by Alex Riordan
As they arrived at the bedroom, Stephanie suddenly became shy. “I umm…I don’t have anything…to sleep in, I’m afraid.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Jessie said. “I’m sure we can find something around here for you to wear.” Reaching into a drawer, she pulled out a ‘Heart’ concert t-shirt and handed it to Stephanie. “Here, you can sleep in this. If you want, I can get you a pair of shorts or sweats, or…something.”
“This will be fine,” Stephanie said as she accepted the item in question. “I don’t really need anything else. If that’s okay with you?” She looked at the brunette shyly, not quite sure Jessie would want to share the bed with her if she was only in her underwear and a t-shirt. After last night, she didn’t want to freak the brunette out.
Jessie smiled and said, “Whatever you’re comfortable with Steph, will be fine.”
“Okay,” she said. Kicking off her shoes, she quickly stripped out of her jeans and sweater and tugged the t-shirt over her head.
Jessie stepped out of the room while she was changing and came back in a moment later with a brand new toothbrush. “Here, I just got this at the dentist last week. It’s yours.”
“Thanks, Jessie,” Stephanie said, grateful that the brunette seemed to think of everything.
As Stephanie headed for the attached bathroom, Jessie called out, “Fresh towels are in the closet. Help yourself.”
As she shut the bathroom door, Stephanie leaned back against it and took a deep breath. What was she doing? She didn’t even know Jessie that well. Not really. Sure, they’d been working together in the same office for the last two weeks, but that’s not the same as knowing someone. Still, for some reason she couldn’t explain, she’d been drawn to the enigmatic brunette from the moment they’d met. After spending the night with her last night, could she even deny that anymore? Did she want to? Deciding that she definitely didn’t want to deny her attraction to Jessie, she pushed herself off the door and began getting ready for bed.
Ten minutes later, Stephanie came out of the bathroom. Jessie passed her on the way into the bathroom, noticing as she passed that Stephanie tossed her bra onto her pile of clothes. Apparently, she’d removed it in the bathroom, so there wouldn’t be that whole ‘awkward’ thing where she was half naked in front of her. Jessie just smiled to herself and stepped into the bathroom. Brushing her teeth and washing up, she returned to the bedroom within minutes as well. As she stepped into the room, she was struck by the vision of Stephanie in her bed. Did she really want this? Oh yeah. Waking up with the redhead in her arms this morning had left her with a feeling of completeness she hadn’t felt in years, if ever. She had to admit, if only to herself, that it was a good feeling.
Flipping out the light, she climbed in beside the redhead and pulled up the covers. For some reason, even though they’d slept in the same bed the night before, she was still nervous. Maybe it was the lack of alcohol in her system? She’d only had two beers this evening. She wasn’t sure. Still, trying to relax, she realized she was lying there stiff as a board. Stephanie, on her right, seemed to be just as nervous.
Finally breaking the silence, she said, “Steph, are you sure you’re okay with this? I can sleep out on the couch if you’d like.”
She answered immediately. “No, you don’t have to do that, Jessie. This is fine. I just…after last night…I don’t want you to think that I…well…”
She smiled in the dark listening to the redhead trying to apologize again for last night. “Stephanie, I told you already; there’s nothing to worry about. We were both feeling pretty good last night and I think I was partly to blame for what happened. So, let’s just pretend that last night didn’t happen, okay?”
Stephanie shook her head. “I can’t pretend Jessie. It did happen, and I’m really sorry that I came on so strong.” She rolled to her left side so that she could look her in the eye. Funny, how she had been so tired earlier but now she was wide awake. “Like I said earlier, I know I’ve only known you for the last two weeks, but I’ve found myself inextricably drawn to you. I don’t blame you for questioning my motives or my…desires. I just can’t seem to help myself.”
Jessie reached over and brushed Stephanie’s hair back from her face. “I…It’s not fair that I feel like I’ve known you forever,” she whispered, about to say something self-revealing and retreating to a safer subject at the last minute.
“I know, that’s the weird thing about my job,” Stephanie said. “I feel like I’m always at a disadvantage because everyone already knows who I am, and I’m just meeting them for the first time. The problem is that they don’t really know me; not the real me anyway. It seems like they always expect me to be the person I played in some movie or other.”
“That’s got to be hard for you,” Jessie agreed softly.
“It is,” Stephanie said. “But when I met you, I didn’t feel that way. From the moment you shook my hand in your office, I felt like you just accepted me for me. I mean, I could tell you were a fan…but you didn’t let that control the way you treated me.” Stephanie slid a little closer to Jessie and raised a hand to caress her cheek. “Jessie, this is the first time I’ve ever felt accepted; comfortable around people I didn’t know. You haven’t put any expectations on me and neither have your friends. Do you have any idea how good that feels?”
Jessie closed her eyes, savoring the feel of Stephanie’s hand on her cheek. Sighing in contentment, she said, “I think I do a little bit. Sometimes…when I finish a set and leave the stage, people just bombard me. It seems like they all want to touch me and hang out with me because I’m like a star to them. But I’m no star, I’m just me.”
“That’s it exactly, Jess. That’s how I feel. I knew you’d understand,” Stephanie said. “You know, when I saw you up on stage last night, it’s like I saw ‘you’ for the first time. You’re so passionate when you sing. You bring so much out in the songs, that people feel like they know you, even though they don’t. It's the same with acting.” She swallowed and then continued a little more quietly. “Any time I’ve been on a date since that movie we watched tonight came out, I’m expected to be that character. Or, they think that my personality is like whatever character I was playing in their favorite movie.” She stopped talking and shook her head. “I’m not any of those people, though.”
Tilting her head a little, Jessie smiled at the shortening of her name (when had Stephanie begun doing that)? Then, clearing her throat, she asked, “You have to be those people a little bit to play them, don’t you? I mean…you couldn’t be a convincing bad ass if it wasn’t in you somewhere?”
“Well…yeah, I guess you’re right. But that’s not all that I am,” Stephanie explained. “It’s why I’m drawn to you, I guess. Well, other than the fact that you’re…beautiful.” She stopped talking for a minute, clearly unsure if she should continue. When Jessie just waited patiently, she went on. “At work, you’re the consummate professional. Nothing seems to bother you. Up on stage, you’re a rock goddess, full of passion and attitude. And yet, away from there, you’re nothing like that at all.”
“So…I’m a mystery?” Jessie asked, smiling.
“Yeah, you could say that,” Stephanie said, “And, if you don’t mind my saying, I’d like to try and unravel you.”
Well, there was more than one way to take that, but Jessie opted for the most literal one. She was a mystery that Stephanie wanted to solve. Smiling as she leaned in to kiss the redhead on the forehead, she thought she liked the sound of that. As she backed away to put some space between them, she said, “So, would you mind if I asked you a question about that movie?”
“No, not at all,” Stephanie answered. “What would you like to know?”
“Well, you said it didn’t bother you that everyone saw those topless scenes,” she hesitated a minute before going on. “But…doesn’t it feel weird to be sitting there in a room full of people who know what you look like naked? I mean, that just seems…I don’t know…weird.”
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nbsp; Stephanie smiled. It wasn’t the first time someone had asked her that. It was the first time that a potential lover had asked her that, though. But then again, most potential lovers only wanted her because she was a celebrity, not for who she really was. Shrugging, she answered as best she could. “It used to. But I was young and new to acting when I did that movie. Besides, it’s been ten years; I hardly think that I look that good now.”
Jessie’s brows rose toward her hairline at that. “Oh, I don’t know about that, Steph. From what I saw last night, you look absolutely gorgeous to me.”
Stephanie blushed at the compliment, and the reminder. Remembering what it had felt like, sitting there on the bed, dressed only in her panties…almost naked and vulnerable…She’d wanted Jessie so bad. Still, she managed to say, “Thank you, but I don’t think that last night was one of my better…um…”
“Moments?” Jessie supplied, inching closer.
“Yeah,” Stephanie said, feeling her pulse quicken as Jessie reached over and began running her hand up and down the length of her arm.
Looking deep into eyes so green they reminded her of the forest, Jessie leaned in and whispered, “I’m going to kiss you, Stephanie. Tell me if you don’t want me to.”
“God, Jessie please…” Stephanie barely managed to say through shallow breaths. “Please kiss me.”
As their lips met, Jessie moaned. Sliding one hand under Stephanie, she rolled her over onto her back. Half on top of her, she slid one knee between Stephanie’s legs, grinding into her center. Through the silk of the redhead’s underwear, Jessie could feel how wet Stephanie was. Knowing that she was the cause of that made her moan louder.
Swallowing Jessie’s moan and feeling her knee pressing into her, Stephanie couldn’t help it. Of their own volition, her hips were rocking against Jessie’s knee. Tilting her head back, she felt Jessie move her lips from her mouth down to her neck, causing her to gasp. God, how could she want someone she’d just met so much?
One hand tangled in Jessie’s hair, she slid the other hand down her back to the bottom of her t-shirt. As she tugged at the hem of the shirt, Jessie suddenly stiffened and looked down at her. Immediately, she stopped moving. “Jess?” Stephanie said, sensing she’d done something wrong but not sure what it could be.
Jessie closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she backed away slightly. “I’m sorry. I think…I think maybe we’re moving a little too fast.” Trying to get her breathing under control, she ducked her head to rest on Stephanie’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again, desperately wanting this but suddenly terrified to move forward.
Stephanie, not missing the fear in Jessie’s eyes, wrapped her arms around the brunette and held her. Whatever was causing Jessie to hold back, she wasn’t sure. Still, holding her while she tried to control herself, she couldn’t miss the way Jessie was shaking, either. Rubbing her back with one hand and stroking her hair with the other, she whispered, “Shh, it’s okay, Jessie. Everything’s all right. If you don’t feel ready, I’m okay with that.”
“No, it’s not all right,” Jessie said, irritated with herself. “I don’t know why I’m scared. I want this…you, so much.”
Stephanie hugged her tighter. “Hey, I don’t know why you’re scared, but I’m not going to push this. When you’re ready you’ll talk to me. Don’t get me wrong,” she blushed as she said, “I definitely want this...you. But I’m willing to wait.”
Jessie raised her head and looked into Stephanie’s eyes, searching for something she couldn’t even name. “Are you sure?” I don’t mean to keep getting you all worked up. I…I just…” she shook her head, unable to find the words she needed.
Brushing Jessie’s hair back from her face, Stephanie said quietly, “You’ve been hurt, Jess. It takes a long time to get over something like that and trust again. I get it.” The look Jessie gave her in return was so guarded, she thought she might have just ruined any chance she had with her.
But, wiggling a bit to get more comfortable in her arms, Jessie asked, “Theresa told you about Bobby?”
Stephanie nodded. “Yeah…But to be fair, I had actually asked why you didn’t have a recording contract. She just mentioned what happened with Bobby as part of her explanation. Please don’t be mad at her for telling me.”
“I’m not mad,” she said. “Theresa and I have been friends forever. Besides, it’s not a secret or anything. Everybody around at the time knew what happened.”
“So…he hurt you and now you have a hard time trusting people. I do understand,” Stephanie said, her hand dropping down to rub Jessie’s arm. “I’ve been there a time or two myself.”
Thoroughly miserable, Jessie asked, “Did you resort to sleeping with anyone and everyone just to feel something? I don’t know how much she told you, but I was a mess for a long time.”
“She did say you had a hard time, but she didn’t elaborate.”
Jessie snorted. “Imagine that,” she said sarcastically. Taking a deep breath, she tried to explain. “When Bobby left, I fell apart. Then, the band started to fall apart. I started drinking and doing any drugs I could get my hands on. I’d end up sleeping with people I didn’t even know, picking them up at the clubs where we played. And then, one night after a show, I was so lonely and just…lost…I just didn’t give a shit anymore. Apparently, I went home with someone…” she shook her head. “Man, I don’t even know what happened. Not even now.” Stephanie hugged her again, and she went on. “I woke up the next morning in the bed of a pickup truck, with a cut over my eye and most of my clothes missing.”
“My God, Jessie! You could have been killed,” Stephanie said, genuinely upset that Jessie had had to endure something like that.
Ignoring her comment, she tried to continue the story. “I called Theresa, and she came and picked me up and brought me back here. She tried to convince me to go to the hospital and the police, but it wouldn’t have done any good, anyway. I had no idea who I’d gone home with.”
When she fell silent, seemingly content to let the conversation end, Stephanie wasn’t sure what to say. Biting her lower lip, she finally asked, “So is that what caused you to get clean and sober up?”
Jessie nodded. “Yeah. Theresa called Mr. Mason at home and told him I’d been mugged. I took a leave of absence for the next month and tried to get my head out of my ass.”
“He didn’t mind you taking the time off?”
“I’d never taken a vacation. I had the time coming,” Jessie said. “Anyway, Theresa stayed here the first week and sat with me while I went through withdrawals. It was horrible,” she said, her voice growing almost deathly quiet remembering that time in her life.
“What about your family, Jess? Did they help you at all?” Stephanie asked.
Jessie shrugged. “Theresa’s more family to me than my mother or brother were back then. They’re too busy with their own lives and don’t really approve of my ‘lifestyle,’ as my mother calls it.”
“Lifestyle?” Stephanie repeated, raising an eyebrow. “You mean the fact that you’re gay?”
Jessie shook her head. “That’s part of it. But she’s more concerned with the fact that I’m in a band. She hates that I’m a singer.”
Not really wanting to get off subject by exploring Jessie’s mother right now, Stephanie let it go. Instead, she said, “So, would you mind if I ask you something?” She hesitated slightly because she knew she really didn’t have a right to ask this particular question.
Jessie grew quiet, instinctively knowing what she was going to ask. After all, the subject of Alex had come up last night. It was only natural that Stephanie would be curious. Besides, she was going to have to explain their relationship eventually. Still, why did she need to tell her anything? It wasn’t like she and Stephanie were in a relationship, after all. Then again, what was the point of all this emotional turmoil if she wasn’t going to tell her everything? Besides, she wanted Stephanie. She really did. And if they were to move forward, she needed to be
honest about everything. Or, as honest as she was capable of being. So, as Theresa asked her earlier: Did she want Stephanie enough to take the chance? The answer was an unequivocal ‘yes.’
Noticing how quiet Jessie became when she asked, Stephanie felt panic spread through her system. What if she overstepped her boundaries? What if Jessie got pissed off and thought she was just being nosy? That could get ugly real fast. Attempting to keep the panic she felt from showing in her voice, she said, “Jess, you don’t have to answer anything if you don’t want…”
“No, it’s all right,” the brunette answered. Rolling over so that she could see the redhead, she said, “I know you want to ask about Alex.”
“You don’t have to explain, it’s okay…” she said quickly, clearly not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
Smiling at her, Jessie said, “I don’t mind.”
“It’s just that I don’t…I don’t want to cause any problems for the two of you,” Stephanie stammered. “Theresa said that you aren’t a…a couple…but…”