by Jade Cary
“I have to go home and take care of some things for my job. But I’m coming back. Your mom, Jed, the fellas who work for us, and I will be here for you—but not…” I sighed. “But not forever, honey. Do you understand?”
He stared over his 2,000 acres and nodded.
“You’re almost a man, and you’re going to have to learn how to take care of yourself.”
“I know.” He turned to me. “I liked your idea.”
“You did?”
“Yes. Explain it again.”
For the next hour and a half, Charlie and I sat on the ground overlooking 2,000 acres of beautiful Montana land, and I explained everything we’d discussed last night, again. I detailed my idea for a facility that would help kids just like him. He asked a hundred questions, and I had answers for half. The other half I’d add to my research list. I reminded him it was just an idea, a dream, a few thoughts because of how transformed he became when he sat tall and proud atop a horse. He pointed to where he’d like the house, where he’d like the dorms, where the cafeteria should be. I watched him get excited about an idea that he could help create and grow into something he wanted. I shook my head in wonder at this kid who fought day after day to overcome something I had yet to understand. What I knew for certain was that I did not want to miss one more minute of this kid’s life. I couldn’t wait to leave and come back to him.
And to Jed.
Town
When Jed said town had changed, he was right. Everything looked smaller. Growing up here, what I saw as normal, rigid and somehow holy, merely looked quaint to me now. Six real estate agencies had taken up residence along Main Street, some tucked into spaces off the street, and some with their large picture windows, photos of homes and land for sale, prominently facing the public. The hotel I believed I could hide out in instead of being home where I belonged had become a steakhouse on the bottom floor and small apartments on the next two, and two motels, one with a conference center, replaced it on either side of town. The two bars were still active, and two more that allowed families and served food until midnight operated directly across the street from each other. All were busy.
We held hands as we strolled up and down Main Street. Fly and tackle shops, where you could buy everything you needed for a day on the water, including a float and a guide, were spread out over the quarter-mile long street. Cute clothing stores and even a specialty kitchen shop were all new. The one-screen theater had been refurbished and only opened on the weekends. An old-fashioned candy store with a machine that pulled taffy in the window replaced a barbershop that moved to a smaller space down the street, owned and operated by the same man who’d had it for fifty years. The drugstore still had the lunch counter where they made the best chocolate sodas in the world, thanks to Wilcoxson’s ice cream, a local brand.
“Let’s go inside,” I said. “I’d love a chocolate soda.”
“Sounds good.”
I was getting used to the feel of Jed’s hand at the small of my back, guiding along. It was comforting in a way I’d never imagined. It had been three days since Jed broke the rules and took me to his bed, and I couldn’t get enough of him. Because Maria was back in the house, with Charlie, I had to be careful. We would all eat dinner together, play a board game or just sit around and talk. After Charlie went to bed, Jed and I would ‘go for a walk’ to his place. We couldn’t wait to get our clothes off and get next to each other. Jed was a skilled, dominant lover who could be tender one minute and over-the-top Neanderthal the next. I loved it. I wanted everything he could give me, and then some, and I mastered him on occasion as well. Late into the evening, or into the very early morning, I would slip out of his bed, dress, and he would drive me the hundred yards down the hill to the main house, where I’d sneak upstairs like a rebellious teenager, and the next night we’d do it all over again.
I learned after the first night, when I snuck out and took myself down the hill to the main house in the dark, that the man, indeed, takes care of what is his. He threatened to paddle me if I did it again. I was surprised at how my body reacted to his take-charge ways, and any attempt to resist or act affronted came out in such a sad display of fakery I stopped doing it. The man was a delicious addiction, and I loved him.
When those words bled from my lips on the cusp of an orgasm our first night together, Jed did not return the sentiment. ‘I love hard’ was the closest he came. I was scheduled to fly back to New York in forty-eight hours, and coming back would not be difficult. I was feeling it more and more each day.
We sat at the old-fashioned counter and I ordered my chocolate soda. The young girl taking our order made doe-eyes at Jed as he ordered a strawberry malt and some chili-cheese fries.
“Bless you. We’re sharing, I assume.”
“You assume incorrectly, little lady. I don’t share.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“Yes,” he said, pushing my hair back and kissing me. “We will.”
“That sweet young thing was flirting with you,” I said. “She’s cute.”
“She’s eighteen.”
“Older men are very appealing…as I have attempted to show you for the last few nights.”
“Your communication skills are top of the line.”
“Mmmm. Not so bad yourself, Ranch Hand.” He slid his fingers between mine and we sat in silence as waitresses buzzed back and forth serving the counter and the eight tables on the floor, all of them full.
“Jed, I want to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“I leave Wednesday night. When I get back, will you move into the house?”
“Nope.”
I sighed. “Okay. I thought not.”
“I’m old-fashioned, and it wouldn’t work with Carlos in the house.”
“I know. I was just feeling you out is all.” Jed smiled and then his face changed, reddened, his eyes widened.
“Jed?” I heard over my shoulder.
“Uh…hi.” He stood as I turned to see a young woman standing behind me. Great boobs beneath a too-tight almost sheer top and painted on jeans, blonde bob, bright blue eyes, intense smile, honeysuckle wafting off her in poofs, I knew immediately who she was.
“How are things?” she said and turned to me. “Hello.”
“Uh, Chandler Asher, this is Brenda Wilkes, my, uh…ex wife.”
We exchanged pleasantries, and she said how sorry she was to hear about my father.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“Well, I’ll leave you,” she said, all decorum and honeysuckle. “We’ll talk soon?” she said to Jed with a hand on his arm.
Will they, now.
He sat without answering and I watched her walk away. Thankfully, he did not.
“Well,” I said.
“Well.”
“Well well.”
“That’ll do.”
“Pretty.”
“So are you.”
“Why did that union end again?”
“That’s enough, Chan.”
“Now, she looks eighteen.”
“Chandler.” It was his ‘I’m warning you’ voice.
“You’re like her…daddy.”
He turned to me and whispered through clenched teeth, “I will quickly become your daddy and take you across my knee if you don’t stop.”
“Oh, you’re no fun,” I said, red-faced and damp-pantied. Our food came and we moved on, but I could not get that fresh-faced young thing out of my head. I knew Jed had been married but it had its own place in my head, not having laid eyes on the woman. Now that I had, I conjured up all kinds of thoughts and images—them making love, holding hands…other things Jed had done to me that he’d probably done to her, too. I was being silly, of course. I was bound to meet her eventually. It was a small town. Everyone knew everyone.
The day was warm, and I packed most of my bag except for what I planned to wear on the plane tomorrow. I had meetings in New York scheduled for days and between those meetings, I would research the
feasibility of building this facility for Charlie. Jed had started his day early and he seemed preoccupied. I’d been a distraction for over a week. Whether I was here or gone, there was a ranch to run, and the men ran it without Jed for much of the time. I didn’t feel a bit guilty about that.
I hung my black long sleeved cotton hi low dress in the doorway for the plane. It was soft and comfortable and I hadn’t worn a dress at all this trip except to Dad’s wake. I was feeling every ounce of my femininity since Jed and I became lovers, and I wanted him to see me in it. Maybe we’d go out tonight, and I would wear it.
I slipped on a pair of distressed jeans and a slouchy sweater, and pulled on the turquoise boots I would wear with the dress. I found Maria downstairs and joined her with a cup of coffee.
“Jed and I are together,” I said. “I figure if you can cavort with married men and the like, I can let my hair down, too.”
She threw her head back and roared. “Oh, you do need a firm hand.”
“Don’t mention that to Jed. He needs no coaxing.”
“I thought something was going on since I could hear you coming in at all hours the last few nights.”
“How?” I said. “I was so careful.”
“A mother just knows, dear. And I could hear Jed’s truck running you down the hill.”
“Christ. I love you, you know that?”
“I do, and I love you, too. And I love Jed. He’s good for you, mija. He’s stronger than you, and that’s what you need.”
“I know.”
“He will also insist you be your best self, and you will do the same for him. I am thrilled. I’ve been waiting for this day. It was just a matter of time.”
“Okay, you’ve made your point.”
“Reminds me a lot of your father.”
“Oh, God…”
“Strong…”
“Stop.”
“Sexy…”
“Stop!”
Maria giggled and I let her go. She seemed to need to talk about him, and listening to her helped me get reacquainted with the man I’d lost fifteen years ago.
Main Street was quiet at 11:30 a.m. Not quite lunch, and breakfast had long past for many. Tourists would not return until hunting season in late October so town experienced a reprieve.
The drug store was empty except for a man at the counter nursing a cup of coffee. I searched three aisles before I found the Bag Balm I’d come in for. I couldn’t find it in New York, and here it was $3 cheaper than it was online. I sniffed lotions hand-produced locally and snagged a bottle of lemon verbena before heading to the register. She stepped out in front of me.
“Hello…again.”
“Hi, Brenda. Nice to see you.”
“You look cute,” she cooed. “Darling jeans.”
Loose-fitting, cuffs rolled up, distressed holes in the knee and thigh. Yeah. They were darling. “Thanks.” The white smock and name tag told me she worked in the pharmacy. “You working today?”
“Yeah.” Her bob…bobbed. She really was cute. “Just taking a break. So, how long are you in town?”
“I leave tomorrow night, but I’ll…”
“You’ve been away a while. I might remember you from school. I think we were a grade apart.”
“Huh…maybe.” I could not have picked this girl out of a crowd of one.
“Jed…God, he’s looking good, isn’t he? You and Jed…?” I shrugged and before I could answer she said, “We still see each other, you know, him and me.”
“I did not…no.”
“Yeah. We had a real thing. Couldn’t stay married, but the other stuff…woo…” And she fanned herself. She actually fanned herself. I’d heard enough.
“Well, it was good to see you again, Brenda. Take care.”
“I certainly will. You, too, Chandler.”
I paid for my items and instead of getting into the car and going home, I made a beeline for the Long Branch bar. I ordered a shot of tequila and a Moose Drool.
Brenda. Jesus Christ. She was one of those. I’d missed this. No. No, I hadn’t. I didn’t miss the nastiness and the gossip and the bullshit that was the down side of small-town life. I didn’t miss the cattiness and the cheating…and yes, the man-lady ratio had always been, and still was according to Maria, very lopsided. Despite the shortage of women, men in this town could not seem to love the one they were with without loving all the rest, too.
This was not Jed, of course. God, she was so young. I ordered another shot.
She wasn’t young, for God’s sake, she was my age, and corn-fed for sure. She looked like an imp or a little pixie, yet she appeared to be as schooled in town life as the most hard-rode barmaid in the state.
She was just too fucking adorable for words. Bitch.
I knocked back the shot and ordered another while I sipped on my beer.
“Hey, darlin’. What’s up? You’re startin’ early.” Ryder McKinney sat down on the stool next to me and ordered a beer.
“Hey, Ry.”
“We never did hook up, sugar. When you leavin’?”
“Tomorrow, but I’ll be back in a week or two.”
“For good, or just getting your dad’s estate settled?”
Did I really want to come back to Brenda? Jesus. “For good, probably. I have a lot to take care of back home.”
“What is it you do exactly?”
I knocked back the next shot, ordered another and told him. We chatted for a while and we drank our beers. “Whaddaya know about that chick Brenda?” I asked.
One side of Ryder’s mouth ticked up. “How long you been sittin’ here, Chandler? A little early to be tyin’ one on, no? And what she do now? Brenda’s a handful.”
“She seeing Jed?” Oh, God. Really? I was taking this baby scorpion seriously now? What was wrong with me? I killed the fourth shot.
“She tell you that? Chan, don’t listen to her.”
“Yeah…yes, of course. You’re right. Silly. Besides, I can’t control who Jed sees, can I? I have no hold on him, and he doesn’t on me.”
“Uh huh,” Ryder smirked. “You forget where we live, doll? That cat left the bag long ago.”
“Yeah…whatever.” I finished my beer, stood and swayed. I grabbed onto the bar until my legs returned.
“Hey, let me get you home…”
“No, honey, I’m good. Let’s get together when I come back.”
“Yeah, sure…” He stood. “But I’m seeing you home.”
“No, I’m fine…Ry, really. Just let me go.”
“Chandler, there is no way…” But he spoke to my back as I walked out, leaving him with the bill, which was unintentional. I was in the car and backing out of the spot when he came onto the street, shouting my name as I drove away.
Women. Men. Montana.
Gah!
70 White Crosses
The forty-five minute drive and an open window cleared my head. No one was out, save a dozen or so horses, as I drove down the dirt road toward home. I pulled up to the house and went inside. Jed was at the sink.
“Hey. Where have you been?”
“I needed something at the drug store. What are you doing?”
“Mucking stalls. I just set the horses to graze. Come help me.”
“Okay. In a minute.” He dried his hands and pecked me on the lips.
“You been drinking?”
I scoffed. “No, of course not.” I swigged the rest of someone’s cold coffee and set the cup in the sink.
“You okay, darlin’?”
“Fine. I’ll see you in a minute.” I braced myself against the sink after he left. This was stupid. I wasn’t even mad—oh, I was at myself for sure, letting Brenda get under my skin. As I said to Ryder, I had no claims on Jed, and I certainly had no control over what he did before I arrived, and what he did once I was gone.
Once I was gone.
Stop it, I told myself. I nursed a glass of water as I looked out the kitchen window. The Azteca was saddled up and pacing the training cor
ral. Collin had started with him already. Good. That was good.
I changed out of my sweater into a tank top and flannel shirt and found a pair of mucking boots that fit pretty well. Intent on joining Jed in the horse barn, restless energy found me at the training corral instead.
The Azteca circled the corral at my approach. I entered through the gate and locked it behind me.
“Whoa, fella. Steady, boy.”
“Dutch, he ain’t ready for that.” Collin. Where had he come from? “And them muck boots ain’t gonna go in them stirrups no how. Get on outta there, now.”
Jesus, what was wrong with me? A little liquor and suddenly my brain dies. “You’re right, Col. Sorry.” I hopped over the corral fence and almost fell on my face.
“You okay, there, Dutch?”
Not even close. “Yeah, Col. I’m fine. I’m just…”
“You’re fixin to find trouble today, girl. I can see it.” The man smirked in spite of his dire, and rather spot-on prediction. I walked backwards toward the stables while plying Collin with reassurance, and was never so glad to see horses or horseshit in my life.
“I’m here, Jed,” I called out as I came to the first stall that hadn’t been cleaned yet. I grabbed a pick and pulled a muck bucket close.
“I’m down at the end, babe,” Jed returned.
I jiggled the pick close to the stall floor to separate the manure from the bedding. It all came back to me, this mundane job that allowed me to clear my head as I worked. Even as a young child I would offer to muck stalls so I could daydream and plot. The smell of horse dung, strong urine and animal never drove me from the job.
After picking up the large pieces, I scooped up the heavy, urine-soaked material and dumped all of that into the muck bucket, then I tossed the rest of the bedding against one of the stall walls and let gravity send the smaller balls of manure to the floor while the bedding stayed in a pile. I doused the wet spots with Sweet PDZ to neutralize the ammonia odor and spread the remaining bedding around the stall. I moved on to the next one, working on muscle memory.
“Hey. Looks good.” Jed looked over the wall at me from the adjacent stall. “You haven’t lost your touch.”