Nodding Sarah replied, “I think so. I want a matching thong and bra set and something sweet yet sexy for bedtime.”
Giving an approving smile, Jamie said, “I think we can work with that.”
The shopping was light and easy. They had been going out on these excursions for so many years that they were practically professionals. They didn’t dally when they were on a mission. And this time was no exception. The initial integral step of Operation First Time commenced at nineteen hundred hours. By twenty hours thirty minutes they planned to be back in the car, rushing toward the mill.
Victoria’s Secret welcomed them with the soft scents of the Angel Collection. They waved off the young woman who was so eager to spray them with the latest fragrance and opted instead to move right into the serious lingerie. After a mere twenty minutes of deliberation, they settled on a sexy little black underwire teddy that could be worn beneath her clothing all day so that they could disrobe and commence with the romance without needing a moment to change and interrupt the flow of the mood.
And after another twenty minutes of consideration Sarah, unable to decide between the three sets of thongs and bras, purchased all three in a rare and monumental splurge. They marched out of the mall, part one of the operation completed with more than a modicum of success, and sped back to the mill.
“Would you like to come in?” Sarah asked, playing the role of the hostess.
Jamie shook her head, a mixture of amazement and admiration. “I can’t believe how you’ve changed these last few weeks,” she said proudly. “My little girl is a woman.”
“Stop,” Sarah said, blushing.
“No, I mean it. I’ve never seen you so happy. You’re a whole new person. You give me hope.” She wore a grim smile on her face as she tried to hide her sadness.
“Explain,” she demanded.
Jamie expelled her breath leisurely, for more dramatic effect. “Well, I have never wanted to be in a relationship before. All those around me were unhappily wed.”
“Not your parents,” Sarah protested.
“Oh, yes,” she argued, “especially my parents. They put up a great front for company, but it nearly kills them. You should’ve seen them after these dinners and parties. Whew.” She shook her head sadly. “Well, I just knew I never wanted that. I saw you marry Josh. I saw how your life was. I decided to focus on a career. I was never going to settle or settle down for that matter.”
“And now?”
“Well. I don’t know. I might, unless the fates conspire against me. You remember what Brenda said.” Jamie shrugged her shoulders and looked at her lap.
Sarah reached out and grabbed Jamie’s hand. “We can change our destiny,” she said quietly. “Every choice we make every minute of every day alters our path in unforeseen ways. Have hope. Have faith. And believe in the dreams you have for yourself.” She looked at Jamie with teary eyes. “Hug,” she commanded. “I have to go in now.”
The two embraced warmly. Sarah stepped confidently from the car, clutching her pink striped bag to her. She radiated happiness. It warmed Jamie’s heart just to watch her walk away with such confidence.
Evan carried his own Victoria’s Secret bag. He had watched from a bench just outside the window as the two women made quick work of the store. Only Evan hadn’t stopped at lingerie. He purchased perfume, body lotion, and everything imaginable.
“This is one lucky lady,” the sales lady remarked as she gently packed his purchases into the largest bag the store offered. “I hope she appreciates you.” She batted her eyelashes at Evan.
He smirked in response. He was used to unwanted female attention. And he knew how to use it to his advantage. Hadn’t he managed to finesse the sales woman into giving him the size information he needed about Sarah? He had convinced her that he was surprising his girlfriend who had just left and she was more than happy to provide assistance. She even offered to model some of the items if it would help his decision.
Evan had declined. He only had eyes for Sarah, he told the woman honestly. So now he was free to leave the store looking like the most romantic, adoring boyfriend in the history of the world. That is precisely the role he hoped to earn, but in the meantime he would be careful not to leave a paper trail.
Brian playfully reached for the bag as Sarah glided through the door. “Not on your life,” she laughed, while jokingly slapping his hand away. “You can wait just one more night, can’t you?” She looked up at him with soulful eyes.
Anything for you, my love, his heart whispered.
Her breath caught in her throat as he pulled her into his arms. She closed her eyes as she sank into his strong chest. He loves me. The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating. She inhaled deeply, savoring the scent of him. That’s how it should be, right? We should be in love before we ever make love? The words were a rhetorical question, meant only for her, but Brian knew her every thought.
Yes, Sarah. He couldn’t help but answer her, just as he couldn’t help loving her. He placed her bag gently on the coffee table and led her to the office. She gasped at the room he had created for Chloe, kissed her sleeping daughter and returned to his arms. Together they strolled to his bedroom and fell into a blissful, restful sleep.
“We accomplish more before nine a.m. than some people do all day,” Brian moaned after they sank into the bus seats.
Sarah nodded in agreement. “At least now we can relax for a while.”
They had awakened early, dropped Chloe off with her grandmother, gone to Sarah’s to retrieve her already packed suitcase under Josh’s watchful eye, stopped to grab some coffee and scones, organized the students, the luggage, and overseen the packing and loading of the bus. To say they were a bit out of breath would be no exaggeration.
Brian reached over and grasped her hand. She smiled at him, her stomach all aquiver. Slowly, he brought her hand to his lips, his eyes never leaving hers, so that Sarah was filled with an amazing rush of love.
So, that’s how it feels? She felt as though she could explode.
Brian shook his head. You have no idea how incredible it can be. Wait until tonight.
Leaning back, Sarah worried that she might be building up their evening to some intangible heights. Then she glanced at Brian and smiled. “Nah,” she laughed.
If the previous days had passed almost painfully slow, they couldn’t compare to how languidly this day eked by. Brian laughed each time he caught Sarah checking her watch. One time she even tapped on the glass face to see if the second hand was truly moving. Another instance she lifted his watch to compare the time to hers and groaned when she found they both read the same time.
At last the group went to dinner. They ate at a fine dining establishment with a sidewalk cafe. Everyone struggled to order in English while the waiter understood very little of what they requested. They applauded enthusiastically when Sarah translated and clarified all the previous orders while giving hers in perfect French. The meal was a huge success.
And after the meal they had to merely survive a Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast before they could return to the hotel and leave the students to their own devices. All through the musical Brian caressed Sarah’s hand or arm. He rubbed her thigh, his motions subtle, unnoticeable to those not truly paying attention. And so all through the production, Sarah was ready to jump out of her skin, so filled was she with the emotions Brian sent her. In a desperate measure to punish him as he punished her, she pressed his hand to her side so that he could feel the exposed teddy. Sarah was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath beside her.
Is this for me? He queried with eyes shut tight.
Who else? She responded as she laced her hand through his.
While the rest of the group was fixated on the stage, Evan watched and felt a knot tighten in his stomach. Something was going on. They were looking at each other with such intensity that anyone with eyes could see it. Was it possible? Could they be in love? He added up what he knew. Sarah spent many nights there.
They slept in the same bed, but never had sex. And the other night she went to Victoria’s Secret and bought lingerie. Evan did a mental head slap. They were going to consummate their relationship tonight. He racked his brain. Somehow he would ensure that never happened. Somehow he would have her first. Somehow he would keep her.
As the group entered the hotel lobby, Brian called a brief meeting. “Okay, guys. It is late. As you know, you are all adults, so you are allowed to go to bed whenever you wish. Enjoy your free time. And, most importantly, do not disturb me except in case of an extreme emergency.”
The group glanced at each other. Some were smirking. Others were nudging each other. Evan didn’t look pleased.
Brian began again. “For those of you who aren’t sure what an emergency is, let me explain. An emergency is a life or death situation. Being drunk or hung over, not an emergency. Being attacked while you are, emergency. Being out of money, not an emergency. Being out of money because you were robbed, emergency. Having relations with someone you wouldn’t look twice at normally, not an emergency. Having relations with someone you wouldn’t look twice at normally against your will, emergency. Any questions?”
“Are you giving us this spiel because you are planning on having relations tonight?” Evan brazenly asked. He watched as Sarah turned pink.
Brian stiffened. “And that would fall under none of your concern, Mr. Winters.” He glanced at the group which was now chattering excitedly amongst themselves. “Dismissed,” he announced. He and Sarah remained there, several feet apart while the students loitered a moment, organizing themselves before they either adjourned to their rooms, or shyly waved as they walked back out the front door to the streets.
When at last the lobby was clear, Brian wrapped a protective arm around Sarah’s shoulders as they strolled to the elevator. They were silent the entire brief ride up to the fifth floor. They remained silent as they stood before the door and Brian slipped his card into the lock. The light shone green, the lock clicked, and Sarah shivered as he turned the handle and shoved the door open. She was about to step inside the doorway when Brian looked stricken, shook his head, gathered her up as though she was light as a feather pillow, and carried her into the room.
He laid her gently on the bed, left her briefly to fasten the security lock on the door, and quickly returned to her side. Sarah expected him to lay with her, cover her body with his, or even envelope her, but instead, he simply sat next to her and stroked her face. He traced her eyebrows with an extended finger then brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. All the while, Sarah lay there in anticipation, taking every moment of this experience in.
I want this to last, Brian‘s voice sounded seductively in her head. I want this to last forever. I want to savor every moment of tonight.
With her eyes lightly closed, Sarah nodded in accord. This would be their night. Brian leaned over her and kissed her lips ever so softly, brushing them and moving upwards to seal each shut eye with a kiss. As he lingered over her neck, his warm breath causing her to shiver, there was a knock on the door.
Sarah’s eyes flew open in panic. She grasped at Brian’s arm as he rose to answer the door. Don’t, she pleaded. But Brian simply shook his head and dismissed her worry with a warm smile.
As the door opened, a uniformed young man stepped into the room to deliver a bottle of champagne, a tray of strawberries, and a bowl of real whipped cream. See? Brian asked. And you were worried.
Wordlessly, Sarah sat on the bed, curled up against the pillows, several shades of pink. There had been times in her life when she felt the world conspired against her happiness. And the short time she and Brian had spent together had been filled with happiness. Some small part of her expected it to crumble, expected something terrible to suddenly intercede and keep them apart.
Brian had to know what she was thinking, he always did. He said nothing, but simply walked to her holding a ripe red strawberry. “Open wide.” he murmured. And with his left hand he gently cupped her face while feeding her the offered fruit.
It was all she could do to even breathe. To think of the time she had wasted as Brian’s friend when they could have been doing this. She smiled and pulled him toward her by his tie. When his lips were mere millimeters from hers, she whispered, “I think I love you, Brian Waite.” Then before he had time to contemplate what she had said, her lips were upon his, kissing affectionately and playfully nibbling on his lower lip.
Reaching out, he forced her back with one hand pressed at the base of her neck. Caught off guard she looked at him with wide eyes. “You think?” He asked, slightly hurt. He continued, selecting his words with care. “I know.” Brian took both of her hands in his.
“I know I love you.” Sarah felt her heart race at his words. “I have loved you almost as long as I can remember knowing you.” He looked her in the eyes, silently pleading for her to understand. He seemed uncertain she did, so he continued. “I used to watch you working in your office. I could feel you even then. Sometimes you would be so sad and fight so valiantly to cover it up that being near you would break my heart. I so wanted to gather you in my arms and never let you go.”
Sarah was looking down now, unable to face him as he spoke. Brian needed to see her eyes, however, needed for the full impact of his words to find her. He forced her chin up with a hand that still held hers.
“Look at me, Sarah.” Her eyes filled with tears that refused to spill over. Still he continued. “And that’s not the worst of it.” His voice grew low and intense. “The worst part came later. The worst part was when I felt nothing from you because you were empty.” Sarah’s shoulder’s heaved as her body was racked with emotion. His voice grew quieter still. “Do you remember how that felt? I had to do something. I had to be there for you both physically and emotionally. It was no longer about my desire to be a part of your life. I wanted to give you a life. I wanted you to experience happiness again. It would merely be a bonus if you chose me to be happy with.”
The tears dripped down Sarah’s face at last. She began to sniffle. Brian reached over to the nightstand grabbed a few tissues and continued.
“I love you with all of my heart,” he said emphatically as he gently wiped away her tears.
“I love you with everything I am, everything I will be.” He held her face in his hands and willed her to look at him. “Can you love me, Sarah? Can you say the words that I long to hear without fear, without doubt, and without an ounce of regret?” At last her glistening emerald eyes met his. “I know what you’re feeling, Sarah. I always know.” He crushed her to him.
Sarah rested against his chest for a moment, soothed by the beating of his heart. She knew that sorting out what she wanted to say in her head was futile. She might as well work this out aloud with Brian present. She took a deep breath. “I’m so scared,” she admitted quietly. “I’m afraid of being with you and even more afraid of not being with you. You make me feel loved, and safe.” She swallowed as she struggled to admit the intense feelings swirling about her. “I can’t remember when last I felt that way. You love my daughter. Chloe needs that as much as I do. At the same time, I’m afraid of being hurt. I’m afraid that for reasons beyond our control, we won’t be able to be together.” Her eyes welled once more with tears. “I don’t know if I could survive that. I find myself needing you, wanting to be with you all the time. It scares me.” She shivered. Brian held her even more tightly and kissed the top of her head. She savored the warmth that flowed through him, soothing her tumultuous emotions before she finally tilted her face to look at him. “You know,” she began quietly; “this is not at all how I imagined tonight.” She smiled hesitantly to ease the tension.
Brian sighed. “I know, but these things needed to be said.” He gazed at her lovingly. “You understand?”
Sarah nuzzled into his neck. Of course. How could I be upset with you?
Suddenly Brian stood up. “A bath,” he announced. Sarah eyed him quizzically. “I’ll draw us some water. It will he
lp us relax.” He laid a reluctant Sarah on the bed once more and walked into the bathroom.
Several minutes later, with a warm bubble bath drawn, Sarah had stripped down to reveal the teddy, then her naked skin. All the while, Brian admired her with his eyes and longed to touch her. Something prevented that. He couldn’t name it, but the feeling, the angst had returned. It had been building, growing ever since the champagne arrived. At first, he hadn’t recognized it, had mistook it for the emotions Sarah was struggling with. Now, however, he understood them for what they were, recognized that though they had left their home behind, the danger had still followed. He took Sarah’s hand and guided her to the bathroom, supporting her elbow as she sank into the tub.
“Aren’t you going to join me?” Sarah queried. She was looking up at him shyly through her thick lashes. That she was unaware of how sexy she was made her all the more appealing.
Brian smiled. “Of course. I’ll be right in.” He bent and kissed her forehead before exiting the room. He pulled the door shut behind him and leaned against it for a moment.
Closing his eyes, he tried to concentrate, to focus on the danger he sensed. It was no good. He couldn’t identify it any better here than he did in Burlington. Suddenly the phone rang on the bedside table. He could hear Sarah stirring in the tub. I’ll get it. The water slapped against the sides of the tub as she settled back in.
Second Chances Page 72