If she could see, he would no longer have any worries about them marrying one day. She’d be able to see their babies and raise their children without any assistance.
If she could see, she’d be normal, just like her sister.
Honestly, he couldn’t imagine why she wasn’t smiling from ear to ear. “What is the problem, then?”
“I am wondering if it would be wrong to do such a thing.”
She pushed her plate to the side and looked at him directly. “Landon, my life is not in danger. My disease isn’t spreading to other parts of my brain or body. All that will happen will be that I won’t be able to see.”
“But that is important.”
“Also . . . the only way to have new corneas is for someone to not need theirs.” Looking stricken, she said, “They would have to die, Landon.”
“And this would bother you?”
“I think it would, yes.” She hesitated, then said, “Landon, I’ve never told anyone this, but perhaps my blindness is God’s will. For some reason, He might want me to not be able to see.”
Though he practically could hear his mother’s voice in his ear, cautioning him to hold his tongue, he rushed forward. “If it was God’s will that you have an eye disease, then it was also His will for you to see that physician. And it was God’s will for that doctor to learn how to heal you.”
She dug in her purse again, this time pulling out her wallet. “How much is our meal, Landon? This is my treat.”
“Nonsense. I’ll pay for your lunch.”
“This was my idea.”
“Elsie, please. Put that away.” He opened his own wallet and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill. “I’ve taken care of it. Now, do you want to walk around for a bit?”
“Nee. I’d rather we just wait for the driver.”
“I think we should talk about things instead.”
“Landon, I do believe we’ve talked enough. At least for now.”
Just as he was about to argue that point, he heard his mother’s voice in his ear again. Deciding it was time he listened, he nodded, then took her arm. “Let’s go, then.” He knew his tone was harsh, practically daring her to argue with his attempt to help her navigate her way through the maze of tables.
After a pause, she stepped closer to his side and let him guide her.
But though she was letting him take the lead right now, it was very clear that Elsie was a stubborn woman, and even if Landon wanted her to get this surgery, it was her decision. And he didn’t like that feeling of powerlessness.
chapter twenty-one
Lovina didn’t know whether she should laugh or cry as she sat on the corner of their bed in the beautiful Harmony View Inn. “I remember when they built this place. I thought this was the prettiest hotel on earth. I would have given anything to spend the night here.”
From his spot by the window, Aaron smiled at her. “It seems you’ve gotten your wish, then. It is a pretty hotel for sure.”
She noticed his tone didn’t nearly match her forced enthusiasm. And it brought her back to the real reason they had returned to Pennsylvania.
“Aaron, are you terribly sorry that we’re staying here instead of staying with one of your relatives?”
“Not at all. It’s going to be hard enough to see my family, and Laura Beth’s, too. I have no idea how they will greet me, if they’re even going to let us share a meal with them. It’s best that we’re staying in a hotel. At the very least, we’re going to need someplace to rest that’s peaceful.”
“I agree. If we were staying at one of their homes, it might be too much to tackle all at once.”
“I’m glad you feel the same way. So, are you ready to call your family?”
Lovina looked at the phone with a grimace. “Nee. But that don’t count for much, does it? I’m still going to have to make that call.”
He smiled. “We knew this trip would be hard. At least we saw Sara.”
She couldn’t deny how happy that visit had made her. “Sara seems happy.”
“She does. Praise God.”
Lovina started to say more. To admit how worried she’d been about the reunion. But Aaron already knew her feelings, and they’d already rehashed the meeting more than once.
As she glanced at her husband, she realized that he was patiently waiting for her to make the first move toward their pasts. Though he might never say it, he needed her strength as much as she needed his.
Standing up, she opened her purse, pulled out her address book, and made the decision. It was time to face her parents. Only by visiting them in person and doing her best to apologize for her absence could she begin to feel any sort of peace. It didn’t matter that they, too, had been stubborn. It was a child’s place to make that first move.
Before she could back out, she picked up the phone and began to punch in the numbers.
Her heart started racing as she heard the line connect, then start to ring. Mentally, she began to practice what she was going to say to her mother or father.
With a clatter and a bit of static, someone finally picked up. “Hello?” a woman asked, her voice thin, almost reedy.
“Hello? This is Lovina Keim. I’m calling for Amy.”
“Who?”
“This is Lovina, I mean, Lolly.” When she heard no response, she said, “Is this the Johnson residence? I’m calling for my parents.”
“I’m afraid you have the wrong number.”
“I’m sorry.” Feeling dismayed, Lovina rushed ahead, afraid to stop talking. If she stopped she was sure she was going to burst into tears. “I’m from Ohio. This was the only number I had for my parents.” Only when she took a breath did she remember that this wasn’t the correct way to handle this situation. Strangers didn’t want or need to know personal information. She should have simply apologized and hung up.
After a second’s pause, the woman said, “Are you talking about Amy and Stan Johnson?”
“Yes. Do you know them? Are you in their old house? Did they move?”
“Hold on, Lolly,” she said around a chuckle. “One question at a time.”
“Sorry.”
“About the Johnsons. I do believe I heard that they moved into a retirement home out in Wisconsin.”
“Wisconsin?” She felt dizzy all of a sudden.
“Yep. Saint Clare, or something like that. Gosh, they moved about seven or eight months ago.”
“Thank you for letting me know.”
“Not a problem,” she replied, before hanging up.
When she heard the click of the phone, Lovina carefully set the receiver down, too. After she hung up, she looked at her husband, noticed his kind blue eyes. He was staring at her, reflecting surely everything that she was feeling—worry and relief. Confusion and sadness.
“What happened?” he asked.
“It seems we were too late. The woman I talked to thought my parents moved to Wisconsin less than a year ago.”
“Wisconsin.”
Tears pricked her eyes. But for the first time in ages, instead of willing them away, she relaxed enough to let them float down her cheeks. “I can’t believe I’m disappointed. I mean, what did I expect? That everything here would stay the same after all this time?”
“You’re not alone in your thinking. I suppose I thought all we’d have to do was find the strength to reach out to our relatives. That they would be here, waiting for us.”
“We were so naïve. We should have thought things through.” She wanted to say more, but she was afraid she’d already said too much. Berating herself wouldn’t do any good. “Aaron, I’ve been so silly. I let far too many years pass without staying in touch with my folks. Even though they never understood why I became Amish, I should have continued to try to keep in touch.”
The lines around Aaron’s mouth deepened as he continued to gaze at her. “I am sorry. I know you broke things off with them because of our marriage.”
“It’s not your fault. I made my choices. My parents did, too.”
“But still, Lolly, I know you are disappointed.”
The use of her English name surprised a smile from her. “Aaron, you haven’t called me that in years! Decades, even.”
“I know, but it’s still a gut name. I’ve always thought it had a nice ring to it.” Looking a bit bashful, he added, “It’s the one I fell in love with, you know.”
“I know,” she whispered, remembering that first time he took her out for a soda and she’d noticed that his blue eyes were peppered with tiny flecks of gray.
Feeling mixed up and remarkably tender, she pointed to the phone. “I guess it’s your turn now, Aaron. Do you want to call?”
“I don’t want to,” he said, echoing her words. “But I guess if you can be brave enough to call, I can, too. Who knows? Maybe my family will have moved away, too.”
She knew he only said such a thing because he was nervous. It really was so much easier to push things away instead of facing them.
Matching his tone, she said, “If that’s the case, I think we should sightsee. I’ve always wanted to visit that Amish Experience theater.”
“If Laura Beth Swartz’s family has moved to Wisconsin, too, I’ll buy us two tickets.”
“I’ll hold you to it,” she teased. But inside, she knew they couldn’t be that lucky. Everyone in their past couldn’t have left.
The tension in the room increased again as she watched him dial the number and listen to the rings. But then, instead of hanging up, he took a deep breath and began speaking.
“Ah . . . this is Aaron Keim. My wife, Lovina, and I are in town and I was hoping to see you. We’re staying at the Harmony View Inn in Bird-in-Hand. If you’d like to talk, give me a call when you get this.”
He left the phone number, then hung up.
“Well, I did it. If they call me back tonight, we can go over there later or in the morning.”
“Yes, that sounds like a gut plan.”
“Then, ah, I’ll talk to them about Laura Beth’s family. And seek their advice about what I should do.”
“That sounds like a good decision.”
He shifted on his feet, looking as uneasy as she felt. “I guess we could walk around the hotel now.”
“I would like that.”
“Yes. I mean, you’ve always admired the place.”
“You’re right. I have.”
“I’m, uh, just going to wash my hands,” he said as he strode to the bathroom and shut the door firmly behind him.
She didn’t blame him needing a moment to himself.
She needed it, too.
Do you want me to stay with you when you tell your family about your appointment? Landon asked Elsie when their driver passed the sign announcing that they’d arrived at the outskirts of Berlin.
As his question hung in the air, Elsie forced herself to remember how kind he’d been to her over the last few hours. Ever since she’d gotten the news about a possible surgery, she’d been short-tempered and on edge.
But it seemed that the more disagreeable Elsie had been, Landon had been even more generous with his patience, and even more eager to help ease her burdens.
She was grateful for his presence, but he also made her uneasy, too. For the first time, she was actually thinking how her blindness—or lack of it—would actually affect other people.
That had been a bit of a shock to her system.
She’d begun to realize that for most of her life, she’d been intent on only how her loss of vision would affect her, and her wants. Not how everyone else would have to deal with the consequences.
Now, here Landon was offering to help her out again. She was almost tempted to take him up on it, simply so she wouldn’t have to face her family’s questions by herself.
But no matter how much she might have wanted to do that, the timing wasn’t right, not for either of them. Though she knew there was a good chance they could eventually have a romantic relationship, at the end of the day, Landon was currently only a new friend. She certainly didn’t want to expect more from him than that, not with her uncertain future.
Finally, she shook her head. “Landon, danke. I am grateful for your offer, but I can’t take you up on it.”
“Why not?”
There were many reasons, but she opted to share the main one. “I truly don’t know what I’m going to tell them. As far as they’re concerned, this was simply a routine eye exam.”
“I think you should tell them the truth. You have options now, Elsie. Options that could change your life.”
“I know, but I don’t know if I’m ready to do that yet.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know it probably doesn’t, but that doesn’t change how I feel.” Though she wasn’t ready to tell Landon, there were other concerns to weigh, too. Her large family had never been shy about sharing their opinions or taking charge. If she didn’t have an idea of what she wanted to do next, the situation would turn very bad, indeed.
“Elsie, do you not trust me?”
When she turned to him, he reached for her hand. His touch soothed her, helped her remember that she wasn’t alone. But she didn’t want to take advantage of him. “I trust you, but we are still getting to know each other.”
“This can only make our relationship stronger.”
But because he was still holding her hand, still looking so intent on solving her problems, she knew he really didn’t understand how wary she was about moving forward. “If what we have is meant to be, I want to be an equal partner to you. I want to be strong, too.”
“When you can see, you’ll be an equal partner.”
Slowly, she pulled her hand from his and clasped it with her other on her lap. This was the problem, she realized. He was already counting on her getting the surgery, while she wasn’t sure what the right decision was.
He only saw her as an equal if she could see . . . while she’d lived the last ten years of her life sure that she would be all right even if she was blind.
This was a problem.
chapter twenty-two
Peter supposed the discussion he was having with Roman was long overdue. But that didn’t make it feel any less painful. It was difficult for a man to know that he’d disappointed his son—especially when he knew that his son was justified in his disappointment.
As he stood next to the wagon and watched Roman unload the supplies he’d bought early that morning, Peter felt even more at a loss for words than usual. Roman had refused his offers to help, and now seemed to be afraid to give him any responsibilities.
It was tempting to walk away, to give them both some space. The Lord knew that there had been more than one occasion when his father had walked away from him when they were at a standstill.
But he didn’t want to be a man like his father. He yearned to be closer to his son.
At the very least, he had to try.
“Roman, I won’t be leaving you again,” he repeated, not even caring that his voice sounded as strained as he felt. “You don’t need to shoulder everything any longer.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“But you’re not letting me do my fair share.” He held out a hand to stop Roman’s continual unloading. “Son, I would have gone to the supplier with you this morning if you’d told me you were going.”
“Daed, there was no need for you to go. I handled it.”
“But I could have gone. I used to meet with the supplier by myself.”
“Daed, this is my farm, too.” Roman’s voice was harsh sounding. Clipped.
“I’m aware of that,” he soothed. “But you have other responsibilities now. You’re preaching, you’re attending to our community, plus you’ve got Amanda and little Regina, too. Trust me, there’s no need for you to put in forty or fifty hours a week on the farm, too.”
“You’re talking like I’ve been doing a poor job.”
“No, I’m saying that you mustn’t spread yourself too thin.”
A shadow of annoyan
ce crossed his face. “I’m not.”
Knowing that his son thought he was being criticized, Peter chose his next words with care. “Sometimes trying to do too much only causes more problems. I found that out the hard way.”
“Daed, you’re making too much of this.”
“I hope I am, but part of me feels like you’re doing all this . . . to shut me out. Part of me feels like you don’t want to forgive me for having a problem. And that worries me.”
“Daed, it ain’t my place to offer forgiveness. Only the Lord can do that.”
“I know. . . .” He let his voice drift off, hoping Roman would pick up the conversation and share more of what he was feeling.
But all he did was reach for another sack of grain.
Determined to smooth things over, Peter was just about to try another tack when Marie stepped out the back door. “Peter? Roman?” she called out, her voice bright with tension. “Come inside. We need to talk.”
“Can’t it wait, Marie?”
“Nee, I don’t think so.”
Roman tossed down the sack in frustration. “Can’t anything ever just be fine around here?”
“Go ahead. I’ll make sure the horses are watered.”
After a moment’s pause, Roman nodded, then strode toward the house, impatience dogging every step.
After checking on the horses, Peter followed in his son’s steps, his pace much slower.
He, too, was curious about Marie’s summons. But to his great relief, he realized he didn’t feel that knot that used to be ever present in his stomach. Instead, he felt like he could handle anything now without any help from a bottle of liquor.
Every day he was getting stronger. That was a wonderful sensation, indeed.
Mamm, you should be in bed, not standing in the doorway, calling for Daed and Roman, Elsie said as she watched her mother pace the kitchen floor. “You’re going to get sick again and end up back in the hospital.”
“I feel much better, Elsie. I’m almost back to normal.”
“But you’re still recovering. The nurses said it would take days, if not weeks, before you were back to your regular self.”
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