Return To Big Sky

by Jade Cary

  I ducked my face into his t-shirt. He smelled of woodsmoke and musk. “I can’t help it.”

  “I know. I understand. Your body is betraying you right now, but we are far from ending tonight on that kind of happy note. I need you to understand how serious I am about your blatant disobedience, and how disappointed I am in you.” I blinked back tears.

  “I love you more than my life, babe, but when it comes to your safety and your well-being, I will not tolerate any defiance from you. When I say no, it’s no. Objections?”

  “What if I disagree?”

  “Then we discuss it. As I recall, when I told you not to interfere in this by going into town and doing your own thing, you agreed you wouldn’t. Did I misunderstand something?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, one of two things happened: either you said, ‘No, I’m going to that real estate office, no matter what you say’, or you agreed and then broke your agreement, which means you lied to me. Which is it?”

  “I think you know which it is.”

  “I think I do, too. That’s where the blatant and willful disobedience comes in. That will not fly with me, not ever.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “What are you sorry about, specifically?”

  “I think I’m sorriest that I disappointed you.”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry about that, too.” He looked it, and an ache grew deep in my chest.

  “I’m going to take you home.” I was home, I wanted to say, until I realized he meant his home. Jed set me aside and handed me the second bottle of water. “Drink that.” And while I did, he gathered my phone and clothes. He tossed me the sweater.

  “Put that on.” And then went to the desk and picked up the paddle. He left the room, and returned a minute later.

  “Stand up.” Jed swept me up in his arms and carried me outside to his truck, and we drove up the hill in silence. What was happening?

  He carried me inside and directly to his bedroom. He sat me on the bed.

  “Jed?”

  “I’m putting you to bed.”

  “But…it’s six-thirty.”

  “Yup, and you are going to bed.” He put me under the covers and sat beside me. “This is not a battle of wills, where I say no and you say yes. We’re both more evolved than that, I think. I believe you are sorry you disappointed me, but what concerns me is that you’re not seeing deeper than that. I almost get the impression you’re sorry I had that reaction to your behavior, when it’s the behavior I need you to see as the problem. I need you to understand why it’s a problem that you blatantly ignore a concern or opinion I have, and then be ‘sorry’ for my disappointment. I need you to do some thinking on this. You can do it here in bed, or you can go stand with your face in the corner. Up to you.”

  “But…it’s six-thirty!”

  “I can tell time, Chandler.”

  “I’m not a little girl, Jed.”

  “Honey, right now you’re six years old.” He stood and snapped off the light. “Goodnight.” He shut the door, and in half a second it opened again. “And Chandler?”

  “Yes?”

  “If you make yourself come, I will send you outside to cut a switch. Am I clear?”

  Good GOD. My clit bounced. What in thee hell?

  “Crystal,” I squeaked.

  Jed sighed. “Sassy.”

  I lay there in the dark and went over the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day I’d just had, and apparently it wasn’t over. I throbbed between my legs, and my ass felt like I’d been set out in the sun for about a week.

  I lay on my side, in the dark, my mind blank. I took several deep breaths and felt myself settle. What had happened to me? Where did my head go? Half way through that horrid paddling, something clicked off in my head. It was frightening, and exhilarating. Jed had been with me the whole time—some of that time he spent standing at my side beating my rump to a well-done temperature, but he’d been with me. And now he was gone.

  I felt alone, bereft.

  For fifteen years, I’d been allowed to cure my anger and resentment into a fine, perfect brew, and I saw how much of life I’d missed only when part of that rich life was gone. At my most impressionable, when that frontal lobe of my brain was reforming, I was on my own. My ideas of self, my place in the world was skewed. Perhaps the reason I was alone, without the benefit of having experienced a decent healthy relationship with a man, was because of this flaw. I’d certainly never given up my soul, or my ass, for any man—until now.

  I thought some more on the conversation Jed and I had about the things that were happening to us and to the ranch at the hands of people without a face, and about going into town to confront them, which I’d only hinted at doing. I realized that his feelings, at the time that I did this thing he asked me not to do, had not been a consideration. I figured this minor miscalculation would blow over, that he’d sigh, ‘Oh, Chandler’ and we’d move on. Instead, he tanned my ass to a screaming inferno, lectured me, and then put me to bed to think about it.

  Gah!

  I slipped out of bed and opened the bedroom door a crack. Jed was sitting in a chair by the fire. The TV was on low. He looked up as I walked out in my bare feet and a sweater that came down to my thighs.

  “What are you doing out of bed?” He asked, taking one of my hands in his.

  “Well, it’s six-thirty,” I reminded.

  “It’s six-fifty six, and I am aware of what time it is, Chandler Elise.”

  “Yes, well…”

  “Did you get some thinking done in…twenty-six minutes?”

  “Yes. And I’ve discovered something.”

  “Oh? What’s that?”

  “It’s exciting, really—sort of.”

  “I’m listening,” he said, pulling me onto his lap.

  “Well, until now—until you—it didn’t really matter to me how my decisions affected a…man. I tend not to be so…righteously correct in everything with women. But I have done it with men, and it has gotten me nowhere. I chew men up and I spit them out, and they seem to come back for more—for a while. And then they don’t, and I find I’ve lost all caring by then because they were, well, wusses.” I sighed. “I had no intention of following your advice not to go into that real estate office. It was just a matter of time. I’m so sorry, Jed. For the first time in my adult life I don’t want to be that girl who flits about doing whatever she wants while her man sits there and fucks himself.” I stroked his cheek. “You make me want to be better, honey, and I’m ready.”

  Jed pulled me back so that I was stretched across his lap. “Thank you.”

  “I’ve felt a change since I arrived, something to do with you not withering up and dying every time I stand my ground. It’s a new feeling, and I wasn’t sure I liked it at first, but I realized I was only fighting what I’ve been wanting all along. Please don’t give up on me, Jed. This is new to me and I’m going to stumble.”

  “And I’ll be right there to catch you, sweetheart. Thank you for saying all this.”

  “You’re welcome, honey.”

  “Feel a little better now?” he asked. I gave a half-nod and buried my face in his neck. I didn’t, really, and was stuck on why. But how would I tell him? He tipped my face up and I found didn’t have to.

  “You asked me back in the office if I intended to spank you some more. I asked you if you needed more spanking. Any thoughts on that?”

  “It’s something I don’t like to admit I think about. It would help a great deal if you did that kind of thinking for me.”

  “I see.”

  “Whew.”

  “Sass.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Bedroom, Chandler Elise. Right now.”

  Crap.

  Jed followed me in, and once again closed the door. It was unnecessary and ritualistic and oddly enough, hot. I was about to get my ass busted again, and I thought shutting the door in an otherwise empty house was…hot.

  Help me.

  �
�The first thing I want you to do is look at your bottom.”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but this was the new me, and I was determined to obey him—at least until the sun came up again. I turned my back on the full-length mirror on the back of his door, lifted the sweater and looked over my shoulder.

  My butt was very red, like a bad sunburn, from crest to the tops of my thighs. It was still tender, but it no longer throbbed.

  “Ow?” I said.

  “I’ll say. Come here.” Jed sat on the saddle stool he’d pulled out from the corner. The paddle lay on the nightstand.

  “This part’s hard.”

  “I know. Come here now, or the spanking I’m about to give you will be otherworldly.”

  “You don’t even give a girl a chance,” I whined, going to him in teeny tiny baby steps that had him arching a handsome brow, which I knew to mean, ‘Don’t pick this moment to test me’.

  “I’m rethinking this.”

  “Are you?”

  “No, not really…yes. Shit.”

  “Language, Chan.”

  “You have a lot of rules, don’t you?”

  “Just a few. This is a work in progress.”

  “Go slow.”

  Jed chuckled. “Come here, sweetheart. Come closer.”

  “Said the lion to the mouse.” The mouse crept closer, pulling her sweater down, as if that would protect her.

  “This lion is very upset with you.”

  “Still? My ass is sizzling. You should be comforting me in your lap somewhere cozy right now.”

  “That’ll come. Besides, you wanted this.”

  “I did? When did I say that?”

  “You’ve been saying it since last night. You don’t think I felt you when you came out into the living room after everyone left, and you were alone?”

  “I expected you to be there, ready to scold and whatnot.”

  “I know. Understand something: with…this thing we do, there is a time and a place, and last night wasn’t the time or the place.”

  “I should have come up here, to you, but I was scared.”

  “I figured.”

  “Scared now, truth be told.”

  “Why?”

  “My ass hurts and you’re going to make it hurt more.”

  “Think of this as a lesson in surrender.”

  “Bending over the desk wasn’t surrender enough?”

  “You’re talking too much when you should be listening. And thinking.” Jed stood and took my hand. “Come in to my office.” And he stuck me nose first in the corner where the stool once lived. This was not going how I wanted it to.

  “Lift the sweater so your bottom is bare to me.” Like a kernel of corn in a skillet, my clit popped. I tsked and stomped a foot as I lifted the shirt to my waist. And with a swoosh through the air, Jed’s hand flattened my naked booty cheek to my pelvis.

  “Ow!” I cried out, turning on him with tear filled eyes. I stomped again. He swatted again.

  “Stomp your foot like a little girl and I will treat you like one. Would you like to go over my knee for a spanking before your spanking, for behaving like a spoiled brat?”

  “No,” I whispered through tears.

  “Then face that corner with your bottom bare and do not say a word.”

  “Okay.”

  “Are you pushing me to peel your skin? Because I will.”

  “N—may I speak?”

  “No. Stand there and think.”

  Oh, I did not like this part. But I saw that Jed was right: this was all about surrender. I didn’t fully understand yet why he needed this, or why he believed I did. I knew Jed would not hurt me. I knew I was safe with him. I decided to go with this. Who knew? That better person might be right under there, just dying to get out, and this was her escape route. I would never know unless I…surrendered.

  Gah!

  How it will be

  I was on my own again, yet I wasn’t. Jed had left my side but he remained in the room. I was learning at a rapid pace what I liked and what I did not like. Could I pick and choose these things? It would be a conversation for another day; tonight wasn’t the time. I did not like paddlings; I did not like being left alone to stew; I did not like being put to bed at six-thirty (hell, I didn’t like being put to bed at all); I didn’t like being over his knee while he sat on the stool; I did not like being spanked over a desk. I had a feeling none of the above was negotiable.

  He came up behind me and leaned against the wall to my left. “Have you been thinking?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Care to share your thoughts?”

  “Not at the moment.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I was thinking of all the things I didn’t like about…whatever it is we’re doing, and that probably wasn’t what you had in mind when you put me here—which I hate, by the way.”

  “We’ll definitely get back to that, but first, what is it you think we’re doing?”

  I thought on that. I knew the answer intellectually, but putting it into words was another story. “Well,” I finally said, “you like control and I like giving you some, and I think that’s how you want us to live our life together going forward.”

  “And how do you envision that going, exactly?”

  “You’ll spank me whenever you want, and I’ll have to be good as gold and worry about displeasing you…things like that.”

  “Mmmm.” Jed put his hands on my shoulders. “How many times have I given you an honest-to-goodness spanking?”

  I had to think. “Three…three times, I guess.”

  “Name them.”

  “Well, the first time was for slapping you…I’m sorry about that again, by the way.”

  “All over with now, honey, but thanks again.”

  “And then for having a courage lifting cocktail or two after little Miss Nymph… ouch!” Jed kept his hand over the spot he smacked.

  “Brenda was not to blame for you getting your tail blistered, young lady. Try again.”

  “For drinking too much and then getting behind the wheel.”

  “Yes?”

  “And tonight.”

  “Tell me about tonight.”

  “Oh, and I guess last week after I, you know, wanted to, you know, be a partner instead of a stander-byer…dammit, Jed!” In the same spot, too. The man was a sadist.

  “So, four times?”

  “Yes, I suppose four times.” I reached back to pry his hand away and rub my offended hind parts, but he kept his mitt glued to my ass like a tick.

  “So, about tonight…”

  “You like this don’t you? Force me to acknowledge embarrassing things, say the work ‘spank’ a lot…”

  “Yeah, basically. About tonight…?”

  “I went to the real estate office when you…requested I not.”

  “It wasn’t a request, babe, it was a downright order. I’ll pull no punches there. And what specifically did you do to earn such a hard spanking, with a paddle?”

  “I disobeyed you. You know, that’s a very difficult word for me.”

  “No kidding. You’re talking too much again. Keep it up and I’ll gag you.”

  I almost said, ‘oooh, kinky’ but my core fluttered like a hummingbird and the idea left me as soon as it came.

  “So, let me be clear: I have spanked you four times since September. It is now the third week in November. Have we had disagreements?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do I force my thoughts, opinions or desires on you?”

  “No.”

  “Have I spanked you over differences of opinion, arguments, raised voices, sass, or spoiled rotten behavior?”

  “You’ve swatted, I suppose.”

  “Not the same. I’ll swat your ass daily just because. Have I spanked you, hard, over my knee with your pants down?”

  “No.”

  “No. So let me be very clear on how it will be, so we’re on the same page. Your life, your health, and your safety and th
e safety of this ranch and the people on it are the most important things in the world to me. Nothing outside you and this ranch matters. Nothing. Do you understand that?”

  “Yes.”

  “When I make a request or, by God, give you an order, I expect it to be obeyed because I don’t give them arbitrarily. And I sure as shit expect my orders, requests, edicts, or whatever you want to call them, to be obeyed when your health or your safety is at stake. Under those conditions, when you disobey me, I will strip you naked and I will spank you beyond tears with something other than my hand, and then you will spend time in this corner thinking about how to avoid such a thing in the future. That is not negotiable and it will never, and I mean ever, be up for discussion. Am I clear on that?”

  “Yes.” Tears sprang to my eyes at how seriously he was taking this. This was not ego; this was about me, and I was oddly touched by it.

  “Is that unreasonable?”

  “Stripped naked?”

  “Yes. Not a stich on.”

  I sighed.

  “Is that unreasonable?” he repeated.

  “I suppose not.”

  Jed leaned against the wall again and ran the back of his hand over my cheek. “Will I spank you for other things? Maybe. I can’t predict and I’m not going to list every little thing, because every day is different. I might find your sass and impertinence cute one day, and downright annoying another. The important thing to remember is, I will spank you anytime I deem it necessary, and that, too, is not negotiable, and never will it be up for further discussion. You benefit from a good spanking, Chandler Elise, and you know it. You’ll trust me to know when you need it. Also, your pants will come down for every spanking I give you, no matter the reason, no matter where we are, or what we’re doing. If I ask you to take your pants down, I’d appreciate you making the attempt. If you can’t, I understand and I’ll do it for you. It really doesn’t matter to me. It’s another level of submission, but in the end, what’s important is that you are spanked on a bare bottom, and you will be—every time.

  “Cooperating during a spanking will make things go quicker, but I won’t beat you into cooperating. It isn’t easy to take a spanking, so just know that the quicker we get it done, the quicker you’ll be in my lap so I can hold you and comfort you. When I tell you to spread your legs wide while I use the paddle or my belt, or even my hand, it’s so I don’t bruise you. You can’t tense your butt with your legs spread. My goal is to spank you hard enough so it hurts when you sit down for a good, long while. Broken skin and bruising means I didn’t do it right, and that’ll always be on me. It won’t stop me from doing it again; just make me do it better. Any questions?”