"Hell, yes. It was great, Mother Ara." His eyes shone, the pain forgotten. "The best! I wish I could go every day instead of just once a week."
Mother Ara puffed out her cheeks. "I don’t think my heart is up to that. Once a week is plenty."
They were on one of the monastery’s innumerable balconies. Clouds had moved in, covering the sky in an even wave of gray. The balcony was off the beaten path, which meant they had a fair amount of privacy. There was a small bench, and a green ivy vine had twined itself around the balcony rail.
"Mother Ara," Kendi said abruptly, "if you like someone and you don’t know if they like you back, what do you do?"
Mother Ara blinked. "What? Why? Who do you like?"
"I meant it just …you know …hypothetically and all."
"Oh. Hypothetically." Mother Ara drummed her hands thoughtfully on her knees. "Well, hypothetically I think you-the hypothetical you-need to tell the person and see what happens. After all, if you don’t say anything, the other person might never figure it out."
"But what if it’s the sort of person who might not like me-you?" Kendi asked. "What if there could be …other factors."
"I’m not sure what you mean."
Kendi swallowed, suddenly wishing he hadn’t said anything at all. "I mean what if the other person might not be interested?"
"I still think you should speak up. Hypothetically, that is." She smoothed her brown robe and readjusted the gold amulet that hung on a chain around her neck. "The Awakening Festival is next week. It’s a traditional time to start a romance. Maybe you’ll see the person there and that would be a good time to bring it up."
"Not me," Kendi said. "Just a hypothetical me."
Mother Ara got up with a smile and reached for her handbag. "Of course. Exactly what I meant. And now we have a lesson in meditation to begin."
"Meditation?"
"If you want to enter the Dream, you have to learn to meditate," Mother Ara said. "It quiets the soul and allows the mind to float free. Very, very few Silent can get into the Dream without meditating first, and it requires a lot of practice. There are practice rooms in a section of the dormitory. Ready for your first lesson? I promise it won’t be anywhere near as difficult as your flying exercise. It’d be a good stress-reliever, too."
"All right."
They went back to the dorm together, and Mother Ara showed Kendi to a hallway with a series of tiny, soundproofed rooms. Each room had a fainting couch, a chair, and only a teensy amount of floor space. From her handbag, Mother Ara took a bracelet and her data pad.
"You can meditate any way you like," she said, "but most Silent like to lie down. Why don’t you try the couch?"
Kendi obeyed. His shoulder twinged a bit as he lay down and he wondered if he should take another painkiller first. Nah. Best try it first without and see how it went.
Mother Ara fastened the bracelet around his wrist-it felt nothing like the shackle he had worn for three years-and activated her data pad. "The bracelet will monitor your life signs," she explained. "It also watches your brain patterns. It’ll help me see what level of relaxation you get to and let me know if something is going wrong. There isn’t much chance of that," she hastened to add, "because you’re not trying to reach the Dream just yet and I’m not giving you any drugs. That’ll come later."
"So what do I do?" Kendi asked.
"Just close your eyes and listen to my voice," she said. "Would background music or white noise help you relax? The computer can give us whatever you need."
"Drums," Kendi said. "I think I want drums."
"Baran," Mother Ara said, "play audio file ‘Drums for Relaxation.’ "
Immediately a soft 4/4 rhythm filled the room and Kendi shut his eyes. He was no stranger to meditation. The Real People Reconstructionists had been great proponents of it. As a child, Kendi had invariably found it boring and stupid, but now his views had changed. If this was the path into the Dream, the place where he might find his family, then this was the path he would follow.
He stirred a little on the couch. Lying down felt wrong for him, somehow. He couldn’t get comfortable. He shifted again, trying to settle down. His shoulder twinged again.
Mother Ara, her voice soft, took him through a relaxation exercise, and he was surprised to note that it was similar to the ones the Real People had practiced. It involved relaxing each group of muscles one at a time. Mother Ara’s voice droned on, telling him to empty his mind, let it go blank.
Kendi tried, but outside thoughts kept crowding in. The flying dinosaur’s long beak flashing down and causing white-hot pain. Pitr’s hazel eyes filled with concern. The sound of frogs peeping in the night. Rebecca being towed away, her shackles glowing blue as she reached for Kendi one last time. Lying down, he felt strangely trapped. At last he sat up and yanked the bracelet off. The recorded drums continued to play.
"Sorry," he said. "I guess I can’t concentrate."
Mother Ara looked surprised. "Actually you were doing pretty well."
"Are we done?" he asked, suddenly belligerent. "I’m tired. I want to go back to my room."
"Of course," Mother Ara said. "It’s been a difficult day. I probably should have skipped this lesson. Why don’t you go get some rest?"
Kendi nodded once to her and left without saying anything else.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Pity me, for I am sick with love! Or am I sick of it?
— Captain Irfan Qasad
A few days later, the morning found Kendi lying flat on his stomach on the dew-slicked roof of a certain section of the dormitory. He peered carefully over the gutter. His heart beat funny, like it was jumping around inside his chest. Coming down the balcony below him was a pair of students, one male, one female, both dressed in brown and wearing gold medallions. The boy, of course, was Pitr Haddis. But who was the girl walking with him? Tension knotted Kendi’s stomach. The girl had a thin build and wore her hair in a brown ponytail. She said something to Pitr, who laughed, and the sound sent a thrill down Kendi’s back even as jealousy began to bubble in his head.
Pitr. Pitr Haddis. Kendi spent entire evenings thinking of him, of his strong arms and handsome face, and when he lay awake on his bed that night staring into the darkness, he saw Pitr’s eyes. He also spent considerable time thinking about what it all meant. To his astonishment, he wasn’t upset or even surprised. Kendi supposed he had always known he was attracted to men. He just hadn’t thought about it, not even after the final incident with Pup. Or perhaps because of the final incident with Pup. Now, however, he found himself thinking about it quite a lot.
The sun began to warm the slightly slippery wooden shingles of the slanted roof as Kendi watched Pitr. Kendi had found some basic information about him on the computer network. He was seventeen, Silent, and his room was in same wing of the dorm as Kendi’s. Kendi had worked out the most likely route he would take to morning classes and now he was waiting on the roof for him to pass by.
This is insane, he thought as Pitr drew nearer. I’m sitting on a roof trying to get a look at this guy just because I like him. What if I fall?
Naturally, the moment that idea crossed his mind, his hand slipped and he started to slide with dreadful inevitability toward the gutter. Kendi scrabbled at the shingles, but his hands were sweaty and the shingles were still slick from the morning dew. His upper body went over the edge, and with a yelp he managed to snag the gutter with one hand. The gutter wasn’t strong enough to support his weight. It came away from the roof with the screech of half a dozen nails wrenched from wood. Kendi crashed to the balcony.
There was a moment of silence. Kendi lay on his back, stunned and in pain. His still-healing shoulder felt like someone had stuck a pitchfork through it. Two faces, one male and one female, poked themselves into his line of vision.
"Kendi?" Pitr said. "Are you hurt?"
Kendi wished with every aching muscle that he could sink into the planks and disappear. Humiliation burned in his face, and he wondered
if Pitr would notice the difference in his complexion.
"Can you get up?" Pitr continued, holding out a hand. Kendi started to reach for it, then realized he was still holding a piece of the gutter. He hastily dropped it and grabbed for Pitr’s hand. Pitr hauled him to his feet. Kendi felt the strength behind the move and it made his legs a little watery.
At that moment, Dorna and Mother Ara came hurrying around the corner of the dorm, and Kendi gave a mental groan. Mother Ara would certainly chew him out, and right in front of Pitr. How could it get worse? He was half tempted to leap off the balcony and get it over with.
"Are you okay?" the dark-haired girl asked. "What were you doing up there?"
Kendi ran a quick inventory. Nothing seemed to be broken, though he was sure a few bruises would make themselves felt tomorrow. "I-that is-"
Mother Ara got within speaking range. "My god, Kendi," she said. "You know the rules about climbing unsafe places. What in the world were you thinking?"
Kendi was all too aware of Pitr’s eyes on him. He looked at the walkway and tried to think of something to say. His mind remained blank.
"It’s my fault, Mother," Dorna said.
Kendi’s mouth dropped open. He shut it quickly.
"Your fault." Mother Ara crossed her arms.
Dorna chuckled low in her throat. "I’m afraid I told him about how I used to watch the sunrise from the dorm roof and I …I sort of …told him it would probably be okay. I mean, with him being Australian Aborigine and all that, he does, you know, spiritual stuff with the sun."
"Is that true, Kendi?" Mother Ara said dangerously.
Dorna shot him a heavy glance. Something about her bothered him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. At the moment, however, she was offering him an out and he gladly took it.
"Tribal thing," he said. "Greeting the sun. Right. I guess the roof isn’t a good place to do it, huh?"
"You have the right of that," Mother Ara growled. "Good heavens, Kendi, think before you act, will you? You could have been seriously injured, especially with your shoulder healing the way it is."
"Sorry," Kendi mumbled, and blushed again.
"You’re from Earth?" Pitr said. "You never said that before."
"Uh, yeah. Australia."
"Nebular!" Pitr said. "I’ve always wanted to visit Earth."
"Kendi," mused dark-haired girl. "Is this the guy who was attacked on the ultralight a few days ago?"
"Oh, sorry," Pitr said. "Kendi, this is Trish, my twin sister. Trish, this is Kendi Weaver."
His sister! Kendi thought with a rush of relief. She’s just his sister.
Trish stuck out her hand. "Nice to meet you, Kendi."
Kendi automatically shook it and yelped, the jolt exacerbating the pain he was already feeling.
"Whoops," Trish said. "I should have warned you that I’m Silent."
"It’s okay," Kendi reassured her. "Really. Completely okay." A sister! She’s his sister!
"Right," Pitr said. "We’d better get to class before we’re late. Are you going to be at Festival tonight, Kendi?"
"Sure am," he said instantly.
"Great. We’ll probably see you there. And there’s your flying lesson tomorrow. Later, okay?" He flashed a quick smile that made Kendi’s heart soar before he headed off with his sister. Kendi stared after him, admiring Pitr’s muscular figure from behind. A strange coppery taste tanged his mouth.
Mother Ara tapped his good shoulder, startling him. "All right, sun boy. I’m not going to add a duty shift to your week, but I think it’d be appropriate if you helped the custodian repair the gutter, all right?"
"Yes, Mother," Kendi said meekly.
"I’ll see to it, Mother," Dorna put in. "Come on, Kendi. Let’s go find her."
She took him by the arm and lead him firmly away. The moment they were out of sight and earshot, she stopped and gave him a heavy-lidded stare.
"Which one is it?" she demanded.
"Which one is what?" he said, bewildered.
"Which one do you have your eye on, Casanova? Come on, be honest."
Kendi flushed one more time, and again something bothered him about Dorna. Exactly what it was still eluded him. "I–I don’t know what you’re-"
"Yes you do." She leaned forward and whispered breathily in his ear. "I can tell. It’s written all over you. Go ahead, you can tell me. Maybe we can figure out what to do about it."
Her breath was warm in his ear and it sent a confusing shudder through his body. "It’s Pitr," he confessed without knowing why. "But you can’t tell anyone!"
"Wouldn’t dream of it." Dorna tucked her hand under his arm and continued walking. Kendi stumbled to stay with her. "It does make things trickier, though. I don’t know if Pitr goes for the boys, even ones from Earth. I guess I could ask around."
"Don’t!" Kendi said, horrified. "Everyone’ll know."
"No risk, no gain, big boy. But if it’s going to get you upset, I won’t. Let’s see." Dorna pursed her lips in thought. "Pitr is interested in Earth, and you come from the place. That seems like a logical place to start. Hmmmmm …Earth. What does it say to me? It says far away. It says exotic. It says I’m available."
"It says hot, dry, and boring," Kendi supplied.
"I think we’ll leave that part out," Dorna said. "Now shut up let me think." She made some mmmmm noises as they walked. "We could tell him you’re dying of a terrible Terran genetic disorder, and you have one last request. Or maybe that your ancestors gave you a directive-to hunt down someone cute and drag him home by the hair."
"Pitr’s hair is too short for dragging," Kendi pointed out.
"Don’t bother me with silly details. Maybe we should just cold-cock him. I’ve always wanted to do that to someone. It sounds so suggestive."
As they continued into the dorm and downstairs, Dorna outlined half a dozen more plans for getting Pitr’s attention, each one more outrageous than the last. Kendi laughed, his embarrassment forgotten, even when they found the head custodian and told her what had happened with the gutter. The older woman sighed, muttered about empty-headed first-years, and told Kendi to meet her right after his classes were over for the day.
"Speaking of which," Dorna said, "you better fly, Casanova. Meet for supper?"
Kendi agreed and ran upstairs to get his data pad, then trotted outside into the warm sunshine. Classes. He had classes. Good. They would take his mind off Pitr. He headed down a walkway and up a set of stairs. Talltree leaves rustled in the morning breeze. Pots of flowers, both real and artificial, decorated the buildings and balconies in red and blue-reputed to be Irfan Qasad’s favorite colors-for this evening’s celebration, and signs and holograms proclaimed Joyous Awakening! from windows and front porches. Kendi wouldn’t think about Pitr, no he wouldn’t.
The boards on the decks and walkways alternated between warm from the sun and cool from the shade. These days Kendi preferred to go barefoot, as the Real People usually did. No one in the monastery seemed to care, as long as he wore shoes to the cafeteria.
Maybe he should take Mother Ara’s advice and tell Pitr at Festival. Everyone said the Awakening was a time of beginnings, changes, and new directions. People made resolutions for things they wanted to change in their lives. It was also a traditional day on which to propose marriage. It was also a time of happiness, goodwill, and cheer, when it was considered bad luck to be rude or disrespectful. An appropriate time to talk to Pitr.
If only Kendi could work up the nerve.
The byways were busy with people, both human and Ched-Balaar. Kendi automatically pressed fingertips to forehead whenever he passed anyone ranked Parent or higher. It had barely been a week since he had arrived on Bellerophon, but he felt perfectly at home and had already learned his way around the monastery and memorized his schedule. Mornings and early afternoons were spent in class. Late afternoons were reserved for study and private lessons with Mother Ara in using Silence. He was also required to work at least fifteen hours a week on duty
shift, doing whatever needed to be done around the monastery. Students worked jobs ranging from serving food in the cafeteria to washing windows to gardening, depending on knowledge, aptitude, and interest. Kendi had so far been on outdoor cleanup, which involved going all the way down to the ground and picking up detritus that fell from the monastery above. He had done it twice and so far hadn’t seen a single dinosaur, to his combination relief and disappointment. All in all, though, it was a busy schedule, and he wondered if it was designed to keep newcomers from getting homesick or missing loved ones. Sometimes it even worked.
Kendi arrived at history class just in time. The teacher was a brown-robed young Sister with short blond hair, a plump build, and merry brown eyes.
"Kendi!" called Kite. "Verhere."
With a nod Kendi took a seat at the table with Kite, Willa, and Jeren. Although Kendi had met other students, he liked best hanging out with the others he had been "bought" with.
"All right now," called Sister Bren, the teacher. "Let’s review yesterday a little before we go on. Who remembers what this is?" In the center of the classroom appeared a hologram of a blue-green-brown planet with a single moon. Kendi instantly recognized Bellerophon. A dot of light circled the planet. The view zoomed in toward the light, and it ballooned into a meteor-pocked, gray cylinder parked in planetary orbit. It looked almost exactly like the colony ship Kendi had boarded with his family.
"The Margery Daw," said several students.
"And the captain was …?" Sister Bren prompted.
"Irfan Qasad."
The view rotated around the planet to reveal another ship, low and round with a clear top, like a flattened bubble.
"That’s the Ched-Balaar," piped up another student. "You said they don’t name their ships. They got here first."
"That’s absolutely right." Bren tapped at the controls on her desk and a tiny shuttle scooted away from the Margery Daw and docked with the Ched-Balaar vessel. "She was one of the first humans to lay eyes on an alien race. Lucky for us they were friendly." A while later, several dozen shuttles spilled out of the human ship like scattering dandelion seeds and dropped gently to the planet below. The view zoomed in again, showing humans working side-by-side with Ched-Balaar in the top of the talltree forest, building houses and walkways.
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