by James Duthie
“The game that sticks in my mind the most was in bantam at the Silver Stick Tournament in Port Huron. We were down 5-1 in the third, and he had the only goal. We called time-out with seven minutes left. He proceeded to set up a goal and score three more to tie it. Then he scored in overtime to win it.”
I had heard enough of those yarns to finally go watch the kid play two winters ago. He left the rink with five points, and a dozen ridiculous YouTube-worthy moves. I left the rink knowing I'd never forget the name again.
Steven Stamkos.
I'm guessing you won't forget it either.
Stamkos will almost certainly be the first player taken in next June's NHL Draft. The vast majority of scouts and OHL coaches you talk to say they would take him before Tavares (who isn't eligible until 2009). He assisted on all three goals in the first game of the biggest junior tournament in the world against players two years older than him.
You might accuse me of local bias. You might be right.
It's hard not to cheerlead a little when the kid comes to your boy's hockey school just to help out. It's tough when his sister dances at the same school your daughter does. It's tough when everyone, everyone, who knows him, tells you what a wonderful young man he is.
“He's a phenomenal talent and a better person,” says Alan Millar, GM of the Sarnia Sting, where Stamkos plays in the OHL. “He does things we've never seen before. Every day is a revelation.”
I've talked to Steven only once, on a plane back from the NHL Draft last year (his agent had flown him and a few others down to get an idea what the experience will be like). He was just a regular teenager on a pretty cool end-of-school-year trip. You would never know he's a guy who does things with a puck that scouts with 40 years of experience say they've never seen before.
I know this isn't a new story. No fresh angle here. You've heard it all before. And you'll probably hear it again about another player next year. That's OK.
The World Juniors should be a time to puff your chest out about the kind of hockey players and young men this country is producing.
Especially when they live just down the street.
• • •
Postscript: Stamkos was the first overall pick in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft. We aren't neighbours anymore. I moved to a little further north, to Aurora, Ontario. Steven moved to Tampa Bay. And NHL stardom. He scored 45 goals in 2009–10, sharing The Rocket Richard Trophy with Sidney Crosby.
Chapter 50
The Politics of Puck
November 2008
Who says politics and hockey don't mix? A close examination of the US presidential race shows the two have never been more intertwined.
In fact, the hockey-related opinions and puck policies of the candidates may well decide the next leader of the free world. You think I'm kidding? Just take a look at the following actual quotes from the key figures in the race. (Now, I can't 100 per cent confirm the context of the statements, but I'm pretty sure I know what they were talking about.)
“I have fought against excessive spending my entire career, but we need to make it a priority to take care of our veterans.”—Republican presidential candidate John McCain, on the Daniel Alfredsson contract extension.
“It's not something that I'm proud of. It was a mistake as a young man.”—Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, on the time he bet on the Leafs to win the Cup.
“We have no choice but to eliminate the threat. This is a guy who is an extreme danger to the world.”—Democratic vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden, on Sean Avery.
“May I call you Joe?”—Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, upon meeting seldom-used Carolina Hurricane defenseman Josef Melichar.
“We've got a lot of pent-up anger and bitterness and misunderstanding. But the anger is real; it is powerful; and to simply wish it away, to condemn it without understanding its roots, only serves to widen the chasm of misunderstanding that exists.”—Obama, addressing the Montreal Canadiens' feelings towards prospect Pavel Valentenko, who bolted for Russia.
“We're no longer staring into the abyss of defeat and we can now look ahead to the genuine prospect of success.”—McCain, on the Phoenix Coyotes. Or maybe it was the Blackhawks. He gets confused sometimes.
“It's a crisis. It's a toxic mess, really,”—Palin, on the Atlanta Thrashers defence.
“I think he is a transformational figure. . . he has energized a lot of people around the world.”—Former secretary of state Colin Powell, on Calgary Flames mascot Harvey the Hound.
“I think you may have noticed that Senator Obama's supporters have been saying some pretty nasty things about western Pennsylvania lately. And you know, I couldn't agree with them more!”—Though widely misinterpreted as a gaffe, McCain was actually revealing the disdain he shares, with Obama supporters, for the Penguins.
“Why can't I just eat my waffle?”—Obama, after being offered free Islanders tickets.
“All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.”—Palin, when asked to name her favourite hockey player.
“I called him and asked him if he found anything offensive. And he just laughed and he said, ‘Of course I don't. We all know what's going on.’”—Former president Bill Clinton, on his profanity-laced exchange with commissioner Gary Bettman, after they ran into each other at a Burger King in New York (Clinton was angry about unpenalized headshots).
“What Washington needs is adult supervision.”—Obama, after watching Alexander Ovechkin and his teammates pretend to be a rock band for a team video.
“We are paying a very heavy price for the mismanagement—that's the kindest word I can give you.”—McCain, a Leafs fan, commenting on the last 40-odd years of the franchise.
“The German asparagus are fabulous.”—President George W. Bush. I actually don't have a hockey reference here. That's just my favourite George Bush quote I found on Google.
“You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.”—Obama, commenting on the fact the NHL on TSN panel now wears more makeup because of High Definition.
• • •
Postscript: That last one was hurtful, but I was still glad he won.
Chapter 51
The Habs' Season of Ceremony
October 2008
This is not going to be a good season to be a Hab-hater. In fact, that's an understatement on the same scale as: “This is not a good month to be a stockbroker.”
You either love or hate the Montreal Canadiens. There is no Middle Earth. If you love them, you are likely to have a winter of sheer bliss. If you despise them, if you gag at the mere mention of Les Glorieux, you are about to enter hockey's version of a Turkish prison. First of all, they look good. Really good. Second, and much more annoying to you, the next six months will seem like one interminable ceremony celebrating everything Bleu, Blanc et Rouge.
The Canadiens have hugantic plans for their 100th season. It all kicked off last Wednesday with the unveiling of the Ring of Honor, a wonderful tribute to the 44 former players and 10 builders in the Hockey Hall of Fame. Nobody does ceremonies as well as Montreal.
Or as often.
Welcome to Habapalooza. The schedule isn't even complete yet, and already we know the Ring of Honor ceremony will be followed by (brace yourself): Builder's Night (Oct. 28), Memorable Games in Canadiens History DVD release (Nov. 4), Patrick Roy's sweater retirement (Nov. 22), Opening of Centennial Plaza (Dec. 4), Centennial Gala (Dec. 5), NHL All-Star Weekend (Jan. 24–25), launch of the Canadiens Hall of Fame (April), NHL Draft (June 27), 8 “Vintage Jersey” games and two “Original Six Salute” games. Oh yeah, and the Stanley Cup Final* (June) (*tentative).
By contrast, the Nashville Predators event schedule consists of a 2-for-1 pizza night in February. That's it. (I'm kidding, of course. The Predators could never afford to give away free pizza slices.)
And I didn't even get to the Special Edition Montreal Canadiens Monopoly game, the commemorative stamps and a special-minted Habs Loonie (the only
Canadian dollar that may rise in value this year).
The Canadiens, to their credit, want to give every fan at every game something special to remember about the centennial. But man, it's a long season. So filling out an entire home schedule worth of ceremonies is a challenge. Through my extensive sources within the organization (a mailroom intern named Miguel), I've uncovered some of the yet-to-be announced special celebrations on the Habs sked:
OCT. 25 (vs. Anaheim)–Book release party for the autobiography of Youppi, the Canadiens mascot, entitled: Youppi: I really only like baseball, but I needed the money.
NOV. 15 (vs. Philadelphia)–Chez Parée Appreciation Night, a touching ceremony in honor of the distraction (and subsequent losses) this legendary men's club has caused visiting teams for decades. A bronze statue of “Denise,” Parée's longest serving stripper, will be unveiled outside the Bell Centre's North Entrance. (You will be able to sit near the statue, but you cannot make any physical contact.)
DEC. 21 (vs. Carolina)–Sergei Samsonov Sweater Retirement. After realizing they have already honored almost every living former player, the Habs are forced to commemorate the nine-goal, healthy scratch-filled 2006–07 season of this current Hurricane.
DEC. 25–The Canadiens attempt to rename Christmas “Habs Rule Day,” so that the team can be properly feted each and every year by all of humanity. Jewish holiday also to be renamed “Habukkah.”
JAN. 8 (vs. Toronto)–Leafs Mathematically Eliminated From Playoff Race Night*. Featuring post-game fireworks and dance party! Live Performance by Mitsou! (Mitsou is still a star in Quebec, 20 years later. I wonder if she kept all my letters?) (*May be cancelled if Leafs are already mathematically eliminated by January.)
FEB. 21 (vs. Ottawa)–Vito “The Plumber” Sweater Retirement. After officially running out of former players to honor with the Sergei Samsonov Sweater Retirement, the Habs hold a ceremony for the guy who fixed the clog in the men's bathroom in Section 201 during a key playoff game in 1993.
FEB. 24 (vs. Vancouver)–McDonald's begins giving out Limited Edition “Guys Georges Laraque Has Pummelled” figurines with Happy Meals. Riley Cote, Brian McGrattan, Brad May—they're all there! The “Bloodied Derek Boogaard” proves to be a favourite with the kids.
MARCH. 17 (vs. Rangers)–Rocket Richard Riot Recreation Night. To celebrate the 54th anniversary of the Riot, the first 10,000 fans in the building receive souvenir Molotov cocktails. City Chamber of Commerce co-operates to allow limited post-game looting.
APRIL. 11 (vs. Pittsburgh, last home game)–Ceremony honoring the best ceremonies of the season. Roy, Samsonov, Youppi, Vito, Denise. . . all in attendance. Not a dry eye in the house.
• • •
Postscript: For some unknown reason, the aforementioned ceremonies never materialized. Such a shame. The countless other ceremonies the Canadiens did hold were all wonderful. But the season wasn't. After a fast start, the Habs floundered, and barely made the playoffs. They were quickly eliminated, in four straight losses to Boston. Dedicated Montreal fans were quick to look on the bright side: “Oh well, we'll get 'em next centennial!”
Chapter 52
Premature Evaluation:
An Embarrassing Male (and Female) Problem
October 2009
One week into the NHL season, and we residents of Hockeynation are already pretty sure of a few things:
Colorado and Phoenix are unstoppable and will surely meet in the Western Conference Final.
San Jose and Detroit suck, are likely headed for the draft lottery and are frantically sending their scouts to Windsor to watch Taylor Hall.
Martin Brodeur and Roberto Luongo are stiffs, and if Team Canada selects them, they will lose 9-3 to Switzerland.
The much-hyped Leafs defence couldn't stop that skating chimp from the MVP movies. Even if he was tranquilized.
Alexander Ovechkin is going to score 90 goals, and 150 points. By Christmas.
OK, slight embellishments, perhaps. (Though after watching the first three Washington games, the last one might have a shot!)
But chances are, you've already heard similar bold declarations in some form of media, or from your buddies at work, or at the local tavern, coffee shop. . . bathhouse.
San Jose starts 0-2, and players are being asked, “Is it time to panic yet?” Luongo gives up a couple of softies and they boo him and beg for Andrew Raycroft. I read somewhere online the other day that Ray Emery is the “early favourite for Comeback Player-of-the-Year.” He'd played TWO GAMES!
Yes, we sports fans suffer from the embarrassing medical condition known as Premature Evaluation (PE).
PE is hardly a new problem. Rushing to judgment is human nature. We hope (Flames fans) or fear (Leaf fans) that what we've seen in one week might just be the reality of the next six months. If you haven't seen your team play a good game yet, maybe they. . . never will. And what excited poolie hasn't projected statistics from three games into a full season—Mike Richards: 135 goals, 0 assists!
But PE has now reached full pandemic status. We live in a bubble of endless blogs, tweets, “long-time listener, first-time caller” radio shows and TV hockey panels that crave instant and definitive analysis. (Yes, there is a heavy dose of mea culpa, or at least wea culpa, in this rant.) We want judgments handed down NOW, even if we've only seen a tiny fragment of the evidence.
I've dubbed it Premature Evaluation in hopes the American Journal of Medicine will publish this paper, and give me the credibility in the scientific community I've long deserved. But the truth is, for years my buddies and I had another name for PE: “Drafting a Larry.”
When I was 16, I organized my first baseball fantasy league (it was still just called a “pool” back then). We did our draft after the season had started, on the day Larry Herndon of the Detroit Tigers hit home runs in four straight at-bats. In what was clearly a sign of the early stages of PE, I figured this meant Herndon was good for about 80 HRs on the year.
So I picked him first overall.
Larry hit 23 home runs. Not bad, but about half as many as a dozen other guys I should have taken before him. In a dark, sadistic twist, my sister won the pool, with Mike Schmidt, Andre Dawson and Gorman Thomas on her team. Larry Herndon still haunts me to this day.
Ever since, when one of us made a ridiculous statement early in a season, like “The Bengals are 2-1, they're going to the playoffs!” he would immediately be called out:
“Dude, you just drafted a Larry!”
Safe to say we've all drafted a few Larrys in our time.
And yet, we all know what's going to happen. As the season rolls along, reality, and the law of averages, takes over. The hot streaks cool down. The cool streaks heat up. Luongo and Brodeur will be great again. François Beauchemin will not be minus 47. The Avalanche will fall back in the pack and Sharks will climb back near the top (only to lose in round one).
So let's save ourselves from ourselves. From now on, let's impose a ban on all discussion and evaluation of anything that happens in the first. . . say. . . five games of the season. A simple two-week blackout on any dumb PE of NHL teams and players.
No overdramatic newspaper headlines when a team is 0-1-1. No panic-mongering on hockey chat-sites when your goalie gets yanked in his third start. No TV panels asking if some free agent signing “looks like a bust” after he gets one assist in his first four games. (We'll just bring back the monkey to fill our intermissions—let her spin the wheel. . . maybe ride a unicycle. . . or do what she usually did: fling her poo at me.)
Five measly games. Is it really asking too much? One brief holiday from hysteria?
Personally, I would have pushed for 10 games, but before the season, I asked an NHL star if he thought his team was any good. He texted back, “Gimme the first five games and I'll tell you.”
Fine. Five games it is then. A collective stint in PE Rehab. After that, we can all start firing coaches, trading overpaid stars that aren't producing, declaring guys Comeback Player-of-the-Year candidates.
. .
. . . and buying Coyotes playoff tickets. (Make the cheque out to Judge Baum.)
• • •
Postscript: The Premature Evaluations of 2009 were, as per usual, mostly wrong. San Jose and Detroit did turn it around, as did Brodeur and Luongo. And Alexander Ovechkin fell 40 goals short of 90. But Colorado and Phoenix did surprise everyone and made the playoffs.
Chapter 53
Magic Karpet Rides
January 2004
It was the kid on the Krazy Karpet who brought it all back.
I'd just jogged out of the woods when he took me out. Made me do a full Bobby Orr over him as he flew across the path and rammed the snow bank at the bottom of the hill.
“Sorry, man,” he muttered as he got up and ran back past me without bothering a glance. No time, man. Gotta get back up there.
Can't blame him. When you've waited until mid-January for snow to cover the only decent vertical in your neighbourhood, there's no time to waste.
I stood and watched for a while. There were only three of them, two on Karpets, and one on that thing with the mini-skis and the steering wheel. Up and down they went. Side by side, into each other, over each other, oblivious to the fact the snow was already warming into a nasty rain and their hill was turning to slushy mud.
Damn, was I jealous.
Life has no better age than 10, no better time than the first snow, no better ride than a Krazy Karpet, and no better place than Your Hill.
We all had Our Hill. Mine was just a Kurt Warner bomb away from my front door. We were three houses from the end of a street that backed onto Ottawa's Greenbelt, a stretch of woods and ravines that went on forever (a kid's forever, anyway).