The Days of Redemption

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Elsie considered the benefits of consuming half of a deliciously dark chocolate cake. “I think cake might help.”

  Viola giggled. “We’re going to need chocolate frosting, too. It’s not easy getting a heart broken, you know.”

  Until that moment, Elsie didn’t know that it was possible to laugh and cry at the same time. “Danke, twin.”

  Viola patted her back. “You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help. I’ll be happy to help you anytime you need it, of course. Anytime at all.”

  Elsie closed her eyes, finally feeling like she could rest at last. No, her heart wasn’t happy. And yes, she was feeling mighty blue. But things weren’t without hope.

  Viola had showed her that there was always hope. And when that was in low supply?

  Chocolate would work. In a pinch.

  We liked Elsie a lot, Landon, Daniel began the moment Landon walked into the front door of the office the next morning. “A whole lot.”

  “Is that a fact?”

  Daniel nodded, completely missing the dry humor in his tone. “As a matter of fact, Edith and I can hardly stop talking about her. She was perfect for you. Kind, friendly, and easy to get along with.” He paused, then blurted, “And she’s so pretty, too.”

  “Looks aren’t everything, you know.”

  “I know that. But still . . .” He smiled. “Just think, you’re going to be a lucky man, starting each day with her smile.”

  Though his brother was teasing, Landon felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. Elsie really would be a beautiful sight to wake up to. More important, she was so even-tempered, he was sure that each day would begin in a positive way.

  To his embarrassment, he knew he’d entertained a daydream or two about sharing breakfast with her in the mornings. Sipping coffee while chatting with her across the table. Instinctively, he knew that she would be the type of woman to raise him up . . . not bring him down.

  But now, that dream was gone, and it would be for someone else to appreciate. Someone who had more time to care for her. Someone who wasn’t trying to make a go of his business.

  “I broke things off with her last night,” he said baldly.

  Daniel scowled. “Why in the world did you do that? She’s practically perfect, Landon.”

  But that was the point, wasn’t it? He reminded himself. She wasn’t perfect.

  Though now, this morning, perfection didn’t seem as important as happiness did.

  Steeling himself, he said, “Elsie told me that she elected to not have her eye surgery.”

  His brother looked dumbfounded. “If she doesn’t have surgery, what is she going to do about her eyesight?”

  “Nothing. She is simply going to let her vision deteriorate.”

  “She said that?”

  “She did. Elsie told me that she’s made peace with losing her vision.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought.” But funny enough, now Landon wasn’t so sure that Elsie had made the wrong decision.

  Daniel crossed the room, his expression matching his hard stride. “And that’s why you broke up with her?”

  “I had to do it. At least, I thought I did.” Feeling more confused by the second, he said, “Daniel, Elsie won’t be able to do anything.”

  “She seemed pretty capable when she was at our house. Edith said she was a lot of help in the kitchen. And the boys loved being with her.”

  “I can’t believe you’re saying all this. You told me yourself that you didn’t want anything to interfere with our business. I thought you would understand where I’m coming from.”

  “Well, I know I did say those things. But, ah, that was before I met her. She’s pretty great, Landon. You’re not likely to find any better. Actually, I think Elsie is better than you deserve.”

  “Is that a fact?”

  “Yes,” he muttered, not sounding the least bit apologetic. “Landon, I can’t believe you broke things off. I don’t know what Edith is going to say.”

  Great. Now he not only was going to be facing his own fears and demons . . . he was going to have to answer to his sister-in-law, too.

  This was most definitely not turning out like he’d imagined it would. He’d come to Daniel for support, not guilt.

  Somewhat weakly, he said, “Elsie is not going to be able to see, Daniel. That’s a mighty big problem. I need a wife to help me.”

  “Nee, bruder. You need a wife to love you. That’s what’s important. Everything else can be managed. You can hire help. You can live close to her family, so they can help her when you can’t. She can spend some days with Edith and the boys when we’re out of town.” After glaring at him another moment in exasperation, he picked up the cell phone that had just started chirping.

  As he watched his brother walk to his calendar and start flipping the pages, the words he’d said seemed to taunt him.

  Love. His brother was exactly right. Somewhere along the way of reaching his goals, he’d forgotten what was important.

  He’d started concentrating on goals and to-do lists instead of things like family and caring and love.

  He’d started thinking that “home” meant a comfortable house on a piece of land of his very own. But it wasn’t that at all. No, it was living day to day with people you cared about. It was laughing when milk spilled and mud was tracked through the house and when dishes broke.

  It was being around each other when things weren’t perfect as well as when they were.

  And the funny thing was, he had a feeling that Elsie could deal much better with life’s little crises far better than he could. She would be the one to make bad days not seem so terrible, and good days even brighter.

  She would have been the reason for him to get up in the morning. And more important, she would have been his whole reason to come home at night.

  But now that wasn’t going to happen, because he’d just completely ruined everything.

  Thinking about how easy it had been for him to be around her, how easily he’d talked to her, how open and giving she’d been . . . he finally understood the truth.

  Elsie Keim was special.

  There was a reason that he’d never felt a connection with any other woman. It wasn’t because he hadn’t had the chance to meet other women—it was because the other women weren’t Elsie. She was the one. She was the woman for him.

  Daniel had actually made it all sound so simple, and maybe it was. All that really mattered was that there was love between a couple. Love and friendship and a willingness to work hard on a relationship.

  If they had those things, other things could be worked out.

  What was going to be a lot harder, of course, was finding a way to rectify the complete mess he’d made of everything.

  He needed to find a way to talk to her again. And then, once she agreed to see him face-to-face, he was going to need to find a way for her to trust him again.

  And then?

  Then he was going to have to find a way to get her to fall in love with him.

  Just thinking about all the ifs made his head spin. It was obviously going to take a lot of backpedaling. And a lot of understanding from Elsie. And a lot of luck. And a lot of prayer.

  Luckily, he believed that with God and prayer, all things were possible.

  chapter twenty-eight

  To Lovina’s surprise, Lorene and her husband, John, were waiting for them at the house when the English driver dropped them off from the German Village.

  “Why are you here?” Lovina asked, already worried that another crisis had occurred.

  Their daughter rolled her eyes. “Mamm, it’s gut to see you, too.”

  “We’re tired and worried about everyone, daughter,” Aaron said sharply as he stepped forward and gave Lorene a gentle hug.

  Lorene looked surprised by the spontaneous affection, but after a moment’s hesitation, she returned her father’s hug. John stood off to the side, looking concerned, but just as relieved as Lovina felt. It was past time
for all of them to have a warm and loving relationship.

  Looking bemused, Lorene stepped away, then turned to Lovina. “Mamm?”

  Lovina opened her arms, too, and felt tears prick her eyes as she hugged her daughter tight. “I missed you, Lorene,” she said.

  “We missed you, too.”

  “Lorene talked about you quite a bit,” John said with a wry expression. “It seems she was used to having her parents around to tell her what to do.”

  “Is that true, daughter?”

  “A little,” Lorene said with a smile. “John is right, though. You were missed. Both you and Daed.”

  “We missed being here.”

  John walked them around to the dawdi haus entrance, carrying their two heavy bags like they were small sacks of flour.

  When they got inside, Aaron walked right over to the stove and set to brewing a pot of coffee.

  After she washed her hands and added cream to her cup, they sat down at the kitchen table.

  “Perhaps you can now tell us where everyone is?” Aaron said.

  “Roman took Amanda and Regina out to lunch and shopping. He wasn’t going to go because you were coming in, but we persuaded him to take some time off for his family,” John explained.

  “I agree. Amanda and Regina need to see him when they can. Preaching and working the farm gives a man little spare time,” Aaron murmured.

  “Where are Peter and Marie?” Lovina asked.

  “Marie had a doctor’s appointment today.”

  She exchanged a glance with Aaron. “Oh?”

  “It was just a follow-up,” Lorene hastily explained. “To make sure she is still improving.”

  “That is gut. And the girls?”

  “Viola is working, and Elsie asked to go with her to Daybreak. She said she wanted to visit with Atle, Edward’s father, and the rest of the folks there.”

  “I am glad she is doing that.” But she also thought it a bit strange. She had to admit that her feelings were a bit hurt. Of everyone in the family, she was closest to Elsie. She would have hoped Elsie would have been as eager to see her as she was to see her precious granddaughter. “I’m a bit surprised, though. When I called here yesterday, she said she was going to be here waiting for us.”

  “I think she was wanting to keep busy,” Lorene said. “To keep her mind off her troubles.”

  “Troubles?” Aaron set his coffee cup on the table. “What kind of troubles?”

  Lorene and John exchanged glances. “Elsie’s been having a time of it,” Lorene hedged.

  Finally, they’d discovered the root of the tension in the air. “What is wrong with Elsie?” Lovina prodded as she did her best to keep her patience. Honestly, it was like pulling teeth to get a bit of information from these two.

  After sharing a look with Lorene, John answered. “Quite a bit. First, Elsie went to Dr. Palmer, who said she was a gut candidate for a corneal replacement surgery. If she did that, there is a chance she could see.”

  Lovina reached for Aaron’s hand. “I didn’t know such things were possible. When will this take place?”

  “It won’t,” Lorene said quietly. “She has decided to not have the surgery.”

  “No surgery?”

  “No. Even though the bishop gave his approval,” Lorene said.

  “Perhaps she’ll change her mind,” Aaron said.

  “I think not,” Lorene said. “See, she already told Landon about this.”

  “And?” Lovina prodded.

  “It seems that when she told him about her choice, he made a choice, too. He said he didn’t want to court her no more. Now she’s terribly upset.”

  “I didn’t know they’d gotten so close.” Lovina exchanged a confused glance with her husband.

  “Perhaps you could back up a bit,” he said.

  John explained everything in a shorthand, no-nonsense way. Through it all, Lovina felt her heart race for Elsie’s decisions, and her disappointments, too.

  When John finished, she sighed. She hated to hear all what Elsie was going through, but what else could they do?

  “I think we should say something to Landon,” Aaron said. “He’s obviously too dumb to realize how special Elsie is.”

  Lorene shook her head. “That is not a gut idea. We can’t do that.”

  “But we should do something,” Lovina said reasonably. “She needs us to get involved.”

  John stood behind Lorene and placed both of his hands on her shoulders. Then he shook his head. “Forgive me for saying this, but I think all of us here know that interfering in another couple’s romance isn’t always the best thing to do.”

  Lovina felt her cheeks heat. But this wasn’t the same thing at all. This time, she had legitimate reasons to get involved. She was sure of it! Plus, it was to make Elsie happy. “But—”

  “You’re exactly right, Lorene,” Aaron interrupted quickly. “I don’t intend to interfere in romances ever again.”

  Lorene raised a brow. “Mamm?”

  “I won’t interfere, either,” she said grudgingly. “But for the record, I want to say that Landon Troyer is being a hard-headed mule.”

  Slowly, John smiled. “Though I was thinking of a bit different descriptor, I have to say that your words are true. That is something we can all agree on.”

  chapter twenty-nine

  Peter paused outside the barn. Elsie was holding three newborn kittens on her lap, smiling softly as the little furballs climbed over her apron, mewing and meowing, their little ears twitching and turning.

  When one batted at the string of her kapp, like it was a new ball of yarn, she laughed.

  Peter found himself smiling, too. He tried to hold times like these when she was doing something so Elsie-like forever in his heart. She’d always been special to him, had always looked at the bright side of things, even in the toughest situations.

  Now, she was managing to smile and find joy in a litter of newborn kittens even though he was very sure she was hurting inside.

  Funny, he’d been so certain that letting her become independent was a big mistake . . . until he realized someone else was thinking that!

  Now, he wanted to argue with Landon and tell him that there was nothing Elsie couldn’t do as well as, if not better than, any other Amish woman.

  More than even that, he wanted to give Landon a piece of his mind. He’d just tossed away the opportunity to have wonderful relationship with a very special girl. They all had their faults—he knew that for sure.

  And while it was true that her poor vision was going to create a few problems, he realized that there were so, so many other things that she could be afflicted with—such as Landon’s obstinate nature!

  Peter was torn between wanting to yell at the man and giving thanks that his sweet daughter hadn’t wasted any more of her time on him.

  “Daed, are you ever going to come in and join me?” she asked, her voice light and infused with a fair touch of humor.

  He stepped in. As his eyes adjusted to the barn’s dim interior, he murmured, “You caught me, huh?”

  “Jah.” She set one of the kittens on the ground, and it carefully started walking toward him. “I may not be able to see all that well, but I sense things better than most. What have you been doing? You were standing there so still.”

  “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about something.”

  After scooping up the tiny orange-striped kitten in one hand, he sat beside her. “The kittens seem like they’re doing gut.”

  “I think so. Now that their eyes have opened, they are learning their way around and giving their mother a little break.” As another jumped at a sister or brother, misjudged the distance, and tripped, they both chuckled.

  Elsie scooped it up again and set it carefully in the middle of her apron. “There are few things more precious than tiny kittens.”

  Only children, he thought to himself. His mother had said once that she hadn’t completely understood God’s infinite love until she’d had children. As
soon as Roman was born, he’d understood what she meant. His love for his three children was limitless. He held out his hands and took one of the squirming fur balls, chuckling when it meowed, then snuggled closer.

  “So, Daed, are you doing all right now?”

  She’d managed to catch him off guard. “Me?”

  “Jah. Do you feel better, now that you went to the clinic?”

  Ah, yes. “I do.” He exhaled. “Elsie, I tell ya, I’ll always be full of regret for what I did. I’m sure I’ll also always be filled with regrets for what my addiction drove me to do. But I have to also admit that some good things came out of it.”

  She gazed at him. “What did?”

  “Well, for one thing, I feel easier inside.”

  A brow lifted. “Inside?”

  “Jah. It’s as if I can finally breathe deeply now. Like before I always had so much other stuff in my lungs and body that there wasn’t enough room for fresh, clean air. Now, though, each breath I take is fresh and new.”

  “I never thought about it like that.”

  “I didn’t, either. It’s amazing how I didn’t know how far gone my addiction was until I got better. It’s like I had to see myself at my worst, through other people’s eyes before I could make changes.” It hurt to talk about his faults, especially to the one person he wanted to always think well of him.

  But perhaps she was the person who he needed to be the most honest with?

  “Elsie, all I can say is that I am sorry for what I put you through. For what I put all of you through.”

  “You don’t need to apologize.”

  “I may not need to, but I want to.”

  “I am glad you’re better, Daed.”

  Another kitten, this one almost pure white, scampered toward him. He carefully picked it up and smiled when it licked his finger with a scratchy tongue. “Elsie, I came out here because I was worried about you. We’re all worried about you. And sad about what happened with Landon.”

  “I thought my news would make its way through the family rather quickly. Did Viola talk to you?”

  “A little. But perhaps things aren’t completely over between the two of you. Maybe Landon will change his mind.”