by Linda Huber
‘What is it, Alicia? I’m about to go into a meeting.’
‘Is Jenny with you? Have you got her, Paul?’
‘What the hell are you talking about? I can’t go to important business meetings with an eight-year-old under my arm, can I? Alicia, what’s going on? Where is Jenny?’
‘She’s lost in the woods,’ said Alicia, and heard his voice shouting at her, angry and accusing. And God knows she deserved it, she had left her child alone and now funny, lovable Jenny was gone, perhaps forever. It was the kind of thing you saw on the news and you wondered why the adults involved hadn’t watched their children better. She had let her daughter down in the worst possible way.
Paul was speaking again, his voice low and furious. ‘Well for fuck’s sake what’s she doing lost in the woods? Have you called the police? You wait until my lawyers hear about this, Alicia. And get out there and look for her too. I’ll call you back.’
The phone went dead, and Alicia stared across at Frank. ‘He hasn’t got her,’ she whispered. ‘And if he hasn’t, Frank, who has?’
She stumbled across the room towards him and felt his arms go around her.
The Stranger
Not much longer now. Sweet little Helen was waiting on the sofa, and in just an hour or so he would be enjoying a beautiful game with his darling. The whole day had gone exactly as he’d planned. The only thing he hadn’t realised was how tiring it would all be, not to mention how hard it was to keep the correct expression on his face. No-one had any idea what he had done.
Things wouldn’t be so difficult next time. When the time came to send big Helen to Paradise he would be able to do it quite differently. Hers would be a much more peaceful journey. He would invite her home and they could have a couple of drinks and he would comfort her, right there on the sofa where little Helen was now, then he would give her the same sedative in a drink.
But first he still had the pleasure of little Helen’s last journey before him. And giving little Helen a beautiful send-off would make good what had happened with his own darling. He hadn’t wanted that at all...
They had met in York. Helen hadn’t been able to get her car manoeuvred out of a narrow parking space and she’d been in tears of frustration when he arrived, her helper and guide. She had looked up to him from the very start. No-one had ever felt like that about him, not even Mummy. Especially not Mummy. It had been so amazing to gaze into Helen’s dark brown eyes and see her love for him shining out like a lighthouse in a storm.
They had married very quickly. With feelings like that there was no reason to wait, and for several months his life had been perfect. She had made him feel special, and it was like a drug, the more he had, the more he needed.
And then the black day, the day when he’d started to rub her back while they were sitting at home cosily watching a quiz on TV, he could even remember the contestant’s name, Alexander Fowler, answering questions on London Parks. He had started to rub Helen’s back and she’d wriggled away from him, smiled her beautiful smile and said, ‘Later, darling.’
He hadn’t let her see how shocked he’d been. And that had just been the first time. After that, she’d rejected him regularly, always kindly, but still rejection. And there had been a new look in her eyes, a look that told him she had changed. She wasn’t his darling angel any more, no, somehow the very devil himself was worming his way into her soul. The hurt was starting to grow again and he knew how dangerous that could be, he knew that one day it might overwhelm him, like with Mummy and Snugglepuss. He would have to be careful because he loved Helen and she loved him. She just didn’t want as much love as he needed to give her, that was all. It was nothing really. But then it happened. A few weeks later in the garden.
She’d wriggled away from him yet again, laughing up into his face, ‘Goodness, darling, not out here,’ and something brittle inside him had snapped. Exactly like with Mummy. He’d grabbed her arm and she’d pushed him away and then he’d pushed her, and though it wasn’t a hard push she stumbled and hit her head on the old pear tree.
‘Hey! What are you doing?’ she cried, and the look on her face was exactly the same as Mummy’s when she was falling down the stairs. He grabbed Helen’s hair with both hands and slammed her head back against the tree. Her knees gave way, her body sagged downwards, but he held onto her head and felt bones crack. He could hear his own voice screaming.
The neighbour two gardens away heard too, but by the time she arrived to do her nosy-parkering he was lying beneath the tree, cradling Helen in his arms, shaking and distraught.
‘I don’t know what happened, she must have slipped, she hit her head, look, oh, help her, please help her!’
But Helen’s neck was broken. The paving stones were wet and slippery after rain in the night. Everybody knew how devoted they were. It had never entered anyone’s head that he had sent Helen to Paradise himself.
Alicia
She stood there in Frank’s arms, counting breaths, one, two, in, out. Tanking up strength for whatever was coming, but she couldn’t stay here, she had to go back and help find her daughter, oh God please let them find Jenny soon. She pulled away and looked for her bag, but it was still on the kitchen table at home. She was here with nothing except her phone and the clothes she stood in. And Frank’s bike.
‘I have to get back, I... ’
‘I’ll drive you.’
Alicia moved towards the door but before she had gone two steps it burst open and Doug stood there, looking past her to Frank.
‘Frank, can you... Alicia, are you alright?’
Frank answered for her, his voice steady. ‘I’m just about to drive Alicia to Lower Banford, Doug. Jenny’s lost in the woods, the police are out there searching.’
Doug stared at her, then reached out and rubbed her shoulder. It was all Alicia could do not to flinch.
‘Alicia, I’m so sorry. How terrible for you. But I’m sure Jenny’s simply lost her way and you’ll soon have her back. If I can do anything at all to help, just let me know. Frank.’ He jerked his head at the corridor, and Frank followed him out. Alone in the room now, Alicia stood listening as the two men spoke on the other side of the door.
‘You have to go up to Rose Buchanen, Frank. She’s in agony, she needs morphine and there isn’t another doctor in the house.’
Alicia closed her eyes. Frank would go, of course he had to help an old lady in pain. She would get herself back to Lower Banford, she was Jenny’s Mum, it was up to her.
Frank’s voice was angry. ‘That’s a bit of an imposition under the circumstances, Doug. I’ll go up, but if this is going to take more than five minutes you’ll have to phone for someone else. I’m not on call this weekend.’
‘I know,’ said Doug. ‘On you go, Frank. I’ll explain to Alicia and... ’
‘No, I will,’ said Frank, and put his head round the door. ‘Alicia, I have to go upstairs to see a patient, I won’t be more than a few minutes. What do you want to do?’
She joined them in the corridor, looking for a minicab number in her phone. ‘I’ll take a taxi back and speak to the police. I’ll be fine by myself,’ she said, seeing the protest in his face. ‘It’s my little girl and I want to go now. Thank you, for everything you’ve done.’
‘Christ, you don’t have to thank me. Look, do you feel okay to drive? Take my car, that’ll be quicker. I’ll catch up with you in half an hour, max,’ he said, pressing the car key into her hand and charging up the corridor.
Alicia was left holding the key. Should she drive in this condition? Probably not, but she was going to. She frowned at Doug. ‘I’m going, and that’s that,’ she said defiantly.
He patted her shoulder again. ‘I won’t stop you.’
‘I’ll just tell Margaret.’
For the second time that day Alicia stood for a moment at her father’s bedside, looking down at the still figure under the hospital blanket. There was nothing at all to feel now. He might have raped her, he might not, but he had certain
ly beaten her senseless for nothing at all. He was a wicked old man and she wasn’t even going to exert the energy to hate him. She turned away without speaking, and Margaret rose to accompany her down to the car park.
Doug opened the door for them. ‘Alicia, if you need me, just call. Let me know what’s going on, anyway. I could help you look for Jenny when I get off here.’
She stared at him. He didn’t care about Jenny, it was all just for show. ‘Thank you, Doug. I don’t know how the police will want to continue. Either she’ll be in the woods or somewhere in Lower Banford or they’ll have to start a much bigger search. Oh, God.’
Margaret was there, comforting her as they walked down the ward, arms round each other’s waists. ‘Stay calm, lovey.’
Alicia nodded. At the front door she stood for a moment, holding onto Margaret in much the same way as she’d held on to Frank, gathering strength. She knew she was almost at the end of what she could take.
The road was deserted as she drove along. She should have called the police before she left St. Joe’s, now she didn’t know where she should go. Home to the silence? To the pet shop? Just in case? No, no. If Jenny’d turned up there Kenneth Taylor would have called the police right away. Unless...
Was he Oberon? She flattened the accelerator and felt the car surge forwards. She would go to the pet shop and insist on going inside, she would look in every single room and if Kenneth Taylor had her daughter she would strangle him with her bare hands there and then.
A car passed going in the opposite direction, its horn blaring as it swerved to avoid Frank’s car. Alicia slowed down. That was stupid, she could have caused an accident. She would be no use at all to Jen if she was in hospital herself. Soberly, she drove on, steering the car frantically onto the verge when her mobile rang. It was the police.
She listened, her mind going numb as the sergeant reported what little progress they’d made and arranged to meet her at home later. The minute he rang off her phone shrilled out again. This time it was Frank.
‘They haven’t found her, Frank. I’m just outside the village now.’
‘I’m in a taxi, I’ll be with you soon. What did the police say?’
Alicia clutched the phone to her cheek. ‘They’ve been through the woods, they’re pretty certain she’s not there but they have teams out searching the whole area again. They’re making enquiries in the village too, asking if anyone saw Jen or anything suspicious today. I’m going to see if Kenneth Taylor’s in his shop. Jenny loves his kittens, maybe she went there and he, well, he’s a bit strange, isn’t he, Frank, what if he... ’
‘Alicia.’ His voice faded and she heard him speak to the taxi driver. ‘Quick as you can. Alicia. Wait in the car in front of the pet shop. Don’t go in before I get there, okay? There’s something I have to tell you first.’
He broke the connection, and Alicia drove on. The road was busier now, people were returning from Saturday excursions. The day was nearly over and she’d wasted a whole lot of time that could have been spent looking for her daughter. It would have been so much better if they’d called the police straightaway. But they hadn’t known that then.
She parked in front of the pet shop and switched off the engine. Would Kenneth Taylor see her and come out? Surely he must notice her here, so if he didn’t come out, wasn’t that suspicious? Of course the shop was closed now and she didn’t know if his flat above looked out over the street or towards the woods at the back. Maybe she should just go and ring the bell. But the day’s events had caught up with her; she was pinned to the seat, her head leaning on the steering wheel. Jenny baby.
A taxi pulled up behind the car and Frank hurried over.
‘Alicia.’ He lowered himself into the seat next to her.
She blinked at him. ‘I’m alright. What did you want to say about Kenneth Taylor? I need to go and make sure she isn’t there.’
He reached out his hand and took hold of one of hers and she was startled to feel how warm he was. Or was she cold? He rubbed the back of her hand.
Tears welled up in Alicia’s eyes as the numbness vanished completely, Christ how painful it all was. She could feel how fragile her self-control was, and she needed to keep that control to face whatever was going to happen. She would let Frank help her, he obviously wanted to. She found herself gripping his hand, squeezing his fingers and not letting go.
‘The police say either Jen’s gone off by herself somewhere, which I can hardly imagine, or someone’s taken her. Frank. Tell me about Kenneth Taylor.’
‘You sounded as if you thought Kenneth might have something to do with Jenny’s disappearance,’ he said, and she could hear that he was speaking carefully. ‘I can’t give you any details, Alicia, he’s my patient and I have to keep confidentiality, but I can say I’m one hundred per cent sure that Kenneth has nothing at all to do with what’s happened. If I had a child and I needed someone to look after her for a while, Kenneth would be one of the first people I’d go to. Truly.’
Alicia couldn’t speak. She had to believe him. So Jenny wasn’t in the woods, she wasn’t with Paul and she wasn’t with Kenneth Taylor.
‘Then it’s a stranger, if she’s gone off with someone,’ she said, her voice a mere whisper. ‘Frank, she might have been abducted by some pervert.’
Her voice rose in pitch and then broke on the last word. Frank pressed her hand to his face.
‘Alicia love, don’t torture yourself until you know more. Try to keep calm, it’s the only thing you can do now to help Jenny. You have to be ready to react the moment there’s any news.’
But what would the news be? She felt her hand shake as she turned the key in the ignition.
‘I’ll go home again. The police said I should wait there.’
‘Right. Alicia, is there a friend you could call to come and be with you?’
For a moment she considered calling Eva Campbell. But then she didn’t know Eva well. And apart from Margaret there was no-one else she wanted to be with right now.
‘My friends are all in Bedford, there’s only Margaret here. I’ll call David, though, he could come and be with us. Yes, that’s a good idea.’
She pulled the car around and drove back up the street. If only they had never come here, if only she had listened to the child in her head that very first day, warning her about the bad place. She should have driven away with Jenny when she’d had the chance.
Back at her father’s house she stood in the doorway for a moment, staring towards the kitchen. ‘Shit, Frank. Why did I ever come back to this place?’ She stepped inside and kicked a rubber bone to the side.
‘Where’s Conker, anyway?’
‘Kenneth’s got him.’
She sighed. ‘I’ll call David.’
He was hesitating at the front door, and she turned.
I don’t want to be alone yet. The thought was loud in her head.
‘If you’ve time... could you stay a while?’
He nodded slowly, then followed her into the house. Alicia made her call to David, listening to Frank making coffee in the kitchen. David promised to be there as soon as he could, and Alicia rang off, mildly comforted. She wasn’t alone here. There was Margaret and Frank and soon David but oh, where was Jenny? Sobs rose in her throat and she was unable to hold them back. Again Frank was there, comforting her, holding her while she sobbed. Would she ever see her daughter again? The thought that she might not was unbearable. After several minutes, the spasm passed and she was able to blow her nose and talk again.
‘David’s on his way.’ She accepted a mug and sat down at the kitchen table. Moritz came running up and wound himself round Frank’s ankles before leaping up to Alicia’s lap. Jenny’s cat. Frank sipped his coffee silently and Alicia looked at him uncertainly. It was so difficult to work out what was going on between them, beside the friendship and trust there was the awkwardness of being in this terribly intimate situation and neither of them knew what the other was thinking about their sudden togetherness, which
after all had only been caused by Jenny’s disappearance.
She struggled to say something to fill the silence. ‘The police should be reporting back soon,’ she said tonelessly. ‘Look, it’s half past four already. I should let Doug know what’s going on too, he said he would keep Margaret informed. He’s good like that, isn’t he?’
Frank had flinched at her words and she looked up to see real anguish on his face before he controlled his expression and replied.
‘Yes. His talents are wasted in an administrative job, but I suppose it’s better paid. But he seems a, a good man.’
Alicia felt her own body flinch too. ‘My father always said that. A good man. He was proud of being a good man... a God-fearing man. But I think, oh God, Frank, he undressed me, and it was his belt... the buckle, right down my back and my legs... the pain... and there was blood everywhere, I thought I was going to die and I was so afraid and Mum didn’t come. I could hardly breathe but... I can’t remember what happened after that.’
‘Alicia, can I look at your back?’ His expression was unreadable.
She stood without a word and turned around. He lifted her top, moving her into the light. When he spoke his voice was hard with anger.
‘You have masses of tiny scars, dozens of them, and a couple of bigger ones as well,’ he said. ‘They’ve healed and faded so they’re not very noticeable now unless you’re looking for them. But they’re quite definite. You must have been beaten badly, and probably more than once. Alicia, we’ll deal with this, I’ll help you, but this isn’t the time. We should concentrate on Jenny for the moment.’
For a few moments they sat in silence. Alicia felt the child’s presence in her head again, there was still something more, she could feel that. The child still knew something that she didn’t know yet. But Frank was right, now wasn’t the time. She should keep herself in control, the police would be here soon.
Frank’s mobile rang out in his trouser pocket and he jumped up to silence it. Alicia winced.