by Mignon Mykel
I did it because I thought that, at some point, she would change her mind and be open to telling her brothers. I didn’t think it would take this long, in all honesty, and it was beginning to look like Brenna would have kept it like this until we ran our course.
But I didn’t have plans on our relationship ‘running its course.’ Oh no. This course wasn’t ending for another fifty or sixty plus years.
“Brenna. C’mon, Angel, let me talk to you.” I took the steps two at a time and caught her hand, sliding in behind her before the door could close on me.
“We’re not telling them!” Her voice was lowered but definitely full of heat.
“Why, Bren? Why.” I pulled her into a darker area of the pub near the dart boards. I noticed Rory by the bar and as much as I’d like to tell him I was dating his sister—shit, living with her—I was going to let Brenna do it. Or let her give me permission to do it. But fuck if it was going to take more than today to get there.
“Because I’m not ready!”
“When will you be, Brenna? Seriously. It’s been five fucking years. I live with you!”
“Then move out.” She crossed her arms over her chest and while her words were defiant, there was a world of sadness in her eyes.
“That’s a cop out, and you know it.”
“They like you, Grey.” Thank fuck she called me Grey. “If they found out what we’ve been doing, what we are doing, they’re not going to like you anymore. You’re going to be out a job, friends…” She shrugged a shoulder.
“Who the fuck cares, Brenna? It’s you I want. Not the pub. Not your brothers. I would think that was made clear by the fact I’ve played this your way for this long. I also think you’re not giving your brothers enough credit.”
“Grey—”
“No. I’m not done. Do you need to tell them about your biggest mistakes growing up? No. Should you tell them the real meaning behind your tattoo? Yeah. Yeah, I think you should. Do I think they’ve put you in a bubble and are a little blind when it comes to you? Sure do. But that’s on you just as much as it’s on them. You are one of the strongest, feistiest women I know; you could have stepped out of that bubble at any time.”
She shook her head again. “You don’t understand.”
“No, Bren, I don’t think you understand. You’ve fallen into this victim’s mentality when it comes to your past and I understand where your head’s been, but you have support. You have your brothers—if you let them in. But you also have me.
“God, Brenna. I am so over the moon in love with you, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t love you in secret and pretend nothing is going on during the day, not when all I want is to put a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly.” I stepped back and put my hands in the air, resigned. “Can’t do that in secret.”
Again, Brenna shook her head. Or maybe she never stopped. “I can’t right now, Grey.” She looked defeated and while I hated I did that to her, I was glad I got my words out.
Now, to see how she would sit on those words. To see if she would accept them or pack my shit for me, because I’d be damned if I was moving out on my own.
Brenna
“Yo, Bren!” sounded from the other end of the bar. I looked away from Grey and his determined expression, toward the source of my name calling—Rory.
“What, Rory?” There was a bit of bite in my voice, but I was annoyed with the men in my life. Rory, for being his regular self, and currently Grey because he…
Well, because he loved me and that didn’t fit in with the plan.
I pushed around Grey, needing the space but also needing to get ready for my shift.
“Leave the poor guy alone. What the hell did he do to you?”
I shook my head, mumbling to myself, “He just wants a little bit more from me than I’m ready for.”
The earlier hours at the pub were surprisingly busy today and when Grey came on for his afternoon shift, I tried to avoid him. Well, as best as I could. We were working together for my last hour on the floor.
My thoughts last night about ending things with Grey, but everything being normal at work? Yeah, not sure how that was going to happen.
He refused to talk to me, other than when he and I had to deal with drink orders. He stayed on his end of the bar and I stayed on the floor. Every time I glanced over at him and saw him flashing his smile at a woman, my heart cracked a little.
This is what I wanted.
I wanted to push him away.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to think about it too much longer. I slipped into the back room when my shift was up, grabbing my purse and phone. When I left the office, I nearly ran into Conor.
He grabbed my arm, steadying me from my bounce back. “Hey, Bren. Mia wanted to know if you wanted to come for dinner.”
I glanced toward the bar, then back toward Conor. I didn’t have a ride home; I rode in with Grey. Besides, I needed a little bit of space.
“Yeah, sure.”
When we got back to his and Mia’s place, a squirming ten month old was thrust into my arms and my hair was pulled on, but the liveliness of the house had my spirits lifting.
I sat in the kitchen with Mia as she waddled around, her big baby belly getting in the way of everything. My heart swelled, watching my oldest brother put his hands on his very pregnant girlfriend’s waist, putting her aside with a kiss on her temple, and telling her he’d finish getting dinner ready.
Conor fell into the domestic thing pretty quickly, but it fit him so well. He was a different guy these days than he was when he opened the pub. As much as Mia may have hated me when I threw the two of them together, forcing her to tell him who she was and that she was pregnant with this cutie pie sitting on my leg, I didn’t regret a single moment of the piece I played in their getting together.
Mia, Aiden, and I moved to the living room where Mia sat on the couch and I on the floor with my nephew, rolling him a ball that he would promptly attempt to put in his mouth.
Aiden was all Conor. He had the same pitch black hair that my brother and I shared, but also the startling blue eyes. He did have Mia’s nose and chin, but there was absolutely no doubt who this kid’s father was.
“Is Miss Ava getting ready to come out?” I asked, rolling the ball another time.
Mia groaned, putting her hand on the top of her large belly. “I sure hope so.”
I laughed lightly and moved to my knees to crawl over to my nephew, scooping him up with one arm and moving back to sit. He giggled the entire time, his gummy, two-toothed smile wide and infectious.
God, I loved this baby and I knew without a doubt his baby sister was going to be just as lovely. I didn’t envy Mia and her baby belly, no; I heard all too often how uncomfortable this pregnancy was making her, but the baby in my arms and the one who was due to make her appearance any day now?
They had flashes of blond haired, green-eyed babies in my head.
I never really thought about kids, not after losing Nova. Heck, even before I lost her, I never thought about kids. But being surrounded by babies and, damn him, Grey mentioning me having his babies…
The panicky feeling overcame my chest again, making it hard to breathe. I tried to keep it from Mia but the woman was incredibly perceptive.
“What’s wrong, Bren?” She scooted to the edge of her seat and I didn’t have a doubt in the world that if she could maneuver to the floor, and then get back up again, she’d be right next to me.
I shook my head, focusing on deep breaths. When I was sure I was going to be ok, I gave my friend a small smile. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
Mia’s eyes narrowed and I could tell she wanted to press, but thankfully, she let it be. “Alright well… I’m going to go check on Con. You good with Aiden?” With a hand on the couch beside her, she lifted herself to stand.
I fought to stop the grin from spreading on my face as I watched her. She was a fucking cute pregnant woman.
“We’ll be fine.” I turned Aiden so he faced me,
having him stand on his chubby legs. “Won’t we, boy-o?” He squealed his delight.
Once Mia left the room, I sighed and gave Aiden a small smile. “You’re pretty cute, you know that?”
He bent his knees in a jump, and I allowed him to dip before pulling him back up to stand on my legs.
I glanced over my shoulder to be sure Con and Mia weren’t within earshot. “What am I going to do about Grey?” I whispered to Aiden. He gave me a babbled answer. “Yeah, I know.” Next, Aiden’s hand went into his mouth. “You’re tellin’ me, buddy…”
I flipped him around so he sat in my lap, his back to my front, and reached for my phone. Regardless if I was putting distance between us, it would be rude of me not to let him know where I was. He was my ride to the pub and he’d likely expect me home tonight. I shot him a quick text that I was with Con and Mia, and that I’d be there for the night at the least, before turning my phone off. I didn’t want to hear his response. Not yet.
Brenna
I avoided Grey another day.
But I had a good excuse; Mia was having contractions throughout the day, so she and Con asked if I could stick around to help with Aiden in case they had to leave. The day didn’t bring a baby, but there was hope that the night would.
At around three in the morning, Conor tapped me on the shoulder, effectively rousing me from sleep.
“I’m bringing Mia to the hospital.”
I sat up straight on the couch. “Now?” I frantically looked around. Mia was by the door, a pained smile on her face, and a bag by her feet.
“You’re still good staying here with Aiden?”
I nodded. “Absolutely. Yeah, sure.”
Conor stood and pointed to the coffee table, where he put the video monitor. “He’ll probably sleep for another three or four hours. I’ll call you when it’s go time. Mia’s keys are on the hook; you can just take her car. Aiden’s seat is already in it.”
I smiled sleepily. God, this was exciting. I stood up and gave my brother a hug before moving to Mia, hugging her tight. “Go have a baby, Mia.”
She laughed, hugging me back. “Thank you, Brenna.” I could hear in her voice that her thank you was for more than just watching Aiden for the next few hours. I leaned back and gave her a smile.
“You are more than welcome, Mia.”
“Someday you’ll find your happy, and I can’t wait to be there for you,” Mia said, squeezing my shoulder. The squeeze got painfully tight as her face contorted.
“Shit, Mia, that’s four minutes. We’ve gotta go.”
Her face was still tight, her eyes shut, but she managed to hold up a finger for my brother. One second, she was saying.
I couldn’t help but grin.
God, I loved these two.
Conor moved to grab their bag and wrapped an arm around Mia’s back. “You let me know when you’re good, Mia baby.” I stepped away, giving them room, and after a moment longer, Mia nodded.
“Ok. Yeah. Let’s go have this little lady.” Mia smiled up at Con, who bent down to press a light kiss to her lips.
I had to look away.
What would it be like to have that?
Shit.
I had that.
And I, more or less, was throwing it away.
The anxiety in my chest was starting again, but I managed to hold it back until after I saw Conor’s truck leave the drive.
God, what was I doing?
Five years ago, I met a man who made me feel things I hadn’t in a long while before that point.
Four years ago, I took a chance and went on a date with that same man, a man who became a constant in my life.
Three years ago, one date turned to two, which turned into a once a week thing. We even threw a vacation or two in there.
Two years ago, we decided that the occasional date wasn’t going to be enough, and we were at one or the other’s place nearly every night.
One year ago, he and I decided life would be easier if he just moved in, like it was no big deal.
Cohabitation was completely normal. People did it all the time.
One day ago, I got scared because he told me he loved me.
So I pushed him away.
The only person in the world who knew all my secrets, knew all my faults, yet still fucking loved me. He loved me and I pushed him away.
When I looked at Aiden, I wanted something like him in the future.
When I looked at Conor and Mia, I was envious of their relationship.
But why?
I had what they had; I just refused to acknowledge it in person.
So what if my brothers decided he wasn’t good enough for me, if they fired him and never looked at me again?
When did I get to start living my life, for me? When did I get to start loving my life, and let go of everything that held me back?
I moved back to the couch and picked up my phone from its spot next to the monitor. I looked at the monitor screen, making sure Aiden was still sleeping, before opening my text log.
It didn’t surprise me that Grey never responded before. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I hurt him by walking away from his declaration.
If there was one thing he proved over the years, it was that he was willing to play things my way—but eventually he was going to stop playing.
Me: Mia’s off to have baby Ava.
Not expecting a response—he closed and likely went to bed an hour ago—I turned off the screen and tried to settle back into sleep, knowing it likely wouldn’t come.
I stared at the dark ceiling, my eyes tracking the slow moving fan as it whirled around in circles.
I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want the quiet.
I wanted laughter.
I wanted hugs, kisses, love, and I knew just who I wanted them from.
Stone
I couldn’t sleep.
It had been a long fucking time since I went to bed alone, or without the knowledge that Brenna would be coming to bed, to me, in a matter of hours. And to do it two nights in a row didn’t make it any better.
It fucking sucked.
I lay in bed, my arms back behind my head and the sheets down by my hips, my ears open and listening for her. Surely she would come home tonight.
She wanted me to pack up everything and leave?
No.
I wanted her to come home and fight it out with me. There had to be more to her reluctance to tell her brothers her past, other than simply she didn’t want to ruin what they thought of her. To hell what they thought of me! I could give two fucks if they decided they didn’t like me simply because I was in love with their sister.
I didn’t think they’d be too pissed, anyway.
Not with Conor becoming Dad of the Year, and Rory doing…whatever the hell Rory was doing with Emily.
There was a story I couldn’t wait to watch unfold.
I sighed heavily and tried closing my eyes, even though I knew sleep wouldn’t come. I tried counting sheep, counting backward from one hundred, purposely relaxing every part of my body, starting down at my toes…anything that I had been told worked for someone somewhere.
But all with no such luck.
I let my eyes open again, staring at the white ceiling. Two sleepless nights were no joke.
When a Luke Bryan song started wafting through the duplex, I frowned momentarily. It was Brenna’s ringtone for texting.
Shit.
It was Brenna’s ring tone.
I jackknifed off the bed and moved to the other side of the loft, where we kept the charging dock for devices. I picked up my phone and ran my other hand through my hair, thumbing open the message.
Angel: Mia’s off to have baby Ava.
I started a response and erased it probably five times before I just pressed call.
As the phone rang in my ear, I walked back to the bed, hoping against all hope that she would answer. Please answer, Bren.
Just when I thought it was going to go to voicemail
, where I’d at least get to hear her voice, the call clicked on.
“Hey, Grey.” Her voice was unsteady, unsure.
“Hi, Angel.”
There was a moment where neither of us spoke and I could hear her breathing through the line.
“Do you want me to come over?” I asked finally.
She took a moment to respond. “You don’t need to.”
She could be so stubborn. “Do you want me to come over?” I repeated.
“Yes.”
It was whispered, but the single word packed a punch.
“Ok. Alright.” I stood again and, holding the phone to my ear still, starting pulling out clothes to put on. “I can be there in ten minutes.”
Ten minutes later, I pulled into the drive of Conor and Mia’s house. I cut the engine and got up to the front door in record time. At three thirty in the morning, the little neighborhood was quiet, the only activity being maybe a plane flying overhead. Otherwise the night was silent, still.
I started to knock, not wanting to wake Aiden with the doorbell, but just as my knuckles hit the wood, the door was pulled open.
There she stood, in all her raven-haired beauty.
Her hair was loose and wavy around her shoulders. Add to that her bed attire of a tank and shorts, and her unsure face, and she looked tired in more ways than just from lack of sleep.
“Hey, Bren.”
She stayed standing there, a hand on the door, staring up at me. I stayed put, waiting for her to tell me what had her pausing.
Finally, she said, “I’m sorry, Grey.”
I shook my head. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Angel.”
“No, I do,” she said, shaking her own head. She stepped back, allowing me into her brother’s home, and I took her hand in mine. I squeezed it once, and after the door was closed and locked, she led me to the living room.
We sat next to one another, her bare thigh pressed to my jean-clad one. I kept her hand in mine, not wanting to lose more contact.
“I’m ready to tell my brothers.” She looked at me. “About us,” she clarified.