by Ava Hayworth
A flash of pain crosses James’s face, and I feel a small amount of relief that this is not as easy for him as it appears. In a hoarse voice he says my name before clearing his throat and starting again. “Lainey, don’t cry. It won’t be forever. I just need you to be safe.” Hot tears trickle down my cheek, and I brush them away impatiently. “I’’ll call someone in the morning to help you move your things back to Sam’s. Let’s just go to bed. It won’t seem so bad in the morning.”
I stare at him aghast. Is he truly suggesting that we just go to bed and forget that he will be kicking me out in the morning? Fury flashes through me hot and ugly. I want him to feel my same pain, and the next volley of words roll unbidden off my tongue. “No, if you are kicking me out, I am not staying the night.” Ignoring the alarm on James’s face, I march towards the bedroom. I throw on clothes and then start throwing things randomly into a bag. I pointedly ignore James, who follows and watches me silently. Burning anger sustains me through my packing, and within minutes, I am hurrying back through the apartment to the elevator. James trails closely behind me. ““Lainey, stop. Don’t leave like this.”
“No, it’s fine. You have made yourself perfectly clear.” I don’t turn around.
“I am not breaking up with you.”
I jab at the elevator’s call button. “Then why is my heart breaking?”
Grabbing my arm, James spins me around to face him. I stubbornly stare at his chest, refusing to meet his eyes. “Look at me.” I shake my head and keep my eyes pinned to the folds of his robe. James reaches out and takes my chin, forcing my gaze to his. ““I love you.”
I am horrified to feel a hot swell of tears rush to my eyes. Batting his arm away, I back up a step. “Then prove it. Let me stand by you and help you. That is what people in a relationship do. They help each other.”
The stricken look on James’s face crushes me. “Lainey, this isn’t about our relationship. This is about a lunatic who could hurt you. I can’’t let that happen.”
“And I can’t let some nebulous threat dictate my relationship. James, don’t you see? If you send me away, he is winning.””
“We’ll have to agree to disagree.”
My cry of frustration bounces off the walls of the room as the elevator doors open behind me. I step onto the elevator and turn to face James once again. “What makes you so sure that I will be waiting for you when this ‘threat’ is over?”
I watch the color drain from James’s face before the elevator doors close in front of him. Leaning back against the wall of the elevator, I close my eyes tightly, trying to reign in my emotions. I manage to make it through the lobby and into a taxi before breaking down. The taxi driver gives me concerned looks through the rear-view mirror. ““I just broke up with my boyfriend,” I explain.
“You were probably too good for him anyway. A girl as pretty as you will find someone new in no time.” I know the taxi driver means well, but his words only make me feel worse. As soon as he draws up to the curb, I thrust some money at him and jump out of the cab. I’’m suddenly assailed by the thought that Sam might not even be home. Relief swamps me as the door opens and she opens her arms. I throw myself into them and begin to sob.
She pulls me over to the couch, and we sit down. “Oh, Lainey. I’m so sorry.”
My confusion is plain when I ask her, “How did you know?”
“James called.”
Of course, I wasn’t thinking that clearly. She pulls out her phone and starts to text. “What are you doing?”
“I promised James I would let him know when you got here safely.”
My anger returns. “What does he care?”
Sam gives me a reproachful look. “Come on Lainey, you know it isn’t like that.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Oh, so it’s like that, is it? He gives you a call and explains how he’s doing this for my own good, and you are on his side?””
“I am not on anybody’s side. I can just understand that he doesn’t want you to be hurt.”
I roll my eyes. “I am a big girl, and I can take care of myself. In fact, I can take care of him too, but he won’t let me.” Tears of self-pity well up in my eyes again.
“He said it is just for a little while.”
“He doesn’t have any way of knowing how long it will be, and that’s not the point.”
“What is it then?”
I find it difficult to speak past the lump in my throat, and I take a fortifying breath. “What kind of relationship is it if he pushes me away every time the going gets rough? This is his MO. As soon as things get hard, he pushes me away.”
Sam reaches out and takes my hand. “I don’t think you are seeing things clearly. You can’t compare his actions now to what happened at the start of your relationship.””
I consider her words. “It’s true I was thinking of how he ran after our first night together and then again after finding out that Jett was my brother, but that’s not all of it. He shuts me out all of the time. He was investigating Tobin, and I knew nothing about it. It’s not like it didn’t have anything to do with me either. It was all because of the photos that looked like me. Not only that, but I was scared half to death when I thought someone was following me. It turned out to be the bodyguard James had hired to protect me.”
“Did you talk to him about it?”
“I tried, but he obviously wasn’t listening. He is shutting me out again, and big time. How can I go through life with someone who wants to keep me in some kind of gilded cage? I want to help him with problems. I want him to need me to help him. I always thought a relationship was a partnership, not just one person always taking care of the other.”
“You have obviously thought about this a lot.”
“Not really. No. Tonight was like an epiphany. Before tonight, I thought they were just little stumbling blocks that we could work through, but after this… I’m not so sure. I never would have thought he would go so far as to ask me to move out.” My sentence trails off in a high-pitched whimper, and I bury my face in the clean tissue that Sam hands me.
After I have gotten myself under control again, I look up and give her a watery smile. “But hey, enough about me. How are things going with you and Dylan?”
Sam laughs. “Not nearly as interesting as you guys, that’s for sure. We’re like an old married couple compared to the two of you.””
“He must be doing something right. You are past the three-month mark. That’s got to be a first.” Something else occurs to me. ““I thought old married couples fought a lot?”
Sam wrinkles her nose. “Good point. Bad analogy. Let’s just say our relationship does not seem as volatile as yours. I mean, look at Dylan. He’s one of the most laid-back people I have ever met.”
I had to agree. My first impression of Dylan as a laid-back surfer dude had been right on the mark. I think of James and all the complicated facets of his personality and realize that the two men probably couldn’t be more different. I am struck by another thought. “You didn’’t mean he is like an old married guy in the bedroom did you?”
I am amazed to see Sam blush. She is one of the least inhibited people I know. “No, absolutely not. He definitely has some hidden talents in that department.”
“Do tell.”
It turns out that Dylan is into role playing big-time. I never would have guessed. After a few of Sam’s more salacious anecdotes, I am surprised to find myself giggling. I am so thankful to have a friend like Sam. By the time we head for bed, I am in a slightly better frame of mind.
The next morning, I consider calling in sick. I don’t know how I will be able to face seeing James at the office. When I tell Sam my intentions, she won’t hear of it. Instead, she convinces me to put on a brave front, and the key is to look my best. James needs to wake up and see the error of his ways. After much bullying, I finally give in and allow Sam to style me.
Falling back into our old roles is somehow comforting. Going through the bag that I
had haphazardly packed the night before, Sam tsk-tsks and shakes her head with exasperation as she holds one unacceptable item after another up for inspection. I shrug my shoulders, “I was in a hurry.” From the very bottom, she pulls out a navy blue dress with white cuffed short sleeves and a white Peter Pan collar. She gives the dress a shake. “This might do. It would look amazing with my red peep-toe stilettos. First, I’m going to need the steamer.””
CHAPTER 12
I keep my back ramrod straight as I make my way to my office. Is it my imagination or do I hear whispers behind my back? At least I can feel confident that it is not my appearance that is causing a stir. Sam had styled me to an inch of my life, and I have never looked better for a day at the office. In fact, she spent so much time making sure that I was at my best that I am arriving at least a half hour later than usual. I spend the morning on some legal correspondence. It requires my total concentration, for which I am glad.
Mid-morning Alex pops his head into my office, and I give him a friendly smile. After several long seconds, he smiles back and says with a note of surprise, “It seems like you’re in a good mood.”
“I’ve been better, but… thanks I guess?”
Alex comes in and wanders around the small space, touching things absently. “So…”
His behavior seems a bit unusual, and I wonder what he wants. “Can I help you with something in particular?”
Taking a big breath as if to bolster his courage, Alex begins again. “So the word around the office is that you and McAllister have broken up.”
My face feels hot, and I feel myself break out in a cold sweat. “What?”
“I knew it wasn’t true. You’re obviously as shocked as I am to hear it.”
I swallow hard. My mouth has suddenly gone dry. In the most offhand manner I can muster, I tell Alex, “No, you heard right. Since yesterday, it’s official. James and I are no longer together. I am just surprised that it has made the rounds of gossip so quickly. I take it everyone knows?””
Alex sticks his hands in his pockets and looks down at his feet. “Pretty much.”
I laugh dispassionately. “Don’t worry about sparing my feelings. I’m sure it’s the only thing anyone can talk about.” From the trace of color I see on his cheeks, I know I have hit the nail on the head. After watching Alex shift around on his feet for a few moments more, I take pity on him. “At least you had the balls to come and ask me to my face.”” This surprises a laugh from him.
After a few more minutes of desultory chitchat, Alex takes his leave. I try to return my attention to the letter I had been working on, but I cannot keep a lid on the emotions that are bubbling just beneath the surface. I don’t know what I had expected, but it definitely had not been James broadcasting our break-up like the biggest new scoop of the decade. Almost without conscious thought, I find myself heading in the direction of James’s office. I burst in without knocking to find him alone. He looks up with a startled expression on his face. Closing the door behind me, I march up to the front of his desk and slam my palms down on the flat surface. “Why is everyone talking about our break-up?”
“You look… nice. I like that dress.”
His unruffled response sends my temper into orbit. “Are you denying that you are telling everyone that we broke up?”
“Of course I’m not denying it,” he shoots back in exasperation. “The whole point was to make the world think that we had broken up so that you would be off Tobin’s radar.”
I plant my hands on my hips and closing my eyes silently count to ten. “I am really beginning to think that you are using this whole Tobin thing to get me out of your life. Tell me, or are you too much of a coward to admit that you made a mistake when you asked me to move in?” James’’s jaw tenses, but I can detect no other reaction. This infuriates me even further. “Were you worried that if you broke up with me, things would get awkward at work? Well, let me tell you something. Things are about to get really awkward, more awkward than you could ever have imagined.”” Without giving him a chance to respond, I turn and leave his office. Although it takes every ounce of willpower that I possess, I close the door quietly behind me.
In the next few days, I continue to put a lot of effort into my appearance. I would never admit it, but I want James to see what he is giving up. Since I began working, I have not spent much of my paychecks, and Sam was delighted to accompany me on a new wardrobe shopping expedition. She also talks me into a new haircut and highlights for my hair. My formerly long locks are cut into a shorter, medium-length style that frames my face, and the lighter highlights make my hair look more blond than brown.
An added benefit to the shopping is that I do not have to return to James’s apartment for my things. I knew I would have to do something with them eventually, but for the time being I am happy to flaunt the new me. A new wardrobe also acts as a type of armor in the face of gossip. Each morning, I pick the sexiest, most revealing outfit I can get away with in an office environment.
An interesting side-effect that I hadn’t anticipated is all the male attention I am attracting. At first I was off guard when my male co-workers, who previously had shown no romantic interest, started coming on to me in earnest. I didn’t know whether to attribute it to my new look or to my relationship with James. Maybe they think that after our break-up I am on the lookout for a quick rebound. Whatever the case, there is no way that I would go out with anyone from the office. All I need is a reputation as the office slut. Not that I am interested in going out with anyone anyway. It takes all of my energy to keep up the appearance of blissful unconcern. The ugly truth is that at night when I am lying alone in my bed, my mind replays the moments I spent with James over and over. Mornings, when I wake, it is to find my pillow soaked with the tears that I wept in the night.
Friday rolls around, and, except for the few glimpses of James I have had in the office, I haven’t had any contact with him. As I sit at my desk, I contemplate a future without James, and I have to fight not to break down in a puddle of tears. I don’t know what I had been expecting. It had been a silly idea that he would see the new made-over me and suddenly discover that he couldn’t spend another second apart from me. Even my attempts to make him jealous fell flat. I had been talking to one of the guys from family law, and the flirting had been getting outrageous. I was just about to shut him down when I became aware of James watching us. I played it for all it was worth. The family law guy caught on to my game and played along. I was so sure that James would step in, but when I threw a surreptitious glance in his direction, he had been gone.
My smart phone rings and when I see that it is Mark, I answer. “Mark, I’ve been trying to reach you all week.”
“I know. Sorry about that.”
“Did you listen to my voicemails?”
“Of course.”
“Then why didn’t you call me back?”
There is a long pause on the other end of the line, and I am beginning to wonder if the call has been dropped when he continues. “Becca said you would try to persuade me not to see her anymore, and we decided that it would be best to let it go for a few days.”
I am absolutely flummoxed by this. What had Becca been saying to him? I try my best to sound easy going. “So you and Becca are together now?”
“Yea, she’s a great girl. I don’t know what you have against her. I am actually surprised. When we were together, I never thought you were that competitive.””
“What exactly did she tell you?”
“Oh, she told me all about the office rivalry that you two have going.”
“Huh… How did she explain the fact that the police are looking for her?”
“Oh, that is all a big misunderstanding. She explained the whole thing. She didn’t realize that you had fallen off the boat, and she feels terrible about it.”
Mark seems to have an explanation for everything. Had he been that gullible when we were together? Maybe Becca had some kind of witchy power that she uses on people
. I give it one more try. “If that is the case, why doesn’t she turn herself in so the whole thing can be cleared up?””
“Well, Lainey, that is why I am calling. She thinks you are holding a grudge, and that you might exaggerate things to the police to make things hard for her.” I am hurt that he would think such a thing of me. It doesn’t help that I am already feeling emotionally overwrought, and I am not sure that I can hold it together. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I struggle to rein in my emotions. “Lainey, are you still there?”
Standing up, I turn to look out my window. “Yes, I’m here.” I take in the landscape of skyscrapers as I try to think of what I should say next. ““How did the two of you meet?”
The sound of Mark’s laughter grates on my ears. “That’s a funny story.” Yea, I bet. I am sure it would be hilarious. “It was actually pretty cliché. I left work late one night, so I decided to take a cab home. As usual there weren’t many available. I finally get one to stop, and this beautiful girl comes running up saying that it was her cab. We argue about it for a few moments, and the cabbie gets impatient and takes off, so we are both without a cab. Anyway, we figure out that we are going in the same direction, and when the next cab comes along, we decide to share it. The rest is history.”
“Doesn’t that seem a bit odd to you, considering the fact that we were together for years and she was stalking me?”
“Jeesh, Lainey, she wasn’t stalking you. I told you it was one big misunderstanding.”
Clearly I was not going to be able to convince Mark of Becca’s guilt. “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Ignoring my comment, Mark turns the focus of the conversation to me. “How are things with you and that guy?”
“His name is James, and we are on a break from each other.”
“Oh, that’s… too bad, but it’s probably for the best. He seemed a bit… possessive.”
Mark can’t disguise the fact that he considers this good news, and I roll my eyes. “If we are offering each other relationship advice, them my tip would be to stay far, far away from Becca.”