by Carina Adams
How Matt had not only befriended but continued to be friends with someone like him perplexed me. Then again, I couldn’t begin to sort through the piles of shit I’d learned about my brother over the last forty-eight hours. It was like I didn’t know him at all.
My Matt would never have tolerated the type of men who I’d met in the Bean Nighe clubhouse. My big brother would never lower himself enough to spend time with people who acted like they did, and he certainly would never turn a blind eye just to be part of their stupid little gang. No, the person I’d grown up with would fight against assholes who hurt women for fun.
It seemed like the boy I’d looked up to my entire life, the one I’d always thought was full of goodness, had lost his way. I’d been no more than a kid when he’d been sent to jail, so it was possible that my memory was tainted. Maybe he’d never been the white knight I’d made him out to be. Possibly, his time behind bars had changed him.
The worst part was how he’d looked at me when he’d seen me in Boston. I’d been so happy to see him that I’d ignored the way his eyes surveyed me skeptically, as if he’d expected me to be strung out. If my own brother didn’t have confidence in me, there was no reason his best friend should.
It was my fault. I’d put Matt on a pedestal for years. Once you put someone up that high, they had no other choice but to look down on you.
I wondered if it had always been that way. He was all I’d had for so long, the only person in my corner, that I may have overlooked it before. The thought was too much to bear.
I wanted to run away. Go so far that no one knew who I was. Disappear in a place where no one could find me. I could start over, leave this life and all my skeletons behind. I contemplated the idea. If only I had a way out…
As if on cue, a blue SUV turned and started down the long gravel drive. I didn’t recognize the newer Nissan, and since Liam wasn’t supposed to be home, I doubted anyone was coming to visit him.
The car rolled to a stop directly in front of me, yet the tinted windows kept me from seeing the driver. The hair on the back of my neck prickled and rose, my stomach soured. A voice in the back of my head told me to call for Rob, to let him protect me. The reckless piece of me, the one that didn’t care what happened to me, stayed glued to the spot.
When the door finally creaked open and a woman appeared on the other side of the hood, I couldn’t decipher if it was relief or disappointment that rushed over me.
The perky blonde was clearly lost. She watched me for a moment, then glanced around the yard, hesitation clear. She forced a nervous smile onto her face, smoothed her hands down her dark blue jeans, and walked toward me. I could only stare, unable to form a greeting.
The driveway was uneven, Lord knew I’d tripped more than once in my Vans, yet this stranger navigated it perfectly in her tall strappy heels. As she got closer, I was surprised by the amount of makeup she wore. Not to cover up some hideous flaw, but perfectly applied to make her appear older. Gorgeous golden hair hung down in long curls I would once have been envious of.
“Well, hello.” She smiled almost apprehensively. The movement transformed her face, showing how beautiful she truly was.
Unable to find words, I lifted a hand in greeting.
Her eyes moved over me, as if she was trying to figure out if I was the missing piece to the puzzle or the extra, off-colored triangle that didn’t fit in anywhere. All I could do was stare.
There were days I felt pretty. Others I knew I could be attractive if I attempted to fix my hair or paint my face. Yet this woman was someone who would always remind me how inferior I was. She was breathtaking, her features almost too perfect, as if she’d been sculpted.
Even if she’d been homely, her body was one some would pay thousands for. The red leather halter was cut low enough to show off her assets, and I barely stopped myself from glancing down pathetically at my own lacking chest. The rest of her was curvy in a way that only models could compete with.
She was a real life-Barbie doll.
Feeling extremely self-conscious, I rubbed my suddenly sweaty palms on my thighs. Instead of my normal denim, I found fleece. Too late I remembered I was standing in front of this beauty wearing purple Eeyore pajamas and Rob’s shirt. Embarrassment warmed my cheeks.
Something in her eyes shifted, her smile changed from nervous to understanding. She took a small step closer, surveying the house behind me.
“Are you here alone?” Her voice was smooth, kind, and full of concern.
I shook my head, craning my neck to see her. She’d be tall without shoes, but her stilettos boosted her up another five or six inches. I wasn’t short, yet next to her, I was pint sized. She dipped her head a little, to lower herself to my height.
“Do you need help?”
I frowned, taken aback, unsure what in the hell she was talking about. The motion caused pain to shoot through my cheek. Humiliation hit hard as I realized how I must have looked to this elegant stranger. She very well could’ve stepped off the runway while I resembled a homeless woman from the park—one who spent her days feeding the pigeons.
I’d never met her, yet I felt like I knew her. She seemed too familiar to me. I was internally debating whether or not I should ask her for a ride to the closest bus station when the door behind me opened.
I half expected Rob to snap at me, to tell me to get inside. Or to demand the stranger get off his property. Instead, he was uncharacteristically quiet. I assumed he was transfixed by our visitor as well. She was that pretty.
The stranger tipped her head slightly as she surveyed him. “I was afraid I had the wrong house.”
I felt him come down and pause next to me, his presence too great to ignore.
“What are you doing here, Jessie?” There was no warmth in his greeting.
The woman’s lips slid into a wide grin and her eyes sparkled as she stepped into him. “Is that any way to welcome me?”
Rob crossed his arms over his chest, putting a visible barrier between the two of them. “Babe, I’m a little busy.”
Babe? I jerked in surprise before I could stop myself. I hadn’t known Rob had a girlfriend. Then again, I never listened when Matty or Katie talked about him.
The pang of sadness I felt was only there because I wanted something normal in my life, a simple and easy relationship. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Rob was taken. And I certainly wasn’t annoyed by the fact that it made sense for him to be in love with a beauty queen who made normal women feel completely hideous.
If I was jealous at all, it was because even he’d been able to find someone to love. Him. The ultimate jackass. And I was alone. It definitely wasn’t anything else.
Instead of being offended by Rob’s behavior, the woman laughed like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. Laying a hand across his giant forearm, she pushed up on her toes and leaned in to kiss his cheek before he could stop her. “You look like shit,” she whispered to him. “Hope the other guy looks much worse.”
Then she backed up a step and turned to rush to the car.
“I brought you some food,” she explained as she pulled a picnic basket from the passenger side. An actual wicker picnic basket, large enough to fit a five-course meal. “I thought you’d probably be starving, so I made sure I brought all your favorites. I baked this earlier,” she informed us as she lifted a glass pie plate from the floorboard.
My eyes were wide as I watched her. When I glanced his way, Rob didn’t seem impressed. He did reach out to pluck the pie from her hands, but he didn’t turn for the door.
“How’d you know where I was?”
She rolled her eyes as if his question was completely absurd. Instead of answering, she held out a hand for me. “I’m Jessie. You must be Mateo’s sister.”
She arched an eyebrow as I shook my head, not knowing who in the hell she was talking about. Instead of asking, I swallowed and wiped my hand on my shirt before I shook hers. “I’m Cris.”
“Do you li
ke apple pie, Cris?” She inquired as her hand moved to my elbow and she ushered me toward the door. “It’s Rob’s favorite, so I make it for him whenever I can. But if you don’t, I’ll run into town and grab something just for you.”
“Jess,” Rob demanded, stepping in front of us to block the way. “Why are you here?”
I didn’t miss the way her eyes darted to me. “We’ll talk in a sec, okay?”
I could take the hint, even though it pissed me off. Once again, I felt like the little kid being forced out so the grown-ups could have a chat. And just like when I was young, I knew I was going to be the topic of that conversation.
Whatever. It was fine. It wasn’t like I wanted to be there, to hear what they were going to say about me. Especially Mr. Dickhead’s unpleasant thoughts.
I tried to move past him, but Rob didn’t move. He practically glared at me, but I didn’t know if it was because he wanted some alone time with his girl, or if it was simply because I existed. It was probably a combination of the two.
I wet my lips and forced a smile, uncomfortable. “I’ll be in my room.”
Before I could escape, Rob’s hand curled around my arm, jerking me to a stop.
“Let go,” I growled as I tugged at his fingers with my own.
“No.” He didn’t release me, but it was Jessie whom he addressed next. “Say whatever it is you have to say, babe. Cris isn’t going anywhere.”
“I was sent to get you.” Jessie hadn’t hesitated, hadn’t objected to his orders. Foolish woman. “Let’s get the food inside.”
Rob ignored her. “Why?”
“You want answers,” she replied without a hint of agitation, “and I want to put this basket down. Inside we go.”
Rob relented and let go of me so he could open the door. Jess had just enough time to squeeze into the kitchen and set her basket down on the table before he was scowling again. “Talk.”
“You’ve been called home. You need to be there by tomorrow morning.”
He swore under his breath and shook his head. “Tank?”
She shook her head. “My dad.”
Rob had started to lean back against the wall but stood at her words, sliding closer to me. It clearly wasn’t the answer he’d expected, and his unease made me nervous. He stared at me, eyes boring into mine. “I’m not taking her back.”
“Rob,” Jessie cooed, but he cut her off.
“He can do whatever the fuck he wants to me. I’ll go back as soon as I know she’s safe. But I’m not taking her back there. That’s final.”
“Well, good, because Slasher isn’t demanding her return. Just you.”
I’d been confused for a minute or two, but in that moment, it was all very clear. Jessie was with the Bean Nighe.
Rob’s eyes narrowed as they slid to the other woman. “Just me?”
Unease pooled in my gut.
“He wants you there by ten tomorrow morning,” Jessie explained. “Just you. Not the other prospects. Not the gir—” She cleared her throat, trying to cover up her slip. “Not Cris.”
“And you’re here to what? Bring me a last meal?” There was a hint of betrayal in Rob’s voice. “Make sure I don’t run?”
Jessie chuckled. “Are you not sleeping again? I haven’t seen you this paranoid since you had that bout of insomnia.” When Rob didn’t laugh, she shook her head, somber. “No.”
“You’re here to babysit me,” I supplied, and two sets of eyes shot to me almost as if they’d forgotten I was standing there. I lifted a shoulder, focusing on my brother’s best friend. “She’s here to make sure I don’t runaway.” Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed Rob’s arm. “You can’t go back there.”
He didn’t shake me off like I expected. Instead, he lifted a hand and tucked a wisp of hair behind my ear. “Careful, brat. You almost seem worried about me.”
I snatched my hand away from him. “Please,” I scoffed, taking a step away. I didn’t want his girlfriend to read more into the gesture than she should. “I don’t care what happens to you. I just don’t want to be trapped here. Especially with someone I barely know.”
“You’re not, right? Here to babysit Cris?” Rob turned his attention back to Jessie, his features twisted.
“Gosh, no. I’m just the messenger.” She waved her arm. “My mom would freak if I stayed away on a school night. I almost had to barter my firstborn just so to borrow her car. Mine’s still making that noise. Next time you’re up here, you need to look at it.”
I gaped at Jessie, thoroughly confused. She didn’t seem to notice as she lifted Tupperware containers from the picnic basket. Rob, on the other hand, watched my reaction closely. When I scowled at him, he bit his bottom lip as if he was trying to fight a smile.
“Jessie is Tank’s little sister,” he finally explained, emphasizing the world ‘little’. “She’s a senior at Coburn Academy.”
I couldn’t hide my surprise. “Oh!”
Jessie didn’t look like any of the girls I’d gone to high school with. From the clothes she wore to the way she carried herself, I never in a million years would’ve thought she was younger than me. And I wouldn’t have believed anyone who told me she was as young as she apparently was.
Jess didn’t glance my way, too engrossed in her chore. But she did nod.
“Yep. I’m still trying to convince my mom that BU is a good fit for next year. Mateo helped me fill out the application and promised my mom he’d watch out for me, but she’s not happy about it.”
I barely listened as she rambled on. I didn’t know who Mateo was or why she thought I’d care. I wanted her to go away so I could talk to Rob, try to figure out what was going on. Beg him not to go back to Boston. I didn’t know what he faced down there, but I knew it wasn’t going to be good.
That made me nervous. I refused to let anyone else pay for my mistakes. I’d screwed up, not Rob.
“But then again, you knew that, huh?”
It took me a second to realize she was talking to me. “I’m sorry, what?”
She giggled, glancing between Rob and me. “Mateo,” she said slowly. “He’s pretty great.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sure,” I agreed, just to get her to stop looking at me like I had two heads. Instead, my answer only made her eyebrows rise.
Thankfully Rob rescued me. “Mateo,” he informed me, unimpressed, “is what Jessie calls Matt.”
“Not just me,” she argued. “It’s what all the girls call him. My mom’s friend Kiki told me,” she said it like Kiki’s word was gospel. “And since he doesn’t have a road name yet, it’s perfect.”
“Why do they call him Mateo?” I asked, dreading the answer.
Jessie’s face lit up. “Because he’s God’s gift.”
My nose scrunched. “To what?”
“Women,” Rob answered with a snort as he lifted a soda from the refrigerator. “God’s gift to women.”
“Ew. No.” I shook my head, grimacing. “Good Lord, don’t tell him that.” I rolled my eyes. My brother would never let that go if he heard about it. He’d claim the nickname and tout it like a badge of honor. Gross. “That’s exactly the kind of name he needs,” I deadpanned. “Poor boy. I wish he felt a little better about himself. I really worry about his lack of self-esteem.”
Rob choked, mid-gulp. He lowered his can and looked at me like I was a stranger. “Did you just make a joke?”
I ignored him.
Jessie put her hands on her hips. “Oh, Mateo didn’t name himself,” she explained. “The girls did.” As if she knew I was going to ask, Jess continued. “The girls. From the club.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. She couldn’t mean the prostitutes, the women I’d met two nights before. The ones who did whatever those bikers told them to do, whenever they were told to do it.
The concerns I’d had earlier hit me again. I’d been appalled to think Matty had known what was going on in that club and hadn’t stopped it. The thought of my brother actively participating, hurting a woman
the way I’d been hurt, made me physically ill.
“The club girls?” I clarified, “From the Bean Nighe?”
“Ben-nee-yeh," Jessie pronounced slowly with a smile, as if it was hilarious that I couldn’t say the stupid name right. Then she nodded. “Yep. I swear half of them are in love with him.”
“Are you?” I snapped before I could stop myself. It was a valid question, the way she had been talking about my brother like he was truly God’s gift to mortal kind. Even if it was rude.
She either ignored my tone or didn’t notice it, but shook her head vigorously.
“Oh, no. He’s great. Really. But I’m taken.” She chewed her lip lightly as her eyes moved away from me and lingered on the man behind me.
If I hadn’t picked up on the subtle signs before, there was no doubt now. Jessie had staked her claim. She wanted me to know that Rob was off limits.
I didn’t have the energy to tell her that I didn’t care. She could have the giant pain in the ass. I sure as shit didn’t want him. Not one bit.
13
Rocker
I slammed my Coke down on the countertop hard enough to wrinkle the can. Neither girl seemed to notice. Jessie watched me with goddamn hearts in her eyes, as if I was the answer to life’s greatest riddle. Cris sneered at me as if I was the root of all her troubles.
Jessie was all the way to one end of the spectrum, with her eager smiles and sweet disposition. Cris was at the other, along with her brooding scowls and sarcastic comebacks. I was stuck in the middle, trying to keep the fucking thing balanced so we all didn’t fall and get hurt. If this shit had happened to anyone else, I would’ve laughed and sat back to watch how it all played out. I didn’t find it amusing; it was annoying as fuck.
There was no happy medium.
“Okay, time to go.” I reached for Jess. “Say goodbye.”
As usual, Jessie didn’t argue. She did, however, manage to fold her hand into mine. I pulled away, but not before Cris had seen the embrace.