by Celeste Lim
No. Surely someone else could go in my place? I glanced at the other courtesans, trying to hold back tears. Smelly had stopped playing her zither.
“I would like Jing to escort me.” Mr. Yao made it very clear.
I upset my cup.
Mr. Zhang, too drunk to notice what was happening, exclaimed, “What’s going on? Qiu Xiang, don’t stop playing now, we’ve just come to the crescendo!” Chili, sitting next to him, gave me a look and jabbed her chin toward the door. The message was clear: Just go!
Big Hair leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Nothing’s going to happen. All you have to do is show him the way, wait outside, and bring him back.”
I didn’t believe her, but I had no other option. If he tried anything…well, I would hurt him. Really badly. And with that, I gathered up my long sleeves and stood up at the speed of a tortoise.
As we walked down the corridor, I kept my fists balled. I could hear Mr. Yao’s footsteps behind me, the way his feet made the lacquered floorboards creak, the sound of his mild cough; these seemed to drown out the noise from all the other parties that were going on in the chinglou. Fortunately, the man did not walk too close or even try to engage me in conversation.
When we reached an isolated corridor, I turned around and bowed to indicate that we had arrived. We stood at the entrance to one of the private bathrooms. But something in the man’s face changed, and he glanced around warily before suddenly seizing my arm. My scream was completely lost in the large hand that pressed over my mouth and nose.
“Jing, please listen to me! I swear in the name of Guan Yin that I mean you no harm.”
Wait. The man was pleading. “My name is Yao Hong, and Auntie San is my mother. You know Auntie San, don’t you? The cook?”
Yes. Auntie San talked about her son a lot, but I had never met him. Pinned to the wall, I barely managed a nod. Then Mr. Yao broke into an apologetic smile that entirely changed his face. “I am truly sorry if I frightened you out of your mind, but it was necessary to put up a proper show to avoid suspicion,” he said, letting me go.
I leaned back against the wall behind me and pressed my palm over my forehead. My mind was reeling and I had trouble breathing. Blood pounded in my ears.
“On the day you were brought to the chinglou, we had waited all night for you to show up, and only found out the next morning that you had been caught and sent to Yuegong Lou during the night…,” he said, careful to keep some distance between us. “My mother wanted to get you out, but she needed someone who could visit such a place without raising suspicion. I do not frequent chinglou, but it so happens that I have a friend, Mr. Zhang, who has a good relationship with this place.” Yao Hong paused, scratching the back of his head.
Bits and pieces started to click—Yao Hong’s uneasiness with the courtesans, his insistence on having me join them, and even his resemblance to the kind cook I knew.
“So…your friend, Mr. Zhang, knows about this?” I wasn’t afraid anymore, but somehow my voice still cracked.
“Yes, he does.” Yao Hong nodded. “But Zhang is an old friend. I would trust him with my own life.”
In order to avoid suspicion, we agreed that I should attempt my escape at least a few days after that night, so none of these kind people would be connected to my disappearance. It wouldn’t do to have Auntie San or Yao Hong blamed for my escape.
“A fortnight,” I said. My chest was still pounding, but this time from excitement. Finally, my escape was becoming a reality! “In exactly two weeks, I shall attempt my escape during the night.”
Yao Hong nodded. “We will be waiting for you at our house with a map and the supplies you will need for your journey. But, Jing, it will be entirely up to you to escape from this place and meet us at the rendezvous.”
I nodded and hugged myself. Auntie San had not given up on me after all.
The very next day, despite the fact that I was still far too young, Qia Mama announced her intention of promoting me to an apprentice. After a feast to celebrate the occasion, I was given a new name—Hua Xianzi, which meant “little flower fairy.”
I couldn’t even summon up a polite smile. Sometimes, I caught sight of the longing in Miao’s eyes as the older girl gazed at me. How silly and ironic our circumstances were. I would gladly have given my place to her. Everyone seemed happy for me, though, and the courtesans showered me with gifts of jewelry, clothing, and makeup.
“See, I knew Hua Xianzi had it in her from the moment I set eyes on her!” Big Hair was bragging, her numerous hairpins tinkling excitedly in her faji.
“Oh, don’t speak as though you were the only one who saw her potential, Lei Hua; we all did.”
“Did you like the plum blossom hairpin I gave you, my girl?”
“This hanfu would look absolutely lovely on you, Xianzi! Do try it on.”
Amid all the enthusiasm, however, Chang Er continued to call me Jing. Not that this bothered me in the slightest. I didn’t even like that silly name. But the other courtesans had begun gossiping among themselves, saying that the mingji was actually worried that my promising future as a courtesan would affect her standing in the chinglou.
“Xianzi will surely surpass Chang Er someday,” Chili was saying, sounding very sure of herself. “Our resident mingji’s just jealous because one day, she will no longer be the pearl in Qia Mama’s palm.”
I didn’t like to think of Chang Er as jealous. She was as close to a perfect woman as I could imagine. I would never forget how she had attempted to come to my rescue that night, offering herself up in my place. No one in my life has ever done something like that for me, and it warmed my heart every time I thought of it.
I was also certain that if I wasn’t actually going to run away soon, with the full amount I’d fetch as such a promising apprentice, my price would be able to help Mr. Guo pay off a considerable chunk of his debts. But I would never forget how they treated me and how Mrs. Guo had robbed my mother’s bangle from me. And because of that, even though I loved Jun’an dearly, I did not feel the least bit sorry that his parents would never be getting even half a copper piece off me.
It served them right.
Qia Mama made good on her word and immediately started my courtesan training. As an apprentice, I didn’t have to entertain the patrons of Yuegong Lou, but I was relieved of all maidservant duties. An apprentice’s only job was to learn, and a tutor had been engaged to come in each morning and teach me to read and write, and in the afternoons, I would learn things like painting, music, and dance. Within the first two days, my teachers were already showering me with praise as they reported my progress to Qia Mama.
“I’ve never taught a brighter child, Madam Qia,” my literature teacher said. “And she takes such a great interest in learning. A pleasure to teach indeed.”
“The girl’s not much good in singing, but she definitely has a way with the flute,” said my music instructor.
Everything else aside, I had to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed my lessons and didn’t mind showing that eagerness. It would continue to mislead Qia Mama that I no longer had intentions of running away.
Even with my new standing within the chinglou, the entrances and windows were always locked at night, so my only way out was through the balcony of my bedroom. After my promotion to an apprentice, I had been moved to one of the rooms the courtesans shared, but the lucky thing was, although it now faced the front of the building rather than the back, our room still had a balcony, so it wouldn’t affect my plans. The thing was to find a ladder of some sort long enough to bring me four levels down. The longest rope I could find within the premises was the one they used for the well in the front yard, and that wasn’t even half the length I needed. Since I was still not allowed out of the chinglou’s premise, there was no way I could possibly get another rope, or even ask Auntie San for help.
As my deadline loomed ever closer, I slept less and less each night, racking my brain for a way of escape. Even with two days left, I had made no progress.
Would I miss this chance that I had been given? I pulled the bedsheets over my head and wept. It wouldn’t do to wake the others.
I twirled and chewed at the ends of my hair…then remembered something. I wiped away my tears and sat up. It might be my only resort.
Lighting an oil lamp, I crept out of the room. It was easy to pretend as though I needed the bathroom, which was where I was heading anyway.
The bathroom smelled heavily, as usual, of urine and vomit, and the floor made sticky sounds as I trod inside. I pinched my nose and breathed through my mouth. This wasn’t the nicest place to carry out what I wanted to do, but it was the safest. Setting my lamp on the floor, I reached into my hair and removed the two ribbons that I had received from Sisi. I recalled clearly the spider’s instructions before we parted ways.
Burn a ribbon and scatter its ashes into the ground, for then I shall know, and will come to your aid.
Crystalline and translucent, the ribbons seemed to sparkle in the flickering lamplight. It was a huge pity to destroy something so magical. I sighed and dangled one of them over the oil lamp. Placing the ribbon in the ceramic lid of the lamp, I watched as it caught, and when I dared a small intake of air, I found, to my delight, that the bathroom was filled with a pleasant kind of burning aroma as soothing as incense. As the ribbon slowly burned out, only ashes were left in the lid. I replaced the remaining ribbon in my hair and picked the lid up carefully. This was my last hope. But would the spider really come? Would she still remember me after such a long time? Was she even still alive?
A sudden bang startled me so much that I nearly toppled over. I turned around in horror and saw Big Hair at the door. Off work, Big Hair’s hair no longer seemed so big. She had flattened her faji out of shape from sleeping, and now it lay squashed on top of her head, all accessories askew. On any normal day, I would’ve marveled at how different this made her look, but now my heart only sank as Big Hair opened her mouth and asked, “What are you doing here, Xianzi?” Then she gave a loud hiccup and almost fell as she stumbled into the bathroom.
She was drunk! If I’d had time to thank all the gods in heaven, I most certainly would have. I heaved an inward sigh and stood up. “I was just going to the bathroom, Jiejie. Do you…need help?”
Please, say no.
“Ai, ma! No, I’m fine. I just need to…”
With a retching sound, Big Hair rushed to the nearest wooden bucket and began vomiting into it. Hoping that she wouldn’t notice the peculiar smell in the bathroom, and that she’d forget everything in the morning, I slipped out the door.
The next day, I went out into the garden and scattered the ashes of the silk ribbon in the snow under a plum tree. The tree branches were covered in frost and completely bare. Would Sisi really come to my aid? Would she even get here in time? And if she did, what could she possibly do to help me? I didn’t know, but I allowed myself to hope. Jing were magical creatures after all.
I had only one day left. Tomorrow night, I would have to escape the chinglou or miss my rendezvous with Yao Hong and Auntie San.
I went through my entire day without taking in much of what I was doing or anything that was happening around me. I missed the rhythm and multiple notes on my flute, forgot my steps during my dance lesson, and couldn’t remember most of the poems in class. In the end, my teacher, worried that I might not be feeling well, dismissed me for the day and told me to rest.
In my room alone, listening to the noise coming from the lower floors as the chinglou opened up for business, I slid the wooden balcony door open and sat on the threshold, gazing up at the pink clouds against the faint lavender sky and the lightly falling snow that covered everything in its path. Snowflakes landed on the folds of my pale yellow hanfu, on my loose hair, and on the flute I held in my hands. The weather was supposed to be cold, yet I only felt the warmth of the tears on my face.
“Please. Please, little spider. Hear my cry…” My words came out in puffs of mist that quickly got lost in the wintry breeze. To warm my fingers, which were starting to numb, I lifted Baba’s dizi to my lips and started playing. The mournful tune serenading the snowfall gave the sunset an ethereal air, and I felt better beholding such beauty. I half closed my eyes. If something so beautiful was so fleeting, why couldn’t I disappear along with it…?
Wait, what was that? My last note going completely out of tune, I sat up straight. There was a tiny voice in the wind.
“Jing,” it said. “Jing, my kind, young friend.”
I squinted into the distance. Holy Huli Jing, that’s an abnormally huge snowflake! But as the wind carried it closer, I realized it was a tiny white balloon, and hanging from it was my little jing friend!
Sisi waved her forelegs at me as the wind brought it closer and closer. I held out the top layer of my skirt and she landed on the soft fabric along with a few drops of my tears. She looked up at me with all her beady eyes full of concern.
“Dear friend, why are you crying? I am here, and I will do everything in my power to help you,” Sisi said, patting my hand.
I wiped my tears dry. “I suppose I am just too relieved to see you. I—I was so worried that you might not have heard…”
“Of course I would have. I live in the earth, and when my own silk returns to it, I always know.”
“I thought you might be hibernating.”
“Well, spiders do go to sleep in the winter, but we jing have spiritual energy—our chi keeps our bodies regulated,” said Sisi proudly, standing up higher on her legs. “Now, what can I do for you?”
There was no time to fill Sisi in on everything that happened since we’d parted ways, and she seemed to know this. She asked no questions and merely sat motionlessly in my lap and listened. When I had finished, she turned to face me.
“Jing, you do not understand how joyful it makes me to know that I am exactly the right one to help you out of this predicament,” Sisi declared and did a small leap. “I am going to spin you a silken ladder. One that is strong enough to carry your weight and long enough to reach four floors down this building. And I’ll do it in one night. You will find it hidden under the snow beneath the plum tree in the garden tomorrow morning.”
If I could hug my friend without potentially crushing her, I would have. “Really? Could you really?”
Sisi nodded. “It may be impossible for a regular spider, but I’m a jing. If I have to use up all the silk in my abdomen for you, I will do it.”
I picked her up with both my hands. “Thank you so much, Sisi…you don’t know how much this means to me.”
“I do know,” Sisi said, gazing up at me with all her unblinking eyes. “I know exactly what it feels like to be saved.”
And at that point, I wept again.
Now I could escape! Tomorrow night, I would leave this place forever! As a thin veil of silk appeared above Sisi’s abdomen, forming a round little balloon in the wind, she spoke.
“I have to get to work immediately, but I cannot stay indoors in case I am discovered. So remember, you will find the ladder underneath the plum tree tomorrow.” She lifted off my palms, and the wind picked up and blew her off the balcony. I stood up and leaned out on the wooden banister, hardly feeling the bitter snow under my bare feet.
“Goodbye, Sisi! Thank you for everything!”
“Good fortune, and may you fare well, brave human child.” Sisi waved her arms as she slowly descended into the garden below. And I waved until I saw her land safely and scurry under the bushes.
Finally, it was the night of my escape.
Past dawn, I crawled out from under my covers. Sneaking over in turn to where Chili, Snowflake, and Big Hair were lying, I made sure that all of them were fast asleep before heading back to my own bed. I should have been sleepy as well, but my chest was throbbing with excitement. And it was hard to sleep when you wore travel garments underneath your robe.
I had on a thick woolen tunic tied in place with a sash over a matching pair of pants, which were more convenient than a hanfu. Th
ere was no time to tie a proper braid, so I bundled up my hair into a messy bun, securing it with a pair of chopsticks so it wouldn’t get in my eyes.
I reached beneath my quilt and pulled out a light satchel. I only packed my own clothes, Baba’s dizi, and the little grass bracelet that Jun’an had woven for me. I left out the meaningless trinkets I’d received from everyone else. Let all of those stay here and become mere memories.
I pulled at the flimsy threading that sealed my thick quilt, then reached in and felt for Sisi’s silken ladder. I crept all the way across the room to the door that opened onto the balcony landing, freezing on the spot whenever I stepped on any floorboard that creaked. The wooden sliding door was my last and trickiest obstacle, for if I didn’t open and close it fast enough, the awful draft would stir the others, and if I did it too quickly and made too much noise, it would wake them as well.
I tucked the ladder firmly under one arm, then wiggled and squeezed three fingers in between the door and the side beam. It didn’t make any noise. With my small frame, I would only need to move the door less than two feet to be able to slip through.
I slid the door an inch. Hardly a sound. Just a dull rustle as the door glided smoothly in its tracks. I grinned at my ingenious foresight to oil the tracks earlier that day. A sharp draft was already seeping through the crack, so I lost no time in sliding the door wider and quickly slipping through. Fortunately, there was no wind, so I managed to open and close the door behind me without too much trouble or noise.