I didn’t blame her, but it still messed with my already messed up head.
“What happened?”
“I was having a nightmare.”
“Shit, she came in and tried to wake you up?”
I shot him a surprised look, one that had me rolling my head to the side to glance at him, which triggered a wave of pain that took me to the brink of consciousness.
I barely heard him as he rumbled, “We had an issue with the clubwhores after you got back. They kept thinking a BJ was the cure for PTSD. One bitch, Lacey, kept on trying, only this time you had a fucking knife. Nearly sliced and diced her. It warned the others to back off though.”
“Jesus,” I rasped. “I don’t remember any of that.”
“Why would you? Meant nothing in the end.”
“Surprised you of all people would say that.”
He shrugged. “We told them, they didn’t listen. You can’t help stupid.”
My lips curved but though I wanted to laugh, I wasn’t a fool. My head wasn’t ready for anything with that level of exertion.
“She sang me to sleep, even after I did that to her.”
Link cleared his throat. “She’s a keeper.”
“She told me we married so she could get a green card.”
“Something like that.”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
He shrugged. “Nothing. You didn’t do it for that. You did it because she was the first person in what felt like a goddamn lifetime to make you smile. It was nice actually, seeing you be normal again. I didn’t realize how much I missed you.” He released a shaky breath. “Now, here you are, back again, and I wish you were the new old Maverick. Fucker, you always had to do shit the hard way, didn’t you?”
Managing to laugh a little, I rumbled, “Guess I fucking did.”
“She loves you, Mav. Whether or not you remember her, don’t treat her like shit, okay? Tell her to go, and we can move her in with us. Just don’t hurt her. She’s gone through enough already.”
Before I could ask what she’d gone through, what ‘enough’ entailed, he rolled into a standing position.
“Let’s get you back inside.”
“No,” I retorted. “I want to stay by the pool. The fresh air feels better out here. It’s stuffy inside.”
He moved around me, squatting down again as he plunked a cell at my side. “This is yours now. Your old one didn’t survive the accident. Call me when you’re ready to head on in. You’re in no state to be doing shit on your own.”
Wincing at how goddamn true that was, I muttered, “Thanks, bro.”
“It’s an honor, Mav.”
And I knew he meant it.
He trudged off, boots thudding against the uneven stone surface surrounding the pool until he hit the grass. Then, he might as well have been Casper like Alessa. No wonder I hadn’t realized he was there until he made himself known to me.
Staring up at the sky, with its inky black hue and the twinkling stars that had always grounded me when I was deployed, I let myself sink into the uncomfortable stone floor.
My back hurt where it connected with sharper edges, and my body was one big ache as the pain in my head started to drift down to my toes. But the cold was bracing. It reminded me I wasn’t dead. That I was alive.
Somehow.
“Maverick?”
I closed my eyes at the sweet tone of her voice. There was just the gentlest difference in intonation between how she said it—my brothers pronounced it ‘Mav-rick,’ but she enunciated what was a silent ‘E’ to them.
She padded toward me, evidently not put out by my lack of an answer, and laid a towel over me, which took off the chill.
My eyes popped open again, and I told her, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She hovered, then moved over to the lounger where Link had started off our conversation. I almost expected her to start one up herself, but she didn’t.
She stayed quiet.
In the distance, I could hear something coming from the big house. Childish laughter, little gurgles of glee that even a monster would be hard-pressed not to smile at, and I rocked my head over the ground as I studied the mansion.
How had Link, one of the poorest of us with the hardest background income-wise, come to live here?
It’d have boggled my mind if said mind wasn’t already scrambled like three-week-old eggs.
“He loves her. She loves him.”
“You a mind reader now?” I didn’t bother to look at her, just stared over the property that made a basketball star’s mansion look shoddy.
It was bigger than the last post where I’d been stationed, for fuck’s sake. Had so many windows and doors that it made the White House look like a girl’s playhouse.
I’d wandered through those halls, come across authentic pieces of art, rooms that reminded me of something from a fancy bordello, and more bedrooms than Buckingham Palace. But that grandeur, for all it was impressive, was nothing compared to the land around it which was manicured yet somehow tactile.
Money had never been the be-all and end-all of my life, that was what came from being an MC brat, but the truth was, even I was slightly overwhelmed by what the property’s size represented.
Lily Lancaster wasn’t just rich.
Neither was she just wealthy.
This was more than just one percent territory, and I wasn’t talking about the MC variety either. Hell, I was thinking it might even be one-hundredth of a percent.
“I’m not a mind reader,” she inserted gently, “but it was clear to see what you were thinking.”
“It wasn’t, actually, because I didn’t doubt Link loved her. None of the brothers are poor. They all make great bank, Bear is—” My brow puckered. “He isn’t the Prez anymore, is he?”
“No. Rex is,” she informed me softly.
I released an irritated breath. “Goddamn this.”
“You almost drowned before. I saw you.”
“Would you have left me to die?” I choked out bitterly, not even finding comfort in her shocked gasp.
“Of course I wouldn’t! I only didn’t come rushing because I saw Link get to you first. I-I thought it might be wise to let you two talk. You’ve been hiding away in your room. I don’t think that’s good for you. Even before, while you were stuck in the attic a lot, your door was open for your brothers. Especially the council.”
Sensing an opportunity, because this was the first time since that night she’d spoken to me so freely, I asked, “Who’s on the council?”
“You, Link, Nyx, Steel, Rex, and Sin. Storm used to be, but he left to go to Ohio.”
“Why?”
She clucked her tongue. “It’s club business. How am I supposed to know?”
My nose crinkled. “Damn, I forgot about that too. I haven’t lived in the MC for a long time.”
“Why not?”
“Because I had goals, and I knew having entanglements with them would prevent them. So I never hung around the clubhouse after I hit sixteen, and the guys” —a smile creased my lips— “used to come to my place after school so I could keep my rep clean.
“Bear still gave me a cut though. It was an honorary one to get me through my service until I came home for good. He let me wear it at funerals and weddings and shit when I was back home on leave.” When her lack of reply felt loaded, I knew I’d perplexed her, as I’d thought that would trigger more questions not this loaded silence, so I murmured, “To be in the Special Forces, you go through a background check.”
“They truly care when they’re throwing you onto battlegrounds like you’re pawns in a game of chess?”
I snorted, which made my ears ring—reminder to self: don’t do that again.
“The Special Forces are special for a reason. Let’s just leave it at that.”
“I know of the SEALs—”
“Everyone knows the fucking SEALs. Bunch of show-offs,” I grumbled. “We’re just as capable as those fuckers, but we don
’t hog the limelight like they do.”
A soft chuckle escaped her, and I couldn’t blame her. Not really. Christ, what a stupid goddamn conversation to be having when my brain was mush thanks to those ‘special’ years as a Green Beret.
I reached up and pressed my forearm to my eyes, covering them as I asked, “Who sits where in the council?”
She muttered, “I don’t really know.”
“Bullshit. Women always know more than they let on. The brothers are stupid if they don’t think their Old Ladies are well aware of every aspect of club life.”
“Well, I know some, but not that much,” she retorted on a huff.
My arm hid my smile. “Some is more than nothing.”
She sighed. “Nyx is the VP now. Lily and Tiffany, who is Sin’s Old Lady—you met her the other day in the kitchen—well, they were kidnapped, and Storm saved them. However he did it, though, it meant he had to move to Ohio. Ever since, Nyx has taken his place.”
“Can’t imagine Nyx as VP.”
“I don’t think he can imagine it either,” she said drolly, “and he’s living it.”
Almost smiling again because Nyx was all about the action, not the admin, I rumbled, “Sounds about right. Sin… what’s his place?” I’d always liked him. He was a soldier too, or, I guess, a vet now. He’d been good people despite being Grizzly’s kid.
Fuck, I’d never liked that bastard. How the hell he and Bear had been brothers was beyond the laws of logic.
“He’s the enforcer. He took over for Nyx when the council was shuffled around. You’re treasurer—but I’m not supposed to know that,” she whispered. “But Lily is going to be helping you with the club books, so I found out that way.”
Bitches… never could keep shit quiet.
I wasn’t mad though, more grateful for the insight into the MC that was my life now.
I’d gone from avoiding the clubhouse at all costs to somehow being integral to the running. Of course, that avoidance hadn’t run as deep as I let her believe. Even though I wasn’t affiliated with the MC back when I was a teenager, it had only been unofficially so. I’d gone on most of my brothers’ first runs with them and had gotten into shit I really shouldn’t have. I’d been a brother in everything but a patch.
Link was right—they were as important to me as the guys who served with me. More because we’d come up together and we’d go down together. From the beginning to the very end.
“Is Storm the VP in Ohio?”
“No, he’s the Prez.”
I grunted. “That’s good. He was too smart to be Rex’s VP. Probably got him into a world of trouble being bored.”
She cleared her throat. “You know Keira?”
“Yeah, he wifed her.”
“They’re getting divorced.”
That came as no surprise. “She found out about his cheating? Scarlet always warned him about that. Said he’d never be able to keep shit from Keira. She was too much of a good girl to turn the other cheek.”
“Who’s Scarlet?”
My brow puckered. “Storm’s sister. Where is she?”
Ghost shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never heard anyone talk about a Scarlet before. Scarlet like the color, right?”
Frowning, I nodded. “Yeah, like the color.” She’d always been as colorful as her name. “I wonder where she’s at. Wouldn’t surprise me if she left. Most women can’t handle the life.” I pursed my lips at the thought. “Seems like Keira is another one that bit the dust.”
She sniffed. “A clubwhore told her he screwed around on her when she was pregnant—talk about humiliating for her.”
Fucking snatch.
Anger hit me hard enough to make my temples throb, but I let out a rough exhalation and tried to calm myself down.
It didn’t work.
“Dumb fucker,” I growled.
“I would say so, yes. He hurt her and his daughter very much.”
“I can believe it. Amazing how someone so goddamn smart can be as thick as pig shit sometimes.” I heaved a sigh. “Scarlet wasn’t the only one who knew his addiction would get the better of him one day.”
Alessa tensed. “Addiction?”
I grunted, but rather than answer because it wasn’t my business so it sure as fuck wasn’t hers, I asked, “Link and Steel—what are they?”
“Link is the road captain and Steel is secretary.”
“That fits. Link still a mechanic?” I questioned, even though I knew the answer already because I’d smelled engine oil on him when he’d lain beside me.
“He is. He works at the MC’s new garage.”
“We have a garage?” I queried, rolling my head to the side.
“Yes. And a diner, a bar, and a strip joint.” Her lips twisted. “You were working on a microbrewery. We talked about it quite a bit.”
“A microbrewery?” That came as a shock. “I don’t even like beer.”
She snorted. “Apparently that changed too.”
I knew why she was laughing, but Christ. Talk about a one eighty.
Perplexed, I murmured, “Alessa?”
Confusion further hit me when she sucked in a sharp breath. She tended to do that whenever I used her name—and I had no fucking idea why she had such a visceral response to my using her goddamn birth name.
Another question I needed to ask, one I instinctively knew she’d shy away from.
“Yes, Maverick.”
“I don’t think I’m going to get better. I think this is the new me.” I’d always been good at reading people, and I sensed a gentleness about her that resonated with me deeply.
I didn’t want to hurt her more than necessary. Either emotionally or physically.
What was the point of putting her through this when I either wouldn’t remember or I’d end up blowing my brains out when everything grew to be too much?
Too many brothers, my fellow soldiers, had taken their lives, and for the first time, I understood.
Death was peaceful.
At the moment, there was no peace for me.
When I heard the lounger creak as her slight weight shifted, I expected her to leave me alone, to head back into the poolhouse, but she surprised me. She moved toward me, crouching at my side even as she lifted the towel and moved beneath it. Uncaring that I or it were damp, she pressed her face to my arm, and it spoke to how guilty I felt, how cruel I’d been, that I didn’t flinch away.
I didn’t know her.
I didn’t want her touch.
But she deserved that kindness.
“The new you is someone I want to get to know.”
The question was, however, did I want to get to know her?
My love for Nic was a powerful force inside me, an entity of its own that beat with a pulse. But he was gone. Dead. Had been for years even if my brain was only registering that now.
Alessa was here.
She hadn’t run away.
She wasn’t making me feel like a pile of shit even though I deserved it.
So many of my men had received ‘Dear John’ letters, to the point where mail wasn’t something to look forward to when you had a girl, it was something to be wary of. Something to fear.
We’d bitched about those feckless cunts, had called them out, yet here Alessa was. Doing the exact opposite of running. How could I fault her for that when I’d judged those other women?
How could I turn her away when she wanted me?
Me, a wreck of a man. My head like stew. Suffering with something that made me collapse like a pansy in a pool, and who was lying shivering under the sea of stars because the prospect of getting up, of moving, was enough to make me sob like a little girl.
“What if I’m not worth knowing?” I rasped. “Alessa, I don’t have good odds. This CTE is degenerative. It’s not going to go away, and it isn’t going to get better.”
“Are you going to kill yourself?”
The question should have surprised me, but I’d taunted her with the label of mind reader ea
rlier, and I’d done so for a reason. She tended to appear when I wanted a coffee and disappear when I wanted to be alone. She knew when I was hungry and seemed to sense what I was going to say before I even fucking said it.
In all honesty, it was irritating as fuck, but it told me how much she studied me. How much I meant to her.
“I see this ending that way,” I told her gruffly, expecting harsh words and bitter recriminations. Instead, I felt the warmth of her tears against my arm, and her silence was more painful than the ice pick to my head of before.
“I would like to be there for you to help you see that it doesn’t have to end at all. You’re still young, Maverick.”
“Not as young as you. What are you? Twenty?”
“Twenty-four.”
Jesus.
Talk about robbing the cradle.
I sighed. “Why the hell do you want to be tied to an old man like me for, Alessa? There has to be another brother who can help you get your residency—”
“Maverick, don’t you see yet? The residency doesn’t matter. Whether I stay here or not is irrelevant. Before the clubhouse crashed, I somehow thought you’d come with me to Ukraine. Maybe I was wrong, but I could see you coming with me if I was tossed out.” She released a shaky sigh, one that sounded choked from her tears. She wasn’t the only one who felt choked up. “Whether we’re here or there, it didn’t matter to me. All that counted was you, me, and what we had together.”
“Fuck, Alessa, I’m so sorry,” I vented on a long exhalation. “I’m so sorry I went into that clubhouse.”
“It was important to you,” she whispered, once again not letting me beat myself up over this.
Proving, yet again, that this woman was solid gold, whereas I was just fool’s gold.
“Do you know what I was doing?”
“Lodestar, she—”
Tension hit me at that. I found it hard to believe we were friends after how she’d treated me during our breakup, and seeing her sitting at the kitchen table every morning was irritating as hell. Especially when I saw my MC family talking to her. Sure, I didn’t know half of that MC family, but the principle didn’t change any, did it?
“You don’t like her, do you?”
Her question didn’t exactly come out of the blue, but I muttered, “It’s awkward.”
Maverick: A Dark MC Romance (A Dark & Dirty Sinners' MC Series Book 6) Page 11