AJ Mirag - Clippings

by Clippings (lit)

  “He'll probably notify you that you'll be released,” said Mephisto.

  With some trepidation and anticipation, Daniel followed Fontana to the exit of the block. Then they crossed the Garden of Eden, passed the sentry box and entered the Administration block in complete silence.

  The Administration block was as unsophisticated as the other blocks, but its walls had been recently painted, which gave the building a cleaner and brighter look. They walked through a corridor lined with office doors until Fontana halted and knocked at one of them.

  The General Director, Mr. Alencar, the same director who had talked to Daniel when Daniel had arrived in the Detention House, shook Daniel's hand and congratulated him: his writ of habeas corpus had been granted, and he would leave the Detention House tomorrow.

  As Daniel walked back to his shack, uneasiness took hold of him.

  In spite of the misery and fear he had faced on daily basis, it wasn't going to be easy to leave his friends: the Professor, Master Bumblebee, Julinho... As for Mephisto, Daniel didn’t even want to think about it. He wasn't sure he could live without Mephisto. Of course he would come to visit him whenever he could, but it wouldn't be the same thing. Besides, he feared for Mephisto's safety in prison.

  Daniel entered the shack with his heart heavy, and confirmed the news to Mephisto.

  Mephisto tried to show firmness. “Very well. That lifts a weight off my heart. You have to promise me that you'll carry on with your life, that you'll go back to college and forget all about this nightmare of a place.”

  Daniel knew him well and could read behind the apparent harshness of those words. “Vlado, I'll never, ever forget you. There's no way I'll stop coming here.”

  “You're saying that now, because our relationship was important for you while you were here. When you get out, everything will change. And that's a good thing. You're still going to court. The less contact you have with prisoners, the better.”

  “Forget it, okay? This is not going to happen. As soon as they give me permission, I'll be here, visiting you,” said Daniel.

  “I won't delude myself.” Mephisto poured a cup of tea for himself and sipped it. “There are thousands of girls waiting for you outside. In the beginning, you may miss me, but one day you'll be ashamed of what we had here. You won't understand why you ever felt attracted to an old pile of bones like me.”

  Daniel came close to Mephisto and wrapped an arm around his waist sideways. “This time you're wrong. First, because I'm not the kind of guy who jumps into bed with the first girl he sees. I’ve always been very picky. But it's more than that. You're wrong because I changed a lot in this place. You don't think I can get out now and talk to my old friends as if nothing had happened, do you? They won't understand it, no matter how hard they try. Someone who didn't go through this experience can't understand. What we both have here is more important than anything else in my life.”

  “I believe you're sincere, but this will change with time,” stated Mephisto. “You're right: people out there have a different perception of time and space, and can't understand the way we live here. But when you get out, you will be one of those who are out there, and your perception of time and space, let alone your social perceptions, will start diverging from mine.”

  “What a bad time for you to embody the Professor!”

  A pale smile hovered over Mephisto's face. “Only you and the Professor are allowed to philosophize?”

  “Vlado, I can't deny that what you said makes sense. Maybe we need to be prepared for that, prepared to try to overcome this...asynchrony that may grow between us. But it's also true that I don't want to lose you,” said Daniel. “And you offend me by not believing my sincerity, or the depth of our relationship.”

  His hand shaking, Mephisto smoothed Daniel's hair. “All right.

  Let's not talk about that now.”

  “There's something else I want to tell you.” Daniel stared at Mephisto solemnly. “I don't want you to go back to that Adonis. I don't want you to be with any whore, prison wife, transvestite or whatever. I want you to promise you'll be faithful.”

  Mephisto's lips curled in a sad smile. “I promise,” he said, finally returning Daniel’s embrace.

  “Do you promise you won't share your shack with anyone?”

  “I'd rather live alone. Right now, there are many vacant shacks, because of the escape and the massacre. The General Director requested a meeting tomorrow with the Professor to discuss the occupation of the vacant shacks, so soon there will be some changes.

  I can't promise I won't share my shack with anyone, because I don't know what might happen. I can only promise you I'll be faithful...”

  Mephisto gave a sardonic smile “...even if they put Mick Jagger in my shack.”

  “Mick Jagger is senile and decrepit. He's not your type.”

  “Then Orlando Bloom.”

  Daniel laughed, and then got serious again. “You can't live without sex. Don't think that I don't know.”

  Mephisto frowned. “Don't forget that you were the one who crawled into my bed the first time, not the other way round.”

  “Yes, but you were having fun with your Adonis and who knows who else.”

  Mephisto made an impatient gesture. “We had this talk before. If you think I can't keep my pants on, you're wrong. I know I may look like a sex maniac when I'm with you, but...you're not much different...”

  “That is the problem. Besides being a sex maniac, you...er...you make other people become sex maniacs, too.”

  Mephisto laughed. “I'm feeling like a Sex God. I'm flattered, but I believe you have a slightly distorted view on this because...well, because you're crazy for me.”

  “Conceited, are we?” said Daniel, struggling not to lose his focus and failing miserably because Mephisto had brought his face closer and was nibbling his earlobe.

  “I'm crazy for you, too. I don't want to fight. You're leaving tomorrow morning. I want you to carry with you good memories of your last day here.”

  “So let's talk to the Professor now, and then we can come back here and spend the rest of the day...”

  “...in bed,” finished Mephisto.

  _________

  The Professor embraced Daniel warmly. “I'm very glad for you.

  We’ll miss you. This place will feel empty without you.”

  A knot formed in Daniel's throat. “I'll miss you, too. But I'll come visit you every week.”

  “I was thinking,” said the Professor, looking at Mephisto. “I'll add Daniel to the list of my visitors. This way he’ll be able to come sooner than if you, Mephisto, ask to add him, because you don't even have a visitors list. You know how the bureaucracy is. If I include Daniel in my list, he will probably be allowed to come...not next weekend, because today is Thursday already...but on the weekend after.”

  Mephisto nodded. He had apparently given up convincing Daniel not to come back to visit.

  “Thank you,” said Daniel.

  “Mephisto, can you please leave us alone for a moment?” The Professor’s imperative tone made it sound more like an order than a request.

  Mephisto narrowed his eyes at the Professor and stormed out the shack without saying another word.

  The Professor gestured to Daniel to sit in the armchair, and when Daniel complied, he sat behind his desk. “Let's talk about our plans, Daniel. Do you remember that site that I showed you? I want you to enter there next Monday morning, at 9 AM. Don’t prepare anything in advance. Don’t write the table on your computer. When the time comes, you may write the table on a piece of paper, or use a table printed in a book, if you can find one. After you enter the site and find the message, print it on a paper-sheet. When you finish decoding it, burn the pieces of papers where you wrote the table and the original message. Discreetly.”

  “Right. Next Monday morning.”

  “I’ll keep the message online for about two hours, until 11 AM.”

  “Okay.”

  “As for the place y
ou should take the message to, you’ll find out its address only when you decode the message, but I myself will inform the receiver of the message of the place and time. You don't need to worry about such details. You won’t meet the receiver. You just have to take the decoded message to the right place in the right time, as indicated in the message.”

  “It's a deal.”

  “Do you live near the center of the city?” asked the Professor.

  “About ten minutes by car, why?”

  “Nothing important. Do you want to give me your home phone number, so that I can call you? If you prefer not to, I’ll understand.”

  “I think it's better if I call you. From a public phone,” said Daniel.

  “Smart boy. Just don't talk about business. Only pleasantries.”

  “Sure.”

  The Professor embraced Daniel again. “Now go back to your shack and take care of Mephisto. He's trying to put up a tough face, but deep inside he's feeling miserable. He's going to miss you a lot.”

  “I know. Do you agree with him, that I'm going to change and stop coming here, after some time?”

  The Professor shrugged. “We and you will not be sharing the same experiences. You’ll be in a totally different place. You’ll enter a new flow of time. You’ll have new socializing patterns. All those factors are very strong, Daniel. But only time can answer your question.”

  Daniel sighed. “Thank you for everything, Professor.”

  _________

  Daniel went to Julinho's shack to tell him the news. Much to his displeasure, Alfeu was there. Julinho was glad to see him, but sad because he was going to miss his friend. Daniel promised he would come to visit him every week.

  When Daniel was about to leave, Alfeu approached him. “I would like to thank you for the friendship you showed to Julio while you were here. I want you to know that, although I did it at the Professor's request, I wouldn't have helped with the Court’s legal procedures if it weren't for the affection Julio has for you and, I believe, that you have for him, too.”

  Daniel stood there, speechless, for a few seconds. So Alfeu was the “process facilitator” the Professor had “activated”? Daniel struggled to recompose himself. “I didn't know it was you. Thank you.” Daniel held out his hand to Alfeu, who squeezed it so strongly that Daniel bit his lip not to scream in pain. “We'll see each other tomorrow morning again,” said Daniel to Julinho, before stepping out of the door.

  Back to his shack, Daniel inquired Mephisto, “Why didn't you and the Professor tell me Alfeu was my 'process facilitator'?”

  “Alfeu told you? Son of a bitch. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone.”

  “Ah, so that's the way things are. It's the strangers who come to tell me things about me, because my friends don't tell me anything!”

  “You know very well that I don't want you involved in these things.”

  Daniel sighed and sat down on the stool, feeling tired and confused. “At the end of the day, I don't think Julinho's life is much different from most women’s lives out there. That doesn't excuse Alfeu, but it makes me see things from a different point of view.”

  Daniel shook his head. “I think you're right. It's time for me to go, because I'm beginning to accept even people like Alfeu. If I stay here longer, even Shadow will start looking human to me.”

  Mephisto ran his hand through Daniel's hair, which was already long enough to be messed up by Mephisto's caresses.

  _________

  On the last night they spent together, Mephisto let Daniel top.

  They made love face-to-face, Mephisto with his legs on Daniel's shoulders. It was as if Mephisto could top from the bottom, leading the action, pulling Daniel toward his body, setting up a slow and comfortable rhythm, engulfing Daniel in a sea of bliss.

  They held hands, and a thrill of happiness ran through Daniel.

  Oh, if they could be like that for ever! He noticed he was completely inside Mephisto now. He pulled out a bit then thrust back in, over and over, running his free hand across Mephisto's chest and playing with his nipples.

  Mephisto took one of Daniel's fingers into his mouth and sucked it, flicking his tongue softly over it, and started clenching his buttocks around Daniel's cock in a way that made Daniel see stars. Daniel let out a muffled gasp and his next thrust was totally out of control.

  Mephisto groaned in pleasure, and Daniel let himself go, oblivious to everything else.

  They moved together, their bodies uniting and separating and uniting again in a frantic dance. Now Daniel was thrusting so hard and so deep that their chests were touching. “Vlado...”

  “Yes, Dan... That's it. Right there...”

  And Daniel felt pleasure growing inside both of them, every part of their bodies tensing. He shoved deep inside and stayed there, his cock emptying itself inside Mephisto.

  His heart was still beating unevenly when he lay down beside his lover. Mephisto stroked his face silently.

  _________

  In the morning, the Professor gave a farewell party for Daniel, with pastéis and sodas from Garapa's pastelaria. All the capoeira students were there. Master Bumblebee, who was deeply moved, made Daniel promise he wouldn't stop practicing. Julinho embraced Daniel with tears in his eyes. Daniel promised he would come to visit everyone.

  At 8 AM, Fontana, the jailer, came to fetch him. Daniel gave Mephisto a last embrace.

  “Take care, brat,” whispered Mephisto in his ear.

  “I'll come back as soon as I can,” said Daniel.

  Fontana took Daniel to the Administration, where he signed his release papers. When the bureaucratic formalities were done, Daniel was escorted to the clothes room, where he was given back the clothes he was wearing when he had been arrested.

  12. Decisions

  The reunion with his mother, father and sister at the gates of the Detention House was full of tears and embraces. Daniel felt weird.

  When he arrived home, everything seemed alien to him. It didn't feel like he had gone back to the past; it felt like he had come back to a world that wasn't his. It was going to be difficult to get used to life outside prison.

  His parents' and sister's questions embarrassed him. He didn't feel like telling his prison experiences to anyone. No one would understand. He knew, however, that it was important to make them realize that those experiences hadn't been completely negative, that there had also been a rich, positive side to them. He knew he would have to tell them about Mephisto, one day. Not everything, of course, but at least a part of what they had shared. So he tried to mention as many interesting, creative aspects of his life in prison as he could remember: the Professor's library; Daniel's discussions with the Professor; the capoeira and weightlifting classes; the Oldie's funny, fantastic stories. At first he found it hard to tell those stories to his family, but gradually the affection he felt for those he had recently left behind dominated him; his words started flowing more naturally, and he hoped he was sounding more convincing.

  It wasn't easy to talk about Mephisto, though. How could he tell his family the way Mephisto had protected him, cared about him? It was a minefield. Daniel just told them he had got along very well with his cellmate, who was a generous, intelligent man, and also a good cook. When Daniel revealed his intention of visiting his prison friends on Saturdays, his parents didn't like the idea, but he was of age, and they had never interfered in his life.

  On his first night without Mephisto, Daniel drowned in grief. He missed the warmth of Mephisto’s body, the touch of his hands, the smell of his skin. Daniel's clean, cozy bedroom and his sheets smelling of lavender – nothing comforted him. He almost panicked at the thought that he would have to live without Mephisto for the rest of his life. The only idea that soothed him was that he could spend the next days thinking of the steps he would have to take to meet Mephisto again in a few days, and focusing on the action.

  On Monday morning, as he had promised the Professor, Daniel turned his computer on, entered the Internet and went to t
he panopti.com site. He typed the password, Psilocybe8691, and was given access to the page. There it was, the coded message! Daniel printed it, left the site and cleared his browsing history. In a few minutes, Daniel decoded the first lines:

  “Harmony Park bathrooms, last stall on the left. Under the loose tile on the window sill. July 3. At noon.”

  It would be a piece of cake. Harmony Park was located midway between Daniel's house and the center of the city, and he used to pass by there quite often. July 3 was tomorrow, Tuesday. There was no time to lose.

  It took him more than one hour to decode the whole message, which was fifteen lines long. It was a chemical formula — probably the formula of the hallucinogenic drug the Professor had created.

  The digits the Professor had mentioned in their last conversation were the indices of the elements. Daniel didn't want to memorize the formula. He put the piece of paper with the message in a locked drawer.

  The next morning, Daniel told his parents he was going to take a walk in the park, and then have lunch downtown and do some shopping. It wasn't a lie; he did exactly what he told them he would.

  At eleven thirty, he caught the bus. Five minutes later, he got off at the Harmony Park stop.

  The vastness of the horizon, the variety of colors and the sunshine dazzled him. He walked to the lake shore and sat down on a stone bench by the lake. A flock of white geese was gliding across the lake; a few ducks were sitting along the shore. Two white herons swooped gracefully across the blue sky. Daniel thought of Mephisto.

  Oh, how he wished Mephisto was there! It would be wonderful if they could simply walk along the lake together!

  At five to noon, Daniel entered the bathroom. He took his time, pretending to be washing his hands until the appointed stall became vacant. Then he strolled to the end of the corridor and went through the door on the left end. He closed the door and turned to the window. As the window was set high on the wall opposite to the door, he had to climb up on the toilet to reach the window sill. Then he located the loose tile and placed the folded piece of paper under it.