“Okay, people, one by one you will be called by one of the three nurses. Your results will remain confidential unless you reveal them. Some of you may be asked to stay behind, and unless you are asked to do so, please leave after getting your results.”
I watched as Mr. Cappello spoke and something told me that we all would not be getting good news. So when the names started to be called, I sat in my chair hardly breathing. The closer and closer they got to the R’s. I gripped each side of my chair until my hands hurt, and even then, I didn’t let go.
“Rodriguez.”
SHIT! That was me. Okay, I can do this; it’s just one foot in front of the other. Reminding myself how to walk was just the half of it. It was as if I had lost my hearing, sight, and taste buds. The closer and closer I got to that tent, passing out seemed like the only sensible reaction.
“You’re not Mr. Rodriguez, are you honey?”
I looked at the nurse as if she had lost her mind.
“You did call me right, Jasmine Rodriguez, I’m a female?”
“No, I’m looking for Jamar Rodriguez honey.”
I started to laugh so hard that I had to hold onto the wall for support. I had just taken what felt like my last walk before death and it was all in vain. People around me were looking at me as if I was plumb crazy but I didn’t give a shit, nor could I have stopped even if I wanted to.
“Jasmine Rodriguez.”
The confusion with Jamar helped put my nerves at ease. I semi laughed my way into the nurses makeshift office and waited for my fate to be revealed.
“You’re smiling as if you already know the good news.”
I looked at the nurse and begged her to tell me if she was joking or not.
“No, honey, you’re all clear. Everything came back negative.”
“But I have been so sick. I couldn’t keep anything down and was constantly running to the bathroom. Maybe they missed something, maybe---.”
“Look. Sometimes when people are waiting for the results of their test, their mind will play tricks on them. We don’t know what causes it but my bet would be on nerves. When nervous, you may throw up or have diarrhea, it’s normal. But trust me, we tested and re-tested all the blood, you are clean honey.”
You would think that I would have jumped for joy, but instead, it was a weird feeling. I was happy that everything came back okay, but what about the people that were asked to stay back. I looked at the left side of the room and how some were asked to step to the side and take a seat. The faces were recognizable, yet sullen with reason. Domingo and Juicy Jenny being the two that stood out in my mind. I will never understand what those people felt that day, nor would I ever want to.
“So?”
They asked as I entered the break room. DeeDee, Jamar, Tyree, and Blaze, all waited for me to answer. They didn’t trust that I not being asked to stay back was a sign of good news. I was the boss’s sidepiece, which to them meant I could have done what I wanted.
“Yeah, I’m good. Everything is clear.”
“So why are you looking like that, getting that news should be the best thing in your life right now,” Jamar said as he put his arms around my neck. Those faces were still imprinted in my mind, those men and women whose lives were changed forever. What were they gonna do? How would they go on?
“Look in the room, Jamar, look how full it is on the left. That could have easily been one of us.”
Jamar walked over to the door that lead to the warehouse and as soon as he peeked in, I knew he understood how I felt. His face resembled mine now. It was a shock to see more than 10 people on that left side of the room. When the rest joined him in looking, it hit them too that we were all too close to what that left side of the room represented. Out of the sixty- six porn stars that worked for Fantasy Pictures, thirteen of them had to now live the rest of their lives with HIV.
*****
“I’m guessing that everything was okay with your charts.”
I was so over Breeze, and the last thing I needed that day was to see his face. I didn’t turn around when he asked his question. He knew the procedures and my results. He just needed a gateway to start a conversation and used the easiest and dumbest way he knew how.
“Hey, I’m fucking talking to you,” he said as he grabbed my arm.
“Get the fuck off of me!”
I yanked my arm away from his hand and continued to walk. I didn’t stop until I got to my car. I jumped in, cranked up my Drake CD and sped off. The hunger that I suppressed was awakened and I needed to fill my belly.
All I wanted to do was go home, smoke a joint, and hit the bed. My mind was at ease and my belly was full. This was the best I had felt in weeks and I wanted to soak in the carefree feeling. I got out of my car and skipped up the stairs of my building. I sang as I put the key in my door and smiled the whole time. I had joy and my heart and nothing was going to take it away. Well, I felt that way until I saw Breeze standing in my living room with a very expensive bouquet of flowers.
“Why are you here?”
I didn’t yell nor did I show him how much he being here annoyed me. I was just so tired of the game that he was playing and was emotionally drained by it. I sat across from him and just waited.
“I came over here to talk Jazzy. I think that things have taken a left turn with us.”
“Really, and let me guess, you don’t know why?”
“No, I can’t say that I do. I try my best to give you that number one spot. I try to guide you and put—.”
“Are you kidding me Breeze? What number one spot? As long as you’re with Tanya I’ll always be number two.
“So that’s what this is about, Tanya?”
“Hell no, I was just correcting you. This is about the person that you are Breeze. You have to put people down just to make yourself feel better. You keep people around not because you really care for them or love them, but because they feed your ego. Now I know why you don’t like DeeDee. She won’t play into your hand. She knows who you really are and you can’t stand that. She won’t kiss your ass to keep her job nor will she let you walk all over her.”
“She doesn’t have to kiss my ass, she’s fucking my father.”
“That’s beside the point, but I also now know why you keep Tanya as your main bitch. She’s so desperate to be your wife that even if you pissed on her and told her it was rain, she would believe it. You know what’s fucked up; I think that you see me the same way that you see her.”
“What, now I know that you’re trippin'. You and Tanya are two different people.”
“Yeah, well you don’t see me that way. Tanya’s story isn’t too different from mine. She came into this game wide open and legs spread. She thought you were the god of the porn world and she felt so lucky to be under your wing. Sure you molded her and made her into “Tanya”, but who is she now? Not herself, I’m sure and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be so caught up in your world that I forget about my own.”
“That’s not what I am trying to do, baby. I just want you to achieve everything you want within the few years you are allowed in porn. It’s a short road before the younger and hotter thing comes in. You won’t be number one forever Jazzy.”
“Is that why you wanted to humiliate me at work, because you want me to prosper and be number one?”
He knew what I was talking about and wanted the word to get back to me. But now he was having second thoughts.
“I don’t know what I was thinking, baby, when I left here, I, I was so mad, your words fucked me up Jazzy. Yes, I wanted to make you feel small, to have people laugh at you. To tell you the truth, I hated you for a brief time. I thought about doing a lot of crazy shit to you, but as the weeks went on, I missed you. The thought of you consumed me and made me realize that I love you.”
As much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t. Maybe he just needed someone to help change him, and maybe I was the one.
“You love me, Breeze?”
“I do.”
&nb
sp; “Oh, my god baby, you do.”
I got off the couch and walked over to him. His eyes looked glazed, tear like. When I put my arms around him, I could feel a light tremble in his body. He put his arms around me and hugged me so tight. He kissed my neck and put his mouth to my ear and told me that he loved me over and over again.
Butt naked and sweaty, I asked Breeze to get me a glass of water. He did so with a smile and pleasant attitude. I didn’t know how long it would last but Blaze’s words did ring in my head. “I wouldn’t pay that small shit no mind, I would work hard and prosper off that nigga’s sweat, yah dig?” I prayed that I would remember this every time that I wanted to curse his ass out.
“Hey, baby, do you feel like going to The Devil’s den tonight?” Breeze asked as he jumped in the bed and kissed my lips.
“Can I invite some friends?”
He didn’t seem to like the idea too much but he wasn’t in the mood to argue. I had just given him some good nookie and he was in a good mood.
“Is that girl whose been hanging out with DeeDee gonna come?”
“Now why would you ask that?” I asked with the “what the hell” look on my face.
“Girl, please you know I am not about climbing plump mountains.”
“Yeah, just tall ones.” I joked referring to Tanya.
“Anyway, it’s just that she and DeeDee seem really close if you know what I mean. I was wondering if she was interested in the business.”
“Well, she’s always asking questions and knows a lot about it. I think that she may be into it but you would have to ask her.”
He rolled over and got between my legs. He moved his hands down south and rubbed my sweet spot. As soft moans escaped my lips, he asked me to be his wing man.
“I don’t know, Breeze, I’m just getting into porn myself. I don’t know how to convince her that this will be the right move for her.”
“Just tell her the truth. Make her understand that with us, she can be the star that she has always wanted to be.”
As I thought about it, he lowered his head and kissed my clit as he sucked and licked bringing me closer to paradise, he asked me one more time.
“Come one, baby, I need you. Tell me that you’ll help me, tell me.”
“Yes, yes. I’ll do anything for you baby.”
*****
I made my calls and by the end of them, the whole gang excluding Blaze would be joining us at The Devil’s Den. Breeze and I showered and dressed to impress. Once we were ready to go, I couldn’t help but really feel like a super star. We made one fine ass couple. We jumped into his white Bentley and set out to convince Ebony.
*****
We pulled up to The Devil’s Den and got out of the car. There we no lines and no sign so we got out of the car and waited for our party to arrive. Ten minutes later the calls started to come in and I handed Breeze my cell phone so that he could give directions. Twenty minutes later, Tyree, Jamar, and Ebony pulled up.
“Where in the hell are you two taking us?” Jamar asked as he stuck his head out of the passenger side window.
“You’re here, silly.” I watched as all three of them looked around and wondered what the hell I was talking about.
“Just get out of the car; you all act like this is a set up or something.” Breeze said as he squeezed my ass. I got the feeling that he enjoyed the chase and Ebony was sure to be caught.
“So is this all of us?” Breeze asked as he took my hand. He knew damn well that DeeDee was on her way but he wanted to catch Ebony’s expression.
“Now you know we gotta wait for my girl,” she answered, playing right into his hand.
“That we do.”
As the words came out of his mouth, DeeDee came speeding down the street and into a parking spot.
“Let’s get this show on the road.”
DeeDee took the lead and knew the way. She had been there with Mr. Cappello and could get in with just the flash of her smile.
Once inside, we were taken to Breeze’s favorite table and the drinks started pouring. Within an hour, everyone was relaxed and enjoying the night. We danced and laughed and even Breeze was getting along with DeeDee. When he saw Ebony leaving the dance floor for a breather, he taped me on the ass and pointed at the table. It was a good time to get in her ear. He told me that he would bring over some drinks and off I went.
“Hey girl, that dance floor is packed with fine honeys, huh?” I asked as she fanned herself.
“Girl, I need to bag me one of these niggas, all of them look paid.” There it was; she left it right open for me to get in.
“Girl, what are you gonna go, it’s been a while since you had a paycheck, right?”
“My pockets are hurting right now, maybe I should jump on this porn thing, what do you think?”
I knew that she was just joking but she was right, she needed a J.O.B.
“Maybe you should really look into that. I know that Breeze would love you have you on his team; you’re beautiful and have a great personality. You could really make it big if that’s what you wanted to do.”
Her eyes lit up as soon as the words left my mouth. She was like a gay chick that was trapped in the closet. She always asked too many questions, and talked about being a porn star way too much not to want to do it.
“Do you really think that Breeze thinks that I could be a star?”
“Girl, yes, he was just asking about you before we came here. He can’t get over your presence. He’s always asking about you. Trust me he would sign you today if you let him.”
I watched her as she thought about the big picture. She did need a job and she did love to fuck. She just wasn’t sure about doing it on film.
“But tell me, how is it to really get down in front of all of the crew and camera, you don’t feel weird?”
“Well…it’s something that you have to get used to. But by your third film, you start to think of it for what it is, a job.”
I felt bad lying to her but I was doing what Breeze asked me to do. Sure, I still cringed at the thought of what I was doing but the payoff was worth it…sometimes.
“Look, Ebony, I’m not going to lie to you, this job is not for everyone, but if it is, wow. I came into this with nothing to my name. I felt like a nobody and thought that I would never be famous. But now, now I have almost a half of million in my bank account, people stop me in the street just to ask me to sign a piece of paper, and men from all walks of life want me. I’m talking about football players, actors, rappers, you name it. Did it fuck with me in the beginning that maybe my family or old friends would find out, sure? However, when I think about them, none of them are living this nice. None of them have what I have and that’s saying a lot. If most of them had the balls that I do, they would all be showing their pussies to the world to live how I live. You can take that shit to the bank Ebony.”
She sat back and took in my words. I could tell that she was one step closer to closing the deal with Fantasy Pictures.
Everyone was back at the table talking shit and having a good time. By 1:00AM we were all tipsy and very well on our way to being drunk. Feeling good and very happy to all be healthy and wealthy, Breeze called over the waitress, “Can we have six rounds of Blood Lust?”
“Are you sure?
“Very.” We all watched the waitress walk away wondering what she meant by “are you sure.”
“What was that about, baby?” I asked as my curiosity got the best of me.
“Well, there is this drink here that only members can order. It’s $1500.00 a drink and tastes like nothing I have ever had before. It’s known to be an aphrodisiac.”
“Wow that sounds exotic. But $1500.00, that’s kind of steep,” Ebony said being that she’s the only one there that had to really worry about money.
“You’re well worth it honey.”
I had to hold back my laughter as I watched Breeze wink at Ebony and rub her thigh. When I looked over at her, she was eating that shit up with a golden spoon. She had
a grin on her face that ran from ear to ear. After looking around for everyone else’s reaction, Breeze got up and went over to the bar to check on our expensive drinks. Five minutes later, he came back with two drinks in hand in front of the waitress. He handed Ebony hers and waited for us to receive ours.
“To new opportunities and open doors, back doors,” he said, trying to be funny. We all got his joke and laughed along. The drink that was called Blood Lust was just as red as the walls in The Devil’s Den. It smelled like blackberries but tasted like peaches. It was ice cold and not too thick with what looked like smoke coming off the top. I wasn’t sure what was in it but once it hit my mouth it tingled and tickled my tongue and throat.
“So, what do you all think, was it worth the money?” Breeze asked as he sat his barely touched drink down.
“I think that this is the best drink that I have ever had. What’s in it?”
“I never asked; it’s too good to ask and get the wrong answer. I don’t want to risk not ever drinking it again.”
We all laughed at Breeze as we downed our drinks. Ebony was the first to finish before asking Breeze if he was going to drink his. He handed it to her and everyone watched her chug it down.
“Wooooo, that shit is fire. My whole body is tingling.” Ebony looked fucked up. We all looked at each other, then at her, and laughed.
“Well, if that’s what this drink does to you, I’m gonna have to get a second round,” DeeDee said as she finished her first one.
“I second that,” I said as I sat my empty glass down. Five minutes later, we all were working on Blood Lust round two. As we all hit the dance floor again, our bodies no longer belonged to us. Every part of me wanted to be touched by Breeze. My nipples were rock hard and my pussy was throbbing. When I looked over at the other four, I thought that we would all end up going at it in front of everyone in the club. Tyree and Jamar were grinding on each other so hard that I had to look closely to make sure that neither of them had their dick out. Ebony and DeeDee well, there was no way that they could go back to just being friends after that night. They were kissing and touching every part of the other’s body. Once I saw this, I pointed Breeze in their direction and he went in for the kill. He walked over to where they were halfway dancing and half way fucking and he slid between them. He pulled Ebony and DeeDee close and whispered in their ear. He later told me what he said.
PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans Page 21