“So…” He repeated.
“Do you want to go for a walk by the lake before you head home? If you have to leave it’s fine. I understand. I know you have a long drive ahead of you…”
“Cara…”
“I’m rambling.”
“Yeah.” He smiled. “I have time for a walk, but you should probably grab a jacket or something. The weather is changing.”
“Okay. Stay right here. I’ll be right back and we’ll head out through those doors.” She motioned behind him at the glass doors.
“Okay.” He said and leaned against the wall, watching as she jogged down the hallway to what he assumed was the direction of her room. This place was huge. If he closed his eyes and someone spun him around, he’d be lost. It didn’t take her long and when she came back to him she was wearing the sweatshirt he gave her when she first arrived at Lakeview. He took in her appearance and couldn’t help the smile.
“Nice shirt.” He commented and bit back the laugh when she rolled up the sleeves that were too long.
“Thanks. This guy I know gave it to me.” She bit her lip and looked around to make sure they were alone in the hallway and no one could hear her. “Can you keep a secret?”
He looked at her skeptically. “I think we both know I can keep a secret.” She hit his arm playfully and rolled her eyes.
“So, this guy that gave me the shirt?”
“What about him?” He asked playing along.
“He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s not getting his shirt back.” She grinned wickedly and started towards the doors. She looked over her shoulder and brought her finger to her lips. “Shh! Don’t tell him.”
Luke laughed. “My lips are sealed.” He said and followed her out the doors to walk along the lake. The crisp air hit them as soon as they stepped onto the grass. They walked in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Luke took in the serenity of the center and how calm and peaceful everything was there.
“How is everyone at home?” She asked beside him.
He took a moment to think and then shrugged his shoulders. “The same really, I told you Nick has a fetish for romance novels?”
She grinned. “Yes, you told me you walked in on him reading Fifty Shades of Grey.” He shook his head at the memory and she laughed. “How’s Sam? Is she showing yet?”
“She swears she is but if you ask me she isn’t. She and my father had an argument about that the other day. He came downstairs with a magnifying glass and a tape measure.”
Cara laughed out loud. “I can completely picture him doing that.”
Luke shook his head. “I thought my mother was going to strangle him with the tape measure.”
She stood silent for a moment. “I miss them.”
He glanced over at her. “They miss you too. Deb’s planning a big dinner when you get home and Joe’s counting down the days because he hasn’t had a proper cup of espresso.”
Cara didn’t say anything she just looked out towards the lake.
“Hey… what’s wrong?” He asked softly.
She kept her eyes on the lake. “I’m afraid of hurting them. Your parents associate me with Jake. I just don’t want to cause them anymore heartache. I don’t want to be a constant reminder to them of what they lost.”
She had him there. Even he felt that his family automatically associated Cara with Jake. It would be a hurdle they would have to get over and maybe Luke could be the one to help his parent’s bridge that gap.
“They love you.” That was a fact. “And they’re going to have to learn you are your own person. It won’t change your relationship with them if anything, it will make it stronger.”
She turned around and faced him. “You really think so?”
He nodded. “Yes.” He hoped she saw the sincerity in his eyes. They remained quiet for the rest of their stroll along the lake. On the way back to the center, they made small talk about Ava and about Sam and Nick’s upcoming wedding. She admitted that she was looking forward to the wedding and they discussed how long they would stay and agreed that they would spend New Year’s Eve in Mexico.
When it was time for Luke to leave, they hugged and she told him she would call him the next day. She thanked him again for coming and for the flowers. He drove back to Riverdale reeling from the day he had spent with her. He was so proud of the woman he spent just a few hours with.
By the time he had reached his destination the sun was beginning to go down and he knew he wouldn’t have much time. He climbed the steep grassy hill that was covered with fallen leaves. Luke couldn’t explain why, but he needed to come here. He needed to ask the one question that he kept asking himself over and over. He reached the top of the hill and searched the row of tombstones until he found his brothers.
He gasped at first when he saw his brother’s name carved into the stone. He really was gone. Luke drew in a deep breath. It wasn’t as if he was in denial. He knew Jake was gone, he watched with his own eyes as he drew his last breath. Yet, seeing his name engraved into a headstone brought back the reality of the situation. He had lost his only brother. He ran his fingers along his name.
“Damn it Jake, what the hell were you thinking making me promise to look after her?” He whispered hoarsely. Luke lifted his face up to the darkening sky as a warm breeze blew over him.
Cara’s Journal: October 11,
Dear Jake,
I’m starting to get the hang of this making amends thing. I think I may even like the idea of having a second chance at having a friendship with Luke. You know without all the nagging, he’s actually pretty cool to have in your corner. But you probably already know that being as you are his brother.
He came up to visit me and I was able to complete one of the steps of my program. He listened to me, and accepted my vow to make things right between us. It’s almost as if I can erase all the crap I gave him after you passed away. I’m only allowed to call one person from home while I recover. I chose him.
I don’t know why. What is even stranger is that I don’t know why I like talking to him. If you would’ve said to me a month ago that I would look forward to hearing Luke’s voice, I’d say you were off your rocker. But now? It’s become something I look forward to.
I’m pretty tired, so I’m going to sleep. I hope you visit me in my dreams like you sometimes do.
Love always and forever,
Cara
Cara’s Journal: October 11
Dear Jake,
I’m sitting by the lake, thinking about you. I wonder if wherever you are, you are at peace. I wish heaven had a phone. I’d call you just to hear your voice one last time.
Today was a rough day for me. I think it’s because the leaves are turning and it’s feeling more like the start of Autumn. The fall was always a favorite season of ours. Do you remember that time we went apple picking? You took a wrong turn and instead of finding the orchard we went to a supermarket and bought a bag full of apples. We came home and told everyone in your family, we climbed trees to get them.
Deb fried a turkey that year and after dinner we baked an apple pie together from scratch.
I’m learning to live with the memories of you. I’m learning to embrace them as a great part of my life, that it’s okay to miss you. While we may never make new memories together, I can cherish the ones we had. It doesn’t have to hurt to remember.
I miss you
Love always and forever,
Cara
Cara’s Journal: October 18,
Dear Jake,
My thirty days are almost up. I won’t lie, I’m nervous to go home. What if I can only stay clean and sober as long as I’m locked away from the world I know? My counselors have assured me that I am stronger than my addiction. They have even set me up with support groups in Riverdale.
Luke has been great too. He wants to help me out, and honestly, I don’t find the idea suffocating. I like the idea of us being friends. I think I can even be a friend to him. He needs to get out more, I think. Do you remember Black C
herry? You know Leah? Well, I kind of messed that up for Luke. She thought he had feelings for me and wound up ending things between them. Maybe that will be my hobby when I break out of here. Do you think I can find Luke a mate?
He’d probably hate anyone I tried to set him up with. This might be fun. Anyway, Luke is springing me from this joint. I’m going to be going home in just a few days. Wish me luck.
Love always and forever,
Cara
Chapter Eight
Cara stepped into the Great Room, for her final group therapy session. She couldn’t believe how quickly the thirty days had gone by. When she first considered rehab, she thought these last thirty days would drag on and be the most horrible of her life. But the first days when she was isolated and going through detox, those days, were the worst. Those were days when she really wanted to give up on herself and succumb to her addiction. Yet, here she was thirty days clean, and while this chapter of her life was coming to a close, there were so many blank pages that stood in front of her, waiting for her to write her story.
As scared as she was, she was excited to have a clean slate. For the first time in her life she was going to live simply for herself. She even looked forward to repairing the relationships she may have broken along the way when she had lost herself. She took a cup of coffee from the buffet and turned around, her eyes roaming around the room memorizing the people who were once strangers. Rick Sutter, the group counselor stood beside her and she smiled up at him.
“How does it feel to be just about finished?” He asked her.
“I’m happy to be going home, scared, but still happy.” She answered honestly.
“Though the hard part will be staying clean and sober, I am confident you’ll be fine, Cara. You know we are only a phone call away if things become difficult and you need someone to talk to.” He said sincerely.
“Thank you.”
“Let’s get this session started and get you one more step closer to getting sprung out of here.” He winked at her and then made his way to the circle. Cara followed his lead and took a seat next to Collin. He looked over at her and she noticed the saddened expression he carried on his face.
“I heard you’re leaving tomorrow.” He spoke in a hushed voice.
“I am.” She cocked her head to the side and peered at the young man that had become her friend. “I’ll miss our ping pong games.”
“Cara, you suck at ping pong.” Collin said with a laugh.
“Hey! I’ve gotten better.” She said with a smile and he only rolled his eyes in response. The room around them became quiet and then Rick began their session.
“Welcome everyone. As always I’d like to welcome some new faces and introduce myself. I am Rick Sutter and I am one of the counselors here at Lakeview. This is a place to release your thoughts. You can share your story or choose just to listen to others, but know each and every one of us struggles and we pass no judgments. Ok, so with that being said, I would also like to take the time to congratulate Cara on completing her 12-Steps and the thirty day program.” He turned his attention to Cara and began to applaud her. The people in the circle joined him in commemorating Cara’s struggle and her accomplishments.
She rose to her feet and smiled at her peers. “Thank you.” She said over the applause and as it began to die down she looked over at Rick. “Would it be okay if I started us off today?”
His smiled widened and he nodded his head. What a change thirty days could make in a person. Gone was the Cara, who sat with her eyes trained on the pattern of the floor tiles, here was the Cara ready to face the world head on.
“My name is Cara and I am an addict.” She said and met the eyes of her peers as they welcomed her into the circle, encouraging her to share her story. “I was just a young girl when my mom passed away. I don’t think my dad had any clue how to raise a daughter and I don’t think he cared to figure it out. . Part of me felt that he had wished I had died along with my mother. When I was fifteen years old my father had beaten me so bad I ran away. That one time was different from all the others. There wasn’t just one bruise to cover or one cut to disinfect, there were many. I ran to my best friend, Jake. I can remember him letting me into his family home from the back door. I was wearing a baseball cap so that he couldn’t see my face and the marks my father had left behind. He didn’t ask me questions that night. He just took my hand and took me to his room where he cleaned my cuts. He held me and told me he’d make it okay.
The rest of my teenage years and most of my adult life thus far, Jake rescued me.
Whenever I found myself alone and in need of someone, he was there. He shared everything with me and made me feel like I belonged. I didn’t feel broken when he was around. I didn’t feel anything other than my love for him. It was all I knew. It took Jake and me, years to realize that we were more than friends to one another, that we were each another’s first true love. We were soul mates.” She smiled at the memory and to her surprise, she was able to go on and not shed the tears that threatened. “The months I spent as Jake’s girlfriend and fiancée were the best months of my life.” She glanced down at the band of strength inked to her finger and then back to the watchful eyes that surrounded her.
“Jake was diagnosed with stage four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, just a short while after we became a couple. The time we had together consisted mostly of his fight to battle the cancer. I watched him suffer. I watched him become so ill from the chemo that he couldn’t move. I watched him lose his hair and ultimately I watched him die.” Her tears fell freely, unable to hold them back anymore. “I started using prescription drugs, prescribed to him, after his funeral. I needed to escape from the pain I was feeling, Jake wasn’t there to take it away, like he had been since the moment I met him.” She paused for a moment.
“Drugs made me become an ugly person. They didn’t just help me escape the pain I was feeling. They turned me into a selfish person who didn’t care who she hurt. I alienated myself from the only family I ever knew, Jake’s. I didn’t care about their grief or that they had lost him too. I was too consumed in getting high to give a damn about anything else. I knew I was and addict and needed help when I crashed my car on the day that would’ve been mine and Jake’s wedding. I woke up in the same hospital that Jake had died, with his mother at my side, begging me to change my life. Begging for me to be the girl she took in at fifteen years old, the girl who smiled even though she was broken.”
Cara let out a breath and wiped her tear stained cheeks with the backs of her hands and slowly slid back into her seat, signaling to her peers that she had finished her story. Silence filled the room and she heard some sniffles come from some of the listeners. She didn’t want their pity though. She shared her story on her final day of rehab, in hopes that someone would look at her and listen to her story, and find the strength that they needed, to move forward, just as she had.
* * * * *
Luke stood outside of Riverdale Elementary, along with the other parents, mostly mothers, waiting for their children to be released for the day. It was Friday, and he had been looking forward to his date with his daughter all day. He lifted his head when the doors opened and the woman he recognized to be Ava’s teacher stood by the door dismissing the children. He grinned when his blonde pigtailed girl, bounded down the steps towards him. He bent down and spread his arms anticipating the collision that would happen when she ran into his arms.
“Daddy!!” She said as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I didn’t think you were picking me up today.”
“I wanted to surprise you.” He said as he took her book bag from her and slung it over his shoulder. She slid her little hand into his larger one and they walked out of the school yard towards his truck.
“Guess what?” She asked happily, causing Luke to smile. “I got a hundred on my vocabulary test.”
“That’s great, sweetheart.” He bent down and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I’m proud of you.”
“It wa
s easy.” She said as Luke shoved her backpack into the passenger seat before he opened the back door for her. He helped her climb into the truck.
“Seatbelt.” He reminded her before he shut the door and walked around the truck to the driver’s side. Luke started up his truck and peeled out of the spot. “So here is the game plan. We’re going to go for pizza, because its date night and then you’re going to sleep at Grandma’s. That way you don’t have to wake up early tomorrow when I have to leave to go pick up Cara.”
“Who will take me to Nina’s birthday party?” Ava asked as her eyes met her father’s in the rear view mirror.
“Grandma will but I’ll be back in time to pick you up and then we’ll go back to Grandma’s for dinner.”
“Will Cara be at dinner?”
“Yes, sweetheart,” He said as he stole a glance in the mirror at her.
“I hope she feels better now that she went on vacation.” She said as she kicked her feet thoughtfully. “She was so sad all the time before she left.”
“You know what? I’ve spoken to her a bit since she’s been on vacation and she sounds a lot better.” He smiled softly.
“We should do something for her. Like, maybe get her something so that when she comes home, she doesn’t get sad again.” Ava’s eyes lit up at the idea formed in her head.
Luke contemplated his daughter’s suggestion for a moment. “Like what?”
She tapped her little finger to her chin. “Um… let me think.” She said and he chuckled as he continued to drive. Her eyes widened and she grinned excitedly. “I’ve got it!! Let’s get her a puppy!”
Luke pressed down on the brakes as he approached a red light. “A puppy? You want to get Cara a puppy?”
“I think it’s perfect. She’ll be so surprised and no one is ever sad around puppies!” Her blue eyes found his in the mirror again. “Please daddy? Can we? Can we?” And then she said the magic words. “Don’t you want to make Cara happy?”
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 10