I'd admired her since I started the class, and she only impressed me more with her patience for instructing, but now an unwanted jealousy takes root in my gut.
Others begin to file in, some helping to set up, others sitting on the floor and stretching and chatting.
“Please find a space at the barre and stand in first position.” Tatum, the TA, claps her hands to get everyone's attention. “Mrs. Blanc won’t be here, but I'll lead you through today's workout to focus on flexibility and technique that will prepare for learning your dance routine next week.” She beams at the class, taking a position in the front of the room, a wall length mirror behind her.
And I spend the entire class wondering about the beauty and what her relationship may be with Andrew. But if there's anything there, then I might as well give up any ideas of Andrew now. There's nothing about me that could compete with her.
* * *
“—But they seemed like they were fighting,” I'm trying to explain to Rose what I saw.
“And he kissed you last night.” She wraps her arm around the pillow under her head, still sleepy.
“I don't want to even think about last night,” I groan and lean against my headboard. “Especially now. He might be in a relationship with a girl I have to see almost everyday.”
“You don't know that. I've never heard that he has a girlfriend. All I hear is that he has lots of girls.” She stretches and sits up, hair a tangled mess around her head. “Chin up. You kissed one of the most sought after guys on campus in your first month at school.” Her eyebrow pops up with the corner of her mouth. “This has to be a good sign. This is going to be a bomb ass school year.”
I shake my head, recalling the feel of lips on mine, hands on my skin. “Except that's all over now.”
She sweeps her legs off the mattress, slipping her feet into a pair of sandals that are peeking out from under the bed. “There will be others, and it will be even better.”
“I doubt that. I can't think of anyone better.” I lean back, draping my arm over my eyes, realizing how desperate I sound. I'd only just met the boy, but his smile and green eyes were all I could see behind my lids. Something about him sucked me in, and my thoughts were trapped on him. “I've peaked, and it's only my first month at school.”
She laughs and slaps my leg as she stands up. “Aw, are you sad that you didn't get to bone him?”
“Bone him?” I drop my arm from my face and gape at her. “First, girls don't bone. Guys have the…you know… bones.”
She's shaking with laughter as she falls on the mattress beside me. “Fine, you wanted him to bone you. You can admit it.”
I prop myself up on my arms and side glare at her. “And what about you and TJ?” Something about her smirk stops me and I sit up. “Oh my God, did you… with him… last night?”
She bites her lip and shrugs. “I may have let him bone my mouth.”
I muffle my scream into the palm of my hand, my eyes nearly bursting out of my head.
She continues to smile with a mischievous glint in her eyes, but she can only keep the calm act up for so long before she bounces on the bed and turns towards me. “I don't know what I was thinking. We were dancing in the club together, one thing led to another, and he had me out back in a private side alley, and I went down on him, right then and there. It was,” she covers her smile with her fingers as she chooses her word, “fun.”
I'd never gotten a chance to do the whole girl talk, morning after thing with any girlfriends before. When I had friends, we weren't at this stage yet, and by time I got there, they were no longer friends. I didn’t know whether to high five her or talk about the dangers of public sex.
“You should have come out last night. It was fun.” She sighs and lies back next to me on my bed.
“Well…” I eye her, not wanting to bring down her mood, but needing to get this off my chest. “You kind of ditched me last night.”
She jerks herself up into sitting and narrows her eyes at me. “I texted you where we were at.”
I nod acknowledging what she said and trying to bring down her frustration. “But you had already left without me, without telling me.”
She cocks her head as she questions me. “Didn't Andrew tell you?” When I shake my head she continues, “TJ texted him to say were leaving, but Andrew said you two were staying.”
“He never said anything.” He never came out of the room after I walked out on him, and when I realized Rose was gone, I texted her and left back to the dorms.
She shakes her head, flinging off the mini argument and the mystery of who texted what. “Sorry, then. I won’t count on boys to pass along the message next time.” She stands up and flips her head down, gathering her hair into a bun on top of her head. “I've got to get to class, but we're going out tonight. Thirsty Thursday.” She slides gloss over her lips and checks her reflection in the mirror. “TJ and his friends will meet us at Howl tonight. They have an away game this weekend so it's our only night to see them.”
She walks out, still in the leggings and tee she slept in, arms empty of any books. It's only after the door closes that I think about the text and why Andrew wouldn't have said anything, but it only confuses me more, so I drop it and get ready for my next class.
* * *
“Come on, they're not here yet.” Rose drags me through the crowd of the bar at the edge of campus. “Let's go to the bar and get a drink.”
Nerves ripple through me at the idea. Rose had gotten me a fake ID our first week, but I'd yet to use it for more than getting into places. I suck in a breath and pretend to be confident as we step to the bar.
It all works out, the girl behind the bar barely glances at our ID's as she takes our order, and we walk away with a beer and a shot.
“Over there.” Rose leads the way again. “I think I see TJ.”
I scan the crowd and spot him easily. TJ towers over most around him.
He lifts his hand and waves for Rose to come to him, wrapping her in his arm as she steps to his side.
The crowd he’s with is standing around a high top table, chatting, ignoring us as we approach. But one of the girls eyes me.
“Hey, you're the girl from the other night?” She nods to herself, and then elbows the girl next to her. “Layla, this is the one who found you.” She takes a sip of her drink and laughs. “You need to thank her, she picked your ass up even when you were covered in throw up.”
I recognize the girl who's turning red the more her friend speaks. Her eyes aren't blood shot, but the brown almond eyes are unmistakable. This is the girl who fell asleep in the bathroom.
“Thanks. I owe you one. I'll get you your next drink.” She extends her hand to me. “I'm Layla.”
“Brooklyn.” I shake her hand and return her smile.
“And this bitch is Deena.” Layla elbows her still laughing friend.
“Sorry girl, but you didn't see you that night. You were trashed.”
“And this goddess with our drinks is Tatum,” Layla ignores Deena and reaches for the drinks Tatum’s delivering.
“Brooklyn?” Tatum has a cheerleader smile as she stretches her arm out to hug me. “Brooklyn's in the intro class I teach.”
I return her somewhat awkward hug, unsure how friendly I'm supposed to be with her. But as she gulps her drink, I realize her over eager greeting is probably alcohol induced.
“She's also the one who picked Layla up from the bathroom floor last weekend,” Deena laughs.
“No way.” Tatum's eyes pop, and she covers her mouth with the back of her hand like she might have choked on her drink.
Layla and Deena quiet their laughter as their eyes flick behind Tatum. A knot forms in my chest as I follow their gaze.
Andrew steps behind her, one tan arm sliding to her waist as he looks down on her. It's hard to tell if he's angry or just trying to be heard over the music as he questions, “What are you doing here?”
She freezes, and then her smile slides back into place and
she turns to him. “Probably the same thing you're doing here.”
His jaw clenches, a line showing through the day old scruff that only makes him sexier. Like trouble. His eyes sweep around the table, and when they pause on me, his angry look only deepens.
“Come on,” he commands, grabbing her hand and pulling her through the crowd to the back door.
I watch them walk away, her yelling something at his back and slapping his shoulder at the same time.
The girls at the table stare after them as they disappear.
“There's only two ways this is ending.” A guy slides in between Layla and Deena, leaning his forearms on the table. “Him fucking her or her hitting him like last time.”
“Don't worry,” I must look as sick as I feel because Deena turns to reassure me, “he never hits back.”
I nod and gulp down my drink.
“I'm thinking both.” The guy nods and winks at Layla. “Tate is hot when she gets angry.”
“Why don't they just get it over with and make it official?” Layla asks him in a voice I barely can hear.
“Why should he?” Kyle, I remember his name from the other night, pulls back from the table and finishes his drink.
“They're not a couple?” I ask.
Deena shrugs. “Who knows? They were in high school or something, but not now. He's too busy screwing his way around campus.”
Layla is tearing at the napkin under her drink. “But she's the only girl he actually pays attention to after.”
My phone rings a tune, and I dig through my clutch to retrieve it, thankful for the diversion.
“No phones around us, blondie.” Kyle directs a hard stare my way.
I pause with my phone in my hand, glancing at the text from my mom.
“Do you not understand English?” He leans in towards me. “No phones around us. Take that somewhere else.”
Rose links her arm through mine, showing up out of nowhere and pulls me from the table. “Don't pay attention to him, he's a jerk, I learned that last night. But the team has a thing about phones. Others can't use them when they're out, that way no one can snap incriminating photos.” She shrugs and continues walking me towards another table. “They're paranoid. Is that your mom?”
“Yeah.” I lift my phone to read the text, but Rose swipes it from me. “What are you doing?”
She smiles as she reads the text. “She expects you to believe she's at Target looking for curtains for our dorm at ten o’clock?”
“She could be…” I try to defend, but I know it's useless. Just like I know her thin excuse is just another reason to check on me, like always.
“Ha.” Her fingers are moving over the screen, navigating around my phone like a pro. “Good thing we took all those photos of the room before. I've got the perfect photo you can send her of your bedspread, so she can find matching curtains.” She rolls her eyes and hands me back the phone. “She'll never know you were out.”
I glance to the screen. She's sent the text for me with a message saying thanks and I love you. I chew on my lip as I think about the lie.
“Forget about it. She was lying to you, you're lying back, and the circle continues.”
“Yeah, plus at least she won’t have to worry now,” I try and convince myself.
“It's very considerate of you,” she mocks me and pulls me back to the group.
Layla's staring at the dance floor, and I follow her gaze. Tatum is dancing with Andrew, or rather dancing on Andrew. But her dancer’s body is sensual and flexible as she hangs on him and folds her body back, her shoulder length brown hair almost skimming the ground. Then she rises to her full height, and his thick lips graze her forehead, his green eyes focused only on her.
I can tell I'm not the only one with jealousy eating at me, Layla looks miserable.
TJ steps behind Rose, whispering in her ear and making her giggle.
She ducks away from him and taps the bottom of my glass in my hand. “Drink up. I want to go dance. Come on.”
I tilt the glass back as she chants for me to drink, and then I set the empty cup on the table. “Done.”
“Let's go.” She leans on TJ, and I move to follow them to the dance floor.
“Where are you going?” Kyle grabs my shoulder, stopping me.
“To dance.” I try to step away, but his hand slides lower, gripping my arm.
“Not so fast. You don't always need to follow your friend. Let her have a life.”
Shock silences me. I attempt pull my arm back, but he holds tight, and it only pulls him closer. The anger on his face doesn't make sense.
“I don't like to babysit.” He nods past me to the dance floor. “TJ wanted me to be the wingman tonight, but I can already tell you're one of those uptight girls that wouldn't be any fun. I could see that the first day you came into my class, acting all holier than thou. I'm not Andrew, I can't pretend.”
“What's your problem? Let me go.”
He steps even closer, grip tightening on my arm. Fear chokes me, shaking my muscles as he traps me against the table, in the middle of a crowd, but completely alone.
“I saw you watching him. You didn't realize he only gave you attention to help TJ get some alone time with your girl.” He drops my arm with a harsh laugh. “Don't cry. Grow up. I'm only telling you the truth.”
I am about to cry, though. The tears sting behind my eyes. I don't want him to see it. I don't want any of these people to see.
But it's too late, it's clear in Kyle's smile. He steps back, satisfied, and lets me pass by as I duck out of the bar.
4: Tattoo
There's no relief outside the bar, no break in the sea of people. No cover of darkness with the lights shining from the bars along the square. I try and repress the tears by breathing in the night air, but it’s humid, sticky and thick, and I only choke on it—that and my humiliation.
I reach for my phone as I weave through the groups of people waiting to get into the bar, but my fingers freeze on the screen. I can't call Rose, that'll only prove what he said.
“Brook, wait,” my friend yells for me, and I turn to locate her in the crowd. She slips through a wall of people and stops in front of me, confusion swirling in her eyes. “What are you doing? Why are you leaving?”
“I—” My voice cracks and I take a breath, but it sounds like a sniffle. I will myself to stop, to stop being so pathetic, but that only makes it harder.
“Hey.” She reaches one arm out to rub my shoulder. “What's wrong? Did your mom text back?” She pulls me into her tiny, but tight, embrace. “It's okay to go out, she'll get over it.”
“It's not that.” I pull away and swipe at the tears that were stupid enough to fall. “Kyle…” I lift my hand to the bar, unable to form what Kyle had said.
“He's a jerk, everyone knows it. Ignore him.” She smiles, one of those tight-lipped smiles that scream pity, and then she grabs my hand. “Let’s go back in. Don't let him bother you.”
“No.” I plant my feet, not following as she steps away. “It's more than him being a jerk.”
“Brook, come on.” She pleads, impatience slipping into her tone. “This is my last night to spend with TJ before he's gone all weekend. Just stay a little bit longer.”
“They don't want me around. TJ's friends were tasked with keeping me away from you two.”
Her head tilts and eyes scrunch in puzzlement. “What are you talking about?”
“The whole reason Andrew paid attention to me last night was so TJ could get you alone, and then tonight that was supposed to be Kyle's job. But like you said, he's a jerk, so he just cut straight to it and told me.” Or maybe he's the only honest one.
She scratches her nails through her purple locks, pulling the strands over one shoulder as she looks back at the bar. “That doesn't make sense.” She turns back to me, denying it all with a stubborn shake of her head. “Kyle's an ass. I've already told TJ I would spend the night with him tonight.”
That snaps me out of my own he
ad, and I focus on my friend. There's an excitement brightening her lovely eyes, but there's also a nervous twitch to her smile.
“Wow. You two are getting serious?”
“I'm just making some good memories.” She shrugs one shoulder. “The team has a reputation for more than winning games. I know what this is, but I'll take him, while I got him.” There's an echo of sadness in her words, betraying her careless act.
“Oh.”
“Come on, let's go in and talk to TJ. I bet Kyle's full of it.”
“No. I'm going to go. I'm over tonight. Even if Kyle is lying, I still made a fool of myself in there, crying in front of him.” I blow out my frustration. I wish I hadn't cried, but I've never really had control of that.
“I'll leave with you.” The way she sighs hurts. She's just as annoyed with me as the boys were. “Let me go get my things and say bye.”
I try to give her a smile, since she's clearly willing to sacrifice her fun night for me. “You don't need to leave. Stay if you want. I've got homework to do anyways.”
“Really?” She's instantly brighter.
I nod, holding back the warnings I want to give. Doesn't matter what intentions you have, it's not a good idea to stop people from doing what they want. It only backfires. But concern thickens my throat. “Text me though if anything changes—if you need anything.”
She hugs me with a little squeal. “I will, but everything will be okay, I know.” She pulls back and points her finger at me with a mock stern tone, “You text me when you get back to the dorm, let me know you made it safe.”
I nod and turn to go. We had promised, when we went out together, we would leave together. Not even a month later, we’re breaking that promise. But her minds made up, and I want to go to bed. And I don’t want to be the girl that ruins everyone else's fun.
* * *
“Sigma Delta?” the turning in my stomach wasn't pleasant at all.
Rose shakes her head, a large grin splitting her face. “Recruiting isn't officially till spring, but they said we should think about it.”
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