by Lucy Monroe
February 24, 1804
Journal of Anna Selwyn, Countess of Langley
Thea spent the rest of the musicale with her mind racing. She could not absorb the fact that her own flesh-and-blood sister sat not five feet away. When the hostess finally stood to thank everyone for coming and invite them to refreshments in the other room, Thea heard the words through a fog.
Miraculously, both her aunt and Lady Boyle woke immediately and put on the perfect performance of someone who had listened the entire time and enjoyed it. She would have been highly amused at their antics if she weren't in such a state of shock.
"Are you ready to go, dear?"
Thea stared at her aunt. They had come just to sit through two hours of untrained musicians?
Not to mention the fact that Lady Upworth knew perfectly well that Irisa sat beside her.
"There is a buffet in the other room," Thea said, not yet ready to deal with the other.
Lady Boyle tut-tutted. "No good. She's a skinflint, that one. Much better food at home."
If she could sit through interminable hours of entertainment that was anything but they could suffer an indifferent buffet to assuage her hunger. "Listening to the music has increased my appetite."
"Don't know how it could have. Fairly ruined mine," said Lady Boyle.
"I believe I could use a glass of punch," Lady Upworth remarked, her gaze assessing as she looked from Thea to the young woman beside her.
Irisa was speaking to someone to her right, so was not part of the discussion, but Thea felt sure her sister would be staying as well. The question was, how did she feel about meeting the other woman for the first time? Certainly, she would not make herself known to Irisa, but even to simply speak with her when her whole life they had never even been able to share a correspondence…
At that moment, Lady Boyle capitulated. "Come along, then." She led the way toward the other room. "It'll please our hostess that we've decided to stay for the buffet. Most of her guests leave after the music."
Thea felt a spark of trepidation. If the buffet were worse than the entertainment, it must be awful. Still, she was hungry, and if she ate nothing, what would her excuse for staying be?
She saw that Lady Boyle had been right about most of the guests leaving because there was a very short line at the buffet table and only a few of the eating tables were occupied. She found punch for her aunt and saw both Lady Upworth and Lady Boyle seated before making her way to the food table.
As she surveyed the fare offered, she didn't see the reason for such a lack of enthusiasm. True, the food had none of the flare or color that she would have found at a buffet back home, but then most of England's food was bland compared to the fare she had been raised on.
As she took a lobster patty and placed it on the small china plate, she heard a soft voice to her left.
"Do you think we acquire the ability to sleep sitting up as we get older, or is it something one is born with?"
Feeling uncertainty and excitement in a volatile mixture inside her, Thea turned to Irisa. "I don't know, but I'll admit I have wished more than once for the knack."
Putting out her hand, her sister said, "I am Lady Irisa Selwyn." Turning to a lovely, willowy creature with brown ringlets cascading down her back, Irisa said, "This is my bosom beau, Cecily."
The brunette smiled charmingly. "You will have to forgive Irisa's impetuousness. She forgets herself."
Irisa laughed, the sound touching Thea's heart. Her sister's laughter. She had not been sure she would ever hear it.
"Don't mind Cecily," Irisa said. "She would wait to have our chaperones introduce us, but that seems silly to me. You are here with my aunt, after all."
Thea felt a rash of gladness at Irisa's flouting of convention. "It's nice to meet you both. My name is Thea Sel—" She could not give Irisa her real name. Not yet. She pretended to cough and then said, "Selby."
"Miss Selby, you are here with Lady Boyle and Lady Upworth, aren't you?" Cecily asked, apparently questioning Irisa's claim that Thea had arrived with her aunt.
Thea nodded.
"They're both quite well placed in the ton," the other girl remarked.
Thea wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to the comment. "They are very kind ladies."
"And talented," replied Irisa with a small laugh.
Thea smiled, blinking back moisture she dared not let the others see. She and her sister shared a sense of humor. Lady Upworth had said so, but to feel the truth of it was an amazing thing.
They chatted some more as they finished filling their plates. Thea's heart was beating so rapidly, she was sure the other two had to notice, but they did not. Thea learned that Irisa was in Town with Cecily's family as her own parents were not yet arrived for the Season. Thea could not lament that fact.
She was relieved there would be no opportunity just yet to run into her father.
"I'm sure I'll see you again," said Irisa as she turned to go with Cecily.
"I look forward to it," replied Thea, more fervently than Society would dictate.
She watched Irisa walk away with an odd sense of incompletion. This girl was her sister, but her birth had been the final act in a play that had kept Thea's mother out of England until her death. Thea had never blamed Irisa, and she had desperately wanted to meet the sister she had known about since birth and never seen.
Now she had, and she was impressed not only with her sister's charming manner, but the innate family similarities.
How incredible to feel such a sense of recognition for a virtual stranger.
She returned to her aunt's table, her hands unsteady.
Drake had arrived and sat regaling her aunt with the tale of Jacob, the blacksmith, who lived on an island but was afraid of the water.
He stood as she approached and pulled a chair out for her. She took it, still lost in her thoughts of her sister. "Thank you."
He smiled at her and filched a stuffed mushroom from her plate.
His sharp gaze swept over her face. "What's the matter?"
She could not very well share her heart's confusion where they could easily be overheard, but she wanted to tell him about meeting Irisa. But that would mean admitting she'd kept yet another secret from him, and she would have to explain the whole sordid thing—oh, it was all such a mess.
Drake picked another canapé off her plate.
"If you are hungry, get your own food," she said, still annoyed he had left her to face the torture of the musicale alone.
He laughed. "I'm doing you a favor, but if you don't appreciate my sacrifice, by all means finish your own food."
She let her gaze slide to the innocent-looking fare still on her plate. He must be teasing her. She picked up the lobster patty and took a small bite. It tasted a little different than those back home, but she attributed that to English cooking. She ate the rest of it and the remaining food on her plate to prove to Drake that she didn't for a minute believe he was helping her by eating her food.
"Are you ready to go now, dear?" asked Lady Upworth when Thea had finished.
"Yes, if we hurry, we'll be able to make an appearance at the Bickmore rout," Lady Boyle put in.
Thea's stomach sank. "Bickmore rout? I thought we were going home."
"Nonsense. The evening has just begun. You must realize that once the Season starts, you will be out until dawn most evenings."
Stay out until dawn? When would she sleep? Panic coursed through her. Being introduced to Society was going to be a horrible inconvenience.
Drake stood and helped his aunt, then hers, and finally Thea to her feet. "I'm afraid I have some things to discuss with Thea this evening. She will have to forgo the pleasure of the Bickmore rout."
Lady Boyle's eyes narrowed. "I trust it will not require locking the library door as it did the other afternoon." She turned to Lady Upworth. "These young people have no idea how their actions appear to others. Can you imagine the disaster if a servant had happened upon the locked door instea
d of me?"
Thea almost groaned aloud.
She had not told her aunt about Lady Boyle catching her and Drake locked together in the library. She was still mildly irritated with him for forgetting to unlock it after they had finished making love. His aunt had rung a peal over both of them that rivaled anything her mother had ever done when she was a child.
Thankfully, Lady Upworth did not demand explanations. She merely raised her brows and said, "I'm sure their actions appeared much as they were. Speaking of which, while you are conversing with my niece this evening, I suggest you take time to discuss setting a wedding date."
"It's one of the first items on the agenda," Drake said blandly.
Thea managed to hold her tongue until Drake had seen Lady Boyle and Lady Upworth to her aunt's carriage.
As he helped her into Lady Boyle's closed carriage, she chastised him. "Does nothing shame you? Our engagement is a sham. Do you think to add a false wedding date that must then be broken?"
He settled her on the carriage seat and then joined her.
The carriage lurched into motion and she fell against him, bumping her nose on his shoulder. "Ouch."
Setting her back against the squabs, he kissed her gently on the offended body part. "We will set a real date, one I have every intention of keeping."
"You are so mule-headed."
His laughter filled the small confines of the carriage. "Then we are a very good match. I've never met another woman as obstinate as you."
In the darkness, she could not tell if he was teasing her.
She frowned. "For a man who is supposedly my betrothed, you do a poor job of playing your part."
"What do you mean?"
"You abandoned me practically the moment we arrived at the musicale." Remembering her annoyance at being left to listen to the awful entertainment, her voice turned waspish. "Surely no one will believe we are engaged if we are not seen together."
"An engaged couple may attend the same functions, but no one expects them to spend all their time together."
She tried to ignore the heat emanating from his body, so close to her own. "Do not tease me."
"I assure you, I am not."
"But that is ridiculous. How can you wish to marry someone you do not want to spend your time with? Why, after the marriage, the close proximity could drive you mad."
He laughed again and she wanted to throttle him. "Marriage in the ton does not require close proximity. Some husbands and wives keep separate residences entirely."
A different home than Drake's? The thought appalled her. "That's terrible."
Drake shrugged, his arm rubbing against her shoulder. Even through her cloak, she found his touch exciting.
He said, "It isn't unusual."
She stiffened in her seat. "Is that what you expect of marriage? It sounds like a very lonely existence."
"I have no desire to spend my time alone, particularly my nights."
She shivered at the promise she heard in his voice.
This conversation was getting dangerous. "Nevertheless, you deserted me tonight. Why?"
"I wanted to verify some things my man of affairs has discovered regarding Emerson and Barton."
"What things?"
"Emerson appears to have very expensive tastes in mistresses, and Barton buys his clothes at the most exclusive tailors."
"I told you there was something fishy about him! But the news about Emerson must be old information. He became engaged recently."
"Yes, I know. To the daughter of a wealthy cit."
"Then you must realize that his taste in mistresses, expensive or otherwise, is no longer an issue."
"Thea, do not be naive. Many gentlemen keep mistresses after marriage."
How dare he sound so condescending? "If I were to marry, my husband would not keep a mistress."
He reached around and pulled her chin toward him and kissed her firmly on the mouth. "No, I won't. You are the only woman I want."
She warmed at his words, but wasn't ready to let go of their earlier conversation. "What makes you think that Emerson is one of the men who will keep a mistress?"
"He already has one."
"Are you certain? Perhaps she used to be his mistress."
"That's what I tried to verify tonight. My man of affairs said that Emerson's current paramour is a widow in the ton. A lady with very expensive taste in jewelry. Unfortunately, the gentleman I hoped to speak to was too involved in his hand of whist to gossip. He did say that he'd heard the widow was seeing someone involved in trade."
She chewed on that thought for a moment. "Drake?"
"Hmm?"
"You are involved in trade, but no one appears to censure you because of it."
"I am very discreet."
"Oh."
"It makes my mother happy."
"I see. She would be embarrassed if you flaunted your business acumen."
He shrugged. "It's part of living among the Polite World."
"The thing is, I don't know if I can live my entire life in bondage to the rules of Society."
Would he understand her need for freedom? He had refused to accept her fear of marriage, taking it as a personal aspersion on his considerable honor.
"You are unique, Thea. I don't expect you to behave as every other English lady of the ton."
She bit on her lip and tried to marshal her thoughts. "You do expect me to be proper."
He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. "I expect you to be you."
"But what if that is not enough? What if I embarrass you or Lady Upworth? Aunt Ruth says that I'm not at all proper in most of my thinking. On the island, that didn't seem to matter, but here every word I utter is scrutinized. I can't even wear the same gown to more than one major engagement or I'll be considered gauche. Your aunt said so. It's all so frustrating. Why do the gowns I wear matter more than who I am and what I think?"
During her tirade, he had begun to kiss a path down her jaw line.
He kissed the corner of her mouth. "You'll get used to the ton and they will come to adore you."
She turned her head away. "What if I don't want to get used to them? I don't like the way everyone here avoids discussing the really important things like abolition, yet will spend hours exploring the ramifications of wearing kid gloves versus silk ones with a ball gown."
He went back to kissing her, this time focusing on the nape of her neck since her face was turned away. "I'm not in the least bit interested in gloves and I'll talk abolition with you anytime you like."
"No, you won't. You don't want me to discuss important moral issues for fear I will offend someone. You said so aboard ship."
His hand slid inside her cloak, and strong, warm fingers skimmed over the exposed flesh above her bodice. "I thought someone had tried to kill you because of it."
She couldn't think when he touched her like this. "Pierson, you must stop. We cannot become intimate in your aunt's carriage."
He squeezed her breast through the thin lawn of her gown and she moaned.
"Why not? We did in her library."
She sucked in a breath as he lowered his hand to caress the juncture of her thighs through her gown. "Please stop. We will soon reach her town house and I prefer not to have the footman open the coach door and find me in a complete state of dishabille."
"I thought you did not wish to bow to the dictates of Society." He kissed the side of her neck.
Heat pooled inside her, ready to erupt in the passion that he instigated.
It took tremendous effort to continue resistance. "I want to be free to discuss important matters, not be labeled no better than I should be."
He sighed and removed his lips from her nape. "You are right, but I don't have to like it."
The bulge against her hip testified that he truly did not wish to stop. Neither did she, and that knowledge galvanized her to action.
She scooted off his lap and moved to the opposite seat, hoping the small distance w
ould help both of them to maintain better control. She gripped her hands tightly together to prevent herself from reaching out and touching him. She fought a desperate urge to launch herself back into his arms, and hang the consequences.
"What are we going to do about our investigation?"
"I have set a watch on the warehouse. Someone is moving cargo. Our most promising alternative is to catch them in the act."
"That is perfect. Even if the culprit is not one of our suspects, we shall catch him. I should have thought of that earlier," she said with no little chagrin.
She saw the outline of his shoulders rise and fall in a shrug in the shadow of the carriage.
"No. Truly. The idea is inspired," she insisted.
"It was the logical next step."
"For someone with a brilliant mind like yours, perhaps."
He shrugged her praise away. They sat in silence for several moments, and Thea's thoughts turned instantly to the meeting with her sister.
Drake's voice caught her by surprise. "What are you going to do about your father?"
Did he but know it, his question carried more weight than it ever had before, but she could not yet see a solution to change her course of action. "Ignore him."
"That will be difficult once the Season is officially begun, particularly if you plan to spend any significant time with Lady Upworth. According to my aunt, she is a very social creature and has her family members to call often."
"It is a problem, but not insurmountable. She will understand if I do not visit when he is expected to be present."
"What of entertainments? Your father undoubtedly attends them as well. How will you avoid seeing him?"
"The same way you avoid seeing your father," she couldn't help saying, and not with a little bit of exasperation.
Of all people, Drake should understand her desire to stay clear of her father.