by Lara Lacombe
“My name,” she clarified. “You asked me before. It’s Jillian.”
* * *
The name fit her, Alex thought as he watched her draw herself up, as though she was preparing for battle. He knew why she had finally told him—she was hoping he’d give her some information in exchange. Tit for tat. One of the oldest interrogation tricks in the book; a tactic he’d used with varying degrees of success throughout his career. He’d never been on the receiving end before and was surprised to realize how susceptible he was. Her confession, her peace offering, made him want to explain things, to lay it all out for her. He was sorely tempted to tell her the truth, not just about why he’d taken her, but about everything.
It was a heavy burden he carried. He wanted badly to share it with someone.
But he didn’t want to put her in any more danger.
Needing time to think, he stuck his hand out in a bid to buy a few seconds. She stared at it warily, as if he offered her a stick of dynamite. When he didn’t move, she grudgingly slid her hand into his and gave him a perfunctory shake. “Nice to meet you, Jillian,” he said.
She pulled away quickly, no doubt repulsed by his touch. He wished he could say the same, but her small, strong hand had felt nice in his own. It was so easy to think of her as fragile, because of her porcelain skin and delicate bones, but he had only to touch her to be reminded of her hidden strength.
His resolve weakened with the contact, the words building up on the tip of his tongue. Why not share the truth with her? Who could she tell? After all, he was going to keep her by his side until the mess died down. He should be able to make contact with his case handler soon, explain everything. Now that Tony was stable, he had evidence to support his claim. He’d get things straightened out with the Bureau, find the mole in the organization, and then his nightmare would be over. He’d make sure Jillian had a protective detail, so if the gang got wind of her involvement tonight, she’d still be safe.
The more he considered it, the more he realized that if he told her the truth, things could only get better. Since they were going to be stuck together, he needed her to trust him. Besides, he couldn’t stand the way she looked at him now. The combination of fear, determination and hurt that shone in her eyes just tore him up inside. The way she flinched every time he moved broke his heart. He’d never hurt a woman before, never given one cause to be afraid of him, and he didn’t like the slimy sensation he felt in his gut every time she jumped in response to his actions.
His mind made up, he straightened from the door jamb. Jillian watched him move, her stance reminding him of a feral cat, ready to run at the slightest provocation. Alex took a deep breath, gearing up to say the words. After so many years as an undercover agent, it was hard to overcome his ingrained reluctance to reveal his identity. But it had to be done.
“I’m undercover FBI. I was involved in a sting that went south tonight. A lot of government agents died because of a mole in the organization who told the 3 Star Killers about the takedown. Tony knows the identity of the double agent, which is why I needed you to save his life. I couldn’t take him to a hospital, because the FBI and the gang would know, and they would send people to either arrest or kill me. I can’t let that happen.”
She watched him, her eyes growing round as he spoke. “You’re an FBI agent?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, but he thought he detected a note of doubt. Not that he could blame her—he hadn’t exactly acted like an upstanding lawman tonight.
He nodded. “I infiltrated the 3 Star Killers almost three years ago. I’ve worked my way up the chain of command, passing on intel to the FBI so they could build a case against the gang. Tonight was supposed to be the big operation, the one that crippled the gang and effectively took them out. But it all went wrong.”
“I see.” She nodded mechanically, and he had the distinct impression she was humoring him. As though he was a mental patient and she was agreeing with everything he said so as not to provoke him.
Biting his lip in frustration, he thrust his hand into his back pocket and pulled out his identification. He normally didn’t carry his badge and ID, but since tonight was the big op, he’d brought it along so he could identify himself to the other agents. Jillian jumped and shrank back as he shoved it forward for her inspection, but when she realized he wasn’t going to hurt her, she reached out to take the leather case from his outstretched hand.
Her brows pulled together as she studied the badge and card. “This looks real,” she said, sounding confused. “How is that possible?”
“Because it’s the truth?”
She glanced up at him, her brown eyes shining with an emotion he couldn’t name. “But you kidnapped me.”
“I had to. I couldn’t let Tony die.”
She took a step forward, evidently growing braver in the face of his confession. “Why didn’t you tell me who you were before?”
He shook his head. “There wasn’t time. I couldn’t stand there in the middle of the parking lot and explain the situation to you. We had to move. I made a command decision, and while I’m sorry you were scared, I’d do it again.”
She stood in front of him now, a breath away. “You idiot,” she seethed. She slapped his badge against his chest and he raised his hand to keep it from falling. “I would have helped you. I could have admitted Tony as a John Doe, bought you some time. But you didn’t think of that, did you?”
Actually, no, he hadn’t considered that possibility. He’d figured the FBI and the gang would comb the area hospitals looking for him, and he’d wanted to get away as soon as possible. Besides, while the FBI would be careful not to harm any innocent bystanders in their quest to arrest him, he knew the gang wouldn’t be so circumspect.
“I couldn’t risk other people getting hurt. You know the 3 Star Killers wouldn’t hesitate to mow down everyone in the ER if they knew I was inside.”
Some of the anger in her eyes dimmed at that. “You still could have told me the truth.”
“When?” he asked, his temper flaring to life. “In the car on the way here, as you were looking through the supplies? When you were treating Tony? When you were sneaking off to drug me? When, exactly, do you think I should have had this conversation with you?”
“I don’t know!” She took a step back, throwing up her arms as she moved. “But don’t get mad at me for being upset at the fact that you kidnapped me and brought me here under false pretenses.”
Alex opened his mouth to reply, but stopped as he caught the hitch in her breathing. She was terrified, and trying hard not to show it. The knowledge doused his anger like a cold shower. “I’m not the bad guy,” he said softly.
Jillian stared up at him a long moment, considering. He watched the emotions play across her face—anger, frustration, fear, denial. And acceptance. Finally she spoke again. “I know.”
“But the bad guys are out there. And they are coming for us. So we have to decide—are we going to work together or are we going to argue over all the crap that’s happened tonight?” He reached out to rest his hand on her arm, squeezing gently. For the first time, she didn’t flinch at his touch. He felt like whooping in celebration, but kept his voice quiet. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about the way things went down. I’d give anything to keep you out of this.”
The corner of her mouth hitched up in what might have been a smile. “Woulda, shoulda, coulda,” she said wryly. “You’re right about one thing—if we waste time arguing, we’re as good as dead. But don’t think I’m going to forget about the fact that you kidnapped me and shoved me into a car.”
He nodded. “Fair enough. You can punish me later. For now, let’s get some rest.”
“I need to check on Tony first.”
He leaned back so she could walk out of the bathroom. As she brushed past him, he put a hand on her arm, stopping her. She glanced up, a quest
ion in her eyes. “I was never going to hurt you,” he said softly. “I know it’s asking a lot, but please believe me—I would never deliberately hurt you.”
Her expression softened and she reached up to rest her hand on his shoulder. “I know that now,” she said, giving him a reassuring pat.
He released her, the tension in his chest loosening with her words. “Good.”
He watched her walk into the bedroom, a curious sense of relief making him feel almost giddy. She knew. She knew all about him, about what had happened tonight. And now she could help, as his partner, not his hostage. He wasn’t alone any longer—he was part of a team.
Alex moved to the second bed and folded down the scratchy spread. Jillian glanced up from her examination of Tony, and he gestured to the empty bed. “You should get some sleep.”
She looped the stethoscope around her neck as she stood. “What about you?”
He nodded to the chair on the other side of the room. “I’ll take first watch.”
“Promise you’ll wake me in a few hours?” She was already stripping off her white coat and shoes. He heard a thunk as she set her pagers on the bedside table before climbing in.
“Promise,” he said, but he doubted she heard him. Her breathing was already the deep, even cadence of a person sleeping. She was probably a pro at taking advantage of the odd stolen moment; a skill he imagined came in handy in her line of work. He watched her for a moment, envying the peace she’d found and wanting nothing more than to lie next to her and rest for a few minutes. Or a few years.
Shaking off the errant thought, he flipped off the lights and settled into the chair, positioning himself in the dark corner. He had a good angle of the window and door, but was out of the direct line of fire, should anyone burst into the room with guns blazing. He checked his Glock, then his backup weapon—a snub-nosed .38 Special. Both were in good working order, loaded and ready for use. Just in case.
He’d been careful to make a clean exit tonight and knew they hadn’t been followed. The gang didn’t know about this room at the no-tell motel. Neither did the FBI. It was his personal bolt hole, a place to retreat and regroup when things went bad. In the three years he’d been with the gang, he’d never once had to use it.
Until tonight.
Sighing quietly, he reached up a hand to rub his eyes, trying to scrub away the images from tonight’s attack. The screaming. The smell of cordite and gun smoke on the wind. The blood.
Watching the attack unfold tonight had made him feel helpless. It was a sensation he hadn’t had in years, not since the day of that horrible training accident when he’d reached out a hand to help Dan make it to the top of the obstacle wall. Dan’s grasp had been solid and sure, until suddenly it wasn’t, and Dan was scrabbling for purchase as he slipped. The screams of the injured tonight were a haunting echo of Dan’s cry as he’d fallen. Even now, Alex had only to close his eyes to see the man lying at a terrible angle at the base of the wall, the image as clear and perfect as a photograph. It had been almost ten years, but he hadn’t forgotten any of the details.
Probably never would.
Jillian sighed and shifted on the bed. He focused on her, using the distraction of her presence as a lifeline to pull himself out of the sea of memories. It wouldn’t do to get bogged down in things that couldn’t be changed. He had to stay focused on the job at hand—he owed her that, after dragging her into this mess.
It was the only way to make sure they survived.
Chapter 4
Jillian wasn’t sure what woke her. She opened her eyes to unfamiliar surroundings, a heavy blanket of disorientation clogging her senses until her brain logged on and she remembered.
The parking lot. The car. The motel room.
And Alex, the undercover FBI agent.
It was quite a story he’d told her. If not for the badge, she wouldn’t have believed him. Even with the proof of his identity, it was hard for her to accept the truth of his words. Things like this didn’t happen to people like her. She worked her shift, went home and slept. If she was feeling really crazy, she’d have a glass of wine with dinner. But getting kidnapped by a Fed and held for her own safety so a bloodthirsty street gang didn’t kill her? She wouldn’t have imagined this, even in her wildest dreams.
Or her worst nightmares.
She stared at the ceiling, wondering if she should offer to relieve Alex. There was no way to know how long she’d slept—the room was dark, save for a faint rim of light showing around the drawn curtains. Even that didn’t tell her anything, since it was the artificial light of a streetlamp. She couldn’t tell if dawn was approaching or if it was still the middle of the night.
A faint wheeze interrupted the silence and she was up and out of bed before her mind fully registered what she was hearing. Time to check on her patient.
She flipped on the lamp on the bedside table. The bulb appeared to be on its last legs, sputtering out a weak yellow glow that wasn’t much of a match against the darkness. Still, it was better than nothing.
Tony stared up at her, his eyes dark shadows in his thin face. She plugged her stethoscope into her ears, blew on the drum to warm it and placed it on his bony chest. “Having trouble breathing?”
He nodded, his chest heaving with effort. One of the bandages must have gotten loose, breaking the seal to allow air to sneak back into his thoracic cavity. She checked the dressings on his chest, but they appeared fine.
“Can you roll for me? I need to check your back.”
Tony braced himself and pushed, grunting with effort. A quick glance at his back confirmed her suspicions—the bandage had come loose, probably as he shifted on the bed. Jillian quickly re-taped it, adding a bit extra to make sure it stayed in place. Then she guided Tony back down to the bed.
“One more second,” she said, twisting the stopcock to open the chest tube. The air hissed through the tubing, and he gasped and coughed.
“Thanks,” he said after his breathing evened out again.
“No problem,” she said automatically.
He studied her for a moment, as if she was a puzzle he was trying to piece together. Finally he spoke again. “You saved my life.”
Jillian shrugged, unsure how to respond. “Just doing my job.”
Tony shook his head. “Nah. You coulda let me die. But you didn’t.”
“I don’t like any of my patients to die.”
“I wasn’t your patient.”
She stared down at him, struck by a sudden urge to laugh. “Is that what you think?”
He was quiet for a moment. “You’re a good person.”
Confused by the sudden change in topic, she searched for something to say. “I try to be.”
“I try to be, too. That’s why I’m gonna help you now.”
Jillian sat on the edge of his bed, wondering where he was going with this. How could he help her? “Oh?” she said.
“You saved my life, now I’m gonna return the favor. You need to leave.”
“Why is that?”
“My boys are on the way. They’re gonna be here soon, and you don’t want to be around when that happens.”
A cold finger of fear trailed down her spine, but she tried to keep her voice steady. “How do you know that?”
“I saw the name of this place when we pulled in, and I texted them. When you were in the bathroom with him.” He placed a special emphasis on him, heaping all his scorn and disgust onto that one word.
She glanced over her shoulder, searching for him, but the chair was empty. Where had he gone? Had he really just left her here with Tony?
“I don’t know where he is,” Tony said, following the direction of her thoughts. “But you can be sure my boys are gonna find him.” Satisfaction rang in his voice, a promise of violent retribution that made her stomach turn.<
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“Look,” Jillian said, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue. “I’m sure your friends are looking for you. But I don’t think they can move in this weather.” She gestured in the direction of the window, its mustard-yellow curtain billowing slightly as the heater kicked on. “We were supposed to get a foot of snow tonight.”
“Lady, you ain’t hearing me,” Tony said, an edge creeping into his voice. “They’re on the way. And if you’re here, you’re gonna regret it. I can keep ’em from killing you, but I can’t stop them from having a taste.”
“A taste?” she whispered. Fear clawed at her throat, making it hard to breathe.
Tony must have sensed her horror. “You look like a nice girl,” he said, his voice softer now. “You don’t need to be used like that. Get out of here while you still can.”
She leaned back, her mind racing. Could she really leave, with Tony clearly still needing care? The idea of abandoning a patient went against every principle she held as a doctor, but a small, instinctual part of her recognized that she couldn’t help people if she was dead. Perhaps it was better to go—she could call the authorities to make sure Tony got the help he needed, and the police could arrest any gang members who showed up. The idea of leaving this mess for someone else to deal with was distasteful, but in the long run, it was probably for the best.
She rose, her legs shaking only slightly as she shrugged into her white coat and dropped her badges and pagers into the pockets. She stepped over to the window, tugging the corner of the rough curtain aside to glance out. A sea of white greeted her, the parking lot and street beyond coated in a thick blanket of snow that glittered prettily in the moonlight.
Her heart sank at the sight. Not only would she have trouble walking in that, her tracks would be visible for miles around. Easy work for the gang to go after her, if they were of a mind to. But what other options did she have?
She turned back to the bed. Tony watched her quietly, his eyes tracking her every movement. “Tick tock,” he said, the innocent words taking on a new, terrible meaning for her.