He was almost inconsolable with regret that he had allowed Wickham to escape. Was the man to get away with one degenerate misdeed after another? Colonel Fitzwilliam had tried to reassure him that if Wickham was anywhere in England, he would be found and tried by the Military Court. It was his cousin’s contention, however, that the man had left the country altogether. But Darcy would not rest easy until he was sure that the blackguard could no longer be a threat to Elizabeth.
Ignoring his doctor’s advice, he had travelled the long distance to Hertfordshire; he could wait no longer to see her. He had to have his answer. He would try once more to persuade her to consent to be his wife. If she still refused, as hard as it would be to give her up, he vowed he would forevermore remain silent on the subject. He would forget the beguiling Miss Elizabeth Bennet and simply live the rest of his life as he always had. But even as that thought crossed his mind, he knew it was a lie. He would never forget her, nor could he ever go back to being the man he was before; she had changed everything.
He rose from his bed, and the ache in his shoulder increased as he lifted his arm. Wickham’s bullet had left several nerves severely damaged, affecting the movements of his left arm and hand. His incapacity was making Darcy wary of the day’s planned activity. Certainly he would be of no threat to the birds flying over Longbourn this morning.
********
The atmosphere was most festive as long-time friends and neighbours gathered at Netherfield to celebrate the marriage of Miss Jane Bennet to Mr. Charles Bingley. The ballroom was overflowing with guests as it seemed Mrs. Bennet had felt compelled to invite almost every one of her acquaintances.
The handsome couple walked to the center of the dance floor as soon as the first strains of music filled the air. They were joined by several other couples for the first dance of the evening. Their wedding ball had now officially begun.
Elizabeth looked on from her inconspicuous chair. A wistful sigh escaped her lips at the sight of her beautiful sister dancing so elegantly with the man she adored. And the look in Mr. Bingley’s eyes . . . no one could mistake it . . . told of the deep abiding love he held in his heart for his dear Jane. Did not every woman deserve to be looked upon in such a way? It was one of the most romantic scenes Elizabeth had ever witnessed and, she had to admit, she was a little envious.
Prying her eyes away from the happy couple, she scanned the room, telling herself she was looking for no one in particular. But her mind could not help but recall the last time she had sat in almost this very same spot just shy of a year ago. She remembered the balcony and Mr. Darcy’s kiss, the first kiss she had ever known.
She would never experience his kiss again, and the certainty of that was breaking her heart. But she was determined to keep her spirits high. She smiled as she saw Charlotte headed in her direction, and she was grateful for the diversion from her gloomy contemplations. She stood to greet her friend. “I am so happy to see you, Charlotte.”
“As am I to see you, Elizabeth.” The two women hugged and when they separated Elizabeth looked down upon Charlotte’s increased girth. “I have heard your good news, Charlotte. A baby—how wonderful!”
“To her credit, my mother did try to wait for your return from holiday to inform your family, but she was just too excited to keep it to herself any longer. I knew Jane would inform you as soon as she could.”
Elizabeth then remembered the letter she had been reading that morning at the Lambton Inn. The letter she had not had the opportunity to finish.
“Yes, I imagine she can hardly wait for the arrival of her first grandchild. When is the happy event to take place?”
“Not for another five months. I only hope my husband’s nerves can endure until the end of my confinement. I believe he is more anxious about it than I am.”
“I am sure he will make a most attentive father. Oh Charlotte, I could not be more delighted for you and Mr. Collins.”
When the music began for the next set, Charlotte turned to see Mr. Collins eagerly trying to gain her attention. “I see my husband is in a dancing mood this evening. I pray my toes survive his enthusiasm. I shall see you later, Elizabeth.”
But before she could depart, Elizabeth suddenly had to know the answer to a question that had plagued her thoughts. She reached out and touched her friend’s arm. “Are you happy, Charlotte . . . I mean with your choice of Mr. Collins?”
“Well, it was hardly a choice, if you recall,” replied Charlotte with amusement. “But, yes, I would have to say that all things considered, I am happy. And now with a baby soon to come, I could not ask for anything more. My life is quite content, Lizzy.”
“I am so very glad it has all worked out so agreeably for you, Charlotte.”
The two friends exchanged warm smiles, and as Charlotte departed, Elizabeth sat back down in her chair. Words that Mr. Darcy had spoken on one of their first encounters came to her mind. “There are any number of reasons why people marry.”
Hearing Charlotte’s declaration of happiness, she supposed that was true. But surely love and passion were the best reasons of all, were they not? She had always believed so. But maybe not everyone was destined for such an agreeable fate; maybe happiness could be attained without those things.
She looked up and watched as the familiar gentleman crossed the room to greet her, the gentleman whose presence at Longbourn was now a common occurrence.
“Good evening, Elizabeth.”
“Good evening, Mr. McGregor.”
“This seems to be quite a gathering. I think your mother has invited the whole of Hertfordshire this evening.”
“Yes, she did get rather carried away. Each time she met another acquaintance, she just could not stop herself from extending an invitation. ‘The more the merrier’ I believe was her explanation each time another guest was added to her list.”
“Well, it seems she was correct as everyone seems to be having a most enjoyable time,” he commented as he looked around the room at the happy faces that surrounded them.
“I understand that you joined yesterday’s shooting party.”
“Yes, I found it quite interesting. Mr. Bingley’s friend, Mr. Darcy, was amongst the party. I had heard of him, of course, but I had never before had the opportunity of meeting him. Are you acquainted with him?”
“Yes . . . Mr. Darcy and I . . . we have met on several occasions, and his sister, Miss Georgiana, and I often correspond. Did you find his company agreeable?”
“I admit I found him rather direct.”
“Really? How so?”
“As soon as your father introduced us, he asked the nature of my relationship with you.”
Elizabeth could not hide her surprise. “And what was your reply?”
“I told him that I considered his inquiry ill-mannered, and I flatly refused to answer him. It was quite unsettling, but for some reason your father found it all rather amusing.”
Elizabeth’s brow crinkled. Just then she looked up and met Mr. Darcy’s intense stare from the across the room. Just the mere sight of him set her heart beating faster. Why did he still have such an affect upon her? They held each other’s gaze, and it was Elizabeth who finally turned away to continue her conversation.
“That does not surprise me, Mr. McGregor. I’m afraid my father is a bit eccentric and finds amusement in the most unusual things.”
“Yes, I would say that is a fair assessment,” he answered as he gave her a smile.
“You look lovely this evening, Elizabeth. Turn so that I might fully appreciate your beautiful gown.”
Elizabeth could not help but blush at his words. As he held out his raised hand to her, she grasped his fingers and did a slow pirouette.
Across the room, Darcy’s stare had not wavered as he now watched Jeremy McGregor continue his attentions towards Elizabeth. As he observed the man take her hand as she twirled around, he felt a pang of jealousy pierce his heart.
When Mr. Bennet had introduced the gentleman to him yesterday morning, h
e had immediately recognized the name from the letter Jane Bennet had sent her sister at the Lambton Inn, the letter he had read over and over again.
Now watching their interaction, the thought that he might already be too late gripped his heart. He recalled Jane Bennet’s written words to Elizabeth, “I know the disappointment you have suffered with regard to Mr. Darcy. But time will help heal your heart, Lizzy. Your love for him will eventually fade, and you will find someone who will equal your capacity to love.”
Elizabeth had loved him once. But now he worried her love for him had withered as all things do that are not cherished and nurtured. Had she already succeeded in forgetting him? Had Jeremy McGregor replaced him in Elizabeth’s heart?
CHAPTER FORTY
“There you are, Brother. I have been looking for you. Were we not to have danced this set together?”
“I’m sorry, Georgie. I’m afraid I was distracted.”
Georgiana looked across the room and saw the source of his distraction. “Yes, so I see. Why do you just stand here? Go talk to her, Fitzwilliam.”
“She is otherwise engaged at the moment,” he said, trying to hide his irritation as Jeremy McGregor and Elizabeth still stood deep in conversation.
“I am beginning to think that all men are obstinate fools,” said Georgiana, drawing a raised eyebrow from her brother.
“Would you care to elaborate on that sentiment, Georgie?” he asked, more amused than he should be.
Georgiana struggled to find the right words. “It’s . . . it’s just that it seems you expect a woman to read your mind. But we cannot! We only know what you are willing to tell us. And it would be highly improper for a young lady to speak of her feelings first, especially without some encouragement or reassurance that her feelings are reciprocated.”
“Why do I have the feeling that we are no longer discussing me and Miss Bennet? What is it? What are you about, Georgiana?”
She let out an exasperated sigh as her complexion coloured. “Can we not converse on this at another time, Fitzwilliam? Let us just enjoy the ball tonight.”
“As you wish. We will not talk of it at present, Georgie. But this subject is not closed.”
She nodded her head in resignation. “Well, I am going to go speak with my friend, even if you are unwilling to do so.”
He gave her a warning look.
“Oh, do not worry, Brother; I will not disclose any of your secrets.”
As he watched his sister flounce away, he shook his head. She was becoming quite the handful. Was this how all young ladies behaved? Perhaps he should have Richard speak with her. After all, his cousin was also her guardian, and his considerable experience with women would make him far more proficient in dealing with the idiosyncrasies of the fairer sex.
The colonel should have arrived by seven o’clock this evening, in time to attend the ball. But apparently his latest assignment delayed him as usual. Darcy reached for his father’s pocket watch to check the time, a habit that was long instilled in him, only to remember it was no longer in his possession. The memory of Wickham’s hands upon him, searching through his pockets as he lay bleeding on the cabin floor, had him cursing the man under his breath.
He must not let his mind go there tonight. Such thoughts did not belong in a ballroom. Instead he turned his attentions back to Elizabeth and Mr. McGregor.
********
“Are you sure I cannot fetch you some refreshments, Elizabeth? Some punch perhaps?”
“No, thank you, Mr. McGregor. I am perfectly fine.”
“Can I not induce you to call me by my given name as you once did?”
“I shall have to see how Kitty feels about that, sir.”
“I am sure she would not mind at all. She was the one who sent me to see if you required anything.”
“So, she is ordering you around already,” said Elizabeth teasingly.
“To be perfectly candid, I find I rather enjoy it.”
Despite Mrs. Bennet’s flagrant attempts to encourage a courtship between Elizabeth and Mr. McGregor, as soon as they had become reacquainted, they both recognized that they were never meant to be more than friends. It was Kitty who had charmed him and whose company he now sought regularly at Longbourn.
“And I have never seen Kitty quite so happy, Jeremy.”
He smiled at her usage of his given name. “Perhaps you will save a dance for me,” he said.
“I’m afraid I am not much of a dancer. But I should love to see you and Kitty stand up together for the next set.”
He lightly kissed the back of her hand and bowed politely as he left her company, and Elizabeth retook her seat.
As Georgiana approached her friend, she slowed her pace. Quite frankly, she was unsure if Elizabeth would be receptive to her company. Their recent correspondence had been rather reserved. Georgiana was sure it was mainly due to her own lack of skill at deception. She did not want to betray her brother’s trust, and yet she felt disloyal to Elizabeth for not being forthcoming regarding Fitzwilliam’s injuries and his long convalescence. The result was stifled letters that seemed indifferent and detached. An apprehensive sigh escaped her lips.
“Georgiana, how good it is to see you again; you look so lovely in your beautiful gown,” said Elizabeth in earnest.
Georgiana’s relief was apparent as a smile quickly overtook her countenance. “I am so happy to see you again, too, Elizabeth. I pray it is as your letters have stated, and that you have fully recovered from your horrible ordeal.”
Elizabeth could not help but wonder if those who knew of her kidnapping would ever completely remove it from their minds. Or would they always speculate on just what had taken place that day?
She gave Georgiana a half-hearted smile. “Yes, as you can see, I am quite well. It is all but forgotten.”
There was an awkward silence. Was it just two short months ago that there had felt such a special bond between them?
“I thank you, Georgiana, for coming over to speak with me. But I will understand if you do not wish to stay,” said Elizabeth softly. “I am sure your brother would prefer that you did not remain in my company.”
“That is not true, Elizabeth. That is not true at all!” Georgiana protested as she held back her tears.
“If I have said anything to upset you, please forgive me. I just want you to know that I am aware that things must change between us now.”
“Nothing has changed, Elizabeth. I will always be your friend.”
The next moment, Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst were upon them; each one linking an arm with Georgiana. “Here you are. We have been looking for you and your brother, Georgiana,” said Caroline. “I am hoping to find him. The supper set is next, and Charles has informed me that the first dance of the set will be one of two waltzes that are planned for the evening.”
Caroline turned towards Elizabeth, acknowledging her for the first time. “It is shame you don’t dance, Miss Eliza, for I am sure you would find it most enjoyable.” And with that, they scurried a reluctant Georgiana away with them.
Elizabeth inhaled a deep breath and took her seat once more. When she looked up, Mr. Darcy’s eyes were again intent upon her from across the room. She watched as he moved along the perimeter of the dance floor, his eyes never leaving hers. And then suddenly he was standing before her. “Good evening, Miss Bennet.”
Elizabeth’s breath caught in her throat as she stared up into his warm, dark brown eyes. “Mr. Darcy,” she responded, her voice sounding unfamiliar to her own ears.
“It is a pleasure to see again, Elizabeth,” he said softly, “and on such an agreeable occasion. Do you mind if I sit?”
Elizabeth looked up at him in confusion. Just what was he about? “Please do, Mr. Darcy. I must say you surprise me.”
“Surprise you? In what way?”
“I had assumed you would avoid my company this evening, sir, as you have done for the past two months. But I suppose you had your reasons.”
“I was not avoiding you,
Miss Bennet. But, yes, I did have my reasons for not contacting you,” he said as he stared intently into her eyes. “I sincerely hope you will forgive me.”
She answered with little more than civility. “Why, of course, Mr. Darcy.”
“Your sister and Mr. Bingley seem to be the picture of happiness,” he said as they both turned to observe the couple on the dance floor.
“Yes, anyone can see they are deeply in love.”
“Is it your opinion that love is something you can see?” he asked.
“Yes. Do you not agree?”
“Perhaps. But I believe that some people see it where it is not, while others refuse to see it when it is right in front of them.”
Elizabeth stared into his eyes for a long moment. Just what did he mean? How could he speak of love when he did not even believe in it? And how could he, with merely a few words, make her forget all of her anger and build her hopes up once more. No! She had promised herself she would not be so foolish again. If he truly cared for her, he would have sought her company long ago. He would have saved her endless nights of grief and despair.
“Mr. McGregor mentioned you made his acquaintance yesterday.”
“Yes, from what I understand he visits Longbourn often. Are you . . . is he . . .”
“Is he my suitor? No, Mr. Darcy, he is not. Mr. McGregor and I are just good friends.”
“Friends? The way you and I were once good friends?” he asked.
Elizabeth inhaled sharply.
“Has he kissed you, Elizabeth?” he quietly asked as he reached out and lightly brushed his thumb across her lower lip.
His touch affected her so profoundly that it took her a moment to recover. “No, sir, he has not,” she replied with barely enough breath to answer him. “Mr. McGregor visits Longbourn to call on my sister Kitty.”
A relieved smile formed on Darcy’s lips.
“It would be my great pleasure to dance the first waltz with you. May I have the honour, Miss Bennet?”
“I’m sorry, but I have not come prepared to dance this evening, Mr. Darcy.”
The Last Waltz: . . . another pride and prejudice journey of love Page 28