“Hey don’t forget I have the New York trip coming up soon. Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”
There was no way in hell I wanted to go with him. All he was going to do was check out some girl he had been hearing a lot about from a friend. It was going to be a two day trip that I had no problem missing.
“No, I have a lot of things to do around here, I’ll go next time.”
Breeze went on to work without me. Before he left out, he told me that after he got off we were going shopping. He got no arguments from me as far as that was concerned. Once he left, I showered, and took my time getting ready. He had a nice bathroom that was so roomy that I could fit half of my old apartment in it. I looked around for lotion, and other toiletries, under the sink, in the closet, and behind the glass in the bathroom. I didn’t find what I was looking for but I did find a funny looking bottle with liquid in it. I typed in the name that was written on the bottle into my phone and had to fight myself so that I wouldn’t throw up. That motherfucker had a date-rape drug just chillin’ in his bathroom cabinet. As I thought about things, I realized that he had used it on me, Ebony, and god knows who else. Breeze was a dirty low down dirty dude, but I was sure happy to finally have something on him. I knew that one day, I would need it.
*****
Hey bitch, where you been?” DeeDee asked me as soon as I walked into the dressing room. All eyes were on me and although they always were, something seemed different.
“Long story girl, I hope that you and Jamar could hang a little after work?” I asked as I put in my combination for my locker before opening it.
“Girl, please, I’m sure I know at least half of what you gonna tell me. Shit is flying around here as if there’s a tornado near.”
I knew by the way DeeDee spoke that she was aiming her words at not just me. She let the bass heighten the volume in her voice as she looked at the other girls and rolled her eyes.
“You know how it is; bitches like to get reckless with words without knowing a motherfuckin’ thing. By the way, have you seen all of your new pictures?”
I scrunched up my face and shook my head.
“What are you talking about?”
There’s no way she could have known about Breeze replacing all of Tanya’s pictures with mine at the house. She took my hand and led me out of the dressing room. As we walked through the warehouse, my face was everywhere. Life-size, bigger, smaller, retro style, futuristic, you name it, I had a picture in that style and size.
“This is why all them bitches are talking. This is what Breeze had done when he got with Tanya, so now they hating on you, hard. But you know what? I want to know what the fuck is going on myself. Things have been flying around here for days but I don’t believe any of it. I am right for not believing it, right?”
“What did you hear?”
This was my first day back at Fantasy Pictures since Breeze told me that I could go home, yet she had already heard things? I just didn’t get it. I hadn’t spoken to anyone and I don’t think that Breeze told anyone anything.
“You know what I heard, are they true or what?”
I couldn’t even answer her. I was ashamed to tell her that I was now sleeping with the enemy and she knew it.
“You know what, don’t say anything. I’m gonna text Jamar, I think he’s filming. I’m going to tell him that we’re going to my place once we’re all done working, I can’t get over this shit. You got a lot of explaining to do.”
DeeDee walked away with her phone in hand. She looked disgusted and confused, and so was I. I couldn’t even be mad at how she was feeling, Jamar and her needed to be filled in on myself destruction, but as far as the reason, well, I didn’t have one.
*****
I followed DeeDee and Jamar as we headed to her place. I had never been there but as soon as we pulled up to her gated community, it definitely looked like a place Mr. Cappello would call his part-time home. This bitch was living large, just like the bosses concubine should. We all parked around her oval water fountain that sat in front of the house and headed for her front door.
“Damn, girl, why we always hanging out at my place when we could have been chillin’ here? Your place is sick.” I said as she unlocked the door.
“Wait ‘til you see inside. I ain’t fucking for free, you know. I love Bobby now, but when I first met him, I knew that getting with him would get me shit like this,” she said, as she pushed the door open. I walked around her house and took everything in. She had exquisite taste.
“Like father, like son, huh?” I asked, pointing at a huge picture of DeeDee that almost covered a whole wall.
“I guess so,” she said as we shared a laugh. So I’m gonna go get a cold bottle of bubbly and pull out my stash so we can get this inquisition started.”
Jamar and I headed to her cream colored living room as she headed to the kitchen. I tried to get my thoughts together and get ready for the shit they were sure to throw my way. As we waited for her to come back, Jamar leaned in and put his hand on my knee.
“Please tell me that what I’ve been hearing ain’t true?”
I didn’t answer. I figured if I was going to break things down and plead my case, I should only have to do it once.
“Jasmine, I know you heard me.”
Still I didn’t answer, I just smiled.
“Oh, hell no, yah can’t start without me,” DeeDee said as she sat the tray down and handed us Champagne flutes.
“So go ahead and quit your grinning and spread your linens girl, go on and tell us what’s been going on between your sheets.”
“Well, I guess I should start after the lockdown.”
I took a deep breath, and then started to talk. I didn’t stop until almost every detail of the recent happenings in my life was all laid out for them to scrutinize. I told them everything about Breeze and I, decided to drop the Lanell bomb after hearing their thoughts.
“Wait, so it just so happens that your apartment was set on fire after he got you to go to Jamaica with him, AND it happened after he asked you to move in with him?” DeeDee asked, with the “this shit don’t sound right” face.
“What are you trying to say?” I asked before I took a big sip of my drink.
“I ain’t saying shit; I’m asking if my timeline is right.”
I sensed a little attitude in DeeDee’s voice and that caused me to get one of my own.
“Yeah, you heard right, so, and?”
She rolled her neck and stood up as she picked up on the sharpness that was starting to take over my tone. Breeze was a lot of things, but for her to be hinting at him being an arsonist was going too far. I watched her as she smiled and shook her head. I would bet money on her thinking that I was the dumbest bitch she had ever met in that moment. Or maybe she was thinking that I was lucky she considered me a friend. If anyone else had spoken to her that way in her own house, god only knows what would have happened.
“Look Jazzy, you have got to try and put shit together, try and add one plus one. If the math on that equals three or four, well you know things aren’t right, am I right?”
Her question was directed to Jamar who looked as if he had a whole lot to say but was holding back. We both waited to see what side he would take.
“Well…” That’s all he said before picking up his glass.
“Look, I know that Breeze is a little off and all, but what you’re saying, I don’t think---.”
“That’s the fucking problem; you ain’t fucking thinking, Jasmine. I mean, come on. This nigga pops out of nowhere and---.”
DeeDee was now standing and flailing her arms in the air as if she was trying to take flight. My naiveté’ disgusted her and pushed her rage level to high.
“He didn’t pop out of nowhere, I fucking invited him,” I said as if this fact would make me seem any smarter or make the situation any better. She let out a sinister growl that I’m assuming was laughter and picked up her glass. She took a long swig and flopped down on her cou
ch before crossing her legs.
“What, you think that changes what I’m thinking? That only makes you look worst. So you mean to tell me that after all the bullshit he has put you through, after meeting a dude like Lust and falling for him, making plans to start over and have a better life, you go and pull this shit? How fucking dumb can you be?”
I had passed my boiling point. She didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. She didn’t know about the pain and anguish that I have been holding in since that shit with Lanell went down, and she had the nerve to be coming at me like this? Who in the fuck did she think she was, my drunk ass mother? I jumped off of her expensive couch and didn’t give a shit when half of my drink landed on the seat cushion.
“First of all, I’m not going to be called dumb too many more times before I go off on your ass. Second of all, you should really know what the fuck you’re talking about before you start running your damn mouth. What the fuck you know about Lanell? Do you know that he never showed up on my last trip to Vegas? Do you know---?”
“SO THE FUCK WHAT? He didn’t show up, that don’t mean shit, that don’t mean that you have to jump right back in the damn bed with Breeze. And did you just spill your drink on my custom made couch?”
DeeDee never looked at me as she spoke. She just kept looking at the wet spot on her precious couch. Now as much as I liked DeeDee, and as much as I considered her to be a friend, my anger was to the point of no return. The more I looked at her looking at the unimportant damage to the cushion, the angrier I got. What I was trying to tell her was so much more important than her furniture. I needed them in my corner, as my friends, but I didn’t feel like I was getting that. So in my fit of fury, I did something so disrespectful. I filled up my glass, took a sip, and then poured the rest of the liquor on her couch.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
DeeDee was off of the couch before the words finished leaving her mouth. It was then that I realized the depth of my actions. Rage had blinded me to the situation at hand. DeeDee was a friend, a friend that would kick my ass from here to kingdom come.
“Come on Jazzy, that shit was foul,” Jamar said as he stood up and got between me and DeeDee. He had to literally restrain her from reaching me and doing damage.
“Oh, hell no bitch, I’m about to tap that ass.”
I wanted to say sorry, tell her that I didn’t mean to do it. I wanted to plead with her to forgive me, but my pride wouldn’t let me do it.
“FUCK YOU, BITCH. YOU RUN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH TOO MUCH.”
My phone rang as Jamar did his best to keep her from me. I walked over to my purse, making sure to take the long way around DeeDee, and picked it up.
“I’ll be there soon,” I told Breeze after he asked me where I was at. I hung up the phone happy that I had found a way out.
“Stupid bitch, you better leave my fucking house. I was just telling you the truth, that’s what real friends do. Trying to help you avoid a big ass mistake before you make it, but no, you want to fuck things up before they even get started.”
I was on my way to the door as she spoke and almost made it out, but her words struck a chord and made me turn around.
“NO, you know what real friends do, they listen, they comfort, and they wait to hear the whole fucking story before they put in their two cents. Lanell never showed up because he was fucking his wife, the wife he told me he was divorcing. And to make matters worse, after calling a million times, that bitch picked up and told me that he was in her fucking house as we spoke. He didn’t even give me the common courtesy of calling and at least lying about why he couldn’t come, and he still hasn’t called now. So now what, am I supposed to wait and sleep on a friend’s couch until I make that move to Vegas? Fuck that shit. I’m gonna lay up in a big ass house, do a feature on a sitcom, drive nice cars, and make my money. Isn’t that what you’re doing here, fucking the boss to live a better life? And you have the nerve to turn your nose up at me? FUCK YOU, BITCH.”
Both she and Jamar seemed to be in shock. They didn’t think that my explanation was headed in that direction.
“Wait Jazzy, don’t leave, come back here,” Jamar said with sadness in his eyes and concern in his voice.
“No, I think that I’ve had enough of her for one day. I’m going shopping; maybe we can catch a drink later on or something.”
The sound of my heels clacking against her marble floors echoed loudly. I was damn near running for the door, praying that I made it out before the tears that were forming in my eyes fell. But Jamar had seen them, and he wanted to wipe them away with a hug and a shoulder to lean on, but for me, I just wanted out. I made it to my car before I heard DeeDee calling me back.
“Jasmine, come back, my bad, I didn’t know.”
I got in my car and didn’t look back. I didn’t look back because of two things. I had hurt a friend, I had hurt her because of my own pain, because of my own disappointments, and because I wasn’t dealing with the issue at hand in the right way. It was all bottled up, choking me, causing me to be irrational. I couldn’t face her so soon, so soon after walking out of her house. I needed time to deal, I needed to think, and I needed time to pull myself together. The second reason, well, it was pride. My pride didn’t want to let her see me cry. I didn’t want her to know that her words had gotten the best of me. I didn’t want to show her that her verbal assault was like pouring salt on a fresh wound. And although I should have said, ‘fuck pride’ and run into the arms of good hearted friends, instead, I got in my car and burned rubber. I sped off without the comfort I needed, without the assuring words I was looking for. I sped off without knowing if I had lost one of the two true friends I have ever had.
*****
I really couldn’t enjoy shopping with Breeze like I wanted to. Everything was weighing too heavily on my mind to jump for joy at the eighty five thousand dollar damage I had done on his card, but I tried my best to play it off. Once we got home, I jumped in the shower and tried to wash off the day’s bullshit. I made the water boiling hot, hoping that it would sanitize me and burn away the bad Juju that seemed to be taking over my life. After getting out, I felt lonely, Breeze was there, but I didn’t need nor want him. I need a friend. I needed Jamar. I slipped on Breeze’s robe and went into the bedroom. He was lying in bed watching some game on ESPN. I was hoping that he wouldn’t bother me and just keep on watching his game.
“Damn Jazzy, you smelling good as hell. Why don’t you come on over here and watch the game with me?”
I rolled my eyes before turning around and faking a smile.
“I don’t do basketball, besides, I was about to call Jamar and ask him if he wanted to hang, do you mind if I have some company for a while?”
“Okay, okay, I see how it is. But no, you can do whatever you want. This is your house too Jazzy, you can have whoever you want over here. How many times to I have to tell you this?”
He had gotten off of the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist. I hugged him back wondering if he could feel the coldness in my touch. As I walked out of the room, I looked back at him. Judging by the sadness in his eyes, he had felt every bit of the chill my feelings toward him housed.
“Maybe after he leaves, you and I can put on a good movie like we did at my old place and chill, how about that?”
He smiled, but he couldn’t hide the truth that my rejection had caused.
“Sure thing baby, whenever you ready, I’ll be here, I’m gonna wait.”
He and I both knew that he was talking about more than just the movie.
*****
“I’m so happy that you came,” I stepped aside as Jamar slipped by me and entered the house.
“Is he home right now, cause that’s gonna be awkward?”
“He” was Breeze and I knew better than to tell him that he would be here when I asked him to come.
“I know right, but what can I do? Plus, it’s cool we can go out to the veranda.”
I walked Jamar through the hou
se and hoped that Breeze really did leave us alone. I needed my friend to hear me out and make me feel better. I wouldn’t be able to talk so freely if Breeze was around.
“I can never get over how nice this place is.”
“Yeah, well, all that glitters isn’t always gold; remember that.”
Jamar smiled and shook his head in agreement.
“So, what the fuck was that shit about today?” Jamar asked as he pulled out an already rolled blunt from his pocket. Guess he knew that we were going to need it. I didn’t answer ‘til we were at least half way through the J.
“You know what?” I asked with smoke still in my lungs.
“I don’t even fucking know. Now you know that I would never spill no shit on someone’s couch on purpose, how tacky was that? Let alone to do that shit to DeeDee, what was I thinking?”
I passed the mellow green back over to him after taking in a big old puff.
“You weren’t fucking think at all, she was going to kill your ass,” he said as we both laughed at the thought of me fighting wild ass DeeDee.
“I would have been able to handle my own.”
We both looked at each other and neither of us could stop our laughter. My last statement was not only false, but it was unbelievable.
“I know you can fight and all, but DeeDee, that bitch is like Mike Tyson on crack. She moves fast and carries a mean punch. And she won’t stop until she sees blood or until you’re on the floor and have stopped moving.”
He was right.
“Do you think that she will ever talk to me again?” I held my breath hoping for the best.
“You were bold as hell going at her like that. I think that if it were anyone else…The good thing is that DeeDee really likes you. She always says that you’re like a little sister to her. I think that she was over it the minute you dropped all that heavy shit on us. But if I were you, I would call and apologize. Oh, and don’t ever try that shit with her again. I think that this was your one and only free pass.”
PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans Page 48