by Bladen, Ceri
Willow watched Tom look around the tiny storeroom until he finally started to empty some crisp packets out of their boxes. He used his foot to flatten the cartons and placed the cardboard on the floor, to try and insulated them when they lay down on the cold stone floor. He then found some empty sacks at the back of the store room and lay them on top. “It isn’t much, but it will better for sleeping if we could lie down.”
Willow looked towards the bed, doubts clouding her brain. She reprimanded herself, she was only going to be lying next to him on a makeshift bed. She noticed his gaze quickly shift to her lips. Her heart faltered for a second, then beat rapidly. She moved her gaze away, trying not to give him any unspoken invitations, she was having enough trouble controlling her own growing feelings, without having to contend with his. “Great,” she replied, her voice lacking any enthusiasm, trying to numb all her feelings for him. Willow sat on the sacks and lay on her side, her back to where Tom would lie. Her body stiffened ready for when he lay down next to her. She sighed in frustration, for she knew she would be the one who got hurt if anything happened between them.
Tom let Willow lay down first, watching her as she tried to get comfortable on the hard surface. He witnessed her awkwardness as she tried to scoot as far over on the sacks as possible. He sighed. “You can use me as a pillow, but you need to turn towards me, not away.” Tom lay down next to her as she changed position. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer into his body. Pulling a couple of scratchy sacks over the top of them, he gently pushed her head back onto his chest.
Willow stayed as still as possible, she didn’t trust herself. She tensed when her imagination suddenly exploded with images of him slowly undressing her, pressing hot kisses against her skin. It suddenly seemed far too long since she had slept next to Robert, far too long. She forced all the images out of her mind and concentrated on listening to the rhythmic beating of Tom’s heart. Even though Tom had been considerate enough to try and insulate the floor, it was still really cold. Willow resisted the strong urge to hook her leg over his, it would be too intimate. After trying to relax her muscles, she could feel his warmth slowly seeping through her clothes. She sighed, she might not have wanted to be in this situation, but at the moment, she suddenly felt quite content and safe. Her eyelids closed and she fell asleep in his arms.
Tom felt the tension seep from her body, as her breathing deepened. He chuckled, obviously she didn’t get much sleep last night either. He was enjoying having Willow lie next to him, all soft and warm. He closed his eyes, trying to wipe away his thoughts; he really didn’t need to be thinking about how appealing she felt in his arms. She had caused him too many sleepless nights already.
Tom awoke, momentarily unaware of where he was. He looked to see what the weight was on his arm and saw Willow. Suddenly, he felt contented to just lie there and took in a deep breath. He looked around to get some idea of what time it was, but it was still relatively dark, there was no light coming from the gap under the door. His body and blood stirred as he took in a lung full of her scent. He looked down onto the top of her blonde head snuggled into his chest and, without thinking, gently kissed the top.
In response to the soothing gesture, she looked up at him, still half drowsy from sleep and half encased in the darkness. He smiled and she melted a little inside, her mind a warm haze of recent dreams. She vaguely made out the shape of his eyes in the gloom, and tried to focus on his eyes. The way he was quietly studying her was turning her insides into jelly.
An irresistible force seemed to pull their lips together. His mouth descended with excruciating slowness. Sleep drugged kisses intensified, while Willow felt the heady rush of sensation. He lowered his voice and muttered into her ear, she shivered. The heating fire of his kisses, warmed her and ignited a rapid response. Her mind shifted effortlessly from a sleepy haze into unthinking desire, her body in control of her responses, her mind unthinking. His kisses demanded her and she met those demands with the same needs, as the kisses lost their innocent touch.
Tom wanted, needed to be closer, he whispered dark promises into her ear. His hand reached down to pull out her shirt from her trousers as he was desperate to touch her soft, silky skin. He swallowed Willow’s surprise as his cold hand touched the warm skin that stretched over her ribs. He held his hand still, to warm, before moving it gently up and down her bare skin, loving the feel of her. His hand moved back up to delve into her hair, curling around the nape of her neck. He trailed his fingers down the side of her face, along the sensitive column of her neck, until he reached the top of her shirt. Moving downwards, he opened one button at a time, following each one with a kiss. Pushing the sides apart, he found her bra, removing it before gently cupping the soft mound.
As heat grew, clothes, now seen as obstacles, were frantically removed. Soon flesh warmed flesh. He felt desire sprint through him as pings of pleasure hummed over her naked skin.
Trying to get a slither of control, he rolled on top of Willow and held her head between his hands, placing kisses all around her flushed face. His husky voice betrayed his feelings of arousal. “Are you sure Willow? It will destroy me to stop, but I will, if you want?” He so hoped she didn’t want to stop.
A small smile split her lips. Tom surrounded her, her body feeling as though it was made to mould against his harder one. She rolled on top of him, reaching down to nibble on his bottom lip. “Mmm, that’s nice… very nice…” She was moving down his jaw to his neck, kissing and nipping as she went.
She was sending him insane; he had no patience to wait much longer. Tom gently cupped her face and pulled it back so she was looking directly into his green eyes. “Tell me Willow. I want you. But I need to be sure it is what you want too.”
“Yes, it is.” She whispered, as he suddenly rolled her onto her back, while she suddenly let out a giggle and wrapped her legs around him. Then he was inside her, mind and body, as she called out his name.
Willow’s eyelids were heavy and her body stated. She hadn’t felt this relaxed in such a long time. Their limbs were entwined and the taste of him still lingered on her lips. She ran her hand over his chest, contentment washing over her. She still felt as though she was dreaming, in a cocoon, buffeted from the outside world. Willow felt Tom run his hand slowly, up and down, from hip to ribs, sending ripples of enjoyment through her.
She closed her eyelids, suddenly a shiver made its way over her exposed body, the perspiration coating her body turning icy. Reality slammed into her chest, making her fight for breath, her vulnerability suddenly overwhelming her. The situation they were in wasn’t reality, reality was outside that door. It was all right to pretend for a moment that what just happened was appropriate, but to Willow, it wasn’t. She felt what she could only describe as shame creep up on her and colour her cheeks. Her mind started grasping to take back control over her body, telling her that Tom wouldn’t want her now he had been with her. All her emotions came crashing down around her and she felt sick. She suddenly pulled out of his embrace and started to search for her clothes.
Tom lay on his side on the floor, watching her quickly trying to dress. He was oblivious to the coldness of the air, the warmth of her body still warming him. Leaning on his elbow, he pushed his fingers through his hair. “Come back here.” He tapped the sack next to him. “You don’t need to put your clothes back on; skin to skin will keep us warmer.” He raised his eyebrows at her in jest. The surge of desire seeing her naked, jolted him.
She pulled her trouser zip up, her back towards Tom. She dragged a breath in, her chest feeling as though it was being crushed in panic. She wanted to play it light, but a rage was building up inside of her, building so fast she was having trouble controlling it. “No, no thanks. No need to be naked now we have had our fun.” Her tone was cold and brusque.
He recoiled slightly at her cool tone of voice, confused at her behaviour. “Well, it certainly was fun…” he tried to keep his tone level, unsure at what was going on, “…any chance of
a replay?”
“Of course not!” she almost shouted at him as she whirled around, the spark of temper in her hazel eyes, her colour heightened by passion and anger. She glared at Tom. He looked too relaxed, too pleased with himself, she wanted to rile him up. Her breath laboured in her chest as her eyes glittered in contempt. She tossed her hair back in defiance.
He suddenly sat up, his previous euphoria evaporating instantly. Her body no longer reminded him of the woman he had recently made love to; an invisible barrier had been suddenly, and inexplicably, been erected. His expression became sober and withdrawn. “And why not?” he asked tersely. He watched her bite her bottom lip, confusion running over her face. He didn’t know what had happened. He didn’t know how to help her.
Willow couldn’t speak, couldn’t look him in the eye. She didn’t know what was controlling her, the anger was overwhelming. She took a steadying breath; she needed to get her emotions under control. The atmosphere started to crackle as Willow grasped for the sliver of calm she had felt previously. As she looked back at him, she witnessed something violent flash through his eyes, making them cold, while he narrowed them.
“So what are you saying exactly? That what just happened was nothing?” He rolled onto his feet, as he gestured behind him towards the makeshift bed. He faced her, he needed to be eye level with her, try and work out what went wrong. All he knew, for the moment, was that she had cut him to the bone with her reaction, and he was surprised at the impact. He took a step towards her, she took a step back. Tom fought for control, as he curled his hands into fists. He was disturbed at how her callous words had wounded him, hurt and fury speeding through him swiftly.
His measured, checked temper ignited her own, only more fiercely. No part of her was immune to him, which frightened her. “Yes, that is exactly what I mean. It meant nothing!” she spat the words out as she tried to stare him down, all the time frightened he would see the confusion in her eyes.
Suddenly, Willow was alarmed to witness the chill in his eyes change quickly into fire. His gaze focused on her lips with ominous intensity. She willed her body to take a step back, but it refused to move. She needed to elude what she knew was coming but she didn’t think she had the power, or the will, to want to fight him off. Before she had chance to evade Tom, her mouth was captive by the burning force of his.
I need more was all Tom could think. He reached out, his fingers closing vice-like on the back of her neck as he yanked her towards his broad chest, his temper making him rougher than he normally was. He took her mouth in a savage, hard kiss, plundering her mouth with his tongue. Tom heard the first muffled sound of panic and protest as he tried to drive both himself and Willow towards the blinding heat he craved again. His solid muscular thighs pressed into her, while his arm circled tight to keep her there. His mind ignored her struggles to break free, he wanted to brand her, brand her his.
She struggled. Struggled against him, struggled to push down her own desires that were running rampant through her. She could feel her body start reacting to his passion fuelled assault. Under the crushing emotions and feelings, Willow felt sanity struggling to return. It was telling her that Tom couldn’t be trusted, her brain constantly reminding her that Tom would only want her for one thing. She jerked out of his hold, her eyes staring to mist with tears. In automatic defence she swung her arm back, opened her palm and slapped him across the face. Tom didn’t even try to dodge the swing.
Tom slid her a chilling look as he gritted his teeth. He silently reasoned he deserved that, but not the rest, not the verbal attack and violent withdrawal of her emotions. His mouth crooked wryly, “Well you have made your feelings perfectly clear. I think we should leave it there for the moment.” He turned to put his shirt back on, suddenly feeling very cold.
Willow could see the white mark on his cheek slowly turn red. She felt ashamed and wanted to apologise, pride just not letting her. Until his temper cooled, Willow decided it was better to keep silent. The whole situation now was ghastly; she didn’t need to make it worse.
Chapter 9
“Hello? Hello?”
The voice woke Tom and Willow up.
“We’re down here in the store cupboard!” Willow shouted while scrabbling up from the floor. “Thank goodness,” she mumbled to herself. She did know how much longer she could have perched on the side of the sacks, trying not to touch Tom.
She had spent the rest of the night thinking things through. Why had she reacted so angrily towards him? And boy, she was angry with him, it was still boiling inside her. She knew she had gone willingly into his arms and had craved to be there, if truth been known. But after making love with him, her emotions had come hurtling down onto her. She was confused. She had cooled down after a while and would have liked to try and talk things through, but it sounded as though he was asleep, she certainly wasn’t going to turn around and check. Perhaps if he hadn’t gone straight to sleep, they might have discussed things. So, as the night wore on, she wound herself back up and she reasoned, she had every right to be mad at him. In her mind, he had just used her, because the situation they were in allowed him to. He would do what Tom always did, move on to the next woman. Willow pushed off the searing hurt she felt, she would deal with it all after the day was finished and hopefully, the hurt and anger had subsided a little.
Tom tried to stretch some of the stiffness out of his body, while Willow ran to the door. Gosh, he was tired, he hadn’t slept a wink. Women! His mind had been churning trying to figure out what had happened. The animosity had been radiating off Willow in waves, she was certainly very annoyed at something. But why directed at him? What had he done? He knew he shouldn’t have kissed her so savagely, but he was desperate for her to know how he felt about her. He shook his head and cursed. She had seemed willing enough, after a little persuading initially. Christ, he would have stopped at any time she wanted! He asked her, didn’t he? So why was she making him feel like a fiend? They had enjoyed themselves, he certainly had and from her responses, she had too. He rolled his shoulders, he had slept on his left one all night, and boy did it feel like it. He watched the smile split on Willow’s face when the drayman opened the door. She turned back towards him. He could have sworn he felt the daggers hit him and the air turn icy! Giving a sigh, he got up from the makeshift bed and dusted his clothes down. Working the rest of the day with her today was going to be fun!
~~~~
Willow crawled into her bed, bone tired and exhausted after a very trying day. She pulled the covers up, it was still a little cold in the bedroom for Spring or was it her that was cold? She stared up at the ceiling, willing sleep to switch off her mind. Unfortunately, it just kept repeating the day.
The day had been long. It had been traumatic trying to act normally around the customers; smile perched on her face, laughing at their jokes. Willow was sure that they would have been able to see the sparks or feel the tension in the atmosphere, but apparently not, or at least no one commented on it.
It had been a nightmare trying not to bump into Tom while working behind the small bar; there had been plenty of sidestepping and raised arms, the aching of her muscles testified her efforts. She shuddered, she had accidently touched him once when they both reached for the same glass, too busy individually talking to their customers. His touch sent a current up her arm, which made her jump. Luckily Tom had the glass, otherwise it would have been smashed. She recalled him looking at her, narrowing his eyes slightly as if he was going to ask a question. Then he shook his head and his green eyes went back to looking at her blandly.
She turned in her bed and fluffed up her pillow, hoping that the tears she could feel welling would go away. It had hurt her when Tom had looked at her so dispassionately. She hid the hurt easily, there were customers there and she hadn’t wanted him to know he had an effect on her, but it had upset her.
Arguments kept twisting, torturing her unsettled mind. Robert had hurt her so much, she was unwilling to go down that path again. Love was
the easiest way of crushing someone, not pleasant. She tried justifying her own actions, still lumping the majority of the blame in Tom’s direction. She had been a married woman who, of course, had needs of her own. She reasoned to herself that she should be allowed to enjoy herself once in a while, albeit with someone with a reputation like Tom. She decided, in retrospect, his reputation could be a good thing, he certainly would not want anything other than a plain old ‘roll in the hay.’ Perhaps it would work, no strings attached. Willow certainly knew she enjoyed him looking at her, desire in playing in his eyes, the flirting and she certainly enjoyed the passion he could evoke from her. She pulled the pillow over her head. She had relished the way his body had obviously responded to hers and, if truth be known, it was the best sex she had ever had, even on top of cardboard and sacks on a cold stone floor.
Willow sighed, feeling deflated. She had enjoyed the physical side in her marriage with Robert, but they had both been virgins until their wedding, so it was never ‘top of the list’, so to speak. It had always given her a warm, loved feeling. But making love with Tom had made her feel hot, wanted and confused. She rolled her eyes, Tom had evoked a fountain of unexplored feeling in her with his kisses and the things he did to her body. But then, she reasoned, he would - he had enough experience with women!
Jealousy tore through her and she realised with a start, that she loved Tom. For all her rationalising about his reputation, about keeping away from him, about just using him for occasional sex, she had fallen for him; hook, line and sinker. Willow groaned, he had been easy to stay away from when he was on the other side of the bar, he was just another customer, alright a very handsome customer to swoon slightly over, but essentially, another customer. It was only when he helped at the pub that she actually got to see what Tom was really like. And she liked him. That complicated the situation immensely.