by Alex Riordan
Sighing, Jessie shut the door and moved over to wrap the redhead in a hug. Pulling Stephanie into her arms, she hugged her tight and whispered, “Of course I’ll stay, Steph. I had no intentions of leaving.”
“But, I thought you guys said that…” her voice trailed off. Maybe she had misunderstood what they were telling her in the car about Bob’s accusations?
Shaking her head, Jessie said, “We’re trying to keep rumors to a minimum. That’s all. I’m going to stay here for as long as you need me, or want me too, Steph.” She kissed the redhead on the cheek. “Why don’t you get ready for bed?”
“Actually, I think I’d like to take another shower,” Stephanie said, half expecting Jessie to look at her like she’d lost her mind. But when all she got was an understanding nod, she explained, “I’d just feel better…I don’t feel…clean.”
“Whatever you want, Steph,” Jessie said, understanding perfectly, without a full explanation of the redhead’s reasons. “I’m gonna go out and get something to drink. Why don’t you go on?” When Stephanie nodded in agreement, she let her go and headed out to the kitchen.
Chapter 18
Looking up from the bag of chips she was munching on, Theresa quirked a brow in question. “Well? Is she settling in?”
Jessie nodded. “Yeah, she said she wants to take another shower before she goes to bed. I thought I’d come out and get us something to drink. It’s been hours since any of us have eaten or had anything but water to drink. I’m dying of thirst.”
“There’s Diet Coke in the fridge,” Theresa said, knowing Jessie’s addiction to the stuff.
Reaching into the fridge, Jessie grabbed a can and popped it open. “Man! I love that sound,” she said, taking a big drink. Leaning back against the kitchen counter, legs crossed at her ankles and her arms folded in front of her, Jessie sighed.
“You okay, Jess?” Theresa asked. They’d both been so worried about Stephanie all evening, they hadn’t had time to deal with anything themselves. Seeing Jessie standing there like that reminded her of the last time Jessie lost someone she cared about.
“I’ll be okay,” Jessie answered quietly. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Then, voice shaking, said, “I almost lost her tonight, T.”
“Oh, Jessie,” Theresa breathed out. “You got there in time. You saved her.”
“Yeah, but how much of this was my fault? I mean…if Bob hadn’t thought we were dating, maybe…”
“Jessie, don’t do this,” Theresa said, getting irritated. “You can’t blame yourself every time something bad happens. Bob obviously has problems none of us suspected. If it hadn’t been you, he would have just found another excuse.”
“How can you be so sure of that?” Jessie asked.
“I’m not sure,” Theresa admitted. “I just choose to believe it. I have to. Otherwise, I’d get all depressed and wonder what’s the use?” Pushing the bag of chips away, she went on. “Jessie, bad things happen. Bob’s sick. That much is obvious. There’s nothing either of us could have done to prevent this. It’s just a good thing that you forgot those earrings.”
Jessie nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that. God, if we hadn’t gone back…”
“You can’t dwell on that, Jess. You just can’t,” the blond said. “The fact is…we did go back and we saved her. Be happy about that.”
“I am happy. I just wish we could have been earlier,” Jessie said, desperately wishing she could turn back time.
“Yeah well, and if wishes were horses…” Theresa said, letting the song lyrics trail off, instinctively knowing that Jessie would get the song reference. When the brunette smiled at the words, she went on. “You know…I haven’t heard the water running in the bathroom. I’ll bet Stephanie’s waiting for you before she takes that shower?”
To Theresa’s amusement, Jessie’s face colored slightly at the words. She'd never been able to get all the details from Jessie about what had happened Saturday night, either. But the one thing both of them had mentioned was the shower. “I should probably go check on her,” Jessie said, pushing off from the counter.
“Good night, Jessie. And hey, don’t hesitate to come get me if you need anything,” the blond said.
Jessie walked over and hugged her. “Thanks, Theresa. For everything.”
“My pleasure, Jess. Now go on, Stephanie needs you now,” Theresa said, hugging her back and smiling.
When Jessie returned to the bedroom, two Diet Cokes in hand, Stephanie was still sitting on the end of the bed. Staring off into space, the redhead looked so dejected and sad, that Jessie’s heart broke just looking at her. Shutting the door and setting the cans down, Jessie came over and knelt down in front of her, resting her hands on her knees. Looking up into her eyes, she asked, “Steph? I thought you were going to take a shower?”
Stephanie shrugged. “I was going to, but I…I…” her voice trailed off and a tear ran down her cheek. For some reason, she was finding it difficult to just say what she wanted right now.
“Oh Steph,” Jessie whispered. “Do you want me to help you?” At Stephanie’s quiet nod, Jessie stood up and extended her hand. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Stephanie followed her into the bathroom and stood still as Jessie ran bath water instead of turning on the shower. “You shouldn’t get your head wet with that cut,” Jessie explained, helping the redhead out of the scrubs.
Still shaking slightly, Stephanie nodded and asked, “Jessie…would you…stay? In here with me, I mean?”
“Are you sure? I thought you might want some…privacy,” Jessie responded carefully, unsure of Stephanie’s state of mind.
“Jessie, you didn’t attack me. It’s not your fault, and I don’t blame you,” the redhead said. She didn’t want Jessie blaming herself for what Bob had done. “I want you to stay here with me…holding me. I…I can still feel his hands on me.” She looked at Jessie, and the sadness in her eyes and the tears glistening on her lashes, nearly tore Jessie in two.
Sighing and biting her lower lip, Jessie nodded. “Of course, I’ll stay.” Stripping out of her jeans, t-shirt and underwear, she climbed into the tub and sat down. Holding out her hand, she held onto Stephanie’s hand until the redhead too, was seated.
“Lean back and relax, Steph,” Jessie whispered into the redhead’s ear. As Stephanie leaned back until she was resting with her head on Jessie’s left shoulder, Jessie grabbed the soap with one hand and began gently washing the redhead.
Stephanie relaxed back into Jessie, allowing the hot water and Jessie’s smooth hands do their job. Still, she couldn’t keep the tears from coming. She’d done a pretty decent job all evening, but now that it was just the two of them, she couldn’t help it. And, if she were being totally honest with herself, she didn’t want to. Feeling safe for the first time in hours, she let the tears fall.
Jessie, noticing the tears falling down her cheeks, wrapped her arms around Stephanie and hugged her tight. She’d been expecting this, and was relieved when the redhead finally let herself cry. She didn’t say anything, just let her cry while the tears became sobs.
As Jessie held her, Stephanie clung to the arms wrapped around her, holding her tight. Shaking again, unable to keep the memories of Bob and that knife at her throat away, she held onto Jessie like someone drowning.
It wasn’t until the bath water began to turn cool, that she noticed the feel of Jessie’s lips gently kissing her temple. Coming back to herself a little, Stephanie could feel the strong arms still wrapped around her, keeping her safe. It wasn’t a confining hold, (Jessie knew better than to hold her down after what had happened), but one full of love and understanding. Finally able to corral her emotions into a small semblance of control, she sniffed and took a deep breath.
“Jessie?” she whispered, instinctively knowing that the brunette would hear her.
“Hmm,” the sound of Jessie’s voice vibrated along her shoulder.
“I think…The water’s cold,” Stephan
ie pointed out, as if that fact weren't obvious to both of them.
“You ready to get out?” Jessie asked just as quietly.
Stephanie nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.”
“Okay,” Jessie said easily, releasing her hold on the redhead and allowing her to stand up and get out of the tub. Once out, Stephanie grabbed a towel and began wiping herself dry. Following her, Jessie grabbed her own towel and dried off quickly as well. Once finished, they hung up the towels and went back out to the bedroom.
Jessie handed Stephanie the bag that Theresa had packed for her, and then grabbed her own bag. Pulling on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, she pulled the covers back on the bed and climbed in. A moment later, dressed in her ratty t-shirt and underwear, Stephanie joined her.
Pulling up the blankets, Jessie wasn’t quite sure what to do. Would Stephanie want to be held tonight? Or would she prefer to not be touched? She remembered how she’d felt after she was attacked. Or, to be more accurate, how she’d felt when she woke up and realized that she’d been attacked. She was lucky though. She couldn’t actually remember anything about what had happened. In a way, she thought it was probably easier that way. Still, she’d been scared and humiliated. It was a long time before she slept with anyone again.
A moment later, Stephanie answered her unasked question by curling up as close as she could get. “Jessie?” she whispered, uncertainty in her voice. “You don’t mind holding me for a while, do you?”
“No, of course not,” Jessie answered, looking to her right and opening her arms for Stephanie to crawl into them. “Why would you think I’d mind?”
“I just feel like I’m so needy, tonight. I don’t want to burden you,” the redhead answered, afraid that Jessie would think she asked for too much.
Wrapping her arms around the other woman, Jessie turned onto her right side so that she could see Stephanie better. Now able to look her in the eyes, she said quietly, “Steph, you could never ask too much of me. Holding you is all I’ve wanted to do since I first laid eyes on you.” She reached up and stroked Stephanie’s hair briefly. “You’re not a burden to me, and I don’t ever want you to think that you are.”
“Thank you, Jess,” Stephanie said, smiling sadly. She closed her eyes and sighed. “I feel so safe with you, Jessie. Your arms and hands make me feel so good.”
“I’m glad I make you feel that way, Steph. I only wish…” her voice trailed off, unable to finish the thought.
“Shh,” Stephanie brushed a finger across the brunette’s lips. “Don’t. Don’t blame yourself.” Licking her lips, she went on. “Jessie…when he was on t…top of me…Bob made me say…things that I…”
“Hey…Don’t do this. You don’t need to say anything else. I know you said it for him…so he wouldn’t hurt you,” Jessie said, pulling Stephanie closer. “I know you don’t feel that way about me.”
“But I…I called you cold and…and distant. Jessie, I don’t…You’ve never been that way…”
“Hey, it’s okay, Steph. It’s okay,” Jessie said, stroking the redhead’s back.
Stephanie swallowed hard, to keep from crying again. “Jessie, would you…please…let me feel your hands tonight? I can still feel him touching me,” she whispered, her lower lip quivering.
“Steph, I…are you sure? Maybe you need to take some time before we…?” Jessie said, not sure that having sex right now was the best thing for Stephanie.
Nodding her head, Stephanie said, “I’m sure. Please, I don’t want to feel anyone’s hands but yours, Jessie. Make me feel you…please,” she practically begged.
Rolling Stephanie gently onto her back, Jessie leaned in and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Mindful of the redhead’s split lip, she kept away from her mouth. “If you’re sure?”
Stephanie nodded, grabbing Jessie’s shoulders and pushing her downward. “I’m sure. Make love to me, Jessie.”
Maneuvering onto her knees, Jessie slid her hands down Stephanie’s body, stopping at the bottom of her t-shirt. Sliding her hands up and under the material, she slid it upward. Stephanie arched up long enough for Jessie to pull the shirt off her, exposing her perfect breasts to the brunette. Then, Stephanie’s hands tangling in her hair, she felt herself pulled down, until her mouth was connecting with the redhead’s neck.
As Jessie began kissing and licking her neck, Stephanie closed her eyes. “That’s it, Jessie. Make me forget,” she whispered.
Hearing Stephanie’s whispers, Jessie did just that. Slowly, reverently, she worked her way down the redhead’s body. With as much love and tenderness as she could, she made love to Stephanie. With every fiber of her being, she worked to make the redhead forget the feel of Bob’s hands on her, replacing it with the feeling of her own hands, instead. Through it all, she could hear Stephanie repeating the same thing over and over again: “I love you, Jessie. I love you.”
Chapter 19
Jessie woke up around ten, despite being awake until almost five. Even after Stephanie had fallen asleep, exhausted, she’d had a hard time doing the same. She just kept thinking about what had happened and wondering why? Why did Bob hate her so much? From what he’d said, he obviously blamed her for his inability to have a relationship with women. She briefly wondered if there was one in particular he’d been after that turned him down because of her? Shaking her head, she realized it didn’t matter. Bob was nuts, and apparently, everything bad in his life was her fault. Still, tossing and turning for five hours hadn’t helped, and now she was just tired.
Deciding to get up before she woke Stephanie, she extricated herself from the redhead and slid out of bed. Heading to the bathroom, she grabbed her work out clothes and shut the door. Brushing her teeth and getting dressed took only minutes, and she went back out to the bedroom to grab her shoes. Stephanie was still sleeping as she grabbed her iPod and headed out for a run. Maybe if she got out and got some fresh air she’d be able to think more clearly.
Making her way into the kitchen, she ran into Theresa, who had apparently just gotten up as well. As she grabbed a muffin and poured herself a glass of milk, she looked over to see Theresa staring at her. “Morning,” she said, smiling at how tired Theresa looked.
“Morning,” the blond answered, sitting with one hand propping her chin up on the counter. “Stephanie still asleep?”
Jessie nodded. “Yeah. I’m going for a run and then I’ll get ready and go by the hotel for her things.”
“Should you leave her alone, Jess?”
“I left her a note in case she wakes up. I’ll be back in an hour, no longer,” Jessie answered.
“Well…okay,” Theresa sighed, obviously thinking Jessie should wait until Stephanie was awake before she went out.
Rolling her eyes, Jessie said, “She was exhausted last night, T. She’ll sleep for a while yet. I swear I’ll be back by eleven. I’m only going for a short run. I need to get some air. Besides, I can’t leave her alone for too long.” Looking down at the counter top, she sighed. When she looked back up at Theresa, she said shyly, “I miss her when she’s not in my arms, Theresa. Is that selfish?”
Theresa smiled and shook her head. “No. It’s not selfish. It’s love, Jessie. You love her.”
“I do, T,” Jessie said, her voice barely a whisper. “I am so in love with her…”
“You scared?”
Jessie laughed. “Yeah…but in a good way.”
“Well, if you’re gonna be scared…I guess ‘in a good way,’ is the way to be,” Theresa replied, laughing at the way Jessie characterized her feelings. Then, growing serious, she said, “Um…Jess? You know I’d never…eavesdrop or anything, right?”
Jessie nodded, not sure what Theresa was going to say next. “Yeah, I know that, T.”
“Well,” Theresa began, licking her lips. “I um…accidentally…heard her last night,” she finished. When Jessie looked at her with confusion, not sure what she meant, she explained. “I heard her tell you she loves you, Jessie.”
Jessie s
wallowed hard and bit the inside of her cheek. “She did,” she agreed.
“Are you okay, Jess? I know that probably freaked you out,” Theresa asked. Despite the fact that Jessie had just said she was in love with Stephanie, she knew the brunette didn’t handle emotions very well. The last thing she wanted to see happen was Jessie getting scared before she gave this relationship a chance.
Jessie closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them again and looked at Theresa, there was a look of peace in her eyes Theresa had never seen before. Smiling, Jessie said, “It did scare me a little,” she admitted quietly. “But I love her, Theresa. I can’t hide it or deny it, and I don’t want to. And…I know it may stun you to hear this…but it didn’t freak me out. Not at all, actually. I think some part of me wanted to hear her say it.”