“I need to talk to you.” He leans into my ear to be heard over the crowd, but his hand on my back is intimate.
“Here? Now?” I ignore Tatum as she approaches the table.
He shifts his gaze around, narrowing his eyes some at Scott's back, and then focuses on me with a shake of his head. “No, lets go somewhere, please.”
And it's the please that does me in, it holds a sincere plea I can't refuse. So I take the step away with him but Tatum halts it.
“Andrew.” She brushes his shoulder with her hand, calling his attention.
He drops his arm from me as she steps close to him, her long limbs and heels putting her on near even ground as she blinks at him with doe eyes. “Andrew, you owe…”
I can't hear the rest as he steps a few feet away with his back to me, one hand trailing behind him, signaling me to wait a second.
Whatever she’s saying grows in emotion, and she starts pawing at his chest, but he removes her hand. She stays where she’s at as he approaches me.
“Give me a minute, okay? I'll be right back.” There's an urgent need in his eyes, so I agree, confused but curious and unable to refuse him.
He walks away and Deena says, “He'll always choose her. Always.”
My chest is unbearably tight. I need a moment, so I excuse myself to the restroom. But there's no space to breathe. The lines are too long and hall too crowded. Before I can find a different escape, I smack right into my past.
Brody Davis blocks my path with a smile that makes my skin crawl. “If it isn't little Shaw.” His words waver like he's drunk, and so does his body as he moves from side to side, not letting me pass.
I knew this could happen. This school’s too close to leave everyone behind. But I couldn't afford out of state. This wasn't a main offender, but everyone in school thought it was their right to join in. And I wasn't ready to face any of them. I duck my head to slip by, unwilling to talk or confront him.
“Not so fast.” His arm hooks around my waist as he crowds me to the wall. “Lets catch up. How's your sister? Now that's the Shaw I'm dying to see. The fun one.”
“Leave me alone.” I back up, out of his hold.
“Like you should have left everyone else alone?” The look in his eye is of pure hatred as he stalks towards me, but it's not him I fear, it’s the secrets he can tell.
I shake my head, crushed under my weakness, my past. This present.
“Brook.” Scott steps past Brody and stands between us, facing me as his eyes scan over me. “Are you all right?”
I step into the arm he offers. Hugged into the side of his body, I try and walk us past Brody, but Scott doesn't move.
“I'd watch out, bro,” Brody slurs with a laugh. “She doesn't know how to use that big fucking mouth of hers for the right thing.”
“Enough,” Scott demands, his arm tightening around me. “Leave her alone. That's your only warning. And before you say anything else, think about who you're talking to.”
I only feel relief as we walk away from him, away from the things he could say. But I know my time is up now that I’m recognized—because to Brody it wasn't secrets but gossip he'd probably share. And that realization breaks me. Tears rise to the surface as I press harder into Scott's side and try to hide them.
The cool air gives way to a still night as Scott walks me out the back of the bar. I pull away some and he stops.
“Are you all right?” He lifts my chin with his fingers.
I can't catch a steady breath, but I smile all the same. “I'll be okay.” I turn away from his touch and swipe at my tears. “Thank you.”
His arms wrap back around me, turning me to face him. “What happened?” His hands are cupping my face, thumb swiping under my eyes. “What did he do to make you cry?”
I shake my head and step back, his touch only makes the tears come faster. But the more I try to break away the tighter his hold gets, the closer he pulls me.
“Get the fuck off of her.”
I'm dropped. Scott's body flies off of me as Andrew shoves him away.
“Stop,” I yell, jumping in front of Andrew, but he pushes me to the side to get to Scott.
“I helped her. She—”
Scott's explanation is cut off by Andrew's fist, and Scott goes sprawling to the ground.
“No.” I fall to my knees next to Scott, leaning over him to keep Andrew away, to keep him from hitting him again.
When I look up, there's a crowd around us, including TJ, Kyle, Rose, and Tatum.
TJ grabs Andrew's shoulder. “Come on man, it's not worth it. We got to get out of here before security is called.”
Andrew's green eyes hold a hurricane as he looks down at me, his chest heaving like a storm. “Get up, Brook. Let's go.”
I turn back to Scott. He's pulled himself up to sitting, a hand over his eye as he grumbles something.
“Are you all right?” I help him to his feet, trying to inspect his eye, but he doesn't move his hand.
He looks at me with one good eye and gives the saddest smile ever.
Andrew grabs me. “Come on, we've got to leave. Now.”
“I'm not going anywhere with you.” I snatch my arm back.
He shoots a horrified look between Scott and me. “You're going to choose him?”
“Come on man.” TJ's already moving further away, yelling for Andrew to follow.
“Brook?” Rose calls to me.
I take a few steps away from Andrew and shake my head to Rose. “I'm not leaving with him.”
Scott probably makes it a hundred times worse, but he stands next to me and drops both his hands to his side, revealing his red swollen eye.
“Fuck this,” Andrew snaps and then follows TJ out of the bar.
12: Distraction
The moment Andrew is out of my sight, my adrenaline disappears and my muscles shake as the events crash in my brain.
“I am so sorry.” I turn to Scott, the sight of his red swollen eye only making me feel worse and even less steady on my feet. “Let me see, are you all right. I'll get you ice—”
“Stop.” He pushes my hand down before I can touch him. “It's not your fault. He's a fucking psycho.”
“Dude?” one of his friends I met earlier in the night interrupts. “What the hell happened? What did you do to piss him off?” He's got two other friends with him, and they all have that same half way horrified look.
“Nothing.” Scott shoves his hand in his pockets, puffing up his chest. “He's an entitled prick that attacked over his own mistaken claims. Over some insult that doesn't exits.”
Others start to join our circle; it thickens by the second with people asking questions, trying to figure out what happened.
“I'm not explaining because I didn't do anything. I'm leaving,” Scott grumbles.
I keep my gaze on the bricks of the patio, so I might be completely wrong, but it feels like a hundred eyes are burning into my skin, blaming me. Blaming. Me.
“Brook, are you okay?” A slight cool hand grips mine, and Jess presses close to my side. “Rose texted that she had to leave but you stayed. She's worried about you.” Her voice drops as she looks around. “What happened?”
The crowd continues to thicken, everyone from inside joining the outside, and it's making me claustrophobic. The muggy night air becomes unbearably thick and hard to breathe, especially as I recall that Brody Davis is among them.
“I'm okay.” I squeeze her hand in return. “But I just want to go home.”
“Oh, okay. Let me find Angel and—”
“I'm heading out.” Scott turns away from everyone else to join our conversation. “I can walk you home.”
Jess smiles at Scott but gives me a questioning look. “I can come with you, if you want. Otherwise, Angel and I might go find Rose…”
“It's fine.” I am done. Done with everything and everyone. I only want my bed. I drop her hand and walk away from the judgmental stares of the crowd.
“Is it okay that I walk
with you?” Scott questions when we cross the street back onto campus.
“What?” My own thoughts were distracting me, but my heart drops all over again at the sight of his half open eye. It's only getting worse, and my eyes sting just looking at him. “Yeah, of course it's fine. I just… I really am sorry. You were helping me— thank you for that—and you didn't deserve what happened. Not at all. I don't know what—”
“It's not your fault.” He steps closer to my side, his blonde hair out of place, hanging in messy wisps over his forehead. “It's not mine either, but I knew the risk I was taking by being around you, since that first night I saw him with you. But I stuck around anyways.”
I close my mouth and keep walking. I hope I'm reading it all wrong, but guilt eats away at me for an all-new reason.
He keeps pace with me and keeps talking, that same soft, relaxing tone—it strings me tight and makes me want to jump out of my skin. “I thought he would have moved on by now. I can see why he hasn't, though. I don't want to either. But I can't say I'm not surprised that he's stuck around this long. Although, I am waiting for him to be out of the picture. Maybe after tonight he will be?”
I don't respond. I can't. It's too direct, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Not after tonight. Not when I'm not sure what it is I'm feeling. The night’s information is blending in my mind, and my thoughts are mush. I pick up my pace, wanting out of this situation.
We walk for a few minutes; the night silence intensifies the pressure around us, only highlighting the fact that I didn't respond. I've never been so relieved to see my dorms.
“Brook?” Scott's voice grabs me. The weight of it wraps around me, and I stop before I walk down the path to the front door of the building.
“I'm sorry.” I look up at him, my eyes burning. “I don't know how to respond to that.”
“Is it because I don't have a chance?” His hands are in his pockets, but he steps close to me, looking at me through strands of hair, out of one blue eye, the other sealed shut.
“I…” I can't catch my breath. How can I refuse such a nice guy? A guy who stood up for me? A guy who's here now? A guy who has only ever treated me with respect? And for what, a guy who's so disastrously impulsive he throws punches and forces kisses and says cruel things? —But he’s also exciting and passionate, a part of me calls. That part of me must be blind to the evidence of his destruction in front of me. “I don't know—”
“Then that's enough. Don't say anything, you don't need to.” He smiles but it only makes the shadows inside me bigger, darker. Then his face scrunches suddenly. “But what happened with Brody, earlier?”
I shake my head, liking this conversation even less. “Nothing. He was mean, but I overreacted.”
His eyes narrow in a way that lets me know he isn't buying it, but he softens as he responds, “He's in my frat, a younger brother. Let me know if he bothers you again after tonight. He shouldn't.”
My stomach rolls, but I bite my lip and nod, taking a few steps towards my door. “Thanks. Goodnight Scott.” I look down the tree-lined sidewalk that leads to frat row where he lives. “Text that you got home safe.”
“I'll see you on Saturday.” His smile returns, and he hugs me.
I weakly wrap my arms around him, but I turn away as he dips his head towards mine and kisses my cheek. I'm not sure if that's where he originally aimed or not.
* * *
I step behind Rose to help her tie the halter of her dress.
“Do you think this is fancy enough? I don't know what to wear to these things.”
“I don't know either. But a little black dress is suppose to fit for anything, and you look good in it.”
She beams, her smile stretching from ear to ear. “I can't believe he invited me. This is a big deal, right. Like next level shit, right? Like official dating shit, right?”
I laugh with her, excited that my friend is getting something good. “I would say so. It's a gala for the college's homecoming and it's going to be filled with important people. He wanted you by his side for it, that’s a good sign.” I sit back down on my bed. “And you're spending the night after, he's already said, right? So that's a step up, he's already making plans.”
“I'm even packing an overnight bag.” She twists in the mirror and nods. “All very classy, real world, adult dating stuff going on here.”
“So all that's left to do is actually have the conversation. Has he mentioned anything or hinted at being official?”
“Well…” Her lips twist together as she eyes me. “Last night, after we left the bar…”
I keep my face blank, not wanting her to see how much the bar scene is still affecting me. All of it. Andrew. Brody. Scott.
“Well, we went to some house party after and, well, Tatum and Andrew were fighting—like, screaming fighting…” Her hazel eyes stay on me, and then she sits on the edge of my bed with me. “I actually only saw it for a moment, them fighting. She chased him to the keg out back and was yelling things and shoving him, but he practically dragged her away somewhere when she wouldn't stop. I don't know what happened to them after.” She nudges me with a sad, sympathetic smile. “You know, you knew they were complicated. Just like I knew TJ wasn't boyfriend material. All of our heartache’s because we expected something different. Now I'm still horrible at keeping my expectations in check, but you're suppose to be smarter than me.”
I recognize the truth about expectations, but I, unfortunately, have not kept them at a reasonable level either. “Forget about them. What were you saying about TJ?”
She breathes out with a smile. “Well, he said, he's thankful I'm not a crazy bitch like Tatum because he couldn't handle that for long.” She shrugs. “So maybe that means he might want to keep me around.”
“Maybe.” I'm not confident in the answer though. I'm not really thinking about what his words mean for her though, I'm stuck on what they mean for Andrew. “But you didn't see them, Andrew and Tatum, the rest of the night? After they left fighting?”
“No.” She stands up and goes back to her dresser for her curling iron. “But we didn't stay long after that so…” She turns when the barrel is wrapped around her hair. “But Jess said you left with Scott anyways. What's going on there?”
“Nothing.” I'm done expecting anything. “Nothing's going on with anyone. I'm focusing on school from now on.”
“That sounds awful.” She fake gags and releases her curl.
* * *
I crack up as Angel retells her first time being drunk on a school ski trip, and how she wore sunglasses at night to check in, thinking that wouldn't be suspicious at all.
“I’m fairly certain all the chaperones were drunk, too.”
Jess tosses her ice cream cup into a trash bin as we approach our building. “Probably. I went on those Ski trips to Canada, too. I wonder if we were ever at the same one?”
“Um, Maybe,” Angel's words trail off into a smile, and I follow her gaze. The smile leaves my lips as it grows over both her and Jess's face. “Those trips would have been more fun if we had guys like him on them.”
Jess giggles, but she swallows it down as she whispers, “You need my help? Or do you want us to go?”
“What are you doing here?” I ask as Andrew strolls towards me. His talent for materializing out of nowhere makes my head spin. Tonight he's got everything spinning as he approaches in a half undone suit. His tie hangs loose around his neck, white shirt unbuttoned and un-tucked. His curls are unruly around the collar, but styled on top.
“What are you doing…not here?” He points in the air and his voice stretches, and I know he's been drinking. He must've left the gala early. Rose only just left a couple hours before.
I steady my gaze with his for a minute, trying to read anything in his bright eyes. But I can't, he's not giving anything away in his slight smile and glassy stare. I shake my head and start walking towards my place.
He steps in front of us. “I need to talk to you.”
The girls shift to my sides, their uncertainty vibrating from them.
“I'll be in, in a minute.” I give them permission to go, not wanting to make a scene or drag them into this.
“Are you sure?” Jess asks.
Andrew doesn't break his stare with me, but his chest rises with his inhale.
“It's fine,” I reassure and they leave. But I step back when Andrew steps forward. “Don't touch me. I hope you're here to apologize, and then after that you need to apologize to Scott.”
“Fuck an apology.” His hand drops, and he stretches his neck from side to side. “I only want to know what the hell happened?”
“You punched someone for no reason—”
“He had his hands all over you, and you were in fucking tears. That seemed like a damn good reason to me. But I didn't know you liked that shit.”
I step back, choking on my words at his explosive response.
“Have I been doing it all wrong?” He stalks towards me, one slow step after the other and I retreat, body fizzing from the dangerous tone of his voice. “Here I thought following your rules was what you wanted, but you left with an asshole who wouldn't let you go.” His eyes scan over me, and then he turns, hands gripping his hair and yelling into the night. “Fuck. I'm not that guy.” He drops his hands, still looking to the stars, voice lower, but just as frustrated, “But I don't know what to do with you. You've got me going out of my mind. What the hell am I even doing here? Am I wasting my time?” He looks at me then like I'm supposed to have a response for that.
“I don't know. I can't tell you if this is you wasting your time. If you're here because you don't like the idea of Scott being near me, then yes, you are wasting your time. Because what you think happened last night, wasn't the case. He wasn't the reason I was crying. He didn't do anything wrong. But you didn't pause to find any of that out.”
His dark brows crease down as he looks at me. “Were you crying because of me? Because I had to talk to Tatum? I really wanted to talk to you—”
I scoff. “I wasn't crying over you.”
“Then why were you crying? Why were you struggling with him?” He speaks low, coaxing, as he takes steps towards me.
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