“I knew it!” Sam exclaimed happily pulling Cara from her daydream. “Wait until I get my hands on my husband. He walked in on you guys the next morning didn’t he? Oh, he’s going to pay for keeping this from me.”
“Did you hear what I said? I slept with Luke? You know your other brother?”
“Cara I’m pregnant, not deaf. I heard you. Was it good?”
“You really don’t care.” Cara said in wonderment
“Are you serious? Cara I knew you and Luke would eventually give into your feelings for each other. . The man let me sign him up for dancing lessons, all because I told him you wanted to dance. I have never in my life seen Luke crazy about anyone the way he is crazy in love with you.”
“He’s not in love with me.” Cara said sadly.
“He most definitely is in love with.” Sam said confidently.
“No, trust me, he’s not. He ended things between us.”
* * * * *
“Ava can you give me and Uncle Nick a minute?” Luke asked his daughter.
Ava looked back and forth between the two men, her eyes settling on Nick’s.
“Go ahead kiddo. We’ll be just a minute.” Nick said reassuringly, letting her know he was on her side. Ava sighed before hurrying into the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone.
“Way to go, getting my daughter involved.”
“Your daughter has more brains than you.” Nick said, sensing the hostility in Luke’s voice.
“She’s seven.” Luke said incredulously.
“She’s smart, man. She knows you’re hurting. Shit, she’s hurting too.” Nick stood up and walked to Luke, getting in his face. “For a man who claims he reads women you’re pretty clueless when it comes to relationships.”
“Nick…” Luke warned.
“You’re a dickhead.”
“Fuck you.” Luke spat back.
“You’re not my type. Now listen up jackass, I don’t know what the hell you did to mess things up with Cara, but you’re going to fix them before it’s too late.”
“She doesn’t want me!” Luke hollered.
“That’s the biggest load of crap I ever heard. You’re being a complete pussy.” Nick said his patience teetering. “We all fucking see it, even your daughter does!”
Luke shook his head. “Cara isn’t ready to move on, Nick.”
“Wake up! She already did. Every minute the two of you spent together was another step she took to move on. Maybe she didn’t realize it, maybe you didn’t either. Her getting herself well, her spending time with you, were all signs of her moving on. The morning after the wedding I saw you. I saw her. I saw the look in both of your eyes, that shit was real Luke.”
“Maybe it was. Maybe in that room it was, but the minute we stepped out of that safe haven everything went to shit. She wasn’t ready for people to know about us, and I was done hiding how I felt. I can’t go on pretending that I don’t love her with everything I’m made of.”
“Then don’t.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Bullshit. She probably just needed time to get used to the idea. You’ve had months to get used it, did she? I mean all the while she was in Lakeview you were dealing with your feelings. Alright, so maybe you didn’t do a bang up job at that, but still, you had the time to figure out that shit. She was too busy getting well to give what was going on between the two of you a second thought. Man she was grieving on top of that too. Cut the girl some slack.”
“You don’t get it!” Luke said, frustrated as he combed his fingers through his hair. “I pushed and pushed just like I did with Marie. Only difference is I walked away this time. I didn’t give her the chance to turn her back on me like Marie did because quite frankly, I don’t think I could handle that again.”
“She’s not Marie, man.” Nick said, his voice softening at the realization of his friend’s tortured past haunting him. “She’s just Cara, the Cara we all loved and lost for a while there, until you brought her back.”
Luke swallowed hard and shook his head. “She brought herself back.”
“With your help.” Nick added.
“I made a promise.”
“And you kept it.” Nick sighed. “It’s time to stop living for the sake of the promise, and start living for the sake of your own happiness.”
* * * * *
“So after I woke up from the dream, everything was so much clearer to me. I don’t know why. I know it sounds silly, but having Jake visit me in my dream was the push I needed to know I was doing the right thing. I didn’t feel so guilty for following my heart. It felt right and I couldn’t wait to tell Luke. It didn’t matter to me who knew, it still doesn’t. I love Luke. I love him like I never thought I’d be capable of again.” She laughed sadly. “But it doesn’t matter because he ended things before I could tell him the truth, I thought he so badly wanted to hear.”
“So tell him!” Sam shouted.
Cara’s eyes widened at Sam’s tone. “He doesn’t want to hear it, Sam. He wants to be friends.”
“Oh come on! Luke doesn’t want to be your damn friend Cara. He wants you! He wants to love you and have you love him back. My brother is not a casual guy, he puts on a show, but deep down all he wants is to belong to someone. He wants the kind of love families are made of. He has the family. He and Ava, they are a family, maybe not the most conventional one, but still they are a family and they both are missing someone that completes their family.” She paused for a moment. “You both need to realize it’s not just the two of you who fell in love, but Ava did too. I picked her up from school today and she broke my heart. I know you love Luke and I know you love Ava too. What I can’t wrap my head around is why the girl, who wanted a family so bad, doesn’t go and claim the one she already has?”
Sam: How’s it going on your end?
Nick: I could really use a visual.
Sam: Make it work Nick!
Nick: We’re working on it.
Sam: We?
Nick: I needed back-up. Ava’s on board.
Sam: Did I mention I love you?
Nick: You can tell me later when you’re naked.
Sam: Deal.
Nick: You’re distracting me.
* * * * *
Cara crawled into her bed later that night with Benny tucked beside her. She petted her beloved pooch.
“You miss them too don’t you buddy?” She asked the beagle who stared up at her with sad eyes. “I know you do. Mommy’s going to make it better, I promise.” She vowed pressing a kiss to the pups head before leaning over and turning off her lamp. Tomorrow would come soon enough, she thought. A day to make amends. A day she’d make peace with her past, and focus on her future. She sighed heavily, hoping she wouldn’t be too late and closed her eyes letting sleep overcome her.
Luke leaned against the door of Ava’s room. He watched his little girl sleep for a few moments before he stepped closer and brushed away some of the hair that had fallen over her eyes, before gently kissing her forehead.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered to his sleeping princess. “Daddy’s going to make it better. I promise.” He rose to his full height and walked out of her bedroom, careful not to wake her. He padded down the hall to his bedroom and pulled his shirt over his head, chucking it to the side. He sat down on the edge of his bed and grabbed his phone. He found Cara’s number and debated on whether or not he should call. Could everything he had to say to her really be said over the phone?
The wedding march began and like many of the times before Cara descended down the aisle. It was the same dream she had since she was just a little girl. The dress, the same just like the chapel was. She held her bouquet and made her way down the aisle by herself. A smile spread across her beautiful face as she gazed lovingly at the man she was about to marry. There was something different this time, though. There was no faceless stranger at the altar waiting for her. No, her groom’s face was clear as day, as was the little persons who stood beside him. Tears filled h
er eyes as she looked into the eyes of the man she loved and the girl who would become her daughter. Her family waited at the altar for her. Luke and Ava stood smiling waiting for her, to claim them as her own.
Luke: I miss you
Chapter Twenty Six
Cara sat in her car gripping the steering wheel. She had been in that same position for nearly a half an hour, trying to muster up enough courage to face the man that she once called Daddy, the first man to break her heart. She had watched him pull back into the driveway after dropping his daughter off at the hobby store. He picked up the newspaper that had been thrown onto the lawn and headed into the charming house that reminded her of a home, a home she never knew.
It was amazing what you could find out with a little digging on the internet. It actually made her wonder why she never made the effort to look her father up before. She was able to find his address, his phone number and even how much he paid for his house. He was married to a woman named Nancy, and they only had one daughter, Claire. She wondered if Nancy and Claire had any idea that she even existed. She wondered if her father had hidden his past from his family. If she allowed herself to ring that doorbell, would she be disrupting a family? She didn’t want to cause Claire or Nancy any pain, knowing firsthand what her father was capable of. Still, she needed answers, she was entitled to them wasn’t she? How could she ever completely heal and get to the root of the problems that added in her becoming an addict? She needed to face her past head on, in order to see a clear path to her future.
She clutched the locket around her neck and silently pleaded with her two angels to bestow on her the courage she needed to make it up the two porch steps to the front door. She glanced down at her phone and brought up the text she saw this morning when she woke up. She hadn’t answered, wanting the next words she said, to be face to face. The longer she prolonged her visit with her father, the longer it would take for her to get back to Luke. She opened her car door and without a second thought, she stepped into the cold air. She walked across the pathway that led her to the front door. Her palms were sweating despite the cold of winter. She drew a deep breath, lifting her fist she knocked on the door loudly, to hell with her nerves.
She was about to turn around and walk back towards her car when the door opened. Cara was sure her heart stopped or at the very least she stopped breathing. Her eyes found the soft ones of the woman, her father married. She smiled sweetly even as her brows drew a confusing line across her forehead.
“Can I help you?” She asked politely.
“I um…” Cara swallowed. “I’m, never mind, is your husband home?” She took her lower lip between her teeth and chewed nervously.
Nancy looked at Cara with suspicion. She didn’t break eye contact as she called out for her husband.
“Jimmy? Someone is here to see you.” She called into the house, her smile never wavering from her pretty face. “Your eyes…” She said suddenly as if she noticed them for the first time.
Cara looked away, not ready for the woman before her to make the connection she was seemingly on her way to making.
“What do you mean someone is here to see me? I’m not expecting anyone.”
Cara gasped at the sound of his voice. He didn’t sound as angry as she remembered, instead, he sounded calm and curious. He stepped behind his wife to see his visitor. Nancy pried her eyes off of Cara and looked over her shoulder. She took a step to the side, allowing Jimmy a better look at Cara. Cara lifted her head slowly to meet her father’s stare.
“Well, I’ll be damned. Cara.” Her name came out of his mouth like a whisper. He stepped onto the front porch and looked her over before settling on her face. “My God, it’s really you. Cara…” He lifted his hand to reach for her, but hesitated for a beat before dropping his hand back to his side.
“Hi…” She whispered, finally able to find her ability to speak.
“Jimmy?” Nancy said from the doorway. “Why don’t you bring your company inside? I’ll put on a pot of coffee.” She offered.
Jimmy turned around and looked at his wife. “Nancy, this is my daughter.”
“I know, Jim. I know.” She looked back at Cara. “Why don’t you come inside honey?”
Relief washed over Cara, which she thought was bizarre, she shouldn’t care what they thought, but the idea that her father spoke of her, that he didn’t forget she existed was comforting to her.
“Thank you.” Cara said as she stepped inside the house. It was nothing like the home, she remembered growing up. It was neat and tidy and smelled inviting due to the Yankee Candles burning throughout the house.
“Can I take your jacket?” Nancy asked, holding out her hand for Cara’s coat. She watched as Cara looked back and forth between the married couple, before shrugging out of the coat. She handed it over to Nancy. She took the coat and hung it up on the coat rack before making her way towards the kitchen, leaving father and daughter alone.
“It’s amazing how much you look like your mother.” Jim whispered in awe before shaking his head as if to break the trance he was in as he looked at his daughter. “Come, let’s sit.” He said and showed her into the living room.
“I know, me being here is sudden and must come as a complete shock to you.” She said as she took a seat on the sofa. “I don’t want to intrude on your life, but I couldn’t stay away after I saw you.”
Jim sat down in the recliner positioned directly across from the sofa and looked at her for a moment before he spoke. “When did you see me?”
“Right before Christmas, I was picking up a present at the hobby shop that your daughter works at. I didn’t know she was your daughter, but even then I couldn’t stop staring at her.”
“You have the same eyes. You and Claire, that’s her name.” He said softly.
Cara nodded and smiled slightly as his face softened at the mention of her sister. Was there ever a time he spoke of her that made his eyes soften the way they did when he spoke of Claire? “Anyway, after I purchased the gift I ran across the street to get a cup of coffee before I made my way back to Riverdale. I looked back towards the hobby shop and I saw you. I watched you pull the gate down for her. It was snowing, and the forecast was calling for a major storm.” She smiled faintly. “You wanted to make sure she got home safely.”
Jim looked down at his hands on his lap and didn’t say a word. Cara studied her father, debating if she should go on or not. She didn’t remember her father having so many tattoos, but from what she could see through the barrier of his clothing, he was covered in them. His hair had thinned some and he kept the black and gray hairs pulled back into a neat ponytail. He still wore glasses, just as she remembered. There was something different though, something that marked his face, something she had never seen before.There was a long, puckered scar that ran from his temple down his left cheek. The flesh no longer puckered pink, bringing Cara to the conclusion it was from years ago and not something new. “I was curious and the more I tried to push you or the fact that I had a sister, out of my mind, I couldn’t.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve had a really rough year.” Jim lifted his head and those eyes of his softened in concern as he looked back at her curiously. They did turn soft for her too, go figure. “That’s part of the reason I am here too.”
“Are you in trouble? Do you need…” He stammered.
“No, I’m fine.” She interrupted quickly.
“You said you had a rough year.” Jim probed, crossing his right leg over his left knee.
“Yeah,” She nodded before smiling sadly as she thought about the journey her life had taken her on. “Jake Lanza died this year, you remember him don’t you?” She watched as her father’s eyes widened while he shifted in his seat. “He had cancer, Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”
“I’m sorry. I assume you two were still very close.” Jim said before clearing his throat, uncomfortably.
“I was going to marry him.” She whispered and sub-consciously reached for her locket. “He tried to fight it.” S
he shook her head. “He was the strongest person I knew. He was more scared of what his death would do to me, than actually dying. For a long while he was all I had.”
“I know.” Jim said sadly.
“Do you?” Cara asked sincerely. “Because it didn’t have to be that way, I had already lost one parent, I didn’t really have to lose my father too, did I?”
“Cara I… I’ve done things I am not proud of. I was a pathetic mess after your mother passed away.”
“You made me feel like you wished it had been me instead of her that died.”
“I know and I can only hope you believe me when I tell you, I am not proud of the man I was. The truth is I didn’t wish it was you that died, I wished it was me. The fact that Corinne had died and left me to raise you, killed me. I didn’t know the first thing about being a father. It should’ve been me. I became an alcoholic about a year after your mom passed. I couldn’t control myself. I had no regard for anything, least of all you. My only concern was washing away the pain and the only way I knew how was the bottle.”
Cara swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in her throat. “I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She stared into her father’s eyes. “I’m an addict too. After Jake died, I became addicted to his prescribed pain medication.” Jim closed his eyes for a moment a pained expression crossing his face. “Like I said I had a rough year, I was a bit of a mess, but I made my way out of it.”
“That’s good. You didn’t waste years being an addict like I did. That’s real good, Cara. I was drunk your whole childhood, and when you became old enough to answer me and point out what a failure I was. It was too late for me to get those years back. You already knew the real me, the man that was a monster.”
“I didn’t know that you had a problem.”
“I didn’t either, until the night I raised my hands to you.” He looked away trying to mask the emotion that clouded his eyes, struggling with his truth. “I’m so sorry.” He said with a slight shake of the head, not for one moment did Jim believe saying he was sorry would ever be enough. “The following day was a wake-up call for me. I had been up the whole night trashing the house. I broke everything, everything that reminded me of my beautiful Corinne, I was about to pass out from exhaustion when the front door stormed open. I didn’t even know you had left that night, not until the Lanza’s were picking me up from the living room floor.”
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 31