by Carina Adams
Now I was here with nothing else to do but make the best of it. And wonder if I’d lost my goddamn mind.
19
Rocker
“Go change.”
Cris looked down at her clothes and then back up at me, a scowl on her face. She was wearing makeup. Fuck me.
“And wash your face.”
She braced her hands on her hips. “No.”
I leaned back against the wall, staring down my nose at her. I could play this game all night. We weren’t leaving until she was covered.
The brat rolled her eyes. “There is nothing wrong with what I’m wearing.” I opened my mouth, ready to argue, but she cocked an eyebrow and braced her hand on her hip. “I met your real girlfriend last week, remember? I look like a nun compared to her.”
“Jessie’s not my girlfriend,” I managed to grit out between clenched teeth. “If she was, she’d never leave the house. Just like you’re not going to, until you change.”
Cris snorted. “Then, I’m going to be stuck in here for a long-assed time, because I have nothing else to wear.”
My eyes drifted down her body, lingering on the tight black tank top that hugged her perfectly, then continued down to the jeans that fit her like a second skin. Her shirt stopped just short of the denim, leaving a sliver of skin and her hip bones peeking out.
“You have nothing else? In all those fuckin’ bags, you didn’t bring anything else?
“Well,”—She smirked. Actually fucking smirked—“I have pajamas, shorts, and a few sweatshirts.” She tipped her head slightly, tapping a finger on her lips in mock thought. “And a bikini or two. I could wear one of those, I guess.”
She’d lost her goddamn mind.
“Road rash is a real fucking thing,” I informed her as I leaned back against the wall casually, attempting to hide my frustration. The move looked casual and masked the fury I had growing inside. No way in hell she was walking out our door with that much skin showing.
“You’re not going to crash your bike.”
“Maybe not. But what happens if someone hits me and you go flying off? I’ll tell ya,”—I stepped toward her and ran the tip of a finger down her arm, surprised by how soft and smooth her skin was—“All this becomes human hamburger.” She shuddered. “And you’ll be scarred forever.”
She jerked away from me, one hand automatically reaching for the swollen red line on her elbow. A scar from another time. I had a feeling it meant more to her than just a memory of an accident.
“You’re not getting on my bike unless you’re covered,” I informed her as I headed for the coat closet. I ripped one of my sweatshirts off the hanger and held it out to her.
With a sigh, she took it. “Whatever.”
It dwarfed her, the sleeves hanging down past her hands until she bunched them up her arms. The bottom fell almost to her knees. “That’s better.” I turned for the door. “Let’s go.”
“Why are we here?” Cris asked, her voice filled with unease as I pulled into my old driveway.
“You said you wanted to go on the bike. It’s here.”
I parked in my usual spot and turned off the key before I glanced her way. She was twisting her fingers on her lap.
“Hey.” She lifted her eyes to mine slowly. “What’s goin’ on?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head, a forced smile lifting her lips.
Bullshit. I reached for the door, ready to pretend to buy her lies, but stopped. “Somethin’s wrong. We’re not gettin’ out until you tell me what.”
“I haven’t talked to Matty,” she admitted, casting an apprehensive glance toward the house.
“About?”
“Anything,” she admitted. “Dale. The move.” She shrugged. “I haven’t talked to him since he left to go to class. Last week. We always talk a few times a week. I think he’s pissed about…”—she looked at me and then back at her hands. She let out a long sigh—“everything.”
My jaw ached as my teeth ground together. I was going to beat his ass. I’d warned him. Given him a fair chance. Fuck him.
“It’s been a busy week. Between class and work, he’s been out straight,” I fibbed, covering for my douche nugget of a best friend. “I see him everyday and I’ve barely said two words to him.”
It wasn’t a lie. I hadn’t said diddly shit to him all week. It had been by choice, though. Just hearing his voice annoyed me.
“I know he’s busy.” Her shoulders seemed to sag in relief. “I just wanted to talk to him.”
I pointed in front of us to where Matty’s Harley was parked next to mine. “Here’s your chance,” I offered.
Truth was, I didn’t want her to talk to him. I’d been dead serious when I’d told him I’d kick his ass if he upset her. I would. Didn’t mean I wanted to.
“Yeah, maybe.” She didn’t sound convinced.
All the guys were here, so it wouldn’t be that bad. Matt tended to keep his temper in check when there was an audience. I pushed open my door. “Come on, we’ll at least go in and say hi. See if he has a few minutes.”
I waited for her by the hood. When I reached for her, she recoiled from my hand as if it was a king cobra going in for the kill. I grabbed her anyway. She needed to know she wasn’t alone.
“What are you doing?” she hissed quietly.
“Staking a fuckin’ claim,” I answered under my breath. “Everyone has to believe it, right?”
“For God’s sake,” she muttered but didn’t pull away. “I’d never take you for the PDA type. Not the big, strong, grumpy biker. Aren’t you too old for this crap?”
I wet my bottom lip before closing my teeth over it. Brat. I stopped before the steps and leaned down to her. “When something is mine, I have no problem telling the world to back the fuck off. You call it a public display; I say it tells everyone you belong to me. Get used to my hands on you, brat. They’re going to be all over you from now on.”
Her eyes widened, nostrils flaring slightly as she inhaled sharply. I couldn’t read her reaction; if she’d been anyone else, I’d say she didn’t mind the idea of me touching her. I knew she hated the thought.
Then I realized how it may have sounded. Almost as soon as the words were out, I felt like an ass. I grabbed her chin and made her look at me.
“I will never hurt you.” I narrowed my eyes, staring into hers. “I would never force you to let me touch you.”
“I know that.” She batted my hand away, her agitation clear.
“Do you?” I arched a brow. She dipped her chin just enough to answer. “Good.”
I’d had enough with the sappy shit. Dropping my hand from her face, I turned back to the house and led her up the steps.
“Holy fuck. The prodigal son returns,” Tank announced as soon as we stepped into the kitchen. He twirled his keys on an index finger. “I was just about to come to your place.”
“What in the fuck for?”
“If you’d get a fucking cellphone, like a normal person, I wouldn’t have to track your ass down all the time.”
“Fuck you. I’m not a doctor. I’m not on-call. I don’t need a goddamn cell phone.”
“Okay.” Cris stepped between us before he could respond. “How about, ‘Hey guys, long time no see?’ Or, ya know, even a simple hello?”
Tank laughed and threw an arm around her shoulders, and pulled her close for a hug. I tightened my fingers around her, making it clear I wasn’t letting go.
“How are ya, baby girl?” he asked, his voice muffled by her hair.
“She’s good,” I answered for her, tugging on her arm to get her away from him.
If he didn’t back the fuck away from my girl, I was going to cut off his arm just for touching her. She was holding my hand, wearing my fucking clothes, yet the idiot thought it’d be okay to put his hands on her. He apparently needed a fucking neon sign that marked her as mine.
As the thought registered, I dropped her hand and stepped back.
I didn’t know where in the actua
l fuck that idea had come from. I didn’t want to know. The relationship was fake. Cris wasn’t anything more to me than my partner in the fucking puppet show Slasher had masterminded.
They had to believe it, but I didn’t. This wasn’t real.
Cris untangled herself from Tank and slid back to my side before she reached for my hand again. “I’m good,” she said with one of her fake smiles, one that didn’t reach her eyes. “How ‘bout you?”
Before Tank could answer, the sound of thundering footsteps rushing up the stairs pulled our attention away. I tensed, not looking forward to the greeting. Cris’s fingers tightened around mine twice, as if she was seeking comfort.
Matt froze when he rounded the corner and saw us, his gaze immediately landing on our joined hands. Hatred flashed in his eyes as they met mine. Then he moved on to his sister, and all anger vanished.
The smile he gave her was genuine as he closed the distance between them. Cris released the grip she’d had on me as Matt stepped close and wrapped his arms around her. She clung to him almost as tight.
“Sorry I missed moving day,” he told her once he’d let go. “I have a final paper from hell, and I’m stressed to the max.”
“I didn’t have that much anyway,” Cris assured him. Then with a quick glance at me, she explained, “Our apartment is furnished, so all I really brought was clothes and a few pictures.”
Matt winced when she’d said the words ‘our apartment,’ but his sister hadn’t noticed. She kept rambling on about God knew what, but my best friend had locked his eyes on mine. If looks could kill, I’d be a pile of ash. I ignored him.
“Yeah, I’d love to come over for supper.” Matt nodded, agreeing to whatever his sister had just said. “I gotta check it out anyway, make sure it’s a place worthy of you, yeah?”
I didn’t want him at our apartment. At least not until I figured out the sleeping situation. I was still pissed at his insinuation that I’d been fucking Cris. Once he saw the one midget-sized pullout sofa, he’d jump right back on the bandwagon. I didn’t want to deal with his shit.
If I was fucking her, I’d tell him to get bent. Because she was a grown-ass woman and could do whatever, and whoever, she wanted. And if she wanted me, that would be between us. Matt had no fucking say.
“We need to get settled,” I told him.
Matt’s eyes darted from his sister to me. “She just told me she was all moved in.”
“I didn’t say move. I said settled.” Reaching behind Cris, I put my hand on her hip and pulled her into me. “It’s our first place; we need some time alone.”
Cris turned her entire body into me and placed one hand gently on my chest, right above my heart. She slid the other up under my cut and fisted my shirt. I didn’t know if she was doing it as a move of solidarity or if she was looking for comfort, but as she twisted, my hand slid onto her ass. Without thinking, I cupped it, holding her flush against me.
Holding her like that, having her cling to me, felt right. I usually hated when people touched me. It was different with Cris. And that made me anxious.
“Maybe next weekend,” she told her brother. “We just need some time.”
“You gonna answer everything with a ‘we’ now?” her brother scoffed. “’Cause last I checked, you were still a you.”
I waited for Cris to tense at his words, to be offended by his clear irritation. She didn’t. Instead, she shrugged. “It’s not just me now. It’s the two of us. We’re a team. I can’t make Rob’s choices for him, just like he can’t decide for me.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her look up at me, a smirk on her lips. “Right, baby?”
I nodded. “Right.” Little brat. We’d talk about that later.
“Right,” Matty echoed, disgust and agitation shadowing his face. “When you and your teammate,” he snarled the word, “decide you have some extra time, I want it.”
“How ‘bout now?” Tank butted into the conversation with a shrug. I’d forgotten he was still there. “I gotta steal Rob.”
“The hell you do!” I snapped, my arm tightening around Cris once again. “I’m not going anywhere tonight other than supper with my girl.”
Tank ignored the fury in my voice. “Yeah. You are.”
Whatever it was couldn’t be ignored. Fuck.
Cris tapped my chest twice and then pushed herself up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll see you at home later?”
Her lips on my skin shocked the shit out of me. Before I could answer, to tell her that I wanted her to stay here while I figured out what in the fuck Tank was up to, she ducked out from under my arm and turned to her brother. “Looks like it’s your lucky night!”
Matt’s eyes lingered on Tank. He didn’t know what was so important either. When he turned his attention back to me, it was only to offer a slight nod of his head. “I’ll make sure she gets home safe.”
“That’s settled.” Tank slapped my back. “Go kiss your bitch and let’s go.”
I reached into my pocket. I hadn’t had a chance to make her a copy of the apartment key yet. I stepped close to her and transferred Hannah’s keychain into her hands. She looked at it, surprised.
“It seemed right.” The two people who loved my daughter the most were living together. It seemed like fate that her keychain would hold the key.
Before Cris could pull away, before she could say something that would piss me off or ruin it, I cupped her cheeks and pressed my forehead to hers. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.” For a few heartbeats, I held her close to me. Then I pulled her temple to my lips.
“Take care of her,” I ordered Matt before I grabbed my bike keys from the counter and followed Tank outside.
I waited until we got to the bikes before I demanded answers.
“What the fuck is going on?”
“You packin’?” was all he asked.
“Always.”
“We’re goin’ after Hansen.” He threw a leg over his Fatboy.
Relief flooded me. Finally.
“Why now?”
“It’s time,” was all he replied before his Harley roared to life and he sent dirt flying in all directions.
There was nothing to do but follow him.
20
Cris
“I’m just gonna say it once, then we never have to talk about it again.”
I nodded at my brother, knowing what he was going to say before he uttered a word, but so relieved that he was talking to me that I didn’t care. This had always been our thing. We said what was on our mind, let the other know how we felt, and then moved on. I missed it. I missed him.
“Shoot.”
“Robert Doyle just kissed you. In front of me.”
I fought a smile at Matty’s obvious discomfort. “That was hardly a kiss.”
Matt wasn’t listening. “Rob. My best friend. The dude you once told me you hated with the fire of a thousand suns.”
I snorted. “I was in my Heath Ledger phase at the time.”
He’d opened his mouth to say something else but closed it slowly and gave me a look that told me he thought I was insane. With a shake of his head, he rolled his eyes. “What?”
I shrugged. “That quote. It’s from “10 Things I Hate About You.” A romcom.”
“Of course it is.” He chuckled humorlessly. Then he shook his head again. “I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Because you should have recognized the quote?” I shrugged. “It’s not really your type of movie. No one dies. Nothing gets blown up. No one gets hurt, other than the ‘my balls guy.’”
He laughed at that and stepped close, hugging me. “God, I missed you.”
I held him tight, understanding completely. Some days, it was like we were two little kids and best friends again. Others, it felt like the man who’d gotten out of juvie was a stranger.
“So, why are you an idiot?”
He rolled his shoulders. “My best friend and my baby sister. I never saw it coming.”
“There wa
s nothing to see.”
“Clearly.” He didn’t believe me.
“There wasn’t,” I offered meekly, unsure of what else I could say.
“Yeah. That’s why you just moved in with him, huh?” He rubbed his thumb along his jaw. “That’s why the man who won’t even look at a woman, any woman—no matter how fuckin’ fine she is—is now living with you. Obviously, there was nothing for me to see years ago.”
I opened my mouth, desperate to tell him the truth, but then closed it. He couldn’t know. All it would take was one slip, one word from Matt, and everything would fall apart.
I’d learned a long time before that when you had to lie, when you had to cover something up, you should stick to the truth as much as possible. That way, it was less obvious.
“There was nothing to see because there was nothing there. Not until recently.” I swallowed. “Rob makes me feel safe.”
Hurt flashed across my brother’s face.
I rushed to continue. “This wasn’t planned. Neither of us went behind your back. Neither of us lied to you. I hated him last week.”
“Exactly!” Matty pointed a finger in my direction. “That’s what I’m talking about.” He lapped his bottom lip, frowning in concentration. “There are people I hate. I detest Ali. I hope she’s fucking miserable. But I don’t care one way or another what happens to her after what she did. You and Rob? You hated each other too much.”
I was taken aback by his words. “How do you hate someone too much?”
“You act like the two of you have been behaving for the last six years. I mention one of you to the other, and it’s like we’re in the middle of a war and you’re the bomb about to erupt. Neither of you could even tolerate hearing the other’s name without freaking out.”
At least it hadn’t been just me.
Matt sighed. “It’s when love and hate collide.”
“I have no idea what that means,” I admitted, starting to get worried about the journey his mind was taking him on.
“I should have realized that neither of you would’ve hated the other as much as you did, felt as strongly as you did, if it wasn’t more.”