“Please.” It was all I could manage.
We buried Father two days later, at the bleak cemetery on the hill. A cold drizzle saw him to his grave. A few acquaintances, the butcher, the greengrocer, paid their respects while a minister read from the Book.
I stood shivering in my dress whites. Annie leaned on Eddie. When the service was done I trod across the rocky ground to Jason’s grave, but could find no tears, even for him. Afterward, chilled, we rode back to the house. I kindled a fire. Annie snuggled at my knees.
“I wish I could stay.” I stared into the flames.
The sailor stirred. “Where you gotta go, Captain?”
“They expect me at Wellington for the commissioning. We’ll have to leave soon.”
“You taking Annie to a ship?” He sounded uneasy.
“No, of course not. You’ll stay at Academy.”
Annie said with force, “I don’t wan’ go there.”
“Why not? They’d take good care—”
“I don’ belong!”
For her sake, I tried to suppress my frustration. From her perspective, she was right. Officers and cadets would be scrupulously polite to the Commandant’s wife, but she’d have no one to talk to, no one who understood. On the other hand, where else could she—
“Stay here, then.” I waved away their surprise. “It’s why we came. And the house is mine now.”
“I can’t stay here alone, I go glitch!” She seized Eddie’s arm.
“Not alone, Annie.” I looked to Eddie Boss.
“You leavin’ me wid her again?” He looked frightened.
“Annie needs someone to—”
“Not widout you!” He scrambled to his feet.
After a moment I understood. “Come outside, Mr. Boss.”
We huddled in the lee of the shed. “Cap’n, ain’ good idea put me alone wid Annie!”
“Someone has to protect her.” From herself, perhaps.
“In Academy, den!” He stomped his foot, turned away. Finally, scarlet, he blurted, “I ain gon’ touch her, Cap’n! Swear! Won’ touch her never!”
I closed my eyes, remembered her hand seizing his for comfort. “Look after her, Mr. Boss. And if need be ... I forced the words. “If need be, touch her. Give peace to my wife.”
I hurried back to the house.
PART 3
November, in the year of our Lord 2201
Chapter 16
“THE IMPORTANT THING IS, you found her.” Tolliver’s expression was somber. “She’ll heal in time.”
I couldn’t describe Annie squatting in the shack, nor tell him of her dependence on Eddie. “What’s come up while I was away?”
“The usual. Two cadets caned, the latest biweekly test scores are on your puter, the new simulator’s been delayed again. One other thing. I heard from United Suit and Tank about those serial numbers that didn’t check.”
“When Branstead was doing inventories?”
“Yes. U.T. and S. says the numbers on our list match the suits they shipped. So I asked them to help identify the numbers on the suiting room manifest.” He waited.
“I’m in no mood for games. Spit it out.”
“Aye aye, sir. United Suit and Tank says they’re old numbers.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Sorry, sir. Not old numbers, old suits. Refurbished.”
My weary mind tried to grapple. “How can that be?”
“One explanation comes to mind. The new suits were, um, diverted, and old ones substituted.” Tolliver waited for a response, leaned forward. “Let me make it clearer. Someone sold the new equipment we paid for, and sent us junk.”
“Who?”
“It’s the quartermaster’s job to check new inventory.”
“Sergeant whatzisname? Serenco?”
“Yes, sir.”
“What does he say?”
“I wasn’t about to tackle that without your presence, sir. Too touchy.”
I growled, “That never stopped you before.” Childish, but so be it.
Tolliver rose to the challenge. “Very well, I’ll deal with him on my own.”
“No, let me think on it.” I got to my feet. “Anything else?”
“Your friend Mr. Thorne arrived last week. I assigned him a flat.” He gathered his notes. “Don’t forget you leave for Wellington in five days.”
“I just got back.” I sighed. “I really don’t like the idea of bringing cadets to a commissioning. Let’s drop that idea.”
“After you had me tell them? Forget it.”
“I’m Commandant here, not you!”
Tolliver crossed his arms. “You break the news to them, then.” I bristled, but he overrode me. “If you’d seen Kevin Arnweil’s face, you’d understand. Have you ever seen him smile?”
“He doesn’t smile much.”
“Now he does.”
I sighed again, my ire fading. “They haven’t earned special privileges, you know. I really should bring the cadet with the best grades.”
“Go ahead. One more won’t make a difference.”
“Oh, sure. Like a mother duck with—”
“And a middy to take care of them.”
“Good Lord.” I waved it away. “I’ll think about it.”
Tolliver stood. “My condolences about your father, Mr. Seafort.”
“Thank you. Dismissed.”
I sat for a while, brooding about the U.T. and S. suits. It was no small thing to accuse a staff sergeant of dishonesty; if I was wrong, our relations would be poisoned. Despite Tolliver’s suggestion, the discrepancy in numbers might be accidental.
I could decide later. In the meantime, it would do me good to look up Jeff Thorne. For the first time in ages, my spirits lifted. I left my office. In the anteroom Kevin Arnweil stood hopefully. His glance flickered to my bruised face, and away. Like the others, he dared make no comment.
“I’ll be back soon.” I tried to ignore Kevin’s crestfallen look, stopped at the outer door. “Come along, Mr. Arnweil. I’ll introduce you to our new second lieutenant.”
“Aye aye, sir.” He scurried to my side.
We crossed the quadrangle. “I’ve known Mr. Thorne ever since I was a cadet.”
“Yes, sir.”
“He was a middy at the time.”
“Yes, sir.” He kept pace alongside.
I gave it up. Arnweil could no more imagine me as a cadet than himself as Captain.
Tolliver had bunked Jeff Thorne in Officers’ Quarters, but, thankfully, not in the apartment of his predecessor Mr. Sleak. That would have been too much. Despite myself, my heart beat faster as we neared his apartment. Would he take me on another mission, someday? To raid the galley, unbeknownst to all?
I knocked, waited. “Mr. Thorne?”
No answer. “Jeff?”
Nothing. Kevin Arnweil shifted uncomfortably. I sighed. “Another time, I guess. You’ll meet him soon enough.” I started back to the office, the cadet at my heels.
The depth of my disappointment surprised me. On the spur of the moment I asked, “When you were aloft, did you hear of any middies, ah, leading cadets on unauthorized missions?”
“I ...” He swallowed. “I guess, I—No, sir.”
I stopped short. “Forgive me. That came out badly.”
“Aye aye, sir.”
“I wasn’t asking you to inform.”
“Oh, no, sir!” He seemed desperate to please.
“I just meant, I wondered if they still, I mean, I don’t know if you’d even be aware—” I clamped my mouth shut. Adam Tenere’s babbling held nothing on mine.
“I’m sorry, I always get it wrong.” Arnweil smoothed his black locks with a nervous gesture.
“Belay that!” We walked the rest of the way in silence. No point trying to explain; I’d done enough damage.
At the outer door he blurted, “I’m sorry I didn’t answer you right, sir.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” I’d already apologized, what else d
id the young twit want? I crossed to my desk, came to a halt. “Damn it to hell!” I turned back to the anteroom.
“Kevin, come along.” I stalked out into the cool afternoon, turned toward the front gate.
The cadet trotted to keep up with my stride. “About what you asked, sir, I could probably think of—”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“Sorry, sir.”
After a time my pace slowed. I turned from the path, crossed the tree-lined lawn, found a secluded spot. I took off my jacket, loosened my tie while Kevin watched in consternation. I sat back against the tree, patted the ground. “Sit.”
I took time to assemble my thoughts. “Kevin, I made a fool of myself, asking you the wrong question. Let me tell you a story. I was a plebe at Farside, probably more scared than you are now. My cadet corporal was down on me, I had almost no friends, I imagined I’d wash out at any moment.”
Arnweil contemplated me, saying nothing.
“There was a boy, a middy.” I looked into the distance. The words came hard. “He was everything I wasn’t. Handsome, likable. He didn’t have to bully; he had natural authority. Ever meet someone like that?” I didn’t wait for an answer. “Even though I was a mere cadet, he took me aside for talks as if I mattered to him. Late at night he would haul me from barracks on the pretext of hazing, but once we were out of sight we’d round up some others and do crazy things. Spying belowdecks. Raiding the emergency rations in the suiting room. We even reprogrammed the console in Nav class.”
I risked a glance. Kevin was engrossed by a blade of grass.
“It ended suddenly when we got caught. I took a caning. But I sometimes realize ... I cleared my throat. “If it weren’t for him, I couldn’t have gotten through. I mean, you can get so lonely.” I had to stop, at that.
The boy’s tone was urgent. “You don’t have to talk about those things, sir.”
“Lonely.” Annie in Cardiff, her future unsure, only Eddie to guide her. I shook my head. No, this was about the past, wasn’t it? “They throw the courses at you, and discipline, and traditions, and sometimes it’s too much to take.”
She might never come back to me. Even Father’s meager comfort was gone. I had no one, not even Lord God. Nothing but my duty, and I was failing at that.
“So, you see, I was just wond—” I tried again. “What that middy did meant so much to me. It’s over, as far as my own life, but I needed to know whether it goes on still. If it does ...
“Sir, I—”
“It would mean a lot, just to know.” Abruptly I got to my feet, faced away. My eyes burned. Damned air, full of pollutants.
After a time I picked up my jacket. “Come, let’s go back.”
“Aye aye, sir.” This time our pace was slower. I walked with hands in pockets, glad of the confession, even if Arnweil hadn’t understood a word I’d said. Shy crocuses peeked from carefully tilled flower beds. Someday, I would go home to Cardiff, whether Annie was there, or not. I would till and mend fences, search for elusive peace.
“I wasn’t part of it.” Kevin was subdued. “Doing things.”
“That’s all right, lad. I just needed to explain.”
“Dustin Edwards ... we signed up together. We thought—” His voice wavered. “Now that he’s gone, there’s no one.”
“I understand.”
“Some of the middies, they’re nice. Mr. Keene, Mr. Tenere.” His step slowed. “None of them notice me, the way you talked about.”
“I’m sorry, I—”
He took a deep breath. “I lied a little, before. There’s stories you hear, in barracks. Middies trying to get through the guards, to the gravitrons. I don’t know if they bring cadets along.”
“Ah.” I studied the impatiens. Their colors seemed to brighten.
“Three joes got caught putting jelly in the toes of training suits. I heard it wasn’t the first time.”
“Terrible.”
He saw in my eyes that which didn’t match my words. He offered a tentative smile. “Yes, sir.”
My tone was gruff. “Thank you.” We walked on in silence, paused at the Admin Building door.
“Shall I wait inside for orders, sir?”
“Well ... I smiled. I was Commandant, and could do as I liked. “No, take the afternoon off. Get a haircut. Do whatever you wish.” Unheard of. A cadet’s every moment was regimented, and rightly so.
“Aye aye, sir.” He saluted, waited for dismissal.
I opened the door, hesitated. Annie was still in Cardiff, Father. was still gone. Lord God’s face was still turned from me.
Nothing had changed. Yet somehow my load was lighter.
It was barely a week since I’d last taken my place in the dining hall, but it seemed ages. I ate slowly, thinking about Tolliver’s investigation. After Cardiff, Academy problems seemed unreal, and I had to force myself to concentrate. At table, Kevin Arnweil offered me a shy smile, was rewarded with a frown from Sergeant Olvira. I winked.
After dinner Tolliver accompanied me to my office, past Arnweil and Kyle Drew, who’d been assigned late evening duty in the anteroom. They stood, saluted.
I closed the door. “How should I deal with Quartermaster Serenco?”
“Why not just ask him, sir?”
“Oh, come on! ‘Good afternoon, Sarge. By the way, have you stolen our training suits?’”
“Something along those lines. “There’s a discrepancy in suit numbers. Can you help us explain it?’”
I bit back an angry reply. It might be the easiest approach after all. “Very well. Have him report in the morning.”
“Right. Do you want me present?”
“Yes.” Tolliver had the facts at hand, and I didn’t. “By the way, Jeff Thorne wasn’t at dinner. Know where I can find him?”
Tolliver’s tone was cold. “Since when is it my duty to keep track of the Commandant’s favorites?”
“Tolliver!”
“We traded shifts. He went to town. Seems he stayed late.”
“Why?”
My aide rose to his feet. “Ask Jeff Thorne, not me!” He flung open the door, snapped a wrathful salute, stalked out.
I gaped. For all his foibles, this was unlike Tolliver. Had the two argued? It was important they get along; I intended to send Edgar aloft, so I could spend time groundside. I’d expected Jeff to be his mainstay at Farside.
I brooded at the console. Annie, in Cardiff, pressed heavily on my mind. I had done her so much harm; far better had I left her to proceed to Detour with the others of her tribe. Why was my life filled with, misery and death? So much of it could have been avoided, had I been more aware, more competent. Perhaps even Lieutenant Sleak might have been saved.
At least I had Jeff Thorne. He’d help, even if only by offering a sympathetic ear. When would our paths finally cross?
After a time I found myself yawning. I turned off the console. I checked my desk one last time, turned off the light.
“—voice down. He’ll hear us!”
I froze with my hand on the knob. Now what were the cadets up to?
“... don’t know how you feel? I think about it every day!” A high-pitched voice. Kyle Drew. I leaned my head against the door, the better to hear.
“I never said it was your fault.” Arnweil’s tone was sullen.
“You don’t have to, Kevin.”
“Who asked you to bring it up again? He’s gone. You can’t change that, I can’t—” Arnweil’s voice caught.
For a moment, silence.
Kyle. “Don’t look at me like that! I can’t stand it! I’d switch places with him in a second if I could. I dream about it every night.”
An anguished whisper. “So do I.”
A long time passed. Kevin Arnweil muttered, “Dus and I joined up together. We were close. It was a miracle when they put us in the same dorm.”
“You don’t know how close.” Kyle giggled. “That time he got batonned, you walked like it was you.”
“Don’t
make fun of us, you frazzing little—”
“I wasn’t!” The scrape of a chair. “Kevin, I’m so damn jeal—” Silence. “I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know. If there was anything I could do—I’m sorry. I miss him too.”
Arnweil sounded weary. “Thanks. You didn’t do it on purpose.”
Kyle’s answer was so low I could barely hear. “What does that matter?”
I leaned against the door. Preoccupied with Nav grades, with laser training and calisthenics, we did nothing for our joeys’ aching souls. I thought again of Jeff Thorne, and what he’d meant. He would understand how to help.
I tiptoed back to my desk, groped in the dark for the caller. “Ring Sergeant Kinders for me, please.”
Arnweil, his voice all business. “Aye aye, sir.”
Kinders answered on the first ring. “Sarge, have Lieutenant Thorne report to my office after breakfast.”
“Aye aye, sir.”
No, damn it, that wasn’t what I wanted. A summons from the Commandant would only emphasize our difference in rank, when I wanted to meet him as an old friend. “Belay that, Sarge.” How to—“Mr. Kinders, you’re familiar with town?”
“Somewhat, sir. I’ve lived here for—”
“If an officer were off the grounds, where would you find him? Are there restaurants, pubs?” It occurred to me I’d never left the Academy grounds other than by heli.
“Yes, sir.” He hesitated. “Is it Lieutenant Thorne you’re ... ?”
“Yes.”
“I saw him in the Athenia Tavern a couple of nights ago.”
“Thank you.” A few minutes later I was memorizing directions from the guard at the gate. I crossed the commons into the center of town.
The Athenia was on a side street about half a mile distant. I didn’t mind the walk; it gave me time to clear my head, compose myself.
Above the entrance was a huge holo projecting a distorted, romanticized view of the Solar System. As best I could tell, the ship that captured that view would be close enough to the Sun to melt its holocamera.
Inside, a jangle of laughter amid stale fumes of drink.
“A table, Captain?” The maître d’.
“I’m looking for—” My eye roved to the booths in the dining room, spotted a Naval uniform. I looked closer, recognized Midshipman Thayer with a civilian. He caught my eye. I grimaced, waved him back to his seat.
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