PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans

by Joseph, Fabiola;L. Ramsey, Matthew

  “I want you to cum on my tits, baby. You gonna do that for me, Breeze?”

  I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. I just repeated what I heard on the last film that I watched.

  “Yeah, I knew you had some slut in you. I’ll cum all over you, baby. Anywhere you want, any time, Jazzy. I’m hooked, baby; I’m hooked.”

  As he said this, I looked across the room. Almost everyone looked intrigued and turned on. That’s not an easy thing to do when on a porn set. These people were around sex all day, but something about Breeze and I hit that spot. Maybe it was the fact that they just watched a sexually innocent girl turn into a stone cold freak. Then, I saw the face of disdain. Tanya looked like I ran over her cat and then served it to her for dinner on a shit filled plate. But, when I saw the smile on DeeDee’s face, I knew that I was doing one hell of a job.

  Before I knew it, I was getting flipped over and rested on my back. Breeze’s dick came close to my face and hovered over my chest. It was when he started to cum that my porn name dawned on him.

  “Fuck, it feels sooooo good, Jazzy. You’re my little Jezebel. You’re my little secret slut.”

  And with that, I was named.

  I think I’m at the warehouse, wondering who Breeze wants me to pretend to be in this scene. A police officer, thug, repairman, athlete, or simply just a freak? I open my eyes and realize I’m fucked. Not in a good way, either. I’m tied up in this chair, beaten, bleeding, and convinced tonight is the last night of my life. I’m young, sexy, and to some, a star. So, I shouldn’t be here right now. I should be on an island with the man of my dreams, loving life, not about to have my life taken.

  My name is Jamar Rodriguez, but I’m better known as Krave. I’ve been making adult films in L.A. for two years now and I was loving life until today. My biggest regret is not being honest with my father. I wish I could call him one last time, tell him I love him, and that I’m sorry I lied. I know when he reads about my murder, it’s going to kill him to not only find out his only son was gay, but worked in the adult industry. My dad thinks I’ve been in L.A. pursuing my dreams of becoming an actor. In a way, I’m not lying because I am acting in movies. When I was younger, I used to star in school and church plays. It was fun and I was actually good at it. My uncle, Teddy, once told me, “Jamar, you’re talented. You’re going to be a star and I can’t wait to see you on television.” If he has, God help him because he’s seen way more of me than he, or I, would want him to. When I was 15, my parents were going to enroll me in some acting classes, but everything changed when my mother was murdered. She was shot and killed during a bank robbery; witnesses said one of the robbers accused her of trying to press the silent alarm button underneath the counter before shooting her in the head. My mother’s murderer must’ve been paranoid and panicked because that bank didn’t have those type of alarms. The robbers were never caught and my father was devastated. You could say I lost both of my parents that day because my father rarely spoke after the funeral. He kept busy and stayed to himself, so I was basically alone. Don’t get me wrong, if I wanted, or needed, something, he made sure I had it, but that wasn’t the kind of love I needed. I gave up acting and focused all of my attention on boys. I started noticing how cute and sexy they were. I had a lot of crushes, but I really fell in love with Atiba. He was from Trinidad and was so adorable. He was 5’7” and had a dark brown complexion, with a tight, runner’s build. We had chemistry class together and got paired up as lab partners. We became friends after that so one day; I grew some balls and asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend at my house. I was thrilled when he said, “Sure, if my parents will let me.” I was planning on finding out if he was gay, bi, or curious, but I had no idea I’d lose my virginity that Friday night. While getting ready for bed, I put in a movie as he made himself comfortable. He was about to get on the bed in just his shorts as something came over me.

  “Damn, you have a nice body,” sort of slipped out of my mouth.

  He laughed and then said, “Thanks, I guess.”

  “What do you mean, you guess?”

  “Well, I’ve never received a compliment like that from another boy before.”

  “Oh, my bad, did I offend you?”

  “No, you’re straight.”

  “Actually, I’m not,” I replied half-joking.

  “You’re not what?” he asked, as if he was confused now.

  “Straight!”

  I replied with my head down because I didn’t want to see his reaction. I was scared it would be the look of disgust.

  “OH!”

  “Is that cool? Can we still be friends?”

  “Yeah, you’re cool.”

  After that, there was silence for the first hour of the movie. I didn’t know what to say at first and either he was really into Push, or he didn’t know what to say either. I waited 'til I built up enough nerve and asked, “So, Atiba, I was wondering, by chance, are you gay or bi?”

  “No, I’m not. Why?”

  “I asked because I have a crush on you.”

  “I’m flattered, Jamar, but I don’t get down like that.”

  Nothing else was said. I zoned out because I was disappointed and embarrassed. Then, he said, “Since you told me a secret, do you want to know one of mine?”

  Of course I replied, “Yes!”

  He reminded me about his ex-girlfriends before telling me he was still a virgin. Once he started talking, he couldn’t stop. He told me how he enjoyed watching porn and how he wished he was the men in the movies. I was definitely interested in hearing more.

  “Why didn’t you try having sex with one of your ex-girlfriends?”

  He told me he was scared he wouldn’t be good at it and he didn’t want that spreading around school. He would’ve been too embarrassed and humiliated. I started plotting and I figured since I had already put my feelings out there, I had nothing to lose.

  “You can practice on me. I’m a virgin, too, so my expectations aren’t high. I’ve never even see a porno, so I don’t even know what to expect.”

  He brushed me off and acted like he wasn’t interested, but he must’ve started fantasizing about some of the movies he watched because the bulge in his shorts was sticking straight up. It was hard not to stare, so I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. He noticed so he turned over on his stomach. I’ve always been persistent, so after asking him over, and over, and over again, “Are you sure you don’t to see what it feels like?” he finally cracked.

  “If you put on some straight porn and promise you won’t tell anyone, I’ll try it. If you do tell, I’m going to deny it and then I’m going to kick your ass.”

  I promised, but I didn’t own any porn. I had to turn on my computer so he could search for what he needed. After he pulled up one of his favorites sites, he showed me some clips. It was overwhelming at first, and pretty graphic, but it was turning me on at the same time. I asked if he was ready to try out some of the things he was looking at. He replied, “Okay, but I’m not kissing you and I’m not a punk, so you have to be the girl the whole time.” I was so happy to finally be with Atiba after many nights of daydreaming about it, to the point that I would’ve done anything he wanted. As we got completely nude, I couldn’t take my eyes off his body, especially when I looked down to see he was well endowed. He was much bigger than I was. Back then, I was a good seven inches and growing, but Atiba was already working with nine. On his short, muscular frame, it looked huge. I started touching and slowly stroking it up and down, admiring his masterpiece. He was shy about telling me what he wanted next, but his hand pushing my head down was all the direction I needed. I didn’t know what I was doing, so I just mimicked what the young, pretty, light-skinned girl was doing in the movie. If she would lick up, down, and all around, then so did I. If she worked her mouth and lips fast, slow, and then fast again, I worked mine on Atiba just the same. I kept going until my mouth started hurting. He was finally ready to get his first piece of “boy pussy” as he used to call i
t. I positioned myself on my back and, after 15 minutes of struggling, running, and using a lot of Vaseline, he finally arrived at his destination. At first, I could tell he didn’t know what he was doing, but it didn’t take long before he found his rhythm. From all the sounds he was making, I could tell he was enjoying it, but I, on the other hand, not so much. It hurt and was uncomfortable, to say the least. I was too scared he’d get mad and frustrated to make him stop. Eventually, I got used to it and loved it because I let him use me until the sun came up Saturday morning. Needless to say, he asked to stay over my house every weekend until that school year ended. I didn’t hear from him the following summer and, when our junior year started, his whole attitude had changed. He walked around as if he was the man and he was definitely feeling himself. When I asked him how come he didn’t call me or return any of my calls over the summer, he replied, “Because I have a girlfriend now.” I proceeded to ask, “Where does that leave us?” His response was, “I’m sorry, but there is no us. Jamar, you’re cool and all, but I told you what was up from the beginning. I don’t think we should hang out anymore and I’d appreciate it if you never brought up us again.” That was how I was introduced to love, porn, sex, and heartbreak.

  “BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME ASK YOU AGAIN!”

  I hear my friend being threatened and beaten some more. I think, HOW DID I GET HERE?

  Chapter 2

  “Satisfaction Guaranteed”

  “Hey, are you okay?” Tyree asked. “We’re waiting for you to start this scene and you’re over here daydreaming, staring into space.”

  “Oh, damn, I’m sorry. I was just thinking about some shit. I’m ready.”

  “All right then, put your hat on, grab that pizza box, go around the stage, and knock on the door. Hurry up because I’m horny as fuck and can’t wait to get in that ass.”

  Tyree “Konceited” Jones is my lover and my business partner. We were filming another movie together called Satisfaction Guaranteed. It was one of the latest productions that Fantasy Pictures would be releasing and it was the third movie we had worked on together that week. Tyree filmed a few scenes without me, but only because the director doubled his pay rate per scene. It’s pretty much known in the industry that we are a package deal, so you either hire both of us, or present one of us with an offer that we can’t resist. Once we realized how well our movies were selling, we had to request a pay raise and come up with other ways to make more money. It’s hard for men to make it in this business, especially straight men, so why not take advantage of our stardom. Since each of our movies sold over a million copies, we felt we deserved more than $3,000.00 per scene. Now we’re making anywhere from $6,000.00 to $10,000.00 per scene. We make more as escorts, which I’ll get into more details about later. Also, it’s known that we will only bottom for each other, meaning we will penetrate other men, we will penetrate each other, but we don’t allow anyone to penetrate us. Tyree gets more money when he bottoms because he is considered a gay for pay actor. I know he loves it when I fuck him on and off the set, but it’s just another way for him to make more money. Since we are the most requested men in gay porn, we know what we can and can’t ask for. I have to admit, Tyree’s actually the hottest gay porn star at the moment and I’m a little jealous because I was told I would be. I guess I can only blame myself since, after all, I was the one who introduced Tyree to this world.

  I was relaxing and having some drinks at Shadows, one of the only straight bars that I enjoy with my girls, when I first noticed Tyree. He looked lost and out of place. Everyone was dressed nice and casually, looking like they just got off work, except him. He was wearing a black New York Yankees fitted hat, denim blue jeans that were slightly baggy, a black Sean John t-shirt, and some black Air Force Ones. It reminded me of back home when I would attend church. It never failed, every Sunday, everyone would wear their Sunday best except for those one or two individuals that just had to show up wearing street clothes like they came straight from the club the night before. I’ve always found that to be so disrespectful. My friend Christina, a pretty, white, thick, chick that I used to party with saw me staring and put me on blast.

  “Ebony, look at Jamar checking out that eye candy over there.”

  “WHERE?” Ebony, my roommate at the time, shouted.

  “Over in the corner trying to hit on that fat girl,” Christina stated.

  Which made me think why do big girls always make it a point to call out someone bigger than themselves? Christina knew she was wrong for saying that being that she was about 10 cheeseburgers away from being called “fat” herself.

  “Oh, no, don’t even bother, Jamar, you don’t want him,” Ebony said, like she already knew all about him.

  “First of all, Christina, I was just looking since he stood out, and second of all, why not, Ebony?”

  “Uh huh.”

  I heard Christina mumble under her breath. I should’ve just admitted I was picturing him naked at my place, but I was mad that Christina ruined my visual right as it was getting to the good part, which was the imaginary huge dick I pictured him having.

  “You know Natalie, right?” Ebony asked.

  “Natalie? Natalie? Umm, refresh my memory,” I replied.

  “Natalie! Tameka’s cousin, light skin, long face, long black weave, nice body, real loud, and annoying.”

  “Ebony, I still can’t figure out who you’re talking about.”

  She sucked her teeth then let out a big “UGH!!” as if she was disappointed, and gave me a look like I was stuck on stupid.

  “Come one, Jamar, stop thinking about dick for once, and focus, the girl that’ll fuck anyone who has money, who’s famous, or even if they’re somewhat famous. Hell, you can be an extra on CSI and she’d suck your dick, true story.”

  After I realized Ebony knew I was thinking about dick I laughed to myself then remembered who she was talking about.

  “OH, HER! I forgot her name, but now I remember who you’re talking about. Anyway what were you going to say about her?” I asked calmly still acting as if I wasn’t interested.

  “Natalie found out he was about to be a model for Sean Jean, so she was all over him. One thing led to the bedroom, and he banged her back out.”

  “Are you serious? How do you know?” I couldn’t hold back this time and asked with excitement.

  “Boo, calm down, she told me the last time I was here to avoid him, just like I’m telling you not to bother with that loser.”

  Of course, I was still curious and had to ask her why.

  “Come to find out he got fired for being three hours late to his first photo shoot, now he’s broke, can’t seem to find a job, or any other modeling gigs, and he’s about to be homeless. You know Natalie wasn’t having that shit, because she needs a man to spoil her. She kicked him to the curb, but not before he beat that pussy up one last time. According to her, he had the longest and biggest dick she’s ever had in her life. She said she had to take some extra strength Tylenol, and soak in a hot bath afterwards to make her pussy stop hurting.”

  “Damn!!! He’s hung like that?” I asked.

  I could tell by the smiles on their faces that they knew what I was thinking. They could tell I was fantasizing about him even more now, but what they didn’t know was that I was plotting as well.

  “Look at you, Jamar, all excited and shit. Close your mouth, I think he’s straight, hon. Besides, don’t you get enough dick on the regular? Damn, it must be nice to go to work, get some big dick, a big check, and then go the fuck home. Hell, I’d love my job if that was the case.”

  “I told you before Ebony, I can hook you up if you’re interested. Shit you too Christina, they have a whole chubby chaser series about to come out that you’ll be perfect for,” I said before I laughed. I couldn’t help myself I had to let Christina see how it felt to be on the receiving end.

  “Ha, ha, very funny, Jamar,” Christina replied sarcastically.

  “I’m just playing girl.” I said in case she was u
pset.

  “Boy, how would that look if I became a porn star? Didn’t I already tell you my daddy is a pastor? He’d kill me, and then die of embarrassment if he found out,” Ebony said, letting it be known that she wasn’t interested.

  “Oh, I’m sorry Ebony, if I misled you. I didn’t mean I could put you in the movies. You gotta be hot like me to be porn star.”

  I slowly turned around, and then put my hands up in the air like look at me; look how fine I am.

  “I meant, I could get you a job as a fluffer,” I added, before I started laughing.

  “What the fuck do I look like sitting around on the set sucking dicks in between takes? You must be crazy. Do I look like a Becky to you? Christina girl, that job has your name I mean lips all over it,” Ebony said as she looked at me and we both busted out laughing.

  “WHATEVER! Screw you Ebony. This white girl does not suck dick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’ll never do it. I just haven’t met a guy with a dick that looked so good that I’d want to put it in my mouth,” Christina said with a look of disgust on her face as if she was visualizing some of the dicks from her past.

  “That’s because you keep messing with those little dick, Jewish boys and haven’t tried being with a brotha yet. You’ll want to suck on that Mr. Goodbar every chance you get. You know what they say once you go black, you’ll never go back,” Ebony said as if she knew from experience.