance I’m willing to take, if it means I get to be yours. I trust you.”
She bit back another sob. Anger and sadness from her past flooded through her. Love and longing for the man in front of her hit every nerve. She’d numbed herself to the pain for so long, sure that it was more than she could bear, but now his trust had opened her to more than pleasure. He’d opened her heart.
“You’d give yourself to me? Just like that?”
“Yes. Because you make me the man I’ve always wanted to be. You give me hope, not crush it. You’re my every desire. There’s no risk for me, sweetheart. Because whatever comes, no matter how bad, we’ll face it together.”
“Nolan, I…” She looked at the cuff. She was trying to be strong, trying to warn him, but she could never hurt him. “I’d never hurt you. I’d never steal any piece of your identity away from you.”
“I know.” He looked at her. “The question is, do you believe that I’d never steal your identity from you?”
She looked at those crystalline eyes. The same ones that had been haunting her dreams. The same ones that had been watching her, trying to give her everything she wanted. Yes, his tactics had gotten muddled in the middle, but the beginning and end were the same. He’d tried to make her happy and give her what she wanted. He’d respected her desire for anonymity even when it would have been easier for him to reveal himself.
“Yes, I believe you.”
He sighed and kissed her hard. “I love you so much.”
She smiled and then kissed him again and again. “I love you, too.” She pulled back. “And that really terrifies me.”
He nodded. “I know. Which is why I got a backup present.”
She raised a brow as he went right outside the front door and came back with a Swiffer.
She laughed and wiped the tears away. “You’re kidding?”
“No way. I never joke when it comes to Swiffering. You’ll never have to clean another floor for the rest of your life.”
“Now I really love you.”
He smiled and pulled her into his arms. “I really love you, too.” He kissed her, and in that moment, she found herself wrapped in the myth of her fantasy, the love of her reality, and the hope of their future.
Epilogue
“How do you like the blindfold?” Ava asked, skimming her finger nail down Nolan’s bare chest as she walked along their bed. It was the same room they’d been in at Serve when she first started there, but it was their scene, their bed, and she’d always think of it that way.
They came to the club these days merely as guests, now that Nolan had resigned from his position. He was totally and completely hers now. Officially off the market, and he would only come to the club with her.
“I wish I could see you,” Nolan said.
She tsked. “The point is to feel with your other senses, isn’t that what you told me once?”
He growled a little and she smiled. God, he was sexy, ripped, and laying on the bed in all his naked glory. Naked except for the blindfold and the leather cuff around his left wrist. She’d never had anyone give her so much. This big strong man trusted her with his world. Which was good, because she trusted him with everything she was.
She straddled his lap and his hands immediately went to her hips. She slapped them.
“Hey, not fair. You’re way too hot not to grope,” he said.
“No touching,” she said and leaned over him, just barely, so that her beasts hovered right over his mouth. “Remember all those times you bound my wrists and denied me touching you?”
He sucked her nipple into his mouth and groaned. She gasped and let him play because yes, she was weak. She loved his hands and his mouth on her. She’d never get enough.
He leaned up to suck deeper and take more of her into his mouth, and she wound her fingers in his hair, welcoming him.
“Every part of you tastes so sweet,” he rasped and moved to the other nipple. Even deprived of his vision, he knew exactly where she was and how to strum her body. “Please, love, give me more.”
“Begging now, huh?” she teased. His response was to gently bite her breast. It sent a shock of pleasure through her veins and she couldn’t deny him. She stood on the bed, putting her pussy right in front of him as he sat up. She reached out and gripped the tall bed post for balance.
“I love you so much,” he rasped, then delved his tongue into her core.
“I love you,” she gasped. His tongue ring felt amazing. With Nolan turning out to be Myth as well, she got to take full advantage of all his tricks. The barbell was something she was quite keen on.
She threw her leg over his shoulder, opening herself up more. With one hand still on the post, the other dove into his hair.
“Fuck me, sweetheart. However you want.”
God, she loved him. He was all things alpha, and yet he let her be and have what she needed, when she needed.
She rocked her hips into his mouth, doing exactly what he said. Fucking his mouth.
She felt powerful and free and…his. All at the same time. She was his. To her very center, all Nolan’s. And she wanted that. Was happy to be his.
“I want you…need you so much, baby,” she said. It was her turn to beg now. She needed to feel him, connect with him.
She tore the blindfold off of his eyes, and he didn’t waste any time. Both his hands cupped her ass, and in one swift move he gripped her and lowered her onto his waiting cock.
“Oh God!” she cried out when he speared her. Even after all the times they’d been together, he still felt so good, still shocked her system every time with sheer bliss.
She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. He rocked in and out, taking her like he always did: completely.
“I’m yours,” she whispered.
His eyes met hers and he stilled. Buried deep, he just stared at her in shock. She smiled and nodded her head. “I’m yours,” she said again, and cupped his face. “Forever.”
His blue eyes glittered in a way she’d never seen, like he was beyond happy and stunned at the same time.
“Baby, say something.” She kissed his lips softly. He shifted his hips just enough for her to feel him deep and take her breath away.
“Say it one more time,” he asked.
Another stir of his hips.
“I’m yours.”
“For how long?” He thrust harder that time. Then again. Claiming her. Taking her over. Just like she needed, and just like he knew she needed.
“Forever,” she said with a moan.
He plunged in and out, like those words were the best thing he’d ever heard, and she wanted to give him anything he wanted. Anything to make him happy. Even her entire self. Because he’d never take advantage. That, she knew for certain.
“Forever,” he said, working her body and his to the edge, until they both tripped into the free fall of release. But he held her tight, and she knew he’d never let her go.
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About the Author
National and international bestselling author Joya Ryan is the author of the Shattered series, which includes Break Me Slowly, Possess Me Slowly, and Capture Me Slowly. She has also written the Sweet Torment series, which includes Breathe You In and Only You. Passionate about both cooking and dancing (despite not being too skilled at the latter), she loves spending time at home. Along with her husband and her two sons, she resides in California.
www.joyaryan.com
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