Angel Without

by Rhiannon Ayers

  “Wait…that won’t make you, like, jealous, will it?”

  Maddox snorted. “Jealous? Come on. Do you know what jealousy really is?”

  Riley frowned. “Uh…”

  Another snort. “Jealousy is really insecurity. It’s seeing someone you love hanging around someone else and thinking to yourself, ‘What does he have that I don’t have? What’s wrong with me, that she would want to spend time with him over me?’ Jealousy isn’t fear of betrayal, or concern you might be cheated on. It’s deep-seated insecurity about yourself, the fear that you’re lacking in some way. Now, do I strike you as the type of person to suffer from that kind of insecurity?”

  “Geez. You really are a ‘psycho’ analyst, aren’t you?”

  Maddox waggled his eyebrows, a smirk lighting his gorgeous face. He pushed himself to his feet, reached a hand down to help Riley up, too. “Come on, let’s fix the drywall I just murdered. Then we can go back to Amber.”

  Laughing, both men turned toward the gaping hole in the wall, sharing a grin as they reached for their tools—and right at that moment, Amber screamed.

  * * * *

  After Riley left, Amber hoisted herself up onto the kitchen island and pulled out her cell phone. She glanced at the clock as she dialed Allen’s number, hoping he wouldn’t be in bed already. She’d caught Maddox’s admonition for her brother and his mates to get some sleep, and though she didn’t know why they would be doing so in the middle of the day, she had no doubt he’d meant it. Still, she needed to talk to her brother, and now, before anything else happened.

  Allen picked up on the second ring. “Hey, baby sister.” He sounded sleepy. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Did I wake you?”

  “No, no. Just tired. Had a long night, is all. What’s up?”

  She bit her lower lip, suddenly nervous. “Do you have a minute? I mean, are you somewhere we can talk, you know, privately?”

  “Sure. Hang on.” She heard rustling noises, faint murmurs in the background. A door opening and closing. “Okay, I’m on the patio. What’s so important we need to speak privately?”

  Amber winced. “I wanted to talk to you about…well, about Maddox. And you. And Sidri and Tatum.”

  Allen whistled. “Damn, that’s quite a list. Where do you want to start?”

  “Did you know Maddox wasn’t really gay?”

  Allen sighed, sounding extremely pained. “Not until after I told you he was. Sidri told me after we left yesterday. I swear, I didn’t know. I’ve only ever seen him with guys.”

  Amber sighed. “It’s not a big deal. I was just curious.”

  “Sounds like it is a big deal, baby sister. Are you interested in him?”

  A laugh strangled from her throat. “Yeah, you could say that. And in Riley, too. And I have no idea what to do about it. Maddox scares me to the bone, Allen. He brings up every bad memory I’ve ever had about my ex. I want him, but I’m afraid to give myself to him. I thought I was done with the whole D/s lifestyle when I left Brandon behind. Swore to myself I would never get involved with a Dom, ever again. Yet here I am, considering exactly that, despite the fear that keeps churning through my gut like acid. I don’t know what to do.”

  Allen was silent for a time. Then, “I’m sorry to hear that, Amber. I understand where you’re coming from—trust me, I do. And I know how difficult it can be to push past fear that goes bone-deep. All I can really tell you is Maddox is one of the best guys I know. Unfortunately, his being a Dom isn’t something he can just turn off. He’s like Sid and Tatum that way. It’s built into his DNA, so much a part of him it’s like his eye and hair color. He is what he is—if you want to be with him, you’ll have to accept that part of him, too.”

  “I know,” Amber whispered, hating herself. “I want to, believe me. And, honestly, whenever I stop seeing him as a Dom, the fear goes away. So, I’m not afraid of Maddox himself. Just what he is. That’s the part I need to get over, and fast.”

  Allen sighed. “Well, one thing I can tell you is that Sid and Tatum are the ones who trained him how to be a Dom. I know that much for absolute certain.”

  “Yeah, I kind of gathered that already. Maddox and I…we had a long talk, late last night. He mentioned Sidri, said he would explain things to me the same way she did for him. And he told me some stuff…things I’d never heard of before. I was kind of hoping you could maybe…”

  “Check his facts?” Allen said with a chuckle. “Sure.”

  She told him everything she could remember, verbatim as often as possible. Everything from the true definitions behind Dominant and submissive, to the reasons behind using restraints. When she finished, Amber cringed inwardly, certain her brother was about to tell her Maddox had flat-out lied.

  But he didn’t. “All true,” Allen said, sounding rather pleased with his assessment. “And a pretty detailed explanation, if you ask me. And all of it dead-on accurate, as far as my experience with it.”

  Amber blinked, pulling the phone away from her ear to stare at it for a moment. “Seriously?” she said, not bothering to hide her shock. “He didn’t make any of that up?”

  “Why would he lie about something like that?”

  “To get what he wanted,” Amber said tightly. “To make me trust him, so he could do as he pleased when he finally got to have his way with me.”

  “Oh, Amber,” Allen said, real pain in his voice. “Honey, I am so sorry you got caught up with such a bastard the first time around. It kills me, knowing you were so mistreated. But listen to me, okay? This is really, really important.”

  “Okay…”

  “Maddox doesn’t lie,” Allen said flatly. “Not about D/s, anyway. Nothing he told you was in any way false, or self-serving, or deceitful for the sake of gaining your trust. That’s the way it really is. The way it’s really supposed to be. That I can promise you with everything I am, and I learned it from the very best. Sidri and Tatum. Who, I remind you, are the ones who trained Maddox. So he would have gotten the benefit of their brand of integrity, too.

  “Please, trust me. No one else on the whole planet knows more about what it means to be a Domme than Sidri does. She’s what all others strive to be, yet know they will never come close to her sheer perfection. Back when they used to frequent the clubs around here, she and Tatum trained dozens of other Doms, simply because the others always begged for them to teach them. They are, far and away, the best of the best of the best. And they passed all that down to Maddox, when they took him under their wing.”

  His voice went soft, so very sincere it made Amber’s heart hurt. “I know it’s hard, okay? I know it’s hard to push past that type of fear. I went through something similar, when the three of us first got together. Not because I was afraid of Doms, but because I was afraid there was something wrong with me, personally, that would make me want to be Dominated in the first place. But, with their help, I was able to figure out that it’s just a part of my nature, like the color of my skin. There’s nothing good or bad about it. It simply is. What matters is what you do with it, how you let it shape your life. And believe me, nothing in my life has been more fulfilling than my relationship with Sidri and Tatum.”

  “That’s what I want,” Amber croaked. “I want what you have. I just don’t know how to get from where I am to where you are.”

  “Hmm,” Allen sighed. “Well…you could test him.”

  “Test him?” She sat up straight, thinking furiously. “What do you mean, test him?”

  “You mentioned Riley, right? So you’re not just wanting Maddox to yourself, you’re wanting all three of you to make a go at it.”

  “Yeah. That’s true.”

  There was a definite smile in Allen’s voice. “Then test Maddox using Riley. Lord knows, the man has been panting over Riley for months now. Watch how Maddox is with Riley from now on. See if you can churn things up, make the Dom in him come out over Riley. If you can forget the fear while you watch the two of them together, you can forget the fear when th
e three of you are together. Keep Riley in the middle for a while. Then, when you feel safer with Maddox, test him yourself.”

  Amber laughed. “Umm, actually, we’ve already sort of done the first part.” She blushed furiously, glad Allen couldn’t see her.

  Allen laughed out loud. “Awesome. Good for you. Good for all of you. Well then, what’s keeping you from taking that next step?”

  “They’re not home yet,” Amber whispered.

  That brought a burst of laughter on the other end of the phone line. “All right. Well, let me know if I can answer any other questions. You can talk to me about anything, baby sister. Don’t be self-conscious about any of this stuff, all right? It took me a while to get my head around it, too.”

  “Okay. And thanks.”

  “No problem…” He trailed off, and Amber could hear someone speaking in the background. “Ha!” Allen said, sounding pleased with himself. “Perfect timing. Your car just arrived, Amber. The dealership just called Tatum and said their driver was pulling up outside. Why don’t you go check it out?”

  She was already off the counter, racing for the door. Amber threw it wide open, hopped the steps, and skidded to a halt on the sidewalk, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock. Just pulling into the empty spot in front of her townhouse was a powder-blue Bentley convertible coupe. The closed white canopy flashed in the sun, as did the chrome accents on the huge grille and bumpers.

  “Oh my god, Allen! You got me a Bentley?” She shrieked incredulously.

  Allen chuckled. “Well, technically, Tatum got it for you. He has a thing for cars, and he said that one would match your personality. Sidri said you might be happier with a Miata, but they compromised with the drop-top on the Bentley. I hope you like it.”

  “Are you freaking kidding me? It’s gorgeous!” Amber squealed. She circled the car, loving the little metallic flecks in the paint job, which captured the sun and threw back little prisms of light everywhere. It was a two-door, but still big enough to seat four, which was a good thing—considering she was about to start dating two very big, very manly men. If she wanted either one of them to go for a ride in her new wheels, she needed a car big enough to seat all of them, without making them feel like they were stuffing themselves into a clown car.

  “Guess it’s a good thing we didn’t go for the Miata,” Allen chuckled, echoing her thought. “I doubt Riley or Maddox would have been able to fit in it with you.”

  “Oh my god, Allen. It’s absolutely amazing. How am I ever going to pay you back?”

  “You won’t,” Allen said flatly. “This is a company vehicle. You work for me now, remember? I have the right to provide you with transportation, and this is my choice. The car is yours, to use as you see fit from now on. I don’t want you to think about anything other than enjoying yourself with it.”

  Amber swallowed past sudden tears, overcome by gratitude. No one in her entire life had ever done anything like this for her. No one had ever done something nice just because they wanted to, or because they felt she needed it. No one had ever cared enough to see to her comfort, or make sure she was happy. No one had ever bothered to take care of her the way Allen, Sidri, Tatum, Maddox, and Riley had already done, and in less than two days.

  No one ever showed their love for her before.

  Wiping tears from her cheeks, Amber turned as the driver’s door opened. “Thank you, big brother,” she whispered hoarsely. “And tell Tatum…”

  But she didn’t finish the thought. Because climbing out of her new car was one of the very last people she ever wanted to see again.

  Her other brother, Robbie.

  Chapter 19

  “I have to go,” Amber whispered, hitting the button before Allen could reply. Staring at her eldest sibling, she slipped her phone in her back pocket and balled her fists at her sides. “What are you doing here?”

  Robbie stared around himself with interest, a slight sneer on his too-pretty face. Her brother always looked good, she would give him that much. As usual, he looked like he was on his way to a golf game, or maybe going to have drinks with his buddies at some snooty cigar bar. He wore a dark maroon polo shirt paired with khaki slacks, brown loafers, and a brown leather belt. Their mother’s looks had come out in him in spades—his features were almost more feminine than Amber’s. His wide-set blue eyes, long, straight nose, and full, pouty red lips gave him an air of delicacy, despite the cold-hearted blankness in the depths of his gaze. He wore his pale blond hair cropped short on the sides and back but left just a little long on top, like some yuppie from a prep school in New York City. He was perfectly straight from shoulder to hip, with no definition to his muscles. It was more than obvious he’d never worked a day in his life—the ultimate definition of the word “soft.”

  Robbie turned a slow circle, taking in the shabby state of the townhouse complex, sneering at the pathetic yard work, shaking his head over the communal parking lot. “So this is where you’ve been slumming it?” he said with a derisive snort. “Typical.”

  Amber lifted her chin. “What do you want, Robbie? Why are you here?”

  He turned those dead blue eyes on her, a scowl darkening his brow. “I’m here to take you home. Father has been up my ass to find you since you ran away from your fiancé. Lucky for us, I have a friend who works for the Bentley dealership. Didn’t it surprise the hell out of him to get an order for a brand new convertible, to be delivered to my precious baby sister at some random address in Uptown? Naturally, he called me before making arrangements for the delivery, and here I am.”

  Amber took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, you can go home by yourself. I’m never going back there.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Please. Don’t be so dramatic. You know you can’t survive on your own. What would you do without father’s money, hmm?”

  “I can take care of myself!” she nearly shouted, fuming at his condescending tone. “I have a new job, new friends, a new life, thank you very much. So you can go right back to Father and tell him I’m never coming back, understand me?”

  Robbie snorted. “And what about Wes? What about the love of your life? Are you going to abandon him, too?”

  “He’s not the love of my life! I never want to see that asshole again!” Amber shouted.

  “That’s enough,” Robbie hissed. He stalked over to her, grabbed her upper arm in a vise-like grip. “Stop being ridiculous. You need to come back home right now. Wes is waiting for you.”

  “Wes is a fucked-up bastard!” she yelled, trying to pull away from his grip. “He raped me in my own bedroom! You witnessed it, Robbie!”

  “I saw a future husband fucking his future wife,” Robbie sneered. “You’ve always liked it rough, Amber. Don’t pretend we don’t both know exactly what you are.”

  “Let go of me,” she said through gritted teeth. “Let go of me, or I will scream bloody murder.”

  He snorted. “Go ahead. Nobody cares about you. Scream all you want. Nobody will come rescue you, especially not from your own loving older brother.”

  Incensed, Amber sucked in a deep breath—and screamed at the top of her lungs.

  Robbie flinched, his fingers tightening painfully around her arm. “Shut the fuck up!” he shouted, trying to slap a hand over her mouth. Amber dodged him, still screaming as loud as she could. Robbie cursed, tried to get her into an arm-lock, but he wasn’t used to physical means of intimidation. She twisted out of his hold and made a break for the sidewalk—just as Maddox and Riley burst out of the last townhouse and raced toward her.

  “Oh, thank god,” Amber gasped, throwing her arms around Maddox’s neck as he skidded to a halt in front of her. For once, she didn’t shy away from the contained power she felt in his arms around her. Instead, she was grateful, grateful he was such a big man, grateful he was such an overpowering physical specimen. Robbie couldn’t hold a candle to him, especially not with Riley there, too. For the first time in her life, she felt safe, sheltered, in the presence of two
men who could easily rip her to pieces—because she knew, down to the marrow of her bones, that they would never use that power against her.

  They would use it to protect her.

  “The fuck is going on?” Riley yelled belligerently. He purposefully inserted himself in front of Robbie, so that Amber was protected by Maddox on one side and Riley on the other. She could sense the waves of rage pouring off the shorter man’s body, could literally feel him fighting to control himself. Even Maddox was vibrating with anger, but since he was the one she’d run to, he contented himself with holding her close and aiming his laser glare at Robbie’s heart.

  Robbie backpedaled a few steps, his face black. “Get your fucking hands off my sister, pal. You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”

  Maddox snorted, while Riley laughed outright.

  Riley lifted an eyebrow. “Looks like we’re dealing with some piss-ant yuppie wannabe, to me. Your fancy haircut and shiny shoes don’t mean shit to us, buddy boy. I can smash you like the bug you are, if you want me to.”

  Robbie rolled his eyes, held out a hand toward Amber, as if he expected her to come running to him. “Please. Neanderthals, all of you. Come on, Amber. I’m taking you home.”

  “Back the fuck up!” Riley snarled, taking a step forward. “She’s not going anywhere with you.”

  Maddox spoke for the first time. “You need to leave, whoever you are. Right now.”

  Robbie blinked, his mouth gaping open like a dead fish. “Whoever I am? Are you fucking serious? How dare you insult me like that!”

  Amber buried her face in Maddox’s throat, holding on tight. “He’s my oldest brother,” she whispered. “Robbie.”

  Maddox snorted. “Well, whoever he is, he has no right to take you somewhere you clearly don’t want to go. So he’s going to leave, now. Before we call the police.”

  “Maybe I should call them,” Robbie sneered. “Tell them my sister has been abducted by two men and is being held captive in a rundown apartment complex. What do you want to bet that will make them come running?”