by Alex Riordan
Stephanie lifted her head back up off Jessie’s shoulder so that she could see her better. Smiling at her profile in the dimness, she went on, still whispering. “You were so afraid, when we got together. You’d been hurt so bad. But somehow, you managed to overcome your fear and love me anyway. I never expected any of this. I guess I thought we might get together a couple of times and then it would end. But that would never have been enough for me. How could it be? Now that I’ve found you?”
“How am I supposed to go back to LA now? I can’t imagine going to bed every night and waking up every morning without you next to me. Holding me in your arms and smiling at me in that lazy sort of way you have. Is that crazy? To get so used to you being here in such a short time?”
She was getting tired, but still…she had so much she wanted to say. “When you’re not next to me, I feel you wherever you are. Watching over me, loving me. You never smother, and always let me be myself. You have no idea what a relief that is. I’ve never dated anyone who just accepted me for who I am, with no expectations. It’s amazing to me that you do.” She sighed and shook her head. “God Jessie, I hope you never get tired of hearing me tell you how much I love you. I never get tired of saying it, that’s for sure. I just don’t know any other way to tell you how I feel.”
“You don’t need to tell me,” Jessie’s voice sounded quietly in the darkness. Turning over in Stephanie’s arms to look up at her, she said, “I know you love me, Steph. Every time you touch me, every time you look at me…I feel your love. But…” she grinned up at the redhead. “Just so you know…I never get tired of hearing it.”
“Jess…” Steph said, surprised when Jessie rolled over and spoke. “I thought you were asleep?”
“I was, but I heard you talking…” Jessie replied, reaching up and tucking the auburn hair behind an ear. In the darkness she couldn’t see the look in Steph’s eyes, but she knew her lover was sad. She could hear it in her voice.
Stephanie ducked her head. When she looked back at Jessie, there was a profoundly haunted tone in her voice that nearly broke Jessie’s heart. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just…” she shrugged, sighing. “I woke up and…I was just so comfortable here with you. I started thinking about what would happen when I have to leave.”
Jessie stroked Steph’s arm where it was still draped across her stomach. “I try not to think about that, even though I know it’s going to happen eventually.”
“I could stay, Jess? If you asked me too?” Stephanie began, a note of hope in her voice.
Jessie reached up and put a finger on her lips, shushing her. Shaking her head, she said, “No, Steph. Don’t do that. I want you here with me forever, but I could never ask you to give up your career, your life, for me.”
“But…”
Jessie sighed. “Steph, my mom was always selfish where my dad was concerned. He was famous and she liked that. I mean, she was married to JD Drake. But…she didn’t like the fact that she had to share him with the world. I’m not going to make the same mistake with you. I’m trying hard not to. No matter how we look at it, you’re a celebrity, and I understand what that means.” She reached up and wiped a stray tear from Stephanie’s cheek. “You don’t just belong to me. Well,” Jessie rolled her eyes. “Not me exclusively. You belong to all of your fans, too. I won’t ask you to give all that up for me. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Jess, I wouldn’t be giving it up for you. I’d be doing it for me, too,” Stephanie whispered, turning into Jessie’s hand and kissing her palm.
“No, Steph. When the newness of this wears off, you’ll feel differently. You’d end up resenting it in the end. You’d end up resenting me…and I couldn’t stand that. So no, I won’t ask you to stay even though I want that more than anything. It would be easier for me to just go with you.”
Stephanie shook her head. “But I can’t ask you…”
“Exactly. Neither one of us can ask the other to give up what they know. We’re stuck, for now. But we can make this work.” She reached up and kissed the redhead softly on the lips. “I love you, and I’m not willing to let you go. There are ways for us to be together, and we’ll find every one of them.”
* * * *
Nancy was sitting in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee when Stephanie walked in. Still dressed in the t-shirt and underwear she’d gone to bed in, she stopped at the coffee pot to pour herself a cup. As she sat down, Nancy set her book down and looked at her. “Morning, Stephanie.”
“Morning, Mom,” the redhead answered unenthusiastically.
Nancy raised a brow in question. “Something wrong, Steph? Did you have a bad night?” She knew full well that Stephanie had actually had a good night. A great night, in fact, if the noises she’d heard from their bedroom last night were any indication. Still, she didn’t feel a need to bring that up with Steph just now.
Stephanie shook her head. “No, not a bad night. I’ve just been…thinking, I guess.”
“About…?” Nancy set her coffee mug down and turned her book over to keep her place.
Stephanie cleared her throat, clearly not wanting to talk about whatever was bothering her. Still, she’d always told her mother everything, so she took a deep breath, and said, “I woke up last night and couldn’t get back to sleep. Then I started thinking about what it was going to be like, going back to LA while Jessie’s still here.”
“Ah,” Nancy said, understanding immediately. “Have you two talked about it?”
“Yes.” She chewed on her lower lip, before saying, “It’s just…” she looked up at Nancy, tears plainly visible in her eyes. “I never thought it was going to be this hard. I love her, Mom. I don’t want to go back.”
Nancy smiled sadly. She had known this was going to be a problem. “Steph, what did Jessie say when you brought this up?”
“I offered to stay…if she’d ask me to. She told me she wouldn’t. She said that no matter how badly she wanted me to stay, she wouldn’t ask, and she doesn‘t want me to give up my career.” She sniffed. Jessie had been right, of course.
Nancy sighed. “Stephanie…Jessie’s right about this. I know you feel like you want to give up everything for her now, but…”
“Mom, I know. Jessie said I’d come to resent giving up my career for her. She thinks I’d resent her, too. And I get it, I really do. I just…” Stephanie sniffed and tried to hold back the tears. “I’m sorry, Mom. I just can’t help it. Ever since the attack, I’ve cried at the dumbest things.”
Nancy got down off her stool and walked around to her daughter. Opening her arms, Stephanie fell into them, crying. Nancy smiled sadly as she held her, stroking her hair. “It’s going to be all right, Stephanie. The two of you just need to talk and work things out. You don’t actually think that your father and I have always had things easy, do you? It took us a long time to make our relationship look this easy.”
“I’m scared, Mom.” She sniffed again and wiped at her eyes. “I’m afraid that when I leave, she’ll forget about me.”
“Stephanie!” Nancy rolled her eyes at her daughter as she pushed her back and held her by the shoulders. “Listen to me, now,” she said with a no nonsense tone that only a mother can effect. “Jessie is in love with you. I’ve never seen anyone as deeply in love in my life as she is. So…it comes down to this: If you love her and trust her, and she feels the same, there’s nothing the two of you can’t do. Now, you stop feeling sorry for yourself. I have a feeling it won’t be long before things change for the better for you two.”
Taking a deep breath, Stephanie smiled at her mother. “Thanks, Mom. I knew I could count on you to make me feel better.”
“Well, of course, Sweetheart. Now, where is Jessie? I haven’t seen her all morning.” Nancy released Stephanie and went back around the counter to take up her seat once again, now that the emotional crisis seemed to be over.
“She got up early and went into the office for a few hours,” Stephanie answered. “Mr. Mason told her she
could take off work this week, too. But, she had some things to take care of.”
“So, do you have any plans for today?”
The redhead shook her head. “Not really. I was just hanging out around here.”
* * * *
Hours later, Jessie was wrapping cords and putting them away in the studio when Nancy knocked on the door. “Jessie? I’m not bothering you am I? I could come back later, if you like?” the older woman asked, standing in the doorway.
Jessie turned at the sound of Nancy’s voice. Smiling at her, she said, “No. Come on in.” Holding up the cords, she said, “Pardon the pun, but I was just…wrapping things up.”
Nancy laughed and walked on in, taking a seat in one of the padded office chairs. “Stephanie’s taking a nap, so I thought I might come down and spend some time with you. If you don’t mind, that is?”
“I don’t mind, Nancy. Not at all,” Jessie replied, shrugging. “Is Steph okay? She didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”
Nancy didn’t answer right away, seemingly unsure of how to reply. When she realized Jessie was watching her with a look of concern, she cleared her throat. Turning a slight shade of pink, she said, “I did notice that she was up late last night.” She was trying to answer tactfully, so as not to embarrass Jessie.
Jessie, catching on nonetheless, looked away for a second before turning back to her. “Sorry about that,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek. “I guess we were a little loud?” For a minute, she thought that’s what Nancy wanted to talk about. But, when the older woman continued, she breathed a sigh of relief. Talking to Stephanie’s mother about their sex life wasn’t really high on her list of things to do today.
“It’s all right, Jessie. I understand,” Nancy said. “The two of you don’t have a lot of time together. I get that you need to make the most of the time you have.”
Jessie sat down in the chair across from her. “Still…we were a little too loud. I’m really sorry, about that. I’m fairly certain you didn’t want to hear your daughter having sex upstairs, and I want to apologize for it now.” She was fighting to keep the blush from rising on her cheeks. She’d never in her life had a hard time talking about this before. But, for some reason, she was having a hard time now. Then again, she’d never spoken to the parent of any of her partners before. Jesus, even Theresa walking in on them during sex would have been less embarrassing!
Nancy, being the older of the two, felt she needed to take control of this conversation before Jessie died of embarrassment. She didn’t want her apologizing for loving Stephanie. Her own lack of comfort at overhearing them last night was nothing to worry about. After all, she was a mother of four. She was well aware of what happened in the bedroom between adults. Reaching over, she took Jessie’s hand in hers and said, “Actually Jessie…I didn’t come down here to talk to you about your sex life with Stephanie. I wanted to talk to you about what’s going to happen when she has to leave.”
Jessie suddenly grew even more uncomfortable, if that was possible, and looked away from her. “Nancy…”
“Jessie,” she cut the brunette off. “Steph told me that she wanted to stay here with you. I came down here to thank you…for refusing to ask her to stay. I know how hard it must have been for you. When she offered, you could have said yes.”
Jessie looked away again, licking her lips. “Nancy…” Jessie looked back at her, her blue eyes so sad it made Nancy’s heart ache for the younger woman. “I won’t let her throw her career away for me. I’m not worth that.”
“What! Jessie, I can’t believe you would say that!” Nancy said, shocked at her seeming lack of self-worth.
Jessie sighed. “Nancy, I don’t know how much Steph’s told you about me and my life up till now…but I’ve never been the best at relationships. This…this is all so new to me. I have never felt like this in my life…the way I feel about Steph.”
“Jessie, I’ve told you before…Stephanie tells me everything. I’m well aware of your past, and that doesn’t matter to me,” Nancy said kindly. “What matters is that you love her and you’re good to her. And from everything she’s told me and everything I’ve seen, that’s the case.”
“I love her more than anything, Nancy. That’s why I won’t let her throw her career away,” Jessie said adamantly. “I’d break up with her before I’d let her do that, no matter how much it cost me to do it.”
“I believe you would, Jessie.” She squeezed the younger woman’s hands. “But I don’t want it to come to that any more than you two do. I think you and Stephanie belong together, and I’m counting on both of you to work this out.”
Jessie swallowed hard and blinked back tears. “I’m trying, Nancy. I really am. I just…” her voice trailed off as she started crying. God, why did she have to cry in front of Steph’s mom? It wasn’t bad enough that she’d cried when Jing beat the crap out of her and Nancy had seen that. Now, she was crying again. How could Nancy think so much of her when that’s all she did?
“Jessie…” Nancy pulled the brunette to her and rubbed her back the same way she’d done with Stephanie earlier. “It’s going to be okay. With cell phones and the internet, you two can talk every day. You’re already making plans to see each other on the holidays and vacations. It’s going to be all right.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before, Nancy. Not even with Bobby. I had no idea it could feel so good and hurt so much all at the same time,” she choked out, crying into the older woman’s shoulder.
“Oh Jessie, I knew you were in love with her. I heard it in your voice when I talked to you on the phone last Wednesday. You’ve been so good for her…You have no idea,” Nancy said kindly. “You know, I was thinking of leaving tomorrow. Steph seems to be doing as well as can be expected. Better, really. You’ve been a big part of that, and I can’t thank you enough. I wanted you to know that whatever happens, I approve of this relationship. I realize you probably don’t care, but I wanted you to know anyway.”
Jessie sniffed and backed away from her, wiping at her face with her sleeve. “I do care, Nancy. More than you know. And I hope you know that I’d do anything to make her happy. I have no intentions of hurting her.”
Nancy smiled sadly at her. “You do realize that there’s a certain amount of pain in any relationship, Jessie? It can’t be avoided no matter how hard you try?”
“I get that. I just want you to know that I don’t ever want to hurt her. But…I will, if it means keeping her from throwing away her career.” She looked at Nancy with such intensity, that Nancy knew she meant every word. It was then, that Nancy saw the ruthless lawyer underneath the brunette’s other layers. “My mom was so selfish when it came to my dad. I can’t treat Stephanie like that. I absolutely refuse to be like my mom and treat her that way.”
Nancy licked her lips and took a deep breath. “Jessie, if it comes to that, please call me and let me know. She’ll need me.”
Jessie nodded. “I will, Nancy.”
“And Jessie…you can call me too, if you need to. Please don’t hesitate. You’ll need someone too, Sweetheart,” Nancy said, reaching out and caressing her cheek.
“Thanks, Nancy. I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, amazed that the woman would make such an offer.
Chapter 32
On Tuesday, the three of them met Theresa for lunch. Nancy’s flight was due to depart for New York at five, so they had plenty of time to get to the airport and get through security.
Now, they were sitting in the airport bar, waiting for Nancy’s flight. “Stephanie, you’re sure you’re going to be okay? I can stay a little longer if you’d like?” Nancy was saying. She had a glass of Chardonnay in front of her, and was studying her daughter carefully.
“Mom, I’ll be okay,” Stephanie answered, rolling her eyes. “Thanks for coming, though. I’m really glad you did. I don’t think I would have gotten through it so well without your help.”
Nancy smiled. “That’s what I’m here for, Steph. And…I
expect you home this year for the holidays,” she said pointedly, raising a brow at her daughter. She turned her attention to Jessie, then. “Jessie? I wanted to thank you again for all you’ve done. You’ve been such a big help to Steph. And on top of everything else, you opened your home to me and gave me a place to stay so that I could be close to her.”
“Nancy, it’s been my pleasure,” Jessie said, smiling at her. “I’m really glad I got to meet you. I just wish it had been under different circumstances.”
“Well, I want you to come up to New York with Stephanie for the holidays,” Nancy said. “You need to meet the rest of the family. They’re going to love you.”
Jessie’s face colored slightly. “I’d love to, Nancy. Thank you, for inviting me.”