“Okay,” Sarah began nervously. She recounted the dreams she had shared with Jamie, and told her a newer more recent one. “A friend of mine, Brian, calls me and asks me to be a part of some dating game show he has been asked to be on. I agree to do this for him. So, we arrive at this studio and I discover that I am to be one of two female contestants who are competing to date him. I decide I’ll just play along. Anyway, I guess we have to jump through a series of hoops to win him. All of these mini contests are designed to help him determine with whom he is most compatible. The one I most vividly remember is the one where I am placed at a vanity table with tons of make-up surrounding me. And I’m told that I have to get ready for a date with Brian. He is sitting there just watching me get ready. It’s a little unnerving, what with the cameras, Brian, and the hostess hovering nearby.” Sarah paused and watched for a reaction from Jamie or Brenda, but both were simply listening intently.
“So, I’m applying all the make-up and I get to the part where I must put on mascara. I have four to choose from, but the one I select has this huge clump on the wand when I pull it out. I try shaking it, I try shoving it back into the container. Suddenly it’s apparent that the clump is actually a spider. And somehow this spider is soon in my hair. I can see it crawling around. I hate spiders. I’m terrified of them. But I’m on national television, so I try to remain calm. I ask Brian to get the spider out of my hair. He asks what I want him to do with it after he captures it. I tell him to put it outside where it belongs.” Again she stopped to wait for a reaction, but there was none.
“In the next scene, the three of us are in bumper cars. Brian is in the middle. We are told that as we drive through this course, Brian will have to pick one of us. He will suddenly veer off in the direction that one of us takes, and the game will be over. So, I’m driving along and the road forks. I go left and Brian pulls along side me. I smile at him, and the cars freeze up. The game is over. The other woman is led off another direction, and the entire time she is walking away she is crying and screaming. She keeps saying that it isn’t right, that she should have been chosen, that I shouldn’t even be allowed to compete because I’m married.
“Brian is taken off one direction by a cameraman for his commentary on the game, and I am led off another direction with my own set of cameras and the hostess. We are surrounded by food and I’m munching away, while cleaning up. She’s asking me all these questions about how I feel about the game and about Brian and I really don’t know how to answer. My responses are vague and I’m quiet. I feel guilty over what the other woman said. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I shouldn’t have been allowed to compete. But then I think how this isn’t my fault. Nobody asked me if I was married. And just when I start to tell the hostess all of this, the phone rings. It’s Brian. And suddenly I’m happy. He wants to know if I’ll go to dinner with him the next night and I agree to go. Then I wake up.”
Sarah looked at her hands. She had been wringing them the entire time she shared her dream about Brian. She paused and looked at Brenda, awaiting her reaction. She smiled quietly. “So what does it all mean?” She asked slowly.
“I think you know what it means,” Brenda responded. “Your dreams are not like some. There are those who dream of chicken drumsticks that are swimming in a river, acting like piranha, others who want me to tell them why their boyfriend always appears in their dreams in the form of a gummy worm, but your dreams are not so mysterious. Are they, Sarah?” She gazed into Sarah’s sad emerald eyes. “You have dreams that are self-explanatory. Your dreams are the result of your fears, your truths, your hopes and desires. And I am willing to bet that some of your dreams even come true.” Sarah’s eyes darted to Jamie in surprise.
“When I say they come true, I don’t mean the dreams of handsome princes, or even of game shows.” She smiled warmly. “I mean that you have premonitions, don’t you?” Sarah froze for a moment her eyes wide, unable to breathe, then with downcast eyes, nodded in shame. “Why are you ashamed? It is a great gift. It also comes with a great responsibility. You have other abilities, Sarah, abilities that you are equally afraid of, abilities you intentionally never let surface.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Sarah said honestly, her face scrunched up in confusion.
“Let me work with you. Let me help you be what you were meant to become.” Brenda took Sarah’s hand and flipped the palm up. Slowly she moved a silver ringed finger to trace the lines in Sarah’s palm. “Yes. You are strong, stronger than even you would believe. Right now you are carrying a heavy burden. You are lucky in that you are surrounded by a protection of love. Unfortunately there is a danger nearby as well. Love will be there for you, Sarah, but it can’t save you. You must turn to it when you fear it most. And you must face the danger alone. There is no other way.” She pulled her hand away from Sarah’s quickly then, as though she had just touched something hot. Brenda caught her breath. She couldn’t tell Sarah what she had seen. She tried to cover up her feelings by instead turning to Jamie.
“You have been waiting so patiently, Jamie,” Brenda began quietly. “I think your path will be much different, and yet due to your friendship, some aspects are bound to be parallel.”
Brenda read Jamie’s palm. She listened to her dreams. She answered her question with the help of her tarot cards. And all the while Sarah’s mind wandered, distracted by what Brenda had told her. She had a special gift. What could it be? She would have to ask Brenda later. This visit had gone far differently than she had anticipated. She had expected fortunes would be told, prophecies of wealth revealed, and the announcement of a tall, dark, handsome stranger in her future. Instead, there was no mention of money, or a stranger. Instead, she was told she has a gift and she’s about to face danger. And what was said of love? Love can’t protect her, but it can be there for her. Would she accept it?
Sarah was roused from her musings when Jamie and Brenda stood up from the table.
“Ready?” Jamie asked abruptly as she pulled her purse onto her shoulder. She thanked Brenda and walked toward the door.
As Sarah turned to follow her, still lost in thought, Brenda placed a hand on her shoulder. “Please think about what I said,” she murmured.
“That’s all I’ve been doing the last half hour,” Sarah responded.
“I meant it, all of it. Let me help you, guide you, even teach you.” She had a deep soulful look in her eyes.
“And just what might you teach me?” Sarah questioned seriously.
“Wicca.” The word was simple and unexpected.
Sarah tried not to act shocked. “And why would I want to learn that?”
“Because you are a witch,” Brenda said simply. She looked Sarah in the eye full on, without fear or prejudice.
“I’m a witch? No, I think I would know if I were.” Sarah wasn’t angry. She didn’t know what she was feeling. And she didn’t understand enough about it to know whether she wanted to embrace that or not.
“You never went to church as a child I bet,” Brenda began. “Instead, your mother encouraged you to enjoy the natural world, to give thanks for flowers and rain, sunshine and what the earth would yield.” She watched for Sarah’s reaction as she spoke. Sarah’s head tilted to the side in remembrance of her childhood. “I bet there have been many occasions where you would wake with the sense of having dreamed but not remember. And on those same occasions, later, maybe even that same day, you would be struck with a sense of déjà vu. Only later would you recognize that you had dreamed that obscure event even before it transpired.”
Sarah’s eyes were widening slightly as Brenda continued. “I would venture that there have been times in your life that your heart has wished something so fervently that it happened. Some need or desire was fulfilled.” Sarah raised a hand to cover her mouth.
“That is all part of being a natural witch. You have an energy about you, Sarah. Let me teach you to channel it.”
Jamie was standing impatiently at the door. Her foot had begun to tap. “
I’ll think about it,” Sarah said. “Thank you.” And she walked out the door trying desperately to process everything she had learned. One thing was certain. She had to speak with her mother when she picked up Chloe. Her mother had some explaining to do.
They were silent most of the ride home until Jamie could tolerate it no longer. “Well, what did you think of Brenda?” She asked irritably.
Sarah thought for a moment. “I liked her,” she said at last.
“I’m sure you did,” Jamie replied. “Of course, if you had been told what I was told...” Her voice trailed off as she waited for Sarah to comment, but since Sarah hadn’t heard what Brenda said to Jamie she was at a loss. Jamie watched her for a reaction. “You weren’t listening, were you?”
“Not really,” Sarah admitted. “How bad can it be? I mean she told me that I’m in danger.”
“Yeah. She’s not very good,” Jamie said. “She couldn’t tell me a thing about my earning potential, or the man I’d marry.” She looked out the window a moment before she slammed her hand on the dash. “All right. She said I’d probably never marry.” Jamie looked ready to cry.
“Never?” Sarah asked.
“Well, actually she said that in order to find love I’d have to first give love.”
“Oh, so that means you’ll never marry?” Sarah glanced at her friend while trying to watch the road.
Jamie shrugged. “Look at my family. What do I know about giving love? No wonder I can’t settle down.”
Sarah was thoughtful, choosing her words carefully before speaking. “I know that there was never much demonstrative affection,” she began. “I know you didn’t receive many hugs, and that you probably never saw your father kiss your mother. That doesn’t mean that there was no love. They showed love other ways, monetary ways. But still dig deep and you’ll know it was there.” Jamie’s look had softened some as Sarah’s words soothed her. “And just because you never saw or experienced the pop culture version of the perfect family, it doesn’t mean you can’t create that for yourself.”
“I suppose you’re right,” she said tentatively.
“Oh, I know I’m right,” Sarah said confidently. “Look at me. My parents lavished love and affection on each other. Sometimes I had to remind them that I was in the room. And that certainly didn’t have any impact on how well I married. And my marriage hasn’t turned me off to the idea of marriage either. I’ll just try to choose a better mate next time. We all know Josh isn’t right for me.”
Jamie gave her a sly glance. “Maybe Brian is.”
Sarah laughed and rolled her eyes. “Want to play with Chloe while I talk to my mother?” She asked.
“Oh, so I’m to keep your daughter out of the way while you confront your mother on something, huh?” Her eyes narrowed as she speculated.
“Yup.” Sarah nodded seriously.
Her head cocked to the side, Jamie asked, “Do I get to know what it is?”
Sarah thought for a moment. “Nope.”
Her friend sighed. “Well, we can work on that.” She smiled.
“So now you know,” her mother said simply as Sarah walked in the door.
Anna White had a gift for keeping her daughter on her toes. Sarah had anticipated a long drawn out conversation that would ultimately lead to a reluctant admission that she had kept a very powerful part of her identity and lineage secret. Now, however, it appeared as though Anna was ready to confront Sarah honestly.
“Jamie,” Sarah began.
“I know. Watch Chloe,” Jamie said, irritated that she was definitely missing something worth watching. “Let’s go, squirt,” she said pushing Chloe out the door. Chloe simply scowled and muttered something under her breath as she crossed her arms over her chest and left the house.
Once the door closed behind them, Sarah turned her full attention to her mother. “Yes, I know. What I don’t know is why I had to learn about this part of me from a stranger and not from my own mother.” She crossed her arms before her. Her eyes flashed with anger.
“Please, sit,” her mother said quietly. As soon as Sarah did so, she continued. “I wasn’t certain that I wanted you to practice,” Anna said simply.
“Why not?” Sarah asked angrily, without giving her mother a chance to explain.
“Well, it’s dangerous.” She watched as Sarah’s eyes rolled. “It’s not as though we live in the dark ages, or any other time period where witches were openly persecuted, but still there are those out there, evil beings who would want to pray upon your goodness.”
“Mother,” Sarah said coldly, “it is like that for everyone, even those who aren’t witches.”
Anna nodded sadly. “This is true. I just wanted to protect you. I knew that I could bind you when you were younger, before your powers were fully developed. It didn’t work as I had intended. You still managed to work your own brand of magic when your emotions allowed. You still had dreams…”
Sarah’s mouth flew open in surprise. “You knew about my dreams? You knew all those years and never said anything?” She felt suddenly betrayed. “Do you have any idea how long I punished myself for Dad’s death?”
Anna sighed heavily and lowered her eyes. “I was afraid of that.” She looked at Sarah and studied her a moment. The anger and sadness was emanating from her in powerful waves, nearly knocking the breath out of the older woman. “I’ve made mistakes, Sarah,” she admitted, her eyes glistening with tears. “I’m not perfect. I thought it was for the best. As for the guilt over your father‘s death, it‘s true that you may have been able to prevent it, but maybe it was just his time.”
“I could have kept him off the ladder…” Sarah’s voice trailed off. “If he knew about you then he would have believed me…” She buried her face in her hands.
Anna knelt before Sarah and gently forced her to meet her mother’s eyes. She spoke quietly, soothingly, urging her daughter to find peace. “You couldn’t have saved him, sweetie. It wasn’t the ladder that killed him. His heart gave out. He was dead before he ever hit the ground.”
Her words freed Sarah of a guilt she had lived with for too long. In the years following his death, she had avoided closeness with her mother. Always the feelings that she had caused her mother’s unhappiness loomed between them. Finally, she knew that she could let it go and build the relationship she had wanted to have. Yet her mother hadn’t answered one of her questions. Her eyes narrowed involuntarily as she asked and awaited a response. “Did he know?”
Anna nodded slowly. “Your father knew what we were. He loved me just the same. He didn’t always trust me, worried that the reason he loved me was some spell, worried that I might somehow trick him, but I kept reminding him of the Rede. He overcame his doubts, I believe,” she said solemnly with hands folded in her lap.
Sarah was impatient. She could tell her mother was withholding some vital piece of information. “How does this relate to me?”
“Yes, well, he never wanted you to practice. He wanted you to have a normal life.” Her mother paused. “You did have a normal life, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Sarah spat. “I have such a normal life that now I’m getting divorced just like everyone else.”
“Oh, Sarah,” Anna sighed. “Love is half chance for witches, just like it is for anyone. Magic wouldn’t have changed that.”
“It might have,” Sarah countered. “I bet I could have seen through to his heart. I bet I could have found what kind of person he really was. I could have...” She trailed off. She didn’t know anything about being a witch. She had watched reruns of “Bewitched” with the same fascination as every other child. She had practiced twitching her nose and waiting for something to happen, but it never did. She had, in her early twenties, been an avid fan of “Charmed” and wondered which power she would possess, if she could possess one. All of her views of the craft were shaped by television and movies.
“It’s not like that,” her mother said.
“And how do you do that? Can I?” Sarah was frustrat
ed, feeling as though she was at a constant disadvantage.
“Of course you can do it. It just takes practice. I bet you do it sometimes and don’t even realize that you’re doing it.” Think, Anna urged.
And Sarah remembered times when she was speaking to Brian and knew what he was going to say before he even said it. Yes, it’s just like that. She heard her mother’s voice within her head. “Stop it,” she said irritably as she rubbed her temples. The day had been too long. The rollercoaster ride of emotions needed to stop.
“So now that you know,” her mother began, “what will you do?”
“I don’t know,” Sarah said honestly. “I want to learn. Brenda claims I am in danger. Do you...sense that?”
Anna nodded sadly. “I can’t tell you from whom.” She changed the subject. “I need to meet Brian.”
Second Chances Page 68