by Alex Riordan
“Goodnight, Stephanie.” As she saw her daughter trying not to yawn, she put a hand on her cheek and looked at her more closely. “Why don’t you get some rest, Sweetheart? You’re so tired.”
“I will, Mom. I want to help Jessie clean up first,” Stephanie agreed.
Jessie stood up and hugged Nancy as well. “Goodnight, Nancy. Stephanie, go on and get ready for bed. I’ll take care of the kitchen.”
Stephanie looked over at her. “But, Jessie…it’s a mess.”
“Hey, the last few days have been stressful and you haven’t really taken any time for yourself.” She stroked the redhead’s cheek and smiled at her. “I’ll be there, soon. It’s okay.”
Stephanie sighed. “Well…if you’re sure?” She was really tired.
“I’m positive. I won’t be long,” Jessie said. Stephanie gave in then, hugging her, before turning and heading for the bedroom. As she walked away, Jessie watched her go.
Once she was sure she was gone, Nancy turned to Jessie. “Is she okay, Jessie?”
The brunette nodded. “I think so. It just takes a while.”
She looked at the younger woman more closely. Her penetrating gaze making Jessie nervous. “You sound like you know?”
Jessie sighed. “A long time ago, I was attacked. I don’t remember much about it, but it still took a while to get over.”
“Jessie, I’m so sorry,” Nancy said sadly, resting a hand on her forearm. She hadn’t meant to bring up bad memories for the younger woman.
“It’s okay, Nancy. I dealt with it a long time ago,” she answered nonchalantly. “Besides, it was my fault anyway.”
“Jessie! You were the victim! You shouldn’t feel like you were to blame,” Nancy said, stunned that this woman who seemed to be so confident would feel that way.
“Nancy, it was my fault. I wasn’t the same person back then that I am now,” she said, trying to explain. “I was high on Cocaine and probably drunk, too." She looked at the woman, obviously embarrassed. I did a lot of things back then I would never do now. I don’t even know who I was with. So you see, it was my fault.”
“Oh Jessie,” she said, shaking her head.
Jessie smiled and hugged Nancy again. “I’m okay. It’s Stephanie that I’m worried about. She’s been trying to stay busy so she doesn’t think about it…But it’s going to hit her. And when it does, it’s gonna be hard.”
“I’m not worried, Jessie. You’re there for her,” Nancy said, returning the hug. Her voice held the utmost confidence as she said, “She’s lucky she found you.” Then, she released the younger woman and headed downstairs.
Yeah, but if she hadn’t met me, this never would have happened, Jessie thought to herself as she watched her go. Sighing again, she headed for the kitchen. The sooner she got it cleaned up, the sooner she could wrap herself around Stephanie and go to sleep.
Chapter 23
Half an hour later, Jessie slipped into the bedroom. The light was out, but she could still see Stephanie in the dimness of the room. Curled up under the blankets, she was tossing and turning.
Not wanting to wake the redhead, she went into the bathroom and got ready for bed quickly. When she got back out to the bedroom, she stripped down and pulled on her sweats and t-shirt. Then she climbed into bed.
As she pulled the covers up, Stephanie rolled over and curled up against her in her sleep. Automatically wrapping an arm around her, Jessie pulled her close. Sighing contently, now that she wasn’t alone, Stephanie settled in. Within moments, she’d calmed down and fallen into a deeper sleep. Jessie smiled, a little sad, remembering her earlier thoughts about Stephanie’s eventual departure for LA. Over the last two weeks she’d gotten used to sharing the bed with her. It was going to hurt like Hell when she left, and Jessie wasn’t looking forward to it. Funny, how she hadn’t really been with anyone for so long (well, not counting Alex, which wasn’t a relationship)…and yet it just felt so right with Stephanie.
Two hours later, Jessie was still awake. Unable to sleep, she’d contented herself with holding Stephanie and letting her mind wander. Now however, Stephanie was moaning in her sleep and hanging on to Jessie with a vice-like grip. Unwilling to wake her, Jessie alternately rubbed her back and smoothed her hair. “Shh…I’ve got you, Baby. I’ve got you, you’re okay,” Jessie whispered, a tear escaping her eye. Damn Bob, anyway! She thought, as Stephanie clung even tighter to her.
Jessie finally dozed off around four, but woke up again at eight, when Stephanie got up to go to the bathroom. When she padded back into the bedroom, Jessie flipped the covers back for her to crawl into bed. “Mornin’ Steph,” she said sleepily, pulling the covers back up.
Stephanie didn’t answer right away, but snuggled close, sniffing.
“Steph?”
She shook her head. “I’m okay,” she whispered.
But she wasn’t okay, and Jessie knew it. She’d slept fitfully all night, and her shirt was wet from Stephanie’s tears. “Steph, you tossed and turned all night. You weren’t…having a nightmare, were you?”
The redhead sniffed again. “Not a nightmare, exactly,” she admitted quietly. “I just…I don’t know…” She was clinging to Jessie’s shirt again, crying and burying her face in the damp cotton.
Jessie hugged her close and closed her eyes, fighting back her own tears. Not sure exactly what to say or do for the redhead, she settled on offering her the opportunity to stay in and rest. “I know you wanted to spend time out with your mom today, Steph, but…why don’t we just stay here? You might feel better if you take the time to rest and deal with what happened.”
“But…” she began to protest, but Jessie cut her off.
“Your mom will understand,” she said gently, pushing the auburn hair back behind one ear with a finger. “Theresa can take her to the museum and hang out with her today. It’ll be okay. They’ll have a good time.”
“I really wanted to spend time with her, though.” She shook her head again, her voice broken from crying. “I just…feel so depressed and…sad,” Stephanie said, elaborating.
“What you’re feeling is normal. I’d worry if you weren’t feeling this way. Trust me, Sweetheart, she’ll understand. She only wants you to be healthy and happy, Steph,” Jessie said. “Stay in today and rest. Please?”
“I don’t want to stay here alone, Jessie.” She was still crying, and had begun to shake. She’d been trying to be strong for her mom and Jessie, but she just couldn’t do it anymore.
“I’ll be here with you. I won’t leave you alone,” Jessie said, holding her and kissing her on the head. “I’ll never leave you, Steph.”
“You promise?” She looked at Jessie, her eyes red from crying, tears spilling down her cheeks.
Jessie reached out and caught a tear with her finger. “I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”
Stephanie closed her eyes. When she re-opened them, she nodded and kissed Jessie. “I love you so much,” she whispered.
Jessie smiled and pulled her closer, wrapping her in her arms. “And I love you…so much more than I could ever find the words for.” As Stephanie settled into her arms and fell back to sleep, Jessie realized how true her words were. It amazed her how much she loved the woman lying in her arms. If she’d been asked a month ago if she thought this could happen, she’d have answered no. But now…she was just…Hell, she didn’t even have a word for how she felt.
Deciding to stop thinking and just go with it, she lay there, content holding Stephanie. When she was certain that the redhead had finally fallen into a deep sleep, she allowed herself to doze off. Four hours of not really sleeping wasn’t much, and she had a feeling she might need the rest.
Around ten, she woke up again when she heard a light knocking on the bedroom door. Dismissing the noise at first as something from a dream, she came fully awake when she heard Nancy’s voice.
“Jessie? Stephanie?” Nancy called softly through the closed door. She really hated to bother them, but they were supposed to be me
eting Theresa in an hour, and she hadn’t seen or heard from either of them all morning.
Lifting her head up, careful not to wake Stephanie, Jessie called, “You can come in, Nancy. The door’s open.” For some reason, Jessie thought, the God’s just didn’t seem to want them to lie in bed without being interrupted.
At the sound of Jessie’s voice, the door opened minutely and Nancy poked her head in. “I’m sorry to bother you…” she began, but Jessie cut her off.
“You’re not bothering us, Nancy. Please, you don’t have to hide behind the door,” Jessie said, throwing the blankets back a bit more so the other woman could see they were both dressed.
Any embarrassment Nancy may have felt dissipated immediately when she saw that Stephanie wasn’t awake. Stephanie had always, as hard as it was for her, gotten up early. Furrowing her brow, she asked quietly, “She’s still asleep?”
“Yeah, she didn’t sleep very well last night,” Jessie answered, nodding. She tried to sit up a bit without waking Stephanie. Unfortunately, that didn’t work, and the redhead stirred awake.
As Stephanie opened her eyes, she rolled away from Jessie a bit and realized that her mother was in the room. “Mom? What are you…doing here?” she asked, confused and slightly embarrassed that her mother was in the bedroom with them.
“When I realized it was almost time for Theresa to get here and I hadn’t heard or seen either of you I got worried,” Nancy said in explanation. The worry she felt was plain to see on her face as she asked, “Stephanie, are you okay? Jessie said you didn’t sleep well last night.”
As Stephanie began talking to Nancy, Jessie took the opportunity to slip out of bed and go to the bathroom. When she returned minutes later, Nancy was sitting on the bed holding Stephanie, who was crying on her shoulder. Instead of getting back into bed, she made a detour to the kitchen. She knew that Stephanie really needed her mom right now, so she decided to let them have some time alone. Not really hungry, she reached into the fridge and pulled out a can of Diet Coke. Heading out to the living room, she flopped onto the couch and flipped on the TV, hoping to catch the news.
When Theresa rang the doorbell at ten till eleven, Jessie got up off the couch and answered. “Hey, Theresa,” she said as she opened the door and let the blond in.
“Jessie?” Theresa asked, perplexed by the fact that the brunette was still in the sweats and t-shirt she usually slept in. “I thought I was supposed to pick you guys up at eleven? That is right, isn’t it?”
Jessie nodded. “Yeah, that’s right.” Turning and motioning for Theresa to follow her, she led the way into the living room and flopped back down on the couch. “Stephanie didn’t sleep very well last night,” she said in explanation.
“Mmm. She having nightmares?” Theresa asked. The truth was, she’d be surprised if the redhead wasn’t having nightmares. Her sister had nightmares every night for almost a year after she was raped. Jessie herself had endured nightmares as well, but only for a few months.
Jessie took a drink of her soda and shrugged. “I’m not sure. She said it wasn’t a nightmare ‘exactly.’ But I don’t know what she meant by that.” She dropped the volume of her voice a little, not wanting Stephanie or Nancy to hear them talking. “She cried all night, T. When she wasn’t crying, she’d thrash around. As long as I held her; it seemed to make it a little better.”
“Jessie, I’m sorry,” Theresa said, understanding what Jessie was going through. She’d held her sister when she cried, and she’d held Jessie. She was very much aware of how much it hurt to watch someone you loved go through that much pain. “On the bright side, she’s letting the pain go, Jess. At least she isn’t like you; always shoving everything down inside and pretending it doesn’t hurt.”
“Well, ya got me there, T.” She bit the inside of her cheek, before adding, “I think I’ve convinced her to stay in today. It seems like she’s been pushing herself to act normal, when she really needs to just allow whatever she’s feeling to come out.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Theresa nodded sagely. “Nancy and I can go by ourselves and you can hang out here in case Stephanie needs you.”
“Thanks, Theresa,” Jessie said gratefully. She was so glad to have the blond in her life. Theresa had never let her down, not even once. Any time she’d ever needed anything, Theresa had been there for her, no matter what.
“Sorry I’m running a little late,” Nancy said, entering the room. Looking from Theresa to Jessie, she said, “Stephanie’s going to stay in today. She said that you’ve agreed to stay with her, Jessie?” At Jessie’s nod, she went on. “Well, just let me grab my purse, and I’ll be ready to go, Theresa.” She turned around and went back downstairs to her room. Returning only a minute later, she said, “I’m ready if you are, Theresa. Lead the way.”
Theresa smiled. “Okay. Jessie, we’ll see you guys later. I hope you have a good day.”
Jessie hugged both of them goodbye. “We’ll be fine. You two have a good time at the museum and take your time. You don’t need to worry about us or rush back.” She shut the door behind them and locked up, re-setting the alarm. Then, she went back to the bedroom.
Stephanie was still sitting on the bed, but now she was leaning up against the headboard, amid a pile of pillows. She looked up when Jessie entered the room. “Hey…did Mom and Theresa leave?”
“Yeah,” Jessie answered as she crawled back in bed and leaned back into the pillows too. Sitting with her shoulder against Stephanie’s, she asked, “So, did you and your mom have a good talk?”
“Uh huh,” the redhead answered. “I’m really glad she came. When she first mentioned it, I didn’t think I would need her here. But…it’s been nice having her here to talk to.”
Jessie threw her right arm around Stephanie’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “I’m glad she’s here, too. Anything that helps you get through this, I’m grateful for.” She smiled, when Stephanie didn’t answer back, simply sighed contently. After a few minutes, she noticed the redhead’s breathing had evened out and she’d fallen asleep. Closing her own eyes, Jessie dozed off as well. The need for sleep overpowering her desire to stay awake in case Stephanie had another nightmare.
Hours later, they both woke up feeling rested and more relaxed. Stephanie’s mood had seemed to improve as well, which made Jessie feel better. Stretching, Jessie got up first, and went in to take a shower. By the time she returned to the bedroom, Stephanie was up moving around, gathering some clothes for the laundry.
“You don’t need to do that, Steph. I’ll get it,” Jessie said, pulling on a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt.
Stephanie shrugged. “I know. I just feel like I should be helping, since I’ve practically moved in these last few weeks.”
“Well then, I’ll make a ‘honey do’ list for you if you like?” Jessie said, teasing her. When Stephanie laughed, she walked over and wrapped her arms around her from behind, pulling her close. “I’m glad you’re here, and the only thing you need to do is rest and feel better.”
Stephanie leaned back into the strong arms, placing her hands on top of Jessie’s where they rested on her stomach. “Thank you, Jessie.”
“For…?”
She shrugged. “For holding me, loving me…just for being here for me. I love you.”
Jessie kissed her neck. “I love you, too, Sweetheart.”
They stood like that for a few minutes, before Stephanie broke their peaceful silence. “I really should hop in the shower. My hair desperately needs to be washed.”
Jessie nuzzled the auburn hair, sniffing. “It looks and smells okay to me,” she said, teasing, but meaning it.
Stephanie rolled her eyes and turned in the embrace to face her. “You’re just saying that because you want to get me into bed.”
“I would never do that!” Jessie said, feigning shock and smiling. “Besides, I’ve been in bed with you all night and part of the day. If I’d wanted to do something, I would have already made a move.”
> “So, you’re saying you don’t want me?” the redhead teased.
“I always want you,” Jessie said, growing serious. “I just thought you might need a break.”
“Mmm. Sex with you is exhausting,” Stephanie agreed. Smiling and leaning in until their mouths were mere millimeters apart, she said, “You’re insatiable, Jessie. Beautiful, gorgeous. Without a doubt, the most insatiable lover I’ve ever had.” She closed the distance then, and kissed her. When she pulled away, she added, “And, I can’t get enough of you.”
“Are you trying to get me into the shower with you, Stephanie Winters?” Jessie arched an eyebrow suspiciously and cocked her head to the left.
Stephanie bit her lower lip and looked at Jessie, smiling. “Would you get back in the shower if I asked you to?”
“I could probably be convinced,” Jessie answered, leaning closer to the redhead and running her tongue up the exposed side of her neck. As Stephanie gasped, Jessie pulled her closer and slid her hands under the t-shirt she’d worn to bed the night before. Moving her hands upward, it took her only seconds to push the shirt up and pull it over the redhead’s arms. Tossing it to the floor, she leaned in and licked from her shoulders down to her upper chest.