And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series)

by Heather A Buchman

  In January maybe he’d go to Europe, and maybe he wouldn’t. He’d have to wait and see.

  ***

  She checked the Twitter feed for the second time this morning and saw they’d posted photos from the concert the night before. And then she went on YouTube to watch, and listen, to the story he told about her, just like she had every morning for the last five weeks. Then she checked iTunes. Their album was up to number two.

  Tomorrow was her surgery, it had been delayed two additional weeks, they were finally moving her back to the hospital in Denver in a couple of hours.

  During the seven-hour operation, surgeons took one of the discs from Liv’s back and fused the bones. Then they mended the broken bone with surgical cement and used titanium screws and plates to fix her neck.

  Renie and Paige held hands and Mark stood behind them, his hands on their shoulders when the doctors came out to tell them how the surgery went.

  “Everything went as well as it could. Now we have to wait and see. We won’t know anything until she wakes up. She’ll be under sedation for a couple more hours. You should be able to see her then.”

  ***

  Jimmy saw it first, and prayed he could distract Ben until he figured out if it was true, or just some cruel and horrible attempt by some sleaze bag in the press to make a buck.

  The post read, “CB Rice Cashes In Big with Fake Coma Story.” It went on to say that CB Rice’s recent meteoric rise to fame was due in large part to the fans’ near hysteria over Ben Rice’s girlfriend, the one who was supposedly in a coma. According to reports, the woman in question had been out of her coma for weeks, shortly after the first concert when Ben came out on stage and told his naive fans the tragic story of the alleged love of his life.

  Jimmy knew by the look on Ben’s face, he’d seen it.

  “What the fuck is this?”

  Ben’s dad, Jimmy and Ben were trying to reach anyone they could—Paige, Renie, Mark, or the hospital. None of them were answering, and the hospital wouldn’t even confirm that they had a patient by the name of Olivia Fairchild.

  Paige and Renie were talking with Liv when Mark saw the story on CNN.

  “You better turn on the news,” was all he said when he walked in the room.

  “Oh my God.” Liv’s head fell back on the pillow.

  Paige looked down at her phone. “Shit. Seven missed calls. All from Ben.” She raised her eyebrows at Liv. “What now?”

  “Just get me on a goddamn plane.”

  They were in LA. It would take a little over two hours to fly to Denver. Ben was taking a commercial flight. It would get him there faster.

  ***

  Ben stormed into the hospital . . . and Mark was waiting for him. Again.

  “Tell me,” Ben managed to say. “No wait. I’d rather hear this from Liv herself. Since she’s awake.” The bitterness dripped off his tongue like poison sludge.

  Mark took him up to Liv’s room. Renie and Paige were with her when he walked in.

  “Well hello Liv,” Ben sneered at her. “Ladies, please leave. I need to talk to Liv alone.”

  Renie stopped in front of him, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It wasn’t ever about you Ben. My mom needed to come first.”

  Ben didn’t think there was anything that could get him to take his eyes off Liv, but that had. He looked at Renie and closed his eyes. That’s always the way it was, wasn’t it? It wasn’t about him, or what an absolute fucking idiot he was. It wasn’t about him unintentionally duping millions of people who now thought he was the scum of the earth for lying to them.

  It wasn’t about the pain he carried in his heart, his head, throughout his body for the last two months, thinking he may not ever have the chance to tell the incredible, beautiful woman in front of him how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

  No, this wasn’t ever about him.

  He didn’t move. Paige and Renie were gone. Liv was right in front of him, her eyes were open, something he’d been dreaming about, thinking about, praying for, but he couldn’t move.

  “Why?” he finally asked. “And don’t, don’t say this wasn’t about me. Don’t.”

  “It was all about you,” she answered.

  “About me? Really. I guess you didn’t think then about the other people in my life who would be affected by this. Do you have any idea what this will do to the band? Forget about me, think about the band. And the crew, all the people we employ. We’re done Liv. People think we’ve been conning them. So you wanna tell me how this was all about me?”

  He was so angry, so hurt, so confused, but at that moment, it all went away, none of it mattered. Liv was conscious. And she was talking to him. He’d dreamt about this every day, even when he wasn’t sleeping. The need to touch her overwhelmed him.

  He stalked over to the bed and leaned down, as close as he could get to her and said in her ear, “I don’t want to do anything to physically hurt you, but I’m going to kiss you, and I’m going to kiss you hard. So if there is anywhere I can’t touch you, you better tell me right now.”

  Ben’s lips met hers and pushed her head back up against the pillow. His mouth devoured hers and dared hers to respond. His hand came up and stroked her face, gently, as if knowing only his mouth could cause her pain. The rest of his body had to protect her at all costs.

  He could taste the saltiness of her tears as they ran down her face and into their mouths. He could hear her cries, but he chose to ignore them. He needed to take this from her and everything else be damned. She was pulling at him, trying to bring his body closer to hers.

  “Don’t make me hurt you Liv,” he said as he pulled back from her. “It isn’t your body I want to hurt, just your heart.” His eyes were dark, not from hunger, but from rage. “Are you even going to try to explain?”

  “I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to protect you.”

  He backed away from her. “Protect me? Protect me? Is that what you just said? You wanted to protect me? From what? Peace? Sanity? Do you have any idea what these last few weeks have been like for me?”

  He stood up and walked toward the window. “Every day I called. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. And I’d ask how you were. And every single day, Paige lied to me.”

  “It wasn’t her fault. I made her do it, to protect you.”

  “Look at me. Can you see me? I’m not a man who has been protected. I’m a man who has had his insides chewed up every day, for the last two months. My body has been racked with pain. Every single fucking day.” His eyes welled with tears. “I would’ve crawled into that body, taken the coma on myself and set you free if I could’ve. I didn’t care about me, only you.”

  Her leg moved, a reflex, and it startled her. It had been so long since she could feel anything below her waist. She gasped.

  “What?” Ben asked.

  “My leg moved.”

  Since Ben hadn’t known she’d come out of the coma, he also hadn’t known she was paralyzed. He didn’t know that she’d just had surgery, and that they’d been waiting to see whether it was successful.

  The nurse came in to check her vitals. “Any sensation yet?”

  Liv looked at Ben, then at the nurse. “My legs.”

  The nurses eyes opened wide and she pulled the sheet back to look at Liv’s legs. She started tapping different areas. “Can you feel this? What about this?” Liv just kept nodding. She could feel it all.

  “Oh Liv, this is wonderful! Let me call the doctor. I’ll be right back.”

  Ben watched the scene play out in front of him. He didn’t know what it meant, but he was starting to put it together. He didn’t speak, he stood and stared at her.

  She looked uncomfortable, yet elated at the same time. She stared back at him.

  The nurse came back. “I paged him and he’s on his way. Oh honey, I am so happy for you. This soon after the surgery.” She looked over at Ben. “It’s wonderful news, isn’t it?”

  “It is wonderful,” he an
swered.

  The nurse continued to check Liv’s extremities, marveling, making notes.

  “It’s been a long, hard road for our girl here, but what a miracle. Liv, by tomorrow, you may be walking. Short distances and with a walker, but walking.”

  The doctor came in before the nurse finished. He appeared as excited by Liv’s ability to move her legs as the nurse had been.

  “We’ll take it slow. Don’t get any ideas about getting up for a drink of water in the middle of the night. Tomorrow morning we’ll see if we can get you on your feet. Do not, I repeat, do not try to do it tonight.”

  The doctor turned to Ben. “No one more stubborn than our girl here. Don’t let her try to get out of bed.”

  He turned back to Liv. “As long as this young man agrees to keep his eye on you, we won’t restrain you,” he joked.

  She smiled, but hadn’t said anything since the nurse asked her if she had any sensation. Not a single word.

  The doctor leaned down and kissed the top of Liv’s head, then stood back and looked her in the eye. “I’ve become fond of many of my patients through the years Olivia, but I can tell you, few have come to mean as much to me as you do. If there was anyone, anyone at all, I would’ve wished this for, it’s you.”

  The doctor said goodnight, and left. The nurse said she’d be back in a while to check on her again, but to ring if she needed anything. She asked Liv if she was hungry, but she only nodded that she wasn’t.

  “What will you do?” she asked him once they were alone again.

  “Tell the truth.”

  “Well,” she said, as if she expected him to say goodnight.

  He didn’t think she was as fragile as he did when he first got here. Not after watching the doctor and nurse exam her.

  “Scoot over,” he said. He kicked off his shoes and lay down next to Liv, putting his arm around her waist. “You have a lot to tell me. Start at the beginning. Tell me about the accident.”

  It felt so good to have him next to her, but nothing had changed and she needed to make Ben see it as clearly as she did. If anything, she had more reasons to. “Ben, we can’t do this.”

  “We can, and we’re gonna. You kept me away for weeks. I’m not going anywhere tonight.”

  “I need to rest, and so do you. We can talk tomorrow. If . . .”

  “Oh I’ll still be here if that’s what you’re wondering. If you need to rest, go to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

  She did need to sleep. She couldn’t keep her eyes open another minute. Which meant she also didn’t have the strength to argue with him. She let herself drift off, snuggled into him.

  There was a neverending war of emotions taking place in Ben’s head, and in his heart. He tried to decide what currently topped the list. On the flight from LA, anger was number one, followed closely by hurt. Confusion, while not an emotion, was way up there. As of right now, love had risen to the top, but hurt still nipped at its heels.

  Why had Liv done this? None of it made sense to him. Why would she let him go on believing she was in a coma? If it was because she thought he’d leave the tour, she would’ve been partially right. He would’ve come to see her, he would’ve wanted to be with her every chance he could. But knowing he could see her and talk to her would’ve fueled his desire to make music. He would’ve rejoiced.

  It was clear that up until tonight, Liv hadn’t had feeling in her legs. Which meant she believed she was what? Paralyzed? And she was trying to protect him from it. It was like a bad remake of a movie that had been done ten times too many.

  Ben wondered if he would ever get through to her. She mattered. Not what she did or achieved. Just her, as she was. She was enough.

  Maybe that was the point. He’d never get through to her. In the last year he had begged her to let him be a part of her life, and over and over she had either told him or showed him she didn’t want that. He’d been telling himself that she did, she just didn’t know it. But what if he was the one that was wrong? What if it was that simple? Liv meant more to him than he did to her. She’d told him so many times that she couldn’t be with him. Even ten minutes ago she said it again, “Ben, we can’t do this.”

  He wanted to touch her, just for a little while longer. Maybe his arms could memorize what it felt like to have her wrapped up in them. Maybe his chest could remember what it felt like to have her head resting softly on it. Maybe his heart could remember how to rejoice in the fact that she walked this earth, rather than mourn that he couldn’t watch her as she did.

  Hard as it was, he had to force himself to do it. He eased her head down on to the pillow, got up, and walked out of her life.

  Chapter 19

  The fallout with CB Rice’s fans had been less than anyone initially expected. Since they had a full week of shows still booked, Ben did what he did best. He came out at the start of every show and told the truth.

  He told people he never meant to deceive anyone, and up until the story broke in the press, he believed Liv was still in a coma. He told them about her paralysis, and that she was the kind of woman who was so strong, so independent, so brave, that she wanted to protect him from it. He went on to say she’d had surgery that was successful, and everyone believed she would be up, walking, and back to her old self in no time. Each night the crowd roared when he said it. He didn’t tell them that he and Liv were no longer together. But then they never really had been anyway.

  ***

  Liv was going home for the first time in almost three months. She didn’t know what to expect when she got there. In January Renie would restart the semester she’d taken off to be at her mother’s bedside. In the end it had proven too difficult for her to juggle her course load and commute back and forth from the hospital. In the meantime she’d be home with her mom, helping with her continued recovery.

  Liv hated not having her independence. While her recovery went far more quickly than anyone had anticipated, not being back on her regular routine made her wretched to be around. She’d be the first to admit it. Renie took it in stride.

  “Would you like to try to ride today?”

  No, it was too soon for that. Liv wasn’t sure she had the courage to even walk into the barn. She knew she needed to see Micah, but the thought of it terrified her. She missed her boy, but didn’t know how he would react to her.

  “I’ll walk to the barn, that’ll be enough for today.”

  She didn’t see Micah when she walked in but by the time she got to the stall, his nose was peeking out, looking for her. She stood and let him nuzzle her. His hind leg was bent and he practically purred. Liv stood and loved him for as long as she could. One of her legs gave out and she grabbed the top of the stall’s half-door. Renie noticed and ran over with a stool for her to sit on.

  Liv saw the tears in her daughters eyes, and how hard she was fighting breaking down. Liv felt the same way.

  “Will you be okay for a few minutes Mom? There are some things I need to take care of inside.”

  “Sure honey, go ahead. I’ll just sit here and catch up with my boy.”

  Liv managed to hold her sobs in until she heard the back door of the house close.

  “Oh Micah, what have I done?” She sobbed into her beloved horse’s mane.

  ***

  When she woke up in the hospital and Ben wasn’t there, she wasn’t sure if she’d dreamt everything from the night before, or if he had really been there. She moved one of her legs to be sure that part wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t.

  The nurse came in with breakfast and to tell her that she was scheduled for her first rehab session in two hours. And then she was gone and Liv was alone. The ache of what that meant spread through her chest.

  He hadn’t stayed. And now she had to face the fact that he wasn’t likely to ever come back. She’d spent the last few months pushing him away. And now that he was gone, she could feel it in her bones, this time it was for good.

  Liv spent the next two weeks trying to get her legs to
work properly, and doing her best to kick everyone close to her out of her life. Even Paige had reached the point where she’d had enough.

  “I’ll be your friend until the end of time, and I love you, but I won’t be your punching bag. You know where to find me when you want to,” she said before she stormed out.

  Mark still came to visit every day. He didn’t talk much, he rarely even said hello. He arrived just as she started rehab and left when it was over. And in between, he helped.

  Renie would come in the afternoon, every day. Some days she’d read the entire time she was there. Sometimes she’d watch her mom, who spent most of her time sitting, looking out the window. Liv told her she didn’t feel like talking, and there wasn’t anything else she felt like doing either.

  “This kind of depression is normal,” the doctor told Renie. “Her body has been through a significant series of traumas. She needs to heal. She’ll come around. I’ve offered to prescribe something for it, but your mother refuses it.”

  Billy came almost every day, usually with Renie. He was in the top five nationally for saddle broncs. Liv was so proud of him. He’d tell her about the barrel racing standings, and talk to her about the finals which were the first couple weeks of December. At first she thought it would bother her, but then she realized Billy talked to her as though she was on the injured list, not the retired list. He believed she’d be back.

  “I’ll help you, ya know. Anything you need. I’ll be there for you Livvie. Soon as you’re ready, we can get back out on the road together.”

  “I appreciate that Billy. We’ll see, okay?”

  ***

  Thanksgiving morning, eight days after she came home, Liv decided it was time to ride. Renie suggested her mom ride Pooh, but Liv was determined to ride Micah. Her leg muscles were stronger than they’d ever been. In the past the only exercise she did was to ride, and work. Now she had a strength-building regime she followed every day.