“I would have said fuck L.A. and fuck Fantasy Pictures. I would have let them buy my contract out and gave Breeze the deuces,” DeeDee said while holding her two fingers up.
“Yeah, well I told them that I would think about it.”
“Are you fucking crazy?” Jamar asked.
“They are offering you the world, I would jump on it a.s.a.p.”
“Yeah, right, as much as you love doing porn?” I asked Jamar with the “There’s no way you would ever give up porn.” look.
“Well, I’m not talking for myself, I’m talking about you. This has never really been your dream; you just fell into it and happened to make it big. You should go, I’ll miss you like hell but you should take that job.”
“I am going to take it, I just needed time to really think about it and plan my move. There’s no need to miss me, I’ll be expecting the both of you out at least once a month. You two will stay the weekend and catch a performance,” I said as if I was telling them and not asking.
“Yes, ma’am,” DeeDee said as we shared a laugh.
“I’ll be there; I love Vegas, how about you?” DeeDee asked Jamar. He said that he would be there no matter what, and I believed them both. We all pinky swore to keep in touch and moved on to the next subject.
“So have you seen Tyree since Vegas? How long did it take him to move his shit out of your house? Fucking asshole.”
Jamar and DeeDee got a weird look on their faces and I was confused.
“What? Don’t tell me that he moved in with Ebony or something?”
I didn’t get why they were looking like they were out of place. I had asked two questions yet neither of them answered.
“WHAT?” I asked getting annoyed.
“Go ahead and tell her,” DeeDee said as my patients started to run out.
“Well, he didn’t really move out---.”
“Well, I was expecting that, how did you throw his ass out. Did you go all Angela Bassett on him and burn his shit, or did you just throw them out on the lawn?” I asked laughing. I could almost picture Jamar putting all of Tyree’s things in a trash can and lighting it on fire, with a blunt in hand.
“No, nothing like that, I decided to let him stay.”
“WHAT? I thought I heard him wrong, I had to.
“Yeah, he came over damn near crying and apologized. I just couldn’t bring myself to let him go. That dude has a hold on me and I’ll admit, it’s hard to break.”
I didn’t say anything for a while, and with their silence, I could tell that they were waiting for my reaction. There was so much I wanted to say and ask. I wanted to know how he could be so dumb. I want to tell him that I thought he was crazy for giving him another chance, and how I thought that Tyree would cheat again. I wanted to ask him if he really thought Tyree loved him, ‘cause in my mind, he didn’t. But then I started to think of myself and Breeze. He had taken me to hell and back yet, even when I wanted to leave, I stayed by his side. I realized that we are all at one time or another, crazy for love, and even when we just like some, we can still be dumb. So I pushed all of my questions and opinions to the back of my mind and forced them out of my head. How could I ask questions that I didn’t even have the answers to? How could I feel a certain way about life when I was doing the same things? That would only make me a hypocrite. So I shrugged my shoulders in defeat and said, “I understand, but between us, he’ll always be known as Asshole to me. Here’s to the hearts on their sleeve club,” I said as I raised my glass of alcohol. They slowly rose theirs, sipped, and all of the sudden laughed in agreement.
“Quiet as kept,” Jamar said after a long chuckle.
“I call him that at least once a day.”
*****
I must have spent a good two hours with Jamar and DeeDee just talking and shooting the shit. I was in disbelief when Jamar told me that he and Tyree were looking for a new house but I played it off. There was something in me that was never really that fond about Tyree. He was cool and was Jamar’s boyfriend, but that’s as far as I went. I didn’t hate him before; it was just that we were never as close as Jamar and I are. Oh, well, to each his own. I would just have to grin and bear it for the sake of friendship, especially at the barbecue. Meanwhile Lanell and I spoke every day. If I wasn’t calling him he was calling me. We talked about everything under the moon. We didn’t seem to keep anything from each other. But it did take me a few days to tell him about my run in with Breeze.
“So when did this happen?” he asked as if he knew I had been keeping secrets.
“A couple of days ago, I just wanted to calm down a little before I brought it up. He really knows how to work my nerves.”
It wasn’t all a lie.
“I don’t know why you let him affect you so much. If you two are over, than ignore him. If you don’t talk to that motherfucker than there won’t be a problem.”
I could hear the annoyance in Lanell’s voice. That was another reason I didn’t tell him right away. I knew that Breeze bringing up his soon to be ex-wife would piss him off.
“What do you mean “If” you two are over? There shouldn’t be an “If” in that sentence.”
Now I was getting upset. How dare he question if Breeze and I were really over? But he didn’t go for the bait. He ignored my question and continued with the conversation as if he didn’t hear me. He knew that things could have gotten out of hand at the rate we were going and wanted to keep things on the right track.
“So, what are you doing today; you still going to Jamar’s place?”
I sucked my teeth before answering, “Yeah, I have to go and smile with Tyree as if I can’t stand his ass. I’m just gonna try and stay as far from him as possible, that way I won’t have to be so fake,” I said with a light chuckle.
“And what are you doing today?” I asked him.
“I’m gonna see if I can get my son today. Kiki knows that it’s my weekend but she’s always playing game.”
Again annoyance dripped from his voice. I couldn’t think of anything that would make him feel better about the situation so I just said, “I’m sure it will all work itself out, for both you and me.”
*****
I was having a really good time laying out by the pool and getting a tan. There was plenty of liquor and the sun was beaming. I rode with DeeDee since my house was on the way to Jamar’s new one. We were two fly ass chicks with our sexy bikinis and perfect hair and make-up. I didn’t know about DeeDee but there was no way I was getting into the pool, no matter how good that water looked, and it did look good. I thought about saying “fuck it” a couple of times. But one good look in the mirror and I changed my mind.
“Look at you two looking like models by the pool, can I get yah anything?” Jamar asked as I oiled my body.
“Who’s that?” I asked as I notice a cute but clearly gay stranger walking up behind Jamar. He turned to see who I was talking about but he didn’t make it all the way around. They guy threw him in the pool without warning. I couldn’t stop laughing. Thank god he pulled that shit with him because if it were me, we would have been fighting.
I waited for the unknown guy to turn his head and I was right behind him pushing him in. Jamar’s face was funny as hell when he hit that water but I couldn’t let that shit slide. Who threw the party thrower into the pool at his own house?
“That’s Karma.”
I waved at him and smiled like “Yeah I did it”. He didn’t seem too happy about it but that was too damn bad.
The day was going perfect. I was feeling good and couldn’t wait to see Lanell that following week. My money was right and I was headed for the right track. Life seemed to be looking up and I wasn’t going to let anything bring me down, but I also didn’t know that Breeze would show up later that afternoon. DeeDee, Jamar and I sat eating our food when he asked if we had seen or heard from Ebony. When DeeDee said that she was staying with her I almost choked up my food. I thought that Jamar would lose his shit but he didn’t. I guess he realized that
he could tell DeeDee who to be friends with. I thought that was mature of him. After I ate, I went back to lying by the pool and relaxing. I couldn’t wait for people to start leaving so I could just chill with my two good friends. I wanted to tell Jamar and DeeDee some more about my plans to move and ask Jamar if he would come out to Vegas and house hunt with me since he did such a good job picking out his own. I knew that we would laugh and enjoy the night’s air as we filled it with smoke, and I couldn’t wait.
“Are you going anywhere after you leave here?” I asked DeeDee.
“No, just home. Bobby said he was working late tonight, so I ain’t doin’ shit. Why?”
I told her that I was going to ask Jamar if he wanted to hang for a little bit after everyone left and she thought that it was a good idea.
“Well, I’m gonna check Blaze out and see what he’s holdin’,” she said as she got off of the lawn chair. I went into my purse and handed her three twenties and asked her to get me a half. She turned around to go look for Blaze but then quickly turned back toward me.
“Damn girl, I hate to shit in your ice cream but look whose here, and he’s coming this way.”
“What are you talking about, who---?”
I didn’t need to continue. I saw for myself as I slid down my dark shades. I was so damn mad that my body started to shake instantly.
“Hey Jazzy, I got some good news,” he said as I slide my shades back on and leaned back in the lawn chair. I looked straight ahead and ignored him. He smiled and spoke as if everything was normal.
“You don’t seem too happy to see me. I’m telling you that I have good news.”
He actually had the nerve to sit down at the foot of the lawn chair and put his hand on my thigh. I sat up, removed his hand, and slipped on my cover-up.
“Larry Ziggerman from Hardcore Erotica called and asked us if he could feature you in one of his films. He ---.”
“I can’t do that, I’m under contract with Fantasy Pictures,” I reminded him.
“That’s what I told him but he offered to triple your pay.”
That shit sounded fishy to me and I let him know it, “Why would he do that? You know that I’m not into no crazy shit. He’ll want me to get beaten or some fake snuff shit and I’m not doing it.”
“It’s nothing like that. It will be a straight guy, girl fuck; nothing you haven’t done before. Maybe a little anal is all.”
“So, why would he pay all of that money for a simple shoot?”
Breeze went on to tell me that Hardcore Erotica wasn’t doing so well. They had a fleet of male stars that were killing the porn game but was lacking when it came to female starlets making a big splash. He said that because of this dilemma, he was willing to pay any amount of money to me. So after doing the math and taking out Fantasy Pictures fifteen percent, I was going to come out okay in the deal. After a few more minutes of going back and forth I grabbed my things and headed out. He wore me down and the money sounded really good.
Breeze drove and I stayed silent. I didn’t have anything to say to him and remembered Lanell’s words about staying away from him. He tried to make small talk but I hardly answered. He must have found this funny because he was doing a good job of making light of the situation. I guess that’s why I had never been able to really stay mad at him for long. He knew how to pep up and let things roll of his back when he wanted. Now why couldn’t he have been like that all of the time? Oh, well, I had moved on and he was old news. The shoot went as normal as possible. The white guy I was filming with, Chris Cumming, was nice and made sure that I was always comfortable. When I saw the size of his dick, I had to let it be known that there was no way I was doing anal. Everyone was okay with that except for Breeze. He thought that they were paying me enough money to have me do whatever they wanted. But when I threatened to walk off of the set, Larry asked Breeze to let the anal thing go. He knew that pairing me with his biggest male star would bring big revenue and he didn’t want to risk losing me. It seemed like everyone knew how valuable I was except for Breeze, but I didn’t fret. I knew that he would feel the burn once I walked out of Fantasy Pictures for good. I thought about having him drop me off at Jamar’s house but I was way too tired. When we got to my building Breeze stopped the car and looked like he wanted to say something but I didn’t give him a chance. I jumped out of his car, thanked him and power walked it to my apartment. I didn’t want to give him a chance to come after me. After a long bath, I called Lanell and filled him in on my day. I left out the part about Breeze altogether. Instead of saying that he showed up at the BBQ, I said that he called and that I had DeeDee drive me to the shoot. I figured that I was lying to keep the peace, and in my mind, that was always okay.
*****
The weekend was gone before I knew it. Walking into the warehouse was becoming a chore. If it weren’t for my friends being there I probably would have hung myself in the locker room.
“I wonder who I’m filming with,” DeeDee said as we stood at the call sheet. Neither of us knew who we were working with, not that it would have mattered. As she looked for herself, I ran my eyes down to my name. I looked and looked again. I didn’t stop re-checking until DeeDee saw it too and fell out laughing.
“Oh, my god, Jamar, check this shit out.”
He had just arrived to work when DeeDee saw him and called him over. Their laughter seemed to fade as I went deaf with rage.
“Tanya, I’m set up to do a scene with that bitch?”
I looked over at the two cackling hens and they shook their head in unison.
I had to stop and think. What in the hell was Breeze trying to pull? I knew that this was one of his games so I decided to play along.
“Aww, come on, Jazzy, don’t be mad, we couldn’t help it,” Jamar said, as I started to walk off.
“Oh, no, I’m not mad; I think it pretty funny, too.”
“So are you on your way to cuss Breeze out?” DeeDee asked as they caught up to me.
“Nope, I’m gonna hit the shower, go to hair and make-up, get the script, than hit the set. If this is what he wants, this is what he will get.”
Jamar and DeeDee stopped walking and looked at each other in wonder. They didn’t know if I had gone crazy or if I was joking, but they both knew that they were going to be there to see how things would go down.
*****
The movie was simple. It was kind of a play on Baby Bi the Way, except for Tanya would be the one catching me with her man. There were some parts that called for her to touch me and even one that called for her to use a dildo on me with a little tongue action. Breeze knew that I wasn’t into girl on girl and once I hit the set, I reminded him so.
“I’m okay with most of this but you know I don’t do girl-girl,” I said with my hand on my hip. I had a major attitude and wasn’t afraid to let it show.
“I’m so fucking sick of you bitching, you’re here to do a job so shut the fuck up and do it. I could care less about you not liking girl-girl scenes; today that doesn’t matter ‘cause you’re doing it.”
His tone was nasty but he had a smile on his face. I realized that I was feeding the beast and decided to lay off. I walked away from him and went over to DeeDee and Jamar.
“He thinks that he’s got me but I’ll show him. I’m gonna play this fucking game better than he does.”
“So does that mean you’re gonna go through with it, you’re really gonna film with her?”
Jamar asked as if he was hanging off of his seat waiting for the answer.
“Yeah, I’m gonna do it, but if this shit gets too crazy, I’m walking off. I don’t give a shit about a fine, if this bitch tries to get cute, I’m done.”
Their mouths hung open with disbelief. It was a big no-no to walk off of a set. It would be a waste of money for the company if an actor did so, therefore you would be fined. But, I didn’t care; I would pay a million dollars just to prove a point.
Everything started out okay. Tanya and I were filming with Phill Driver, a nice
looking Spanish guy who the ladies loved to fuck. He was a Sauvé dude who didn’t have sex like he had something to prove. He was one of those rare actors who were into pleasing whomever he worked with. He played with your tits and ate pussy like a champ. He had a nice ten inch dick that he worked at a nice pace. At first, Tanya would come in and stand behind the door furious that her man was in bed sexing me down, but the more she stood there and watched the more she got turned on. She joined us in bed as we pleasured him to no end. Then her hands would venture on to my side of the bed first massaging my nipples then squeezing my ass. As I watched her, she seemed to be enjoying it. She got off of Phill and got on top of me. I looked at her and hoped that the hate I felt for her wasn’t showing on my face. She leaned down and licked my neck and nibbled on my earlobe. I was starting to relax under her touch when she started whispering in my ear.
“Yeah, that’s right; get that pussy nice and wet. Look at you moaning and trembling under my touch. I’m about to show you how a real star fucks. You ain’t no pro; watch and learn.”
I pushed her off of me and played it off by turning around and jumping onto Phill. I could feel his hard dick rubbing against my pulsating pussy and it turned me on. I tried to block her out as I reached down and slide his dick in.
“CUT, what the fuck are you doing? I didn’t say it was time to fuck yet. You get back on your back, and Tanya, get back on top of her.”
I rolled my eyes and hopped off Phill’s dick. I retook my position on the bed and waited for Tanya to get back on top of me. She went back to touching and licking and did just about anything to please the director. When it was time for her to “lick the plate” I tightened up. It was like she left a burn mark everywhere she touched me. My skin was not on fire because she hurt me in anyway, it was on fire with disdain. I had never really hated anyone with all of my soul but Tanya brought me close to it. As she “ate my box” I felt nothing when I normally would have been climbing the walls. But I played it off and let out the normal porno yells and screams. When she was done, Breeze finally told me to fuck Phill; and I did it with much pleasure, but it didn’t last long. Breeze had him pull out and told Tanya to get the toys. I waited for her to come back with the rabbit the script called for.
PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans Page 33