And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series)

by Heather A Buchman

  He had two choices. He could go and see Liv. Or? He only had one choice.

  Ben walked into the restaurant and didn’t see Paige or Mark. He didn’t see Renie or Liv either. Or even Dottie or Bill.

  “Is there another Blue Water in town?” he asked the bartender, who laughed at him.

  He ordered a coke and rubbed his hands over his face. He sat with his back to the door, he couldn’t bear watching for her. If Liv walked into this bar and wanted to see him, she’d know he was there.

  “I told him where we’d be.” Paige said to Renie. “I don’t know whether he’ll come or not.”

  “Have you tried calling him again?”

  “Just once a minute, keeps going to voicemail.”

  “She’s gonna be wrecked if he doesn’t show. I think we handled this really wrong.”

  “Thanks Renie. I appreciate you saying ‘we,’ but this is all on me. I handled this wrong.”

  “Nope, you’re not taking all the blame. It was my idea to tell her he was here. If I hadn’t, he would’ve left, my mom wouldn’t have even known he’d been here, and instead of looking like she’s gonna throw up any minute, she’d still be celebrating.”

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s walking toward me, she went to freshen up in the ladies’ room. Gotta go. We’ll see you there.”

  “Ready?” Renie said to her mom.

  “Where we going?”

  “We’re going to Blue Water on Main. Paige, Mark, the Pattersons, Jolene and Mary Beth are coming. And maybe Ben. And Mom, we’re celebrating tonight, one way or another. I know I really screwed this up, and I hope you can forgive me.”

  Liv went into mom-mode. This she knew how to do. “It’s okay baby girl. This thing between Ben and me is complicated. I know everyone wants to help, but some things just can’t be helped. Come on, let’s go celebrate. Your mama is a barrel racer after all.”

  Everyone, except Ben, was waiting under the bright light near the front door when Renie and Liv pulled into the parking lot.

  There were so many shouts and cheers, people picking her up and hugging her, Liv almost, for a second or two, forgot about Ben. Not a whole second really, but part of one.

  “Let’s go eat,” Bill said. “Dottie’s treat.”

  Dottie slugged him, “That’s right big spender, make your wife buy your dinner, and everybody else’s too.”

  “You know I’m jus’ kiddin’ sweetie,” Bill said as he nuzzled up to Dottie. Liv would give anything to have a love like the Pattersons had. She’d probably had a chance to, but she’d pushed him away.

  Bill went in to make sure the table was ready, followed by the rest of the group. Paige grabbed Liv’s arm and held her back. “Walk in with me,” Paige said to her and hooked her arm through Liv’s. Renie was right in front of them, and Mark was right behind them. Liv wondered if they thought she was going to back out, so they had her surrounded.

  It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but she saw him. His back was to her, but he was there. She stood completely still, taking her arm from Paige’s.

  “Go ahead,” she said. “I’ll meet you in there.”

  Ben turned around, he knew she was there. He felt her. The only thing he could do was smile, he was so damn happy to see her.

  She loved his smile. She could look at him for hours. Ben smiled with his whole face, his eyes, his mouth . . . God, his mouth.

  He stood and she walked over to him. He held out his arms and she walked into him. Her mouth sought his, she couldn’t wait.

  Neither could he. His lips crushed into hers. His arms were around her waist and he lifted her up so her mouth was even with his, and he could feel her body against his.

  The noisy restaurant went silent in his ears. It became a dull hum, he could only hear his heart pounding. And Liv, her soft, quiet whimpers as she kissed him, as her lips tore at his, as she ravaged him. She ravaged him. Not the other way around.

  Finally she spoke. “Ben.”

  It was the only word he wanted to hear.

  “There’s my girl.”

  “I’m so happy you’re here. I heard you watched me chase the cans.”

  “You were magnificent.”

  She looked down and even as dark as it was in the bar, he knew her cheeks were pink. He put his finger on her chin and tilted her head so her eyes met his. “Magnificent.”

  Her smile left her face and her eyes bored into his. “I missed you so much.”

  “I know baby, me too.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Shh. Nothin’ to be sorry for.”

  “But—”

  “Unh uh. No buts.” He smiled at her and kissed her again. “Let’s go join your party baby.”

  ***

  Ben stood back and watched Liv as she circled the table, greeting each person who was there to celebrate her phenomenal success. He pulled out a chair at the end of the table and sat next to Mark.

  “You didn’t go home.”

  “I sat next to you because I thought you were the one person at the table who wasn’t going to try to talk to me about Liv. Can’t we talk about guitar strings, or baseball, or some other random topic you’re so good at pullin’ out of thin air? Just please, let’s not talk about me and Liv.”

  “You got it buddy.” Mark pulled out his cell phone and started to show Ben videos on YouTube. The guy had the sense of humor of a fourteen-year-old and sometimes that was a very good thing.

  “Tomorrow’s another day of training, just like it would be back home. Don’t go gettin’ all full of yourself tonight, thinking you have this in the bag,” Jolene said to Liv.

  “Oh Jolene, can’t you give the girl a break? Give Cinderella a midnight curfew if you have to, but let her enjoy the ball while she’s here.” Dottie stood up in Liv’s defense.

  “You don’t win world titles enjoying the balls,” the gruff sixty-five year spit out, which Mark picked up and ran with.

  “What did she just say, Liv isn’t allowed to enjoy the balls? Is that what she really said? Bummer for you dude.”

  “Yep. You’re fourteen, a fourteen-year-old with gray hair.”

  ***

  Liv moved from person to person at the table, and between the end of one conversation and the beginning of the next, she’d look at him, fleetingly. Was she checking to make sure he was still there, or that he was okay, or was she wondering if he was watching her?

  All three, he’d guess. And he moved from okay to well beyond it if in that moment, she smiled at him.

  Too soon and yet not soon enough, Liv came and sat in the open chair next to him. What came next for them? Did they act as though they hadn’t spent the last three months apart on purpose? Did he act like he was just another of her friends there to celebrate her big night? He had no idea.

  “This is just so much . . . more.” She said to him. “More than I ever imagined, more than I expected, more than I dreamed of.”

  “Which part, the barrels, the friends, the celebration?”

  “All of it. I’m not used to being the center of attention. I’m not used to having a reason to be.”

  Humble. She was the definition of it. Liv was completely unaware of her significance in the lives of the people sitting at this table. And with him? She saw herself as a soft place for him to land. It was the reason she worried they had nothing in common, and it was the reason she’d told him he should find a woman who could be strong enough for him. She saw herself as nothing more than a pretty pillow where he could lay his head.

  More than she dreamed of, that’s what she said. But in her eyes, nothing she’d achieved in the last three months, or she would achieve in the next year, or two, or five with her barrel racing would make her more to him. Liv would still believe she wasn’t enough for him.

  They hadn’t even come close to moving past square one. He was here, she was happy he was, but as far as something more between them? Nothing had changed. His mom had suggested Liv needed time to f
igure out who she was, and she seemed to be doing that. But how did he make sure that while she learned who she was for herself, she also learned who she was for him, with him, why he wanted to be with her? He had no idea.

  “Awfully quiet there cowboy,” she said to him nervously.

  “Just thinkin’ how much more you are than you know.”

  “The things you say, sweet talker. Sometimes they sound like they should be in a song.”

  He laughed. “And sometimes they are, or they work their way into one.”

  Liv leaned over and put her head on his shoulder, so he could feel her breath on the curve between his neck and shoulder. When she shifted far enough that she could put her lips where her breath had been, he thought he might come apart. “Liv—”

  “Will you stay with me tonight cowboy?”

  Oh man, he liked confident Liv. But at this rate, he wouldn’t last another five minutes before he took her out and plundered her in the parking lot. He moved her enough that he could brush his lips across hers, then moved her further so no part of her body touched his.

  “Ben?”

  He leaned over so he could whisper in her ear, trying to keep himself from touching her as he did it. “I’m ready to throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here, caveman-style, so unless you don’t care what anyone at this table thinks of that, you gotta stop touching me.”

  He didn’t miss the little grin she tried hard to hide, or the way her eyes drifted closed as she breathed in deeply. “I know just how you’re feeling sweetheart,” he murmured.

  Dottie was up on her feet tryin’ to pull Liv with her. “Come on girls, I wanna dance.”

  Oh good Lord, thought Liv, Dottie wanted to dance. All Liv could think about was getting out of this bar and getting Ben out of his clothes. Considering Bill and Mark were at the jukebox, Liv didn’t know what to expect. Renie was on her feet, swayin’ to the music already. Her daughter loved to dance. So did she, honestly.

  “Come on Paige, you’re in on this too.”

  The heavy sounds of a guitar filled the room, something about saving a horse and riding a cowboy.

  Oh God, she was gonna kill Mark, if Paige didn’t do it first.

  Dottie, Jolene and Mary Beth were woohooing it up, “Save a horse Livvie!” They pulled her in to dance with them, and she couldn’t help herself, she got into it. She’d had a damn good day, one of the best of her life, she was gonna have fun.

  They danced, and danced, and danced . . . Liv needed a drink, something tall and cool and wet. Ben. She’d rather have him than a drink.

  “One more song Livvie,” Billy Junior hollered out. “This one’s a slow one.”

  The fiddle started to play as Zac Brown’s “Free,” drifted through the speakers in the bar.

  “Oh, I love this song,” Liv said to no one in particular, right before Billy swung his arm around her waist and proceeded to move her around the dance floor.

  Ben lasted all of twenty seconds before he was on his feet, “Pardon me cowboy,” he said, taking a page out of Liv’s play book. “But you’re dancin’ with my girl.”

  “She was my girl long before you came along . . .”

  “Billy, you don’t want to start this. You’ll ruin my night.” Liv kissed his cheek.

  Billy stepped aside and Ben pulled Liv in as close as he could get her. “This is the first time I’ve held you in my arms and danced with you. Do you realize that?”

  “It feels so good, doesn’t it?”

  “Dancing?”

  “You, holding me in your arms. Feels like home Ben.”

  He pulled back so he could see her face, and hated that he wondered how much she’d had to drink tonight.

  “You think anyone would notice if you carried me outa here now? You know, that caveman thing?” She was talking so softly, so damn seductively, it was almost like she was purring at him. He didn’t care if anyone noticed, it was time for them to leave.

  He danced her over near Dottie and Bill. Looked like Bill had his hands full himself.

  “We’re gonna call it a night. Thanks for everything,” he said to them.

  “You better ask Jolene what time Livvie’s supposed to be at the barn in the mornin’ there Ben. Won’t be good for her to be showin’ up late.” Bill shook his finger at them as he said it.

  “Jolene?”

  Jolene was so busy dancin’ with Mark, God love her (and him), Ben wasn’t sure she heard him.

  “Not a minute past nine little girl. We gotta make sure you’re focused.” Jolene glared at Ben.

  “She’s a tough one,” he said.

  “She’s my hero,” Liv answered, looking sleepy.

  Ben put his arm around her and moved her in the direction of the door. “Are you gonna stay awake long enough to tell me where we’re staying tonight?”

  That seemed to wake her up. “Oh you don’t need to worry about me stayin’ awake cowboy.”

  They got to the truck and Ben didn’t waste a second. His hands fisted in her hair as he backed her up against the door. His lips rubbed against hers, nibbling, teasing, followed by his warm tongue invading her mouth. Her stomach did a little flip as he first groaned then growled when her hands dug into his chest beneath his shirt. He took over, imprisoning her hips with his. God she loved how the length of his body felt against hers.

  His hands gripped her hips as he kissed her harder. He stroked the soft skin where her shirt rode up as he kissed her softer. He angled his head, changing the way his kiss felt. Then he was gentle, so gentle, sweet, but she wanted so much more from him.

  “I can’t think straight for wanting you Liv,” he nuzzled her cheek, then realized his stubble probably scratched her. He reached up and softly rubbed his fingers where his face had been.

  He pulled her over from the door and unlocked it. “I want you too much for it to be like this Liv.”

  She climbed into the passenger seat and he leaned in, laying his face against her breast, his hand squeezing the inside of her thigh. He stopped and looked up at her. Suddenly his hand came up and he gripped her chin. “You are so beautiful Liv,” her eyes fell away from his.

  “No, don’t look away. Look right at me.” Her eyes met his straight on, as if challenging him to say what he was about to say.

  “You are so beautiful Liv, but, you are so much more than that. You’re everything. Do you understand, you’re everything to me.”

  He pulled away and closed the door, stopping to take a deep breath before he walked around the back of the truck. He got to his door and stopped again, took a deep breath and looked up to the sky. God he hoped he didn’t screw this up.

  As soon as they were in the hotel room, Ben worked the buttons on Liv’s blouse free, running his fingers along each sliver of her skin as it was revealed. Once it hung open, he slid it off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

  His eyes darkened with heat as his lips followed where his tongue had just been. He dropped to his knees, his tongue licked across her middle. His fingers popped the button on her jeans. He lowered the zipper and his warm mouth softly kissed along the top edge of her panties. He tugged her jeans until they were down below her knees.

  “Sit on the bed Liv.” She practically fell back into it. “Liv, look at me,” he demanded. She wore just her bra and panties, but Ben was still fully clothed. He placed his hands on her knees, “Let me in.”

  He leaned in close enough that his jeans rubbed against her skin while his hands slid up her thighs, around her hips, up her back and around the to the clasp of her bra. It immediately fell away.

  “You’re too good at that,” she groaned.

  He palmed her breasts and she arched and let her head fall back. And then he was gone. She opened her eyes to see him yank his shirt over his head. She kept watching as he unhooked his belt buckle, unfastened the button and unzipped his jeans.

  “Do I need a condom Liv?”

  “No Ben, you don’t.”

  “Is it for me Liv, just me?”


  “Just you Ben, it’s always just you.” She tried to stifle her cry, but couldn’t. There was no one else for her. There never would be.

  He swooped down and fused his mouth to hers. Kissing her hard, and rough, and eager. His lips followed the line of her jaw, up to her ear, “I need you baby.”

  She didn’t answer with words, but arched against him. And at that moment, he went still, just before he buried himself inside her. Slowly. So slowly.

  There was no better feeling in the world than her body joined together with his.

  “You’re mine, all mine Liv.” He started to move faster, harder. “Tell me. Let me hear you say it.”

  “I’m yours Ben, all yours.”

  Later, Ben waited until her breathing became more even. He moved her hand off his hip and whispered, “Liv,” to see if her eyes opened. They didn’t.

  “You’re all I ever wanted. Since the moment I laid eyes on you. You’re it baby. I love you, heart and soul, with everything I am.” He rolled to his back and stared up at the ceiling. “And why is it that I can only say this to you when you’re sleeping? Because I know if you heard me, you’d bolt.”

  Liv shifted again, her arm came across his waist, she turned part way to her side, and her body nuzzled up against his. She brought her head up and laid it on his chest. Her eyes never opened, her breathing never changed. In her sleep Liv’s body sought his, she got as close as she could get . . . when they made love, and when she was sleeping.

  Liv woke up and looked over at Ben. Soft light filtered in through the window coverings, it was still early. She drifted back to sleep for a moment, then shook herself awake again. She wanted this time awake, while he slept.

  Her eyes drifted over his face, slowly, as though they were her fingers, so slowly she let them wander. They lingered on the lines at the corner of his eye, etched there because of his smile, the one he gave so generously. They moved to the crease in the hollow above his eyes, between his eyebrows, as though as he slept some stress stayed, furrowed there, not allowing his brow to be completely at rest. His mouth called her eyes to move to its pout. The corners turned down in his sleep, like they did when he played guitar, and got lost in it, forgetting where he was and who was there with him. He slept with his mouth closed. Did everyone? Had Scott? Liv could not remember. She closed her eyes and pulled at her memory, it wouldn’t bring Scott to where she could see him. He’d faded, her mind no longer remembering how he slept, what he even looked like. She opened her eyes again to continue her study of Ben’s face. His eyes were open, studying her.